Tuesday, May 15

Byebye blankpageempire. Hello El Jay.

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Tuesday, May 1

"As tough as wanting something can be, the peopl who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want."

I fucking fucking fucking LOVE! Kate Walsh.

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I always believe that no matter how bad a relationship ends, what happened is solely between the two persons. Sure, you can share it with your friends, laugh about it with your new love, but ultimately, it's something you shared with the other person, good or bad. Because for that period of time you were together, you knew each other best, the good, the bad and the ugly. True enough, friends pass judgement on one another's (ex) partners, but isn't that what friends do to protect one another? What's important is that, she has moved on in her own right, however little or much she has moved on, she has done so with her own will, for once, without causing any form of disturbance to your new life, without even so much as sullied any bit of you when you yourself know best your relationship was never the rosiest one anyone knew of. And of course, the failure of and the unhappiness culminated in a relationship cannot be blamed on one person, it takes two to tango. So before you go on a rampage insulting the one you had spent a substantial part of your life with, whether you wanted her there or not, maybe think about how she might have still deserved that wee bit of dignity from you and the barrage of unkind words. Because frankly, that is all you can ever give her and honestly, isn't it always better to leave some leeway for others instead of going to such extremities? Sigh. Let's just hope everything ends here.

And the one who started it all, you better be satisfied now.

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Friday, April 27

Excerpt of random office conversations Part Two

Sara: Ok! If there were only Fari and me left and you HAVE to have sex with one of us, who would you choose?

Me *makes a face* : Huhhhh, I don't want.....

Sara: No, this is Super Extreme Fear Factor! You must choose, I swear I won't be hurt!

Me: Haiiiii.....Fari lo I guess.

Sara: Fari? Ok, now I'm damn hurt la!

Me: ................................

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Sunday, April 22

This, is what i've been up to in the past week.

Look hard at how thick the stacks of paper are in each file. All these, are the forms of the disgusting freshmen who relish screaming stupid cheers like "underwear underwear! armani armani!" for their orientation. Orientations suck! Never been a fan of it and never understood why some people can be such devouts. Don't they realise that they look and sound so ridiculously stupid and on top of that, they're like smelly molecules polluting the air with their smelly bodies and noisy molecules shouting totally senseless and incoherent words. And frankly, do they really feel so proud to have gotten into TP whick allows them to embark on an illustrious career and life thereafter???

Right, back to the forms, so Sara and I were supposed to arrange them in accordance to admin numbers of these new students. And mind you, if you are or were a student in TP, you would know the admin numbers consist of 7 digits. Which means to say, all these files contain forms from admin numbers 0700000 to 0706999. Ok, go, do the math! I must say though, thank god for "colleagues" like Fari and Sara! It is so much fun amidst mundane and papercuts-inducing work with them around. So we've been asked to extend our working stint, and of course that means better news for our respective partners than for us. HAHA.

An excerpt of one of those random conversations while we're at work (which took place after Fari complained of her dislike for menses and therefore, blood) :

Sara (shuffling paper and dabbing at *Dabbie): Ok, would you rather jump into a pool full of blood or a pool full of lizards?

Me (shuffling paper and dabbing at Dabbie also): Wah lau, what kinda rubbish is this?

Fari (tearing out letters and putting them into envelopes): Eeee, i don't want la! You're not leaving me with much choice.

Sara: No, you must choose! This is Extreme Fear Factor and if you don't choose, your family will burn in a condo!

Me: Ok, blood, at least nothing crawls here and there.

Sara: Ok, but the blood is HIV infected.

Fari and I: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(*Dabbie - sponge in little plastic container thingy with water that you dab into so you can flip papers easier, affectionately named Dabbie because it is a quintessential tool in our daily work and Sara says we need to make it wet all the time. Sara likes to talk dirty.)

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So the wait has been long enough and finally it was Friday. Remember the *911 song that went "Party people, it's Friday night"? Met up with the usual Zouk suspects and golly, let's just say it was a night to remember. And i say "remember" because we all woke up the next day not remembering much of what happened and finding really mysterious photos in my phone which neither of us had any recollection of having taken, weird-ASS bruises and orh-cehhs all over. And also, for the life of me, the night totally held a record breaking event called "Everyone Fell Down At Zouk But Jiaxuan".

