words of my own

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Entry 514:

Hi bittersweet.

Missed you.

I know.... I said I was leaving.

But I still remember you, you do know that don't you?

You footprints are all over my heart. Everytime I try to erase, you somehow find your way back in.

Till then, take care.

6:04 PM

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I have:

struggled
cried
broke down

Enough said already.

I've moved.
Goodbye bittersweetdreams.
Goodbye blogspot.
You have been a great company all these while, sharing all my ups and downs.

Off to a new start....

Goodbye and Misses.

9:24 PM

Monday, April 05, 2010

Not a day pass where I don't think about you. No doubts I have chosen to do this, a part of me also yearns for the past to be back, but I know nothing is going to work now. Too much grey area and I cannot do it anymore.

The past 2 weeks has been filled with intoxication of alcohol and cigarettes. It doesn't feel like my body but I don't care cuz if it numbs me, that's fine. Label me whatever you want, I don't care anymore, it's tiring to care about what people say.

I never knew you the way you wanted me to, I admit I have failed in this aspect. But don't forget I am only human. I err.

Honestly, I don't really know how to go from here but I will take time to heal and figure things out.

Can't even blog properly, I have no words to string out.

I will be fine.

Goodbye.

9:25 PM

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I am so lazy to pack my luggage!
BKK tomorrow, 810am flight! yipeeee!
4d3n!

I know, the protest is still going on and it might be the largest in history, but owells, tickets booked already so we are all going ahead with it! Registered with the ministry of foreign affairs already =)

I should take a nap. It's raining, I am going GioGio for drinks later, I am going to come back pretty late, I have a 8am plane to catch and I have to wake up at 6am.

AND I HAVENT PACKED A SINGLE THING! I don't even have the luggage with me now. Oh yes, I have the one that is in solid bright red! I bought it for Japan cuz red was easy to spot amongst all the dull looking ones on the belt. But neh neh, can't use it this time!

BLACK LUGGAGE! WHERE ARE YOU!?

Okays and another random thing, I need income! Been to a few interviews already and shall wait for their call, meanwhile, I think I should get a part time!

OK BYE.
NAP NAP TIME!

It's awesome to be sleeping on a weekday rainy afternoon!

HEHEHEHE!

3:54 PM

Monday, March 22, 2010

Tomorrow's Monday and I have no work!
My first non working Monday since the start of this year.
Not much diff, just getting to bed later and waking up later.
Gonna go for another interview tomorrow. Hopefully the other companies ring me up for an interview too, don't know how long I can last with the amount of money in my bank. Plus the upcoming Bangkok trip! Which reminds me, I need to change money!

So it's 5 days to BKK. I am more excited now, compared to my previous entry. Let's all hope and pray the protest remain peaceful so it won't affect the trip! Gonna be awesome with 10 people going! This must be the most spontaneous trip ever. With people joining along the way. There's 3 different flights going up, we shall all meet at the hotel straight! Plus Free's coming down from Phuket and Philbert from Kanchanaburi.

My Mum and sis were like: better don't go! so dangerous! We have all registered ourselves with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs so at least they know we are there.

Last weekend was Club Giogio with the two Ts: Tiara & Therine. It was fun! Def. not as sleazy as some thai discos. Quite a nice place to relax too. But drinks are expensive!

Saturday was over at bf's place. Come to think of it, I have been staying over his place every Saturday since last month? It's the only time I get with him since he is so busy now. Working for our future =)

Aight! Off to bed now!

1:38 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2010

So today marks the end of my intership days. A little sad and a loss of footing because what now?
I've completed my studies.
I've got my grades.
I'm waiting for my graduation ceremony.
(It's gonna be at Marina Bay Sands Convention btw!! Yippeee!)

And that is pretty much it.
I am now free like a bird.
No study commitments. This end does not mark the start of a new term or new study year. It marks the start to MY life, of doing what I want to do. Of starting to make decisions for my future.

And guess what is in store?
_________ blank.
I'm clueless, I really am.

I am feeling so perplexed right now.

I get the feeling like I need to do something right now to continue my life.
But I don't know what and it irks me.

People have told me to take my time to think.
But until the day I know what I want, I can't help feeling bothered.
Bothered by myself.

It makes me feel so unproductive and I hate it.

I AM FED UP.
SO FED UP OF I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

As of now, nothing pleases me.
Not even my much awaited bkk trip.
I don't even want to go anymore.

I feel like donating my heart to someone who has dreams but yet can't live to make it come true.
My wasted beating heart deserves someone better than me.

_____________

If I'm passing too much negativity out, I apologise.
If you want to support me I'll love you for it.
If not, go away.

12:41 AM

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Men are like ticking bombs. It's just a matter of time that they stray.
If you're lucky, he won't. But who's to say whether your guy will or not?

Women. Can you imagine how painful love is. You love someone so much that you are willing to close one eye.
Men. Thinking that she doesn't know anything, carry on doing things they shouldn't be doing.

Why can't they just remain faithful? Is it that hard? It doesn't mean if other males do it then it is fine they do it. It's such a smirk. That they make it sound so casual, like it's something all men will do. What stupid theory is that?

Prove to me that not all males are like that, then you earn every inch and ounce of my trust. I'm sure my/our trust is worth it. Are the women in your life not worthy enough for you to be faithful? Is the trust between males and females that pathetic?

I believe there are groups of guys out there who are buddies that don't do such things to their other half. I don't expect them to not look at girls and comment, but at least they know what ought not to do, according to their other half's definition. It's only fair if she allows you to do certain things that falls in a bit of the grey area and you stick by it. Come on, she's giving you that bit of enjoyment, don't ask for more. That's the best she can stretch herself for you so don't stretch her further.

This saga raked up the insecurities I have in life.

They say that it happens. At one point in life your man will stray.
The question is, why?
Don't blame it that that's just how men are.
Although I know that, deep down you just wish that yours is special.

Genuinely special.

10:12 PM