Resolutions

It's that time of year again when we start thinking of the things we need to improve upon.  This time of year it is always on my mind for days, until I settle on 2 or 3 things that I can and want to commit to.   It has made me realize that I am extremely satisfied with my life.  I am healthy and able to participate in the physical activities that I enjoy.  I have a good job that I think was truly meant for me.  I have a great relationship with my son - who is the light of my life. I have a perfect (for me) marriage to the love of my life (somewhat recent re-discovery).  I have the gospel - which only enhances all of these things.  I am very blessed.  So. . . my choices of resolutions are based on the fact that I need to work more on being worthy of so many blessings.  With that in mind, I will resolve to:

1.  Study more regularly and more deeply the gospel (ie: scriptures, Ensign etc.)

2.  Step up the temple attendance.

3.  Try and help fix the rift between Kathy and Mom once and for all.

The first two should be fairly simple (mainly discipline) - the 3rd will be more difficult and will probably require a small miracle and any extra blessings HE will hand out.

10 Things I Love About Christmas

1. The Commonality - everyone (seemingly everyone) is celebrating something during this month of the year, which creates an anticipation in the air. I think because of these meaningful holidays people are generally nicer and more outgoing.

2. Decorations - the lights and pretty colors of Christmas can improve almost any surrounding. For those people who put in the extra effort on their houses and yards - I really appreciate it!

3. Greetings - I love to hear people say "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah or Happy Kwanzaa" or whatever. I just love that at this time of the year people say something! I love the acknowledgement that we give others at this time of year, because for some reason we don't for the other 11 months.

4. Christmas specific treats - this applies to things like Egg Nog, Christmas Cookies, Fudge, Dreams (some of you South Weber people know what I'm talking about), Pumpkin Roll etc. . . It seems like we go to a little extra effort to prepare these items because it's Christmas.

5. Cheesy apparel - at this time of the year you see some awesome sweaters, ties, socks and shirts, not to mention the accessories like earrings, necklaces or pins. I get a kick out of all of it!

6. Christmas Music! - I love that we are all listening to the Christmas station in our cars and at the stores they pipe in the holiday tunes for us. We all get to break out our Christmas CD's and everyone is humming some kind of Christmas favorite. It just adds to the feeling of togetherness.

7. Memories - I love that each of us have our own Christmas memories. Sometimes we want to share them, sometimes we don't, but we each have them to cherish. Sometimes we want to try and recreate them for our kids, or to remind our parents of this one, or to tease our siblings about that one, or maybe to honor someone we love that we have lost. It seems like a time of year for reminiscing.

8. Car Decorations - I wish I had some. I think these are the folks that have gone the extra mile. Car decorations are proof that they like Christmas more than the average person.

9. Christmas Movies - I love "It's a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Story" and "A Christmas Carol" as well as "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and the rest of the holiday cartoons that were so prevalent in my youth. They make the season more complete and they all share a common message - that Christmas has a deeper meaning than the commercial.

10. Time Off - I love that things shut down for Christmas. Most people get time off to spend with family. Everything family is acceptable and encouraged at this time of year.

A disappointing Christmas

When I was 10 and in 4th grade I had a friend named Shawn Neal. I used to go over to her house occasionally. On one of those occasions pretty close to Christmas I learned a big lesson. When we got to Shawn's house I marvelled at her family's pretty Christmas tree and the many presents under it. She asked me if I wanted to see what she was getting for Christmas. Of course, I said I was. She then proceeded to open each and every gift addressed to her. She was very careful, if not expert in her peeling back of the tape - careful not to tear the wrapping paper. She slid the box carefully out of the paper, opened it and looked inside. Then, after having looked the gift over thoroughly, gingerly slid it back into the paper (the two other tapes still fastened) and proceeded to fold and re-tape the end. No one would even be able to tell she had done anything. We looked at each item she would receive that upcoming Christmas morning. It felt sneaky and undeniably exciting.

