Absolutely Bimbotica Ver 2.0: Living the Flamboyant Lifestyle

Sunday, August 29, 2004

School’s starting tomorrow. Again. I wish the holiday lasted for a longer time. Darn, I am so lazy. Well, I printed out all my notes and stuff. *beams*. I think I screwed up my web graph test. I truly am a computer idioooott…
Sent Elaine, my sis off to the bus station in the afternoon. She’s going back to KL. Dad is already in China. So, that leaves me here alone with Mummy.I am so gonna miss Elaine and Daddy. Elaine’ll only be back in December I think. Dad’s gonna be home two weeks from now. On a Friday.
Shucks, when I think of our school break from October to November, I wanna cry! We won’t have break in December! Isn’t that so sad? Imagine having to go back to school straight away after Christmas. Ugh. Sounds horrible right?
Mum’s finally talking to me again. I can’t tell you how happy I am. I’ve waited for this day so long. I know she’s yet to forgive me. But at least she’s talking to me again! I am trying to be super nice. Helping her with the chores, cleaning and bathing my hamsters just now. My hamsters are oh-so-adorable. There’s Chubby, Cubby, Misfits, and er… nameless. Haha…
Before Dad left, he just told me not to irritate her and I’ll be alright. Mum will be sending me to the JB immigrations. Yay. I am so happy. But I volunteered to take the bus home on certain days. Hope that makes her happy. I am trying to put in loads of effort.
I met up with WeiKean yesterday at CWP. We went to watch AVP. It was a good show. You all should go and watch it. It’s just a little gross during certain parts of the movie. Icky pukey. Speaking of movies, I watched 13 going on 30 on DVD already. Yes, it’s pirated. The movie’s damn good. The typical love story. Awww… Haha. And I re-watched Never Been Kissed today. Again. For a million and one times! I so adore that movie. So sweet. Every time I watch it, I tear! WeiKean gave me loads of chocolates. Haha. That made me happy. Chocs go strrraight to the butt. This is bad. Very bad. My butt’s big enough. Thank you.
Oh yah, met up with SayLin, KianKee and XingHui on Thursday. Had lunch at Pastamania, dessert at Swensens. Yay. And we plan to go to Sentosa on teacher’s day which is a Wednesday… hmmm… see first lah. I wanna go back BP on teacher’s day celebrations day. Shucks. Classes from 3pm-6pm. Sigh. Forget it.
I shall go and sleep early tonight. Got a long day ahead… Classes from 8am-5pm OMG. It’s like working!

BimboQueen
8/29/2004 11:36:00 pm

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

i m feeling considerably much better today. but mum's still not talking to me. i just hope time will heal her wounds. pray for me people.
spent the morning in school today, doing much idling. i wanted to researdch on surrogacy in the school library, nbut shitty doodoos, they only have one videotape on surogacy. it's actually a court case on the moral implications of surrogacy. just what i am writing about. but oh well, didn't manage to find any book references. *pouts* while i was watching the videotape in the media room, there was this middle aged woman irritating the shit outta me by talking bloody loudy on her mobile. omg. what's happened to manners? i blasted the volume on my headphones to the maximum, but i could still here her irritating voice yakking away. i was just about to remind her after tolerating for ten minutes... but she got off the line and walked outta the media room. some people. just so inconsiderate. doinks.
whoopie daisies! i managed to meet up with saylin, kiankee and xinghui today. it really makes m happy seeing them, cos we seldom meet up. we had lunch at pastamania, dessert at swensens. haha, but we started with dessert then only main course. haha. total doinkers. i told kiankee about the whole event. but he wasnt that shocked. i expected more shock-ness.i told saylin the night before on the phone. he just went silent. oh well, that's the reaction i expected.
i feel so distant from him. i feel like i duno him anymore. we are just like total strangers now. we cant carry on a conversation smoothly anymore. i've put in effort, but, did he even try to make our friendship work? sigh. i don't know. i've done what i could. the rest is up to him. i really miss the times we shared. =( i miss him caring for me like a sister. i miss being able to have him to listen to all my problems. i miss him for not being around me at such a difficult time. he doesn't even know what shit i am going through. oh well. it's up to him at the end of the day. all i can say is i really miss him.
my essay outline is almost done. sooo.... yeah, i m pretty happy about it. yayness. i can devote my time to studying webgraphics for tomorrow. i suck in adobe photoshop. somebody help me. please! argh.

