Jacker-bean's a talker!

At nearly 18 months, Jack is talking tons. He's even started making up his own songs. Here's a clip (a little too long, you'll get the point half way through) of Jack singing his "Daddy Song". He also has similar versions called "Mommy Song" "Charlie Song" & "Jackie Song" and will compose others upon request.

He surprises us with his little answers to our rhetorical questions. He often says "OHkayyyy!", "'cause!", "why?", & "WHAT?!!" He's very polite and says "please, Mommy!" or "please, Daddy!", "Day-doo" (thank you), "Ques me" (excuse me) & "Bless you!" when he hears a sneeze. And we love his greetings in the morning or when we come home - "HI Rarr-rie (Charlie)", "Hi, Mama! Hi, Dad!"

He has started putting his words together. He walked over to Greg the other morning and said "DADDY!.... (then walked to the bedroom door)... OPEN!.... DOOR!" He will tell us that it's "dark-n-dere" when looking into a dark room or hallway, "Where-arrrrre-you?" when he's looking for someone or "right dere!" or "dere 't is!" when he's found something.

I'd love to list the words that he says but honestly he'll attempt any. And if he doesn't quite get all of the sounds right, he can always at least imitate the correct amount of syllables. Charlie was such a quiet little toddler, he probably didn't really start talking until he was about 2 (now he doesn't stop!). But Charlie knew tons and tons of baby signs. When we tried teaching Jack baby signs he'd just stare at us like we were clowns and then just say the word we were signing.

Some of Jack's words are incredibly similar and only decipherable to the trained ear (mommy's). For instance, He say "Choo Chooo" when he hears a train whistle or wants his little Thomas the Tank Engine toy but he says "Tch-chooo" when he wants a tissue for his sniffles.

He's also started learning the words to some songs.. "ABC's" (but he doesn't know letters yet.. Charlie learned his letters when he was 2 but didn't learn the song until later), "Itsy-bitsy spider", "Once there was a Snowman", oh, and of course the Cougar Fight Song (& he's always walking around saying "B-Y-U Cougars!". I have to get these on tape, but it's almost impossible.

Desmoid a no show!

I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Bucur, this morning to go over the results from my cat scan --- everything looks great.. "stable post surgical changes involving the retroperitoneum (the who?). No recurrent or residual mass is demonstrated." WOOHOO! "Stable subcentimeter hepatic lesion (too small to characterize but likely a cyst)"-- this lesion/cyst on my liver has been on the other CT scans, but apparently that's not a big deal. People have them, never know about them, I don't think it does anything. So. After a year of quarterly cat scans, my abdominal desmoid tumor has failed to return! No chemo for me (although, I was fully prepared to pull a Brittney & shave my head).

I will have another cat scan in 3 months (end of May). If everything looks great, I just might be ready for another baby. If I get pregnant then I won't worry about this whole cat scan-tumor stuff until after the baby is born (since you can't/shouldn't do cat scans during pregnancy). If I'm not pregnant then I'll have one more CT scan & appointment with Dr. Bucur 6 months from now (August 27th actually) and if all is still going great, I'll move to having 6-month follow ups.

The other night before my cat scan, I thought about this past year and how great I've felt and how quickly it's past. I thought about what-if it had come back & what-if I was going to have to do chemo and more surgery.. and I decided that it would be okay, I'd just take it easy and relax and get through it. And get back to my energy level and feeling well again and everything would be okay. I wondered if I'd wasted the past year. Did I do enough? Did I grow enough? Have I been a better wife & mom?


BORING TUMOR HISTORY
(for documentation purposes)
See.. a year ago, Jack was 6 months old & I was annoyed my my poochy stomach (with Charlie, 6 months postpartum I was actually thinner than my pre-pregnancy weight) maybe it was a second-kid side affect-- the perpetual poochy tummy (a depressing thought! But come on, even then I was only 135 pounds which for being 5 ft 8 in is excellent anyway). Then every once in awhile I'd feel a strange little flutter in my stomach - almost like a baby moving, but I knew I wasn't pregnant.. so I started poking at my stomach to see is I could feel what was moving around in there! Under my left ribcage I could feel something long and skinny and solid, maybe about 2 1/2 inches long. So I asked Greg, who still remembers tons from his anatomy TA days & he said "uhhhh... I have no idea - go to the doctor!"

I made an appointment with Dr. Crump for just a regular old physical & told him that I felt something funny when i pushed on that part of my stomach & wondered what it was, but other than that I felt excellent, had tons of energy, had a great appetite. He did the physical and when he got pushed on my stomach he said "hummm.. I don't know what that is.. might be your pancreas.. but I'm not sure! I like to call these fasci-nomas.. meaning.. I have no idea, but it's very fascinating!" He scheduled and ultrasound for me so that we could go in and look - just to make sure there wasn't anything worth worrying about. He was very positive and reassuring and told me not to worry that we'd just do some tests to make sure everything was fine. But sure enough I went home that night, researched pancreas and tumors and cancer on the Internet and convinced myself that i probably had pancreatic cancer and only a few more weeks to live.

