Times of peace are times to prepare for battle.
I jotted it down on my college ruled paper, circled it, and put a star by it.
And I haven't forgotten it.
You see, the Holy Spirit was moving--moving in me.
I knew lately my journey with God had been like a road full of hills. On some travels, I'm working hard, focused, and climbing into scripture. Other travels, I'm coasting, letting my foot off the gas, just riding along in a daze. And I've had battles, very hard battles, and I haven't come out from them standing very tall.
We just studied how Abram had an army already at his use when he was told about his nephew's capture. Abram was prepared for battle. He wasn't winging it.
I have no explanation except the Holy Spirit stirred my heart that morning to take action.
No one likes to be unprepared.
I'm one to make lists weeks before a trip and start packing several days before we leave. And I almost always always always over pack, because, you know--just in case.
And as a parent of small children it is completely unwise to be unprepared.
Extra diapers.
Band-aids.
Sanitary wipes.
I even have a travel potty in the car.
Or even making the girls go potty before grocery shopping is a way to prepare.
Yes, essential tools to make an outing more pleasant.
Get ready, I'm about to make some biblical lessons from potty and dirty diaper illustrations. Who knew there were so many?
As a follower of Jesus, it is completely unwise to be unprepared. Foolish.
Because battles do come. Temptations come.
Dirty diapers do happen on errands.
Will I have packed an extra diaper and wipes in my bag?
Will I have packed essential scripture in my heart?
I am not much for resolutions, maybe because I can't think of new year resolutions without thinking of them being broken. So maybe, instead of making a new year resolutions, let's make a life-time resolution. I only have one.
I want to be prepared.
Mark Stone writes,
When that something happens,
when the sirens of life begin to wail,
what will your children hear you say?
I want them to hear scripture.
Just as pulling out a diaper and wipes is second nature when a stench reaches the nose, I want speaking scripture to be second nature when the stench of life intrudes.
I'm on a road to memorize scripture--hiding them in my heart.
Building an army of Truth.
The battles are coming, and I'm going to be a battle ready Christ follower.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Open Your Eyes
Open your eyes, the nurse said.
I was confused. We just got to the hospital. I had been in the room maybe five minutes. They were supposed to be getting my epidural ready. I probably would have delivered the baby with no nurse staff present if Nate hadn't rushed out to get them.
Open your eyes.
I obeyed, and watched my purple-footed baby take her first breaths.
Our baby arrived during a hard season in our lives. She was such an easy baby, but we also had a fourteen month old, and we were at the beginning stages of a "police life" schedule, and I HATED it. I look back and regret my attitude, and wish I would have let my anger go and find healing in holding and enjoying a newborn.
Like all seasons, they pass. The schedule got better, and our Ellie grew into a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. Our little recessive gene child as we call her sometimes. Oh, she has blue eyes like me, she expresses quite often.
She's the most huggable creature alive.
She'll make anyone feel loved and feel special. Just ask anyone who has met her.
She waits until the very last minute to go potty.
She hides under her bed when she's being naughty.
She likes the color blue.
She likes frogs.
This is your firetruck-- and chatters away to a roomful of tall, big firemen about the picture she drew them. She has no fear of public speaking.
She bugs her sister like normal, but quite often surprises me with her generosity and cheerful willingness to be second.
Mommy, shirt and shirt rhyme. She makes me smile.
There are so many more memories stored in my heart.
I love our now becoming dirty blonde hair, blue eyed girl.
And I'm so glad I opened my eyes up to her four years ago.
Happy Birthday!
I was confused. We just got to the hospital. I had been in the room maybe five minutes. They were supposed to be getting my epidural ready. I probably would have delivered the baby with no nurse staff present if Nate hadn't rushed out to get them.
Open your eyes.
I obeyed, and watched my purple-footed baby take her first breaths.
Our baby arrived during a hard season in our lives. She was such an easy baby, but we also had a fourteen month old, and we were at the beginning stages of a "police life" schedule, and I HATED it. I look back and regret my attitude, and wish I would have let my anger go and find healing in holding and enjoying a newborn.