BimboQueen
8/25/2004 11:08:00 pm

yayness. i finally got a new layout. guess who's the sweetie pie who fixed it up for me? darling jonathan chia. thanks loads himbo for fixing my blog up for me. i owe u one. err... 60 hr massages? wait long long. =) jonathan rocks my socks. lols. *cheesy* since jonathan is an official himbo, this entry shall be in pink!

BimboQueen
8/25/2004 10:47:00 am

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

i am sitting in the library now. been here since morning. trying to study. i managed to study a few chapters for social psychology. tomorrow i shall come to the library and do my surrogacy essay outline. crap, got loads to research. weisheng was with me for awhile. but he disappeared after a couple of hours to go gaming. man, his test is tomorrow and he's still not studying. doinks.

yayness, serene is happy. for now as she's typing this. cos she'll be meeting weikean, saylin (sally) and kiankee(kelly) tomorrow. at least, this is something i can look forward to. swensens icecream, here i come... =)

i ain't feeling too good. still feeling kinda shitty. mum's totally ignoring me. i feel hurt. but i understand. she's in pain after what i have done to disappoint her. i hate myself. but don't worry, i am suicidal no more. i shall carry on with life and show everybody that i can pick the pieces up. i shall not give up cos of one stupid mistake. a moment of folly. dad came in and kissed me on the forehead and told me he loved me. last nite. after he left my room. i cried. i cried because he's so nice to me after all that i've done to hurt him. i love dad. i love mum. but does mum still love me? if only she'll give me another chance. i wish she would read this. cos everytime for the past few days, when i wanna talk to her, the words just cant seem to come out. i am shemeless.

he lied to me again. the last time he told me that he wouldn't lie anymore, but look what he did. i m insulted. so insulted you hid it from me. you assholic jerk. you must be glad i didn't punch you just now when i saw you. damn lucky you are. bottom line: guys are assholes. well not all. but most of them. argh.

BimboQueen
8/24/2004 04:01:00 pm

Monday, August 23, 2004

The aftermath of yesterday's events had a huge effect on me. I walked around looking like a panda with super swollen eyes, after crying non stop for about 5 hours yesterday. Mum barged into my room at 3am in the morning and started yelling at me again. The words she used hurt me. It hurt as much as slashing my wrists. Maybe even worse. When I woke up at 6.15am today morning, reality hit me that this was only the start of the troubles coming my way. I had to go outta house today whether I liked it or not. Dad doesn't want me to stay home. I guess he's scared I m gonna start quarreling with mum again. Mum’s starting to yell again. I guess she’s given up all hope on me. I can’t blame her, after all, this whole issue is my fault. And mine solely. I just feel like giving up on myself. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help having these thoughts. The blade seems so tempting at times like these. Just a few hard strokes and hopefully, my life will be over in a while. I just feel like I got nothing to look forward to anymore. Living life is a torture that I find so hard to endure. Sorry to be so emotional, but that’s how I am. I just feel like I’ve got nobody to hear me out. So I guess I’ll just have to vent out my frustrations in my words. I will turn over a new leaf. I’ll do anything as long as Mum forgives me and is willing to give me a second chance. I know I hurt both of them so deeply. Dad tells me Mum has been crying hysterically. I’ve hurt them deeper than I can ever imagine. I guess how I feel right now no longer matters to them. They shouldn’t care about how I feel. I should be concerned about the way they feel. I feel as bad as them or possibly even worse. To me now, home is like a place whereby I can’t act the way I want to. There just seems to be so much restrictions after yesterday. Elaine’s going back to KL this weekend. Dad is traveling off this weekend too. I don’t know how I’ll be able to survive the few days. With mum and me only at home, I get so scared. Last night, every slightest sound I heard woke me up. I m scared. Scared of all the verbal or maybe even physical abuse that will be inflicted of me. Mum said she’s not gonna send me to the JB immigrations after dad goes outta town. Bless me, the bus service here is terrible. How am I ever going to be able to get to school on time? Screwed. I just got to take a cab.
Spending time with Weisheng today has cheered me up. Tons. Thanks sweetie. He’s oh-so-funny., he makes me laugh. And he claims that secret window is not scary. As usual, I got scared outta my wits. I thought it was a pretty good movie, but he thought otherwise. And we talked serious today. Loads. He isn’t as shallow as I thought him to be. Argh, he’s facing shit too, but he can be happy. I am so bloody envious. Sorry to have that misconception that you are superficial.
Simon, I know you are bloody straightforward. I know whatever you said is for my own good. You want me to wake up and not do what I did again. I am stupid. Yes I know. Just don’t rub it in that much ok? I appreciate what you’ve done;. Really. Just bear in mind, I m not as strong as you think me to be. I am weak too. Especially now, so I hope you’ll be more sensitive with your words or I’ll think you are gloating over my misfortune. I am in a pathetic state. I admit it.