When I was walking home from Shawn's house I remember thinking how I couldn't wait to get home and see what I would be getting for Christmas. I did the exact same thing with each and every present addressed to me. I was very careful. No one ever caught me - no one ever suspected a thing. But, on Christmas morning I already knew what was in every box. I had one surprise and that was my gift from Santa, which I don't even remember now. But I do remember what a disappointment that particular Christmas was. I never did that again. The lesson that I learned was that part of the joy of Christmas is the anticipation of it. I learned to savor that anticipation. So, yes I do like to try and guess my presents, shake them, feel them and even to look for hidden packages around the house. But, I really don't want to know what I am getting - I just like building the feeling of anticipation.

SNOW!

It is snowing in Houston today! It was 80 yesterday and today we have snow! No, it isn't sticking (I know all you snow veterans are asking) but that doesn't mean it isn't snowing right now!

Christmas Letters

My husband and I used to make fun of Christmas letters. They just seemed so annoyingly perky and like the person was bragging about their family, accomplishments and how great life is for them. The letters sometimes make it seem as if nothing bad ever happens in these peoples lives.
So, last night I completed our annual Christmas letter. (I know, it seems hypocritical doesn't it?) I think I mentioned we "used to make fun" of them, we don't anymore. Now, we almost always find them enjoyable. We live far away from both of our families and lots of our friends. We don't get to see the people we love all that often and the annual letters (in both directions) help us to feel a part of the lives of the people that we miss. I know that bad things do happen to these people and to us - but is a Christmas letter really the right forum for bad news? As for the bragging - it is just a highlight of the previous year and therefore seems natural that those highlights would be "positive" things (ie: accomplishments). Basically, I am now defending the annual Christmas letter. It is too hard to write to each person we send Christmas cards to telling them what is going on in our lives. Since we have lived in a number of places - we send out a lot of cards. But - it is still important for my Aunt in Idaho or Cory's old work associate in California to know that we think of them and feel it is important enough to let them know how we are faring in Houston, how we spend our time and how our son is growing up. But most of all to let them know that at this special time of year we remember them, love them and wish them the season's best. I know that we enjoy feeling those sentiments from the letters that we receive!

Passwords

Lately I seem to be confused. I have all these passwords for different things. Things on the computer here at home (accounts and such) and things on the computer at work, for my debit card, for my library card and even for this blog. I try to use the same password all the time so that I can remember it. The confusion comes when I have to change my password - like at work periodically. At times like that I do a variation on my normal password. There are also some places where a password is required where you have to meet certain requirements like a number, capitalization or exclamation mark mixed in some how. I swear I have about 20 situations where I need a password and I am getting more and more confused all the time. I can't remember which one goes with which account or which variation I used. Sometimes I find myself sitting at a computer for 30 seconds with a blank look on my face trying to decipher which password I need to recall. And then sometimes I have to try 4 or 5 variations on my "regular" password to get the right one. This gets ugly when you are only allowed 2 or 3 attempts. Does anyone else have this problem - or better yet, a solution?

SAT on Sat

My son takes the SAT this Saturday. I feel a little nervous for him. I don't really think he has any idea about how important it really is. Actually, it is like a ticket. A ticket into college - if he does well he will have a ticket into the college of his choice. If he doesn't do well - Cory tells him there is always Tomball Community College. He has taken the test before - in middle school they invite the advanced students to take the test just to measure where they are. He did very well then, and I'm hoping that he does even better now that he has learned more of the subject matter. This being his first time taking the actual test - we will all know a little bit more about where we stand in our college planning for him. Wish him luck - or say a prayer for him. He will take the ACT the following weekend. Then we will wait anxiously for the results - we will wait to know what opportunities will be open to him.