Like all seasons, they pass. The schedule got better, and our Ellie grew into a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. Our little recessive gene child as we call her sometimes. Oh, she has blue eyes like me, she expresses quite often.
She's the most huggable creature alive.
She'll make anyone feel loved and feel special. Just ask anyone who has met her.
She waits until the very last minute to go potty.
She hides under her bed when she's being naughty.
She likes the color blue.
She likes frogs.
This is your firetruck-- and chatters away to a roomful of tall, big firemen about the picture she drew them. She has no fear of public speaking.
She bugs her sister like normal, but quite often surprises me with her generosity and cheerful willingness to be second.
Mommy, shirt and shirt rhyme. She makes me smile.
There are so many more memories stored in my heart.
I love our now becoming dirty blonde hair, blue eyed girl.
And I'm so glad I opened my eyes up to her four years ago.
Happy Birthday!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Waiting to Decorate
Mommy, what did you say?, the girl asks after I mutter to myself.
My eyes fill up with water,
I shake my head,
and add more flour to the rolling pin.
Oh, something really bad, I choke out.
What mommy? Tell me, mommy.
I hand the hungry, whiny 18 month old a cracker.
He giggles.
Mommy, tell me.
Oh-- I can't get it out.
Let's cut out the cookies. Remember to place it on the side, not in the middle. Did you wash your hands?
I want to do a snowman!, the bright blue-eyed girl coos.
Snowmen
Candy Canes
Stockings
Christmas Trees
Gingerbread men
Star--oops! It clanks onto the floor that hasn't been cleaned in I can't remember.
Let's get the bigger star, I say softly.
The Christmas song ends, and the DJ speaks sullenly.
Eighteen...probably more--
Principal dead--
Five to ten year olds--
My heart aches. I gaze at my three littles deeply. The responsible one goes to kindergarten next year.
If it was my child, could I respond like Job--grieve, yet worship God.
I doubt myself.
Mommy, when can we taste the dough?
Soon, I say.
Let's make a big star cookie, I say.
Yes, let's do the star....I like the star.
Me too.
A star will come out of Jacob;
a scepter will rise out of Israel.
A star that leads to Jesus. Jesus who said we will have trouble in this world. But then gives us the greatest promise that he has overcome the world.
I hate and love that verse, a friend writes.
And we should! We should hate the sin that causes us trouble, sorrow. Loath it.
Run away from it. But, we can't run away from it. We can't remove ourselves from the sin of this world. The sin has overcome us. The sorrow has overcome us. BUT, (and it is the best "but" in Scripture) Jesus says, I have overcome the world. Jesus, two thousand plus years ago, already died for each of those twenty-eight lives that ended on that cold Friday morning. AND, Christ has overcome the grief, sorrow, pain that is left behind and fills so many. Can we find comfort in the fact that God knows first hand the sorrow of losing a child?
Mommy, what happens now? As I slide the snowmen, candy canes..star into the hot oven.
We wait.
Wait. Why is it such a small word?
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord
more than the watchmen for the morning,
more than the watchmen for the morning.
We wait for Justice.
But most of all, we wait for Healing.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning
or crying or pain, for the old order of things
has passed away.
The timer buzzes--
Is it ready?!?!
Not yet. We have to let them cool.
Then what?
Then we decorate!
Oh, I'm so excited! Their eyes sparkle.
The Lord is decorating a new earth and heaven for his people.
A place where his chosen ones will,
Build houses and dwell in them;
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit...
They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune...
Mommy, can I decorate the big star?
I'm going to put a buuunch of sprinkles on it! I smile.
Daddy!!!
I dread telling him the news. I can't help but wonder how it could have been him entering that school.
Swat gear on.
Rifle in hand.
Ready to protect.
Seeing things no one should.
I come undone. I can't.
I hide at the sink. He looks on the internet. He holds me.
And I think of a verse a friend recently shared with the world,
and I find comfort,
Because God is so so near.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
He is so near.
My eyes fill up with water,
I shake my head,
and add more flour to the rolling pin.
Oh, something really bad, I choke out.
What mommy? Tell me, mommy.
I hand the hungry, whiny 18 month old a cracker.