The ultrasound just showed that there was, indeed, a mass. But the technician wouldn't tell me ANYTHING! They couldn't determine what the mass stemmed from, but a vaginal ultrasound showed that it definitely wasn't coming from one of my ovaries. So, then my first cat scan was scheduled & that technician wouldn't say a word either (now I realized the techs can't say anything). All of these tests took days to get an appointment.. then days to get the results. But. When my doctor received the results from my cat scan, the nurse called me and said "we have the ct results, can you come in uhhhh.. right now?" I was definitely worried. Dr. Crump referred me to a surgeon, Dr. Garry for a consultation - the next day. I took Greg & the boys with me (Charlie was just 2 1/2 & Jack only 6 months) I just wanted the surgeon to see who he was dealing with here.. I didn't have time for anything crazy like cancer.

Dr. Garry was great. Well, at the time I was a little annoyed because he talked about needing to go in and remove this tumor but really wouldn't know anything about the tumor or if it was cancerous until days after the surgery... oh, and he might have to take out some intestine.. and maybe some pancreas.. and maybe whatever else it was attached too. Uhhhh.. can I live without my intestines and pancreas? I guess that's how surgeons are.. they're used to doing all these kinds of surgeries and it's not really a big deal. Of course my body would adjust & they wouldn't take anything out that I couldn't live without. Whew.. i think. I would probably be in the recovery for 3-5 days. Not too bad, I thought. When did he want to schedule the surgery? Ummm.. how about Thursday? WHAT?!! March 16th was a day away! (I realized while scheduling this surgery that was supposed to be Dr. Garry's day off, but this was a pretty big deal).

It was a really emotional day for Greg and I. And it was so funny because right when we were leaving Dr. Garry's office we got a call letting us know that the offer we'd put in on a town home was accepted.. I have a tumor! I'm getting a house! It was so hard not knowing what the tumor was! What was going to happen? Was I going to be okay? Was the surgery going to go well? I'd had c-sections with the boys - no sweat. Easy in fact. Recover was great. But I was terrified of going into this real surgery. I totally kept thinking - what if I don't come through it? I was really scared. And also really angry that I had to deal with this. I was going to be really mad if I was going to die. I'm not ready to die yet! My life with Greg is just starting.. my kids are too little! They won't remember me & I'll miss everything!

My mom was amazing. She just dropped everything and hopped on a plane from Cleveland to come help with the boys. I did the best I could to get everything ready that last day before my surgery.. the house, the shopping & errands, packing for the hospital, getting up to the hospital to pre-register and do blood tests.. but I was an emotional wreck the whole day. I remember giving the boys their baths before bed & being so upset when I put Charlie to bed because that was the last time I was going to see him until after my surgery. We actually toted Jack with us to the hospital so I could nurse him one last time & Greg would take care of him during my surgery. His dad came down to help and be with Greg too.

Greg had given me a blessing the night before that reminded me that I'd been promised that I would see healings occur in my life. But I still had moments where my faith seemed to waiver and even right before my surgery, I kept having emotional waves of fear, that would then be followed by calm moments of quiet reassurance. Dr. Garry came to see me right before went into to surgery & he told me that he just wanted to let me know that he'd gone to the temple the day before and prayed for me. That gave me an incredible feeling of comfort and reassurance. I knew that we were on the same wave length & it was okay to go ahead into surgery. I kissed Greg & my little baby and they wheeled me down the hall.

The next thing I knew Greg & a nurse, named Barbara, were calling my name. Wow. Is it over already? Already? It had been 5 and a half hours!!! They'd removed the tumor which turned out to be about the size of a CANTALOUPE & 4 pounds. (how did I not know something that big was inside my body?) They had to take out 2 1/2 feet of my small intestines and a piece of my pancreas. It had also attached itself to my superior mesenteric artery, which they scraped, but definitely couldn't remove.

My recovery didn't go quite so hot. I quickly developed pneumonia that put me into the ICU for 3 days (which meant I couldn't see Charlie or Jack). And Jack was being so stubborn. That little stinker refused to take a bottle, wouldn't drink out of a cup. The were only able to spoon feed him very watery rice cereal. And I will forever be grateful to Melené her nursed him a couple of times (her baby was just 3 months old). After the ICU Greg would bring Jack to the hospital 3 times a day so that I could 'nurse' him but not being aloud to eat for those 11 days (a little longer than the initial 3-5 day estimation), my milk was more like water. I lost a lot of weight. I dropped to 117 pounds (today I finally weighed in at 125.. the most near-normal weight I've been at in months.. most likely thanks to the cruise!). My