When to Decorate

There seems to be some question about when it is acceptable to decorate for Christmas, at least in my family. Growing up we always had to wait until after the 20th (my brother's birthday) to decorate. I hated it! I wanted lights and pretty decorations up as soon as Thanksgiving was over. There are tons of December birthdays in my family, and the thought was that they should not be short changed or lumped in with Christmas. They should be able to have a birthday that stands alone. But my mom would then leave the decorations up well into February - ignoring the fact that my birthday was spent amid Christmas decorations (it's in January). Another one of those unfair trivialities from childhood. My mother is still annoyed by the fact that Christmas music is played in stores and decorations are up right after Halloween. I say the longer they are there the better! I love the anticipation of it all. But when Christmas is over - I want all things Christmas down and put away post haste! I say to each his own - enjoy the seasons decorations whenever or wherever you wish. I am putting mine up today!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love all the trappings and complications of Christmas - all the effort and fuss. But those are also the reasons that I love Thanksgiving, because it is the opposite of that. It is the most pure, the most simple of all the holidays - and that is why it is my favorite. Some of my best childhood memories are of Thanksgiving at my Grandparent's house. My Grandmother was an awesome cook (she is in a home now and doesn't cook.) We have a large family and the kids would all be at one big table. We loved seeing each other and being together. I don't ever remember any friction or problems at all. We ate till we couldn't eat any more - and then we ate pie! My Grandma would make about every kind of pie - apple, pumpkin, berry, peach, mincemeat (not my personal favorite), banana creme, chocolate and then cheesecake and regular cakes. The kids would be running around together while the ladies worked in the kitchen before and after the meal, but they didn't mind because they were chatting the whole time. The men stayed near the TV and pretty much weren't expected or wanted near the kitchen. The only chore they had was to get the tables and chairs ready and my Grandpa always had to carve the turkey.

No one really expects anything except a meal at Thanksgiving - so there isn't much chance of disappointments like you can have at Christmas or Birthdays. (although I did have one Thanksgiving a few years ago where there weren't enough mashed potatoes and I was pretty disappointed.) For a good week or so before and after Thanksgiving - people are thinking about what they are thankful for - you can't help it. It's like it hangs in the fall air. There is something so truly wonderful about a day of the year where you can expect to sit down with family and friends and enjoy a big hearty meal and ponder what is wonderful in your life and all the gifts that God has blessed you with. We don't do that nearly enough in this day and age. I am really thankful for this special holiday. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Tag!

Tag yourself! Copy and paste into your blog. Put an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then answer the questions at the end. This is for your entire life!
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Been to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang Karaoke
( )Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(x) Gone to the movies
(x) Got a speeding ticket
1. Any nicknames? A few—Paigie, Wart, Snicklefritz.
2.Favorite Drink? water
3. Mother's name? Deana
4. Tattoo? no
5. Body Piercing? Ears
6. How much do you love your job? I just started give me a few more days - but I do love being a wife and mom
7. Birthplace? Santa Rosa, CA
8. Favorite vacation? Paris (very romantic)
9. Ever been to Africa ? no
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Probably, but I prefer donuts
11. Ever been on TV? not that I know of
12. Ever steal any traffic sign? No
13. Ever been in a car accident? A few minor ones, I don't know if those count
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4 door
15. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch, Dijon vinaigrette
16. Favorite pie? Homemade apple, pumpkin or boysenberry
17. Favorite number? 4
18. Favorite Movie? Princess Bride
19. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving
20. Favorite Dessert? Like I said - donuts!
21. Favorite food? French Toast and donuts
22. Favorite day of the week? Probably weekend days because we are all home
23. Favorite brand of body wash? Any will do
24. Favorite toothpaste? Crest
25. Favorite smell? Cory's pheromones
26. What do you do to relax? read or take a nap
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Maybe helping to plan Cam's wedding or working on the house we plan to build on the property we plan to buy

Consider yourselves tagged...I will be checking your blogs!