He giggles.
Mommy, tell me.
Oh-- I can't get it out.
Let's cut out the cookies. Remember to place it on the side, not in the middle. Did you wash your hands?
I want to do a snowman!, the bright blue-eyed girl coos.
Snowmen
Candy Canes
Stockings
Christmas Trees
Gingerbread men
Star--oops! It clanks onto the floor that hasn't been cleaned in I can't remember.
Let's get the bigger star, I say softly.
The Christmas song ends, and the DJ speaks sullenly.
Eighteen...probably more--
Principal dead--
Five to ten year olds--
My heart aches. I gaze at my three littles deeply. The responsible one goes to kindergarten next year.
If it was my child, could I respond like Job--grieve, yet worship God.
I doubt myself.
Mommy, when can we taste the dough?
Soon, I say.
Let's make a big star cookie, I say.
Yes, let's do the star....I like the star.
Me too.
A star will come out of Jacob;
a scepter will rise out of Israel.
A star that leads to Jesus. Jesus who said we will have trouble in this world. But then gives us the greatest promise that he has overcome the world.
I hate and love that verse, a friend writes.
And we should! We should hate the sin that causes us trouble, sorrow. Loath it.
Run away from it. But, we can't run away from it. We can't remove ourselves from the sin of this world. The sin has overcome us. The sorrow has overcome us. BUT, (and it is the best "but" in Scripture) Jesus says, I have overcome the world. Jesus, two thousand plus years ago, already died for each of those twenty-eight lives that ended on that cold Friday morning. AND, Christ has overcome the grief, sorrow, pain that is left behind and fills so many. Can we find comfort in the fact that God knows first hand the sorrow of losing a child?
Mommy, what happens now? As I slide the snowmen, candy canes..star into the hot oven.
We wait.
Wait. Why is it such a small word?
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord
more than the watchmen for the morning,
more than the watchmen for the morning.
We wait for Justice.
But most of all, we wait for Healing.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning
or crying or pain, for the old order of things
has passed away.
The timer buzzes--
Is it ready?!?!
Not yet. We have to let them cool.
Then what?
Then we decorate!
Oh, I'm so excited! Their eyes sparkle.
The Lord is decorating a new earth and heaven for his people.
A place where his chosen ones will,
Build houses and dwell in them;
they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit...
They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune...
Mommy, can I decorate the big star?
I'm going to put a buuunch of sprinkles on it! I smile.
Daddy!!!
I dread telling him the news. I can't help but wonder how it could have been him entering that school.
Swat gear on.
Rifle in hand.
Ready to protect.
Seeing things no one should.
I come undone. I can't.
I hide at the sink. He looks on the internet. He holds me.
And I think of a verse a friend recently shared with the world,
and I find comfort,
Because God is so so near.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
He is so near.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Forever Goodbye
Thanksgiving 2005 was spent with my side of the family in Colorado. Back in Arkansas, before the trip, Nate found out a litter of English Mastiff puppies would be available in a town outside of Colorado Springs while we were there. He'd been on the look out for awhile in Arkansas with no avail. You know when you say, "We are just going to go look at the puppies," with good intention of not purchasing, but then come home with a puppy? That was us. She was the cutest puppy I had ever seen. Also the biggest. She is 9 weeks old in these photos!
She could have been a show dog, she was so beautiful. Her daddy was a champion show dog. He also weighed 200 lbs. Poor thing was scared to be away from her litter.
But, Nate quickly became her security. This picture tells it all. She loved him the most.
Trixie was our first love. We bought a house because of her. We put up fencing because of her. We bought a king size bed because of her.
Besides chewing up a pair of eye glasses, lipstick tube, a right foot flip flop, a left foot flip flop, and eating an apple pie, she was a good puppy.
Here are some of our favorite pictures of her:
She used to hide under the crawl space because it was cooler. She got stuck once and my big 8 month pregnant self had to crawl under the house to get her out. I forgive her.
This has been one of our favorite pictures. Caboose had to hide under the couch to get some relief from her constant love and attention. He didn't fit under there for very long.
She surprised us when we had children. We all thought she would be too aggressive with the children, but boy did she prove us wrong. Callie broke her in quickly.
Trixie quickly became Ellie's dog and never stopped. Ellie loved Trixie very hard.
And she had to be Trixie for Halloween.
Today, we said our forever goodbye. It has been so hard. She started limping about a month ago and with several vet visits and several kinds of medicines, she continued to get worse. She whined a lot at night, which helped us decide it was time. She's the toughest dog ever, and if she is whining, something must be really hurting her. We/vet concluded that she developed bone cancer, which spreads very quickly. She started coughing, and that too kept getting worse...another sign that the cancer had spread to other organs.
It's hard saying goodbye. I don't think the girls have really comprehended it. We have prepared them for awhile. They came with us to the vet and witnessed everything. At first, I didn't want them there, because I didn't know how they would handle it, but Callie asked to watch, so we let her. It was nothing scary...just watching her Trixie fall asleep. She was more concerned about me, since I could not control my crying. She kept handing me tissues.
She has asked so many questions about Trixie. I think she feels like she too should be crying. She keeps telling me that it is too hard for her to cry. She is sad about it, but instead of processing the fact that Trixie is dead, she is trying to understand why mommy and daddy are crying so much. I think she is worried about us.
Ellie was in her own world while at the vet. She was pretend cleaning the vet office with clean tissues. During Ellie's life with Trixie, Ellie cuddled the most with her and loved on her the most. I think she'll be okay. She is a pretty matter of the fact kind of girl, and she has a lot of distractions to take her mind off it.
Toby won't remember Trixie, but he'll continue to call any other dog, "trixie." I love that his first word was "trixie."
We took her home with us (I''m sorry if this picture is disturbing). The girls wrote her notes and drew her pictures to bury with her. We buried her favorite bones with her too.
Nate and I dug her grave, which was hard work, but it was also a blessing. We would have just come home and moped.
Once we placed her in the hole we each said a prayer to God, thanking him for giving us the perfect dog. Then we all helped bury her (even Toby). Callie planted some flowers on the grave, and Ellie watered them.
We are taking deep breaths. We tear up quickly. We will have to get used to not seeing her, hearing her. I will miss her most during the nights when Nate is working. I never felt alone or scared when she was with me.
There are some seen blessings through this hard time. Callie asked if God was in Trixie's heart and wants to know more about heaven and about having Jesus in her heart. She's been asking all the right questions lately.
I'll end this sad post with what I've been telling the girls when they ask if Trixie is okay. I don't tell them that Trixie is in heaven, because we don't know how that works with animals, but I tell them something very simple, which is that God created Trixie, so God will take care of her.
She could have been a show dog, she was so beautiful. Her daddy was a champion show dog. He also weighed 200 lbs. Poor thing was scared to be away from her litter.
But, Nate quickly became her security. This picture tells it all. She loved him the most.
Trixie was our first love. We bought a house because of her. We put up fencing because of her. We bought a king size bed because of her.
Besides chewing up a pair of eye glasses, lipstick tube, a right foot flip flop, a left foot flip flop, and eating an apple pie, she was a good puppy.
Here are some of our favorite pictures of her:
She used to hide under the crawl space because it was cooler. She got stuck once and my big 8 month pregnant self had to crawl under the house to get her out. I forgive her.
She was so beautiful.
She surprised us when we had children. We all thought she would be too aggressive with the children, but boy did she prove us wrong. Callie broke her in quickly.
Trixie quickly became Ellie's dog and never stopped. Ellie loved Trixie very hard.
And "Trixie" was Toby's first word. Toby had Trixie wrapped around his finger, especially when that finger had food on it.
Today, we said our forever goodbye. It has been so hard. She started limping about a month ago and with several vet visits and several kinds of medicines, she continued to get worse. She whined a lot at night, which helped us decide it was time. She's the toughest dog ever, and if she is whining, something must be really hurting her. We/vet concluded that she developed bone cancer, which spreads very quickly. She started coughing, and that too kept getting worse...another sign that the cancer had spread to other organs.