(*911 - Cute Brit boyband in the 90's who sang annoyingly catchy songs that are still remembered to this day. Too bad for you if you were too young to know them!)

And yes, to make up for the absolute lack of photos on this blog, these, are for your perusal.


4 jugs of Screwdriver and Long island Tea kinda did us in. (And may i add that those two actually really look like they're in love.)

And I wondered why my specs felt loose the next day...

Well yeah, if you notice, JX's one's a lemon. Because Crystal exlaimed "Orange la! We never order lemon!" after i asked her if it's a slice of lemon or orange. Don't know about you, but doesn't Apes look like one of those action farmers in some Sunkist or Florida's Natural ads??

And thanks to Ah Long, we had another jug of wine. A "jug" of wine sounds weird, doesn't it? But yeah, it was a bottle of wine poured into a jug which then became a "jug" of wine, TADAH! (oh how very insightful indeed)

Tak glam photos due to the nature of them being mysteriously shot, which explains why they've been slightly tampered with, so I can be spared of an earful from any of the above people. And yes, that is Xuanie's head right at the corner of the last photo. Hiaks. What were we doing, really???

On another note, yellow jeans are cool. Yes, YELLOW!

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Monday, April 2

If I didn't start counting, I wouldn't have realised this is the fifth year I've been to the Bright Hill temple for Ching Ming. And I must say, it is pretty impressive, all the procedures there and how orderly and efficient everything is. Well, if you've never been there, every year, throngs (i really mean T-H-R-O-N-G-S) of people go there to pay respect to the late ones whose cremated beings rest within. So from the traffic to the burning of joss paper, everything is so orderly it only makes the once-a-year affair a very smooth and easy one. Tables are laid out, complete with all sorts of thingies for incense, flowers, offerings and such. And you know how people tend to crowd around when burning joss paper, some taking their own sweet time burning the hell money, houses, clothes etc etc? Well, there are people HIRED to do that for us, so we don't linger around unnecessarily and crowd the place when people are coming in consistently.

Five years on, and still, each year this day, I still feel a humongous sense of loss and cheerlessness when I'm there and after I leave. Maybe it's seeing my mom's photo on the little urn and constantly wondering how someone who used to be so real and alive could fit into something even my shoes can't fit in, maybe it's the praying and wishing how much I didn't have to be visiting her this way, or maybe it's just the insanely copious amount of burning incense that irritates my eyes so much I cry.

And do you know? People actually "buy places" in the columbarium where their remains will be placed after they die. I can't really decide if that's sad or just something people do for some sort of security and assurance, especially since some buy places for all the family members so their remains will be placed next to one another when they die. So on this one day that the families gather to pay respect to the late ones, it's sad and even deplorable that some people look like they'd rather be elsewhere doing something perhaps more meaningful, like these two middle-aged brothers next to us who were quarrelling with each other and looked as though the world, or probably the monks in the temple, owed them an explanation for being there.

On another note, either the management of the temple is really good or my family's just getting better at this. Over the years, the time spent there has decreased significantly. So much that my brother and I couldn't help but exclaim how fast it took this time round when we left -- 30 minutes.

This is so warped.

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Sunday, April 1

When trying gets tedious, just walking away and leaving everything behind as they are seems so damn enticing. Because arguments and fights can only get you this far, and after a certain point you just don't even wanna fight anymore because you just are done with trying to make things right. I am so, sian (yes, pardon me for my severe lack of a better word).

We probably would have been better off.

Something that really kinda struck a chord:

"So, despite the fact that everything contradicts this, despite my feelings of sadness and impotence, despite being almost convinced at this moment that nothing will ever get better, I cannot lose the one thing that keeps me alive: hope - that word treated with such irony by pseudo-intellectuals, who consider it a synonym of 'deceit'. That word, so manipulated by governments, who make promises they know they will not keep, and thus inflict even more wounds on people's hearts. That word that so often rises with us in the morning, gets sorely wounded as the day progresses, dies at nightfall, and is reborn with the new day."

- Paulo Coelho, Like The Flowing River


Tsk. Hope kills lor.

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