The Defenseless Turtle

A while ago I was going on my morning run - I was still on my street when I noticed a turtle walking along close to the curb. Those of you who aren't all that familiar with Houston might not know that we have lots of turtles around these parts. Our subdivision backs up to a gully, so we see them often around our neighborhood. I always hate it when I see one dead in the road - so I wanted to get this one into safe territory before I went any further with my run. This one was kinda big - somewhere between a dessert plate and a dinner plate. I very gently picked it up. I was a little nervous cause I know they must hate it when some human goes and picks them up not knowing what our intentions might be. So I was kinda talking to it, letting it know I was of the nice variety of human and that I just needed to get it off the road for it's own sake. Luckily, I was holding it as far away from me as I could safely do - because it shot a bunch of what I guess was pee out the end of it! I didn't get anything on me - but it got me thinking. A turtle has a shell which is a protection from lots of things - but still it is very vulnerable if someone happens to tip it over onto it's back. And then apparently they have this pee thing that they do as a defense mechanism. Cats have claws, dogs have teeth, snakes have poison and spiders have bites but the poor turtle has PEE! What is up with that! Where is the fairness in the animal world? So the turtle's options are very limited - pull your head in or pee! I feel even more protective of these turtles now!

Annual Baseball Trip

Every year Cory goes on "the baseball trip". A group of men from his home town have gotten together for years for this trip - a different destination every year. The original plan was for them to see every baseball park. I think some of them are on their second or third rotation though. The "chosen" few who get invited to attend this annual trip differ in size, shape, age, occupation and education - they just all love baseball and have some specific South Weber tie (to Craig or Cory, I guess). And the one rule it seems is that they can't complain about the accommodations or food - because it's not about that. It is all about being with the guys and baseball!

This year they are in Philly, Baltimore and DC. All those parks are fairly close together so it should be a fun filled week for them. I was sad this year that Cam didn't get to attend as he is enrolled in a couple college classes. And Nolan didn't get to go because of his responsibility at the temple. There was a last minute cancellation which allowed Larry to go and I was glad for that because Cory and Larry never do get to spend enough time together.

So, Cory and Larry left yesterday and all is quiet and peaceful here at home - even Cam said today that it seems more calm here when Dad is gone - it does.

Thinking and Re-thinking

Cory's cousin Julie killed herself a couple of weeks ago - I have been thinking and re-thinking about depression, guilt, suicide and reunions with God. I feel first of all completely empathetic. I have been down before - I have had these thoughts before. I think they are normal. I think lots, if not most people have them. Someone told me once that it is when you start thinking about the where, when and how that you may have need of some help - pronto. I understand that Julie had been dealing with these feelings for quite some time and that if this hadn't happened now it probably would have happened eventually.

I guess one of the things that I have been thinking about is love. It has been pretty clear that lots and lots of people loved Julie. But you can't help thinking there must have been some sort of disconnect there. The problem may have been that the ways in which people tried to convey their love to her wasn't translating somehow. It really isn't enough to love someone if the ways in which we show it don't mean "love" to them. I have been thinking that hopefully now Julie knows how people really felt about her and that if she was feeling un-loved before - she knows the truth now.

The other thing I have been thinking about it religion. I guess the common thread in all religions is that suicide is wrong. Taking a life is wrong, whether it be your own or someone else's. It may be wrong - you may have to have a long conversation with God as a result of it. But the God that I know and love is forgiving and kind and all knowing. He already knows the pain Julie was in and every little thing that caused it all along her 34 years. I just can't see Him holding it against her. I just see Him taking her in His arms and comforting her and helping her to get over whatever it was that caused her to hurt so much. I guess what I mean to say, and feel pretty confrontational about is that I don't think Julie is in trouble for doing what she did. And I think anyone who says things like that is just being judgemental when it isn't up to them.

Also, I have been thinking of parenting a child with depression, a child who decides to end their own life. I don't think it is something you can ever recover from. Our job is to prepare our children for the big world - so when they can't cope we feel like we must not have done our jobs. I don't know - I don't know who to blame or if anyone has more blame than anyone else. I know I never want to feel like Julie's parents must feel. I asked Cam after this happened if he ever feels depressed or if he has ever thought about killing himself and he said he didn't (in that offended kind of way that teenagers have). I will take him at his word - plus pray whenever I think about it that he doesn't ever have this kind of pain in him.