BimboQueen
8/23/2004 10:38:00 pm

Sunday, August 22, 2004

i just disappointed my parents again. time and again. and they love me soo much and they care for me so much. i abused their trust and i took advantage of their love. i've been a bad girl, a horrid daughter. i am such a bitch. i don't even know why i did what i did. i should hang myself. but seriously, i feel suicidal. i feel lost. God, will you please hold my hand? i really need you right now.
nobody will understand what i m going through right now. the heartbreak of losing everyone's trust. but yes, i brought it upon myself. so if anyone's to blame, it's me. i really regret what i did. i know i cant turn back time. but i just hope that they'll trust me again. i abused their trust. i hope they'll give me one more chance. and love me like they used to.
i am so sorry. and no matter what i say now, it makes no difference. i guess i just have to earn back their trust.
i miss my friends. at times like this especially. i miss weikean and xinghui and saylin. they were always there for me. but they aren't now. i cant blame them. we all have our own lives now. nothing can change that. i cant expect them to check on me day in day out. i just miss you all. =( *pouts*

BimboQueen
8/22/2004 10:41:00 pm

Thursday, August 19, 2004

firstly, i m sooo happy. i thought something happened to my blog, but actually nothing happened. i am so happy i can kiss anybody right now. haha. i think my IE is screwed. well who cares. to hell with it! now you all know why i haven't been leaving comments or blogging for soo long. =)

initially, today was a pretty good day. but it got screwed up. by somebody. seriously, i shouldn't even have agreed to meet you up today. meeting you up today was one of the biggest mistakes. but, come to think of it, it woke me up. thanks anyway. its over. really O-V-E-R between us. no more second chances. no more reconciling. please. don't you even have the cheek to ask me about this. yes, i m a bitch. so what? i m what i am. you don't like it? you don't like me anymore? even better. if you said it was a joke, it was really carried too far. but who cares, this time i want out. yes, i m done with all this shit. please don't come and tell me all those mushy stuff or whatsoever anymore. cos you'll be wasting your effort. yes. cos i don't wanna see or hear anymore of this stuff. honestly, you wanna know the truth? nothing will make me change my mind. it's set and it's gonna stay this way. so just give up ok.

yes. swinging singledom. i like. yes. i like playing the field. so what? don't like it? go away then.

weikean, i want my chocolates. (though chocs go straight to the butt) but who cares. it's from weikean! he's the bestest. arrghh. we haven't talked for so long. i cant believe it. you've been so busy with SC and i've been busy with school! i miss you! really!

adam's back from taiwan. yay. i m soooo happy! my slutty girlfriend disappeared for ages man. finally, he's back. yayness.

i am so tired. still got loads to do. got adobe photoshop remedial at 9am later on. 1pm meeting for IAC project. *yawns*

time to hit the bed.

