I’m sure you all remember when Kom Urlich was bishop, right before I was called. A wonderful man. Big heart. It’s big, because it’s a baboon heart.
He had a heart attack when he was bishop, during Sacrament meeting, in fact. Rushed to the hospital and it was discovered his heart was falling him.
Lucky for Kom, breakthroughs had been made in supplying a human with a baboon heart. Great for humans, not so great for baboons.
The hospital received word that a baboon from the Idaho Falls Tautphaus Park Zoo, was about to die from a brain injury but his heart was in tip-top condition. It was a level 7 heart. Level seven was its classification on how good it was and if you know anything about baboon hearts, you know that a 7 is a really good heart. The only thing better than a level 7 is a level 8. Well, I guess a level 9, too. A level 9 is REALLY good. Oh man, I wish he would have gotten a level 9. That would have been awesome.
But 7 is good. Seven is really good. You probably don’t know all that much about baboon hearts like I do, but let’s just say, if he could get that level 7 heart and if his body would accept it, he was going to be in preeeety good shape. Maybe even return to some of the activities he previously enjoyed: skiing, swimming for pleasure, lap swimming for exercise, splashing in the pool while not swimming, rock climbing, career climbing, skeet shooting, basketball, frisbee, golf, frisbee golf, mini golf, mini frisbee, speed reading, slow cooking, boondoggling, handball, racquetball, baseball.
Well, sad news. He did not get that baboon heart. There was a mixup at the zoo and they sent the liver instead of the heart and by the time the mistake was discovered the heart was not savable.
But good news, that baboon had a twin, and that twin was also dying of a brain disease (he got it a different way though) and his heart was in great condition, also a level seven!
But sad news. Another mixup. The people at the zoo had that baboon taxidermied, organs and all, so there goes that heart.
But good news! Those two baboons weren’t actually twins, it turns out, they were actually triplets and there was a third baboon, also dying with a weird brain disease but a really solid heart. It was a level 7 diamond, which is better than a seven but not as good as an 8.
No more mixups at the zoo (learned their lesson) and the heart took. That baboon heart is beating in Kom’s body right this second.
It’s a baboon miracle.
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