Athletic Banquet

Last night we went to Cam's Cross Country Athletic Banquet. These events are always extremely long and a little boring (for anyone other than the runners themselves). First there was a nice buffet dinner. If I would have gone home after this I would have been entirely content. After dinner there are the list of team accomplishments, and a little rundown of the season itself and then the runner introductions. Cam attends a huge high school - there are many kids. The coach says a name and everyone claps as that particular person walks up to accept their certificate. EVERY PERSON (Boys and Girls) on the freshman and Junior Varsity teams! Name read - clap, clap, clap. That takes a long time. Then when the coach is finished with those he goes on to the Varsity team and any seniors. With these folks he strains himself trying to find some unique or funny story to tell before he says their names. Story, name, clap, clap, clap! Then he announces the special awards for the runners. Award, story, name, clap, clap, clap! Next is the awards for the Booster Club members - with loads of kudos for this help or that help - and then some gifts of "thanks" to be awarded. You would think it would be almost over - wouldn't you?
The time is then turned over to the students! The Senior boys prepared (the word "prepared" is used very loosely here) some (about 6!) skits to thank the Boosters again. Applause. Then the Boys and Girls gave appreciation to the coaches and awarded them and the Boosters with some nostalgic articles. Applause. Then the Junior Girls got up and each one said a little something about a Senior girl (applause for each individual girl) and then presented them with very thoughtful gifts. Then the Junior Boys (including Cam) got up and said something funny or silly about each of the Senior boys (applause for each individual boy) and presented them with a gag gift - hopefully having something to do with the funny or silly thing they said.
Is it over yet you ask? Not a chance! Now there are two speeches - given by two of the Senior Boys. (Applause after each speech). And the finale is the 30 minute slide show put to motivational music! Cory and I were standing by the door at this point. More applause and then (finally) goodbyes.
I understand the need to commemorate a sports season ending. I played sports myself and loved any kind of athletic recognition - but come on, can't these things be streamlined just a little?

A Step Forward

Today I start a new job. I have been home for over 12 years. Now that my son can drive himself to all of his various commitments I have more free time and a more predictable schedule. There is also the fact that I may have an actual life of my own (something everyone needs) when he leaves for college. This is a part time job at the Meals on Wheels in our town. I have been a volunteer driver for Meals on Wheels for 2 years. Now, I will coordinate the volunteer drivers. I really hope that the job has the same feel - because if it does I am going to love it. I look at this as a step forward. It's something new in my life that signifies "life goes on". Change is usually a good thing - at least it has always seemed like that to me. This job will allow less time for self introspection and aloneness that seem to be detrimental for me at this point. I just need to get out of my own head. Maybe some of these past weeks of upset have been kind of self-indulgent. Maybe I should focus my attention on others and I will begin to feel better about myself. A step forward is a positive thing - but, in all honesty I do feel slightly off balance going back to work after all this time.

Too nice.

I am way too nice. I learned it from my mother. I wait on people. I am constantly trying to please people. I work hard to anticipate others' needs. This is how I show my love. I want to feed you good food, I want to make you comfortable, I want to make your life easier. In every way I want to meet your temporal needs. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I assume everyone is like this - or should be. I get my feelings hurt when people close to me don't show their love in this same way. It just makes sense. In what other ways can you show you love someone but by being considerate of their time and feelings? Saying the words is just shallow if the words aren't backed up by some committed actions.

This is true in relation to our love of God. It isn't enough to just say the words - He expects our love for Him to motivate us into showing our love.

Burdens

I have realized in the last few weeks that I really don't have anyone to talk to. I have lots of friends - all very willing and caring. But it has occurred to me that what people like about me is that I am happy and upbeat - fun to be around. I am a certain way with people. I have set limits on myself about exposing anything upsetting or depressing. I don't think people really like to hear my problems and I don't ever want to burden them. I may open up with someone and tell them what is going on - but I can't seem to bother them more than once or twice with the same problem or I feel like a nuisance. I feel like they don't like that side of me - that they are expecting me to bounce back quicker - to return to the me that they like. I almost feel like it scares them. I see them consoling others just fine - but it seems like they expect more from me. I even do this with family. I don't want to scare my son - so I always put on a brave happy face when I am around him. I think kids have enough problems to deal with - they shouldn't have to worry about their parents problems too. I guess I am being fake. So many people look at my life and think it is perfect - I don't want to disappoint them or cause them to worry about me. I can talk to my husband, and I do. But I can tell he doesn't really want me to - that it makes him uncomfortable. He is no different - he wants to see a certain Paige too.