BimboQueen
8/19/2004 01:13:00 am

Thursday, August 12, 2004

i jus got into a relationship, jumped out of it within a day. that's the record man. i didn't mean to. but maybe it was because i found him too possesive. he wanted me to remove the friendster picture that i took with weikean. weikean's my best friend. there's nothing going on between us. and i can't believe he would be so sensitive. reality hit me last night whejn he told me to remove the picture. if this was the start and he is so possesive, what will happen in the future? a relationship is supposed to be between just two people. we don't have to tell it to the whole wide world. i mean, that's just not my way of doing things. i m so sorry, if you are reading this. i know sorry won't make a difference to what i just did. but i think i might just be scared of the freedom i'll be losing if i get attached. i won't be use to it. i m so used to the life i m leading now. and i m so scared of you. no guy has ever shouted at me the way you did. demanded me to do stuff the way you did. i know i m selfish in your eyes. we jumped into things too fast. that was a huge mistake right from the start. you know my past, i just cant let go of it. you know the hurt and pain i went through because of my ex. how the relationship with my parents and the rest of my family was ruined. i m just scared history will repeat itself. you assure me that you'll bring me happiness when i m with you. every guy who was with me, told me that. but in the end, what happened? i still got hurt. so please do not try to promise me things that you don't think you'll be able to fulfill. now you know where your mistakes lie. your posessiveness will freak girls out, just the way it freaked me out. so please try to change. i know it won't be easy because of your past. but please try alright? and please do not revert back to your attitude problem-ness just because we are no longer together. please do change, it's for your own sake. for your future. we will still be friends alright?

BimboQueen
8/12/2004 08:19:00 pm

Sunday, August 08, 2004

oh my shitty booboos. i haven't blogged for a week. haha. the past week has been really hectic.. with all those deadlines. now i know why they call it deadlines. cos alex told me if deadlines aren' meant to kill you, why are they call deadlines? lame but true. haha. well... finally, a big load of wrk is off my chest. i m just left with my radio productions commercial. i think i shall do abt slimming. but i haven't even found de article yet. haha. =)
anyway, i went to de NP funfair with weisheng. and darn, i got so many bruises after taking one of the rides. i paid 5 bucks to get three bruises. wat a bad exchange. 2 on my shoulders. left and right. so, i warn you now, don't touch my shoulders. or i'll whack you. i promise. it really hurts. and i got another one on my left thigh. aarrghh... i wanna sue NP. haha. tt was a dangerous ride.
on saturday, i met up with simon. and we went to watch "village". boy, was it a dumb movie. but i ended up screaming. i alwais do whn i watch horror films. and simon insists tt it's more of a comedy. well n we went walk walk n arcade-ing after that.
i think i like simon. maybe.

BimboQueen
8/08/2004 09:41:00 pm

Sunday, August 01, 2004

friday
rushed to sch n was supposedly to be meeting benita and mingshan to finish our web graphics project. but, they were an hr late. haha. n i jus had an r of slp, but thk God, i din look like a walking zombie on fridae. in fact, i was super active in fact. the NP ambassadors interview with chia may went well. she was much better den my 1st interviewer. tt nite, i went home and had 3 hrs of slp only. haha.

saturday
weehee... didn't look like a walking zombie on saturday too! i had spc psyh lectures on saturday morning. after tt we had breakfast @ canteen 1 wif de whole class. almost. me, jonathan n maria were spposed to do our soc psyh project. but dammmnn, i was so distracted, which made dem distracted. i m so sorry! we were taking so many pictures. yay. majority were dumb shots with funny faces. benita n eve work as part time janitors after sch. haha. got one shot of dem with mop n broom. haha.
after tt, travelled wit charmaine to hcjc. she went town to meet her dearie. den i went to hcjc to meet weikean n kiankee n saylin. ruilin asked us to go to hcjc carnival n since i havent met de bomb guys for such a long time, i went.... we were spoosed to meet b4 12.30. n i was on time! de guys werent n it pissed me off big time u noe. i wanted to go home n i scolded weikean. cos he msged me n said. "sori ah, u feel v sian ah.. den u go hm 1st lor." tt pissed me off real badly. weikean, u r so tactless with girls man! sorry weikean, i felt sooo bad after tt.. saylin was being so nice... newae, they den took a cab frm woodlands. n i felt reali bad abt it u noe. aarrghhhh. hcjc carnival was ok. but it was damn bloody jam packed. the stuff were overpriced. haha. ruilin n weikean did sth dumb during de carnival. haha. they went for sum judo game. n they wore those big judo costumes that had big boobies. lols. i took many pics of dem. they look ultra dumb. haha.
doreen came back to take mum's car n drive it back to kl. sadness. mum wunt b able to fetch me anymore. hais.

i cant stop thinking abt him. *love sick*

guess wat? i slept for 16 hrs u know! haha, it feels sooo damn good la.
ok, i m gonna eat lunch, den start on my soc psyh. doreen is arnd, she can help meee.. yay yay.
catch u all in sch on monday.

BimboQueen
8/01/2004 11:58:00 am