And lastly, I just feel sad, kind or world weary, overwhelmed by how hard life really is and how such tragic things can happen even in our own families.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Ugh! What to say about a book that is touted as "an edgier Harry Potter" - when it in no way has any of the good qualities, characters, imagination and magic of Harry Potter. (In my mind it stole plenty from Harry Potter!) I think they just meant "like Harry Potter - except with none of the good parts or people, and lots of drinking, smoking, delinquency and bad language". It is true, it is a book about magical youth that get plucked out of society and given the opportunity to attend a magical school to hone their craft. The characters were creepy, the magic had a completely different feel to it, the moral of the whole story was not the "good vs. evil" that pervade Harry Potter - actually it was just plain difficult to find. In fact, it was a fantasy book that was kind of about facing reality. The only moral I got out of it is that life sucks sometimes but we should learn to appreciate what we have and stop looking for something different. BUT - that was near the last page and possibly a last ditch effort to throw some value bone to the reader! Not a fan - and reading this book felt like a chore!

Summer Plans

Have you ever noticed that moms are nags? I am - I am a nag! I have decided it is my job. There are probably some moms who don't have to be nags - they have children who are naturally motivated and inspired to do all they should do. This is NOT my situation! My summer plans are to "help" (nag) Cam complete his Duty to God Award and his Eagle Scout Project. He is so close on both of them! (REALLY close - only the project and like two things in the duty to God.) In my particular case - that pin that they give the mothers will truly mean something!

I have been weighing the pros and cons - and I think in the long run it will be worth it to be a nag for the summer! He is being shortsighted and doesn't think these things will ever mean anything to him - but I know they will. Being an eagle scout is kind of like a belonging to a fraternity and when you have this on your resume it means something, especially if the person making the decision is another member of that fraternity!

This really isn't how I would choose to spend my summer - I am so sick of both subjects that I want to scream! It pains me to have this friction between Cam and me (and yes, I am really getting on his nerves!) for his last summer at home - but dang it, what else can I do? I keep hoping that he will thank me for it in the years to come. Someone - please tell me that this is true. . .

Cam's Graduation Video

"As the tassle is moved,
so is a lifetime,
Only the journey remains -
Godspeed" -Anon

I'm not sure how this ended up in two videos - Cory must have stopped in the middle or something. We hadn't ever taken video with his camera before and it actually turned out pretty good. This video made it seem like we were much closer than we were. Reliant Stadium is enormous! The whole thing seemed fairly overwhelming - not just the significance of the ceremony but the pomp of the ceremony as well. Nolan and Diane came to visit and attend with us. Very hard to believe that he is done with high school. I guess it shouldn't be - he started a class this morning at the community college here in town. We just wanted him to have something on his plate for the next 2 months before he goes to BYU.

Seminary Graduation

Along with graduating from high school - Cam just graduated from Seminary with a four year certificate and scripture mastery all four years. This is a great accomplishment for him (for anyone really) because it required getting up extra early (had to be at the church at 6:10 am) every weekday before school. He is NOT a morning person and requires a certain amount of sleep every day. It took dedication and commitment. The rewards were plentiful - good friends, good lessons, prayers, songs and a bigger-picture-perspective start to every day. I love seminary. My conversion to the church kind of started with seminary. I attended early morning seminary for a year before joining the church. I am so proud that Cam has acquired this foundation. Because the things you learn and feel in seminary stay with you forever.

Cam looking extremely giddy - with Rory, his long time best friend and future BYU room mate.

Cam had these two ladies for both his freshman year and his senior year. They are amazing women - both extremely knowledgeable and capable. All positions in our church are volunteer - so that means these ladies haven't been paid to get up early or prepare these daily lessons. And they have done soooo much beyond that! Both have been teaching seminary (team teaching actually) for many, many years. This was their last year. I don't know what Becky Morgan's educational credentials are but Jan Meehan (on the right) has a Master's degree in Math from Stanford, not to mention the fact that between them they have raised at least a dozen kids and taught many hundreds of seminary students! I feel so indebted to them for their efforts in my son's behalf. They proved over and over how much they truly cared about Cam - and who can ever put a value on that!

The Church educational system is a good thing! And early morning seminary rocks!