This week's 49th least popular sin

Setting up a website where people can vote on which one of your friends most resembles a gargoyle

All Things To Be Done In Order

If you'd like to make an appointment with the bishop, you need to see Tom Davis, who is the secretary for the executive secretary. He'll make an appointment for you to see the executive secretary, Brother Samuelson, who will then schedule your bishop's appointment.

Mr. Wiggles has swine flu

Our ward dog, Mr. Wiggles, has swine flu. Do not let him lick you for at least two weeks. On a related note, do not let Mr. Chetlum lick you either. But really, I'm guessing you already knew that.

Ask The Bishop

Question: Bishop, my grandpa is always getting after me for wearing a hat inside the house and for not wearing a suit whenever I go to a play or some kind of cultural event. I say he's just old fashioned and living in the past and that times have changed and that's why, when you buy blue jeans now, they have the rips already in them. They didn't do that back in horse and buggy days. Take that, grandpa. Anyway, Bishop, what do you say about wearing a hat in the house?

Answer: I'd say you are quite a rude person, talking to your grandfather that way. Rude. If there's one thing I know about heaven, it's that there won't be any rude people there. And there certainly won't be any hat wearing. Does that answer your question?

A dream I had

Last night I had a dream that my son Nathon kidnapped and then forced Lex De Azevedo to watch the Beyonce video Single Ladies (put a ring on it). In the dream, Lex De Azevedo had a heart attack. All I can say is that I'm glad it was just a dream.

Help the ward

One thing you might not know about Marvin Cooley (he's way too modest to tell you) is that he once went to prison for 13 years because of credit card fraud. One thing you probably do know about him is that he is so insecure about his weight. So why don't all of you go up to him this week if you get a chance and let him know that you know at least two or three people that are way fatter than him. That bit of good cheer will really go a long way, I'm sure.

You must be kidding me

Can you believe it's already been one year since our ward had this great idea? You must be kidding me.

It was just a rumor afterall

I had heard a rumor that Ryan Seacrest would be hosting General Conference this year in an effort to get the young kids and non-members to pay attention. Well, as you know by now, that was just a rumor. I really had my hopes up.

Education week

Education week at BYU was a couple months ago, and, wow. That's all I can say. Wow. The learning, the spirit. I think that heaven is going to be a lot like education week, only with smaller lines at the cafeteria.

Guest Post - Nathan Higgins (the Bishop's son)

Are you like me? Do you love to serve your fellow men and even more so, your fellow women? I love to serve my fellow women. I like to mow their lawns, help them apply for college grants, and give them advice on which bonds to invest their money. In fact, serving my fellow women is one of the things I do best. I'm also good at holding on to the iron road and scripture memorization. I haven't always been like this. When I was four years old, my mother tells me I only had six scriptures memorized and one of them wasn't even a scripture. It was "be kind, rewind" which I only assumed was a scripture because it was about being kind.

Peace.

Just for the little kiddies

We've been having more discussions about holding a kiddie sacrament meeting. This would be a meeting just for those ages 6 and under. We'd call a kiddie bishop and everything. No one would allowed in kiddie sacrament meeting that was over the age of 6, so frankly, it would turn into a free-for-all. That's our only hang up right now. How to establish order amongst the little ones, without actually having to be there. Imagine how much more spiritual our own meeting will be without the Tepworth twins constantly running up in the choir seats, calling out, "I will only go pee if someone holds my hand!"

General update

Well, it's been a fairly slow week in the ward this week. Violet Ranchin came in complaining about her ward calling again, but honestly, she comes in every week. I only mention it because she's not keeping it a secret from anyone. In fact, I noticed she's passed out fliers around the neighborhood listing her top five complaints about the ward, and then at the bottom of the flier, a poem from John Keats about death.