Disclaimer: I am drinking whilst posting this. This is definitely not written in the right frame of mind... I just have a need to write this down somewhere and think about stuff.
And friends, I hope no one remembers this blog anymore and if you are still reading, don't laugh at me for this utterly frank blog post...
2012
- 2004 = 8 years. It's been 8 long years since I have dated anyone seriously. Ya, how time have flown by since HL. I mean, these 8 years, I have lived very happily as a single. I have gone ahead and did so many things unimaginable. I have dated numerous individuals but I would run at the 1st sign of commitment. Probably, that's what they call "Ms Emotionally Unavailable". All I want is to have a good time and nothing else. I will never forget the day I walked out of a serious relationship. The overwhelming sense of freedom was unimaginable and how I vowed I will never get chained down by anyone ever again.
All these years, many friends and family have cautioned how my clock is ticking away and I should really consider settling down soon. I never really took their words and advices seriously. They have attempted a few times at match-making but never quite work out the way they wanted.
And so, I was living a life I want all these while until a few months ago, I got to know an individual. I mean, he's not great looking but somehow there's something about him that got me thinking about him after I met him. It was like "wow, this guy has something more than it meets the eyes." We have kept in touch over the last few months, text each other almost daily and have gone out several times, be it in a group setting or individual dates. I have seen him past the superficial level that the group saw him and I like what I have learnt about him in the last few months. I really enjoy myself whenever I am out with him, our conversations etc.... I really do...
The problem lies here... I think he can sense that I am blowing hot and cold into this. He's doing the same to me too!! (damn it, that idiot!) Both ways, I think we aren't sure where this is heading. On my end, I really like him but I am scared. Afraid that I will feel the chain around my neck again, afraid of his emotional burdens. His end, I can only guess that he's afraid that he might hurt again.
I have seriously no idea where this is heading and the uncertainty of where this is going is killing me... I need to know where I am heading, what I should expect from this. If all he wants is just friendship, I really don't mind keep this purely platonic and manage my own expectations.
*sigh* Honestly, life sux in situations like this....
我不要再一次错过，再一次后悔...
我不要再一次错过，再一次后悔...