It's hard saying goodbye. I don't think the girls have really comprehended it. We have prepared them for awhile. They came with us to the vet and witnessed everything. At first, I didn't want them there, because I didn't know how they would handle it, but Callie asked to watch, so we let her. It was nothing scary...just watching her Trixie fall asleep. She was more concerned about me, since I could not control my crying. She kept handing me tissues.
She has asked so many questions about Trixie. I think she feels like she too should be crying. She keeps telling me that it is too hard for her to cry. She is sad about it, but instead of processing the fact that Trixie is dead, she is trying to understand why mommy and daddy are crying so much. I think she is worried about us.
Ellie was in her own world while at the vet. She was pretend cleaning the vet office with clean tissues. During Ellie's life with Trixie, Ellie cuddled the most with her and loved on her the most. I think she'll be okay. She is a pretty matter of the fact kind of girl, and she has a lot of distractions to take her mind off it.
We took her home with us (I''m sorry if this picture is disturbing). The girls wrote her notes and drew her pictures to bury with her. We buried her favorite bones with her too.
Nate and I dug her grave, which was hard work, but it was also a blessing. We would have just come home and moped.
Once we placed her in the hole we each said a prayer to God, thanking him for giving us the perfect dog. Then we all helped bury her (even Toby). Callie planted some flowers on the grave, and Ellie watered them.
We are taking deep breaths. We tear up quickly. We will have to get used to not seeing her, hearing her. I will miss her most during the nights when Nate is working. I never felt alone or scared when she was with me.
There are some seen blessings through this hard time. Callie asked if God was in Trixie's heart and wants to know more about heaven and about having Jesus in her heart. She's been asking all the right questions lately.
I'll end this sad post with what I've been telling the girls when they ask if Trixie is okay. I don't tell them that Trixie is in heaven, because we don't know how that works with animals, but I tell them something very simple, which is that God created Trixie, so God will take care of her.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Chickens
Chickens. There is just something about Elliott and those chickens.
This morning I had just finished with my quiet time, when I heard Elliott get out of bed, open the door, and run into the living room saying, "LET'S GO LOOK FOR THE CHICKENS!!" And this is how the conversation went,
Me: What are you doing?
Ellie: I saw chickens in our house.
Me: oh, did you dream about chickens?
Ellie: yes, but it wasn't a bad dream.
Me: oh, so it was a good dream.
Ellie: no, it WAS a bad dream, because there were chickens in the house. LOTS of chickens in the house. They were going up and down trying to get into the closet, and Toby's room, and mommy and daddy's room. That's not good. God doesn't like that. I was chasing them, but they didn't bite me. They were running fast, but I was running fast too. I was telling them to go back into their home. And they did.
And speaking of their house. This is the new coop Nate built, and I painted. The chickens were mainly free range in our backyard, but they started venturing out to the front yard, and then flying up to the roof of our neighbors garage, so it was time to keep them pinned up. We were in a rush to finish this coop, which happened to be during our July heat wave. We melted. But, didn't Nate do an awesome job?!! The girls think we have a barn in our backyard now.
This morning I had just finished with my quiet time, when I heard Elliott get out of bed, open the door, and run into the living room saying, "LET'S GO LOOK FOR THE CHICKENS!!" And this is how the conversation went,
Me: What are you doing?
Ellie: I saw chickens in our house.
Me: oh, did you dream about chickens?
Ellie: yes, but it wasn't a bad dream.
Me: oh, so it was a good dream.
Ellie: no, it WAS a bad dream, because there were chickens in the house. LOTS of chickens in the house. They were going up and down trying to get into the closet, and Toby's room, and mommy and daddy's room. That's not good. God doesn't like that. I was chasing them, but they didn't bite me. They were running fast, but I was running fast too. I was telling them to go back into their home. And they did.
And speaking of their house. This is the new coop Nate built, and I painted. The chickens were mainly free range in our backyard, but they started venturing out to the front yard, and then flying up to the roof of our neighbors garage, so it was time to keep them pinned up. We were in a rush to finish this coop, which happened to be during our July heat wave. We melted. But, didn't Nate do an awesome job?!! The girls think we have a barn in our backyard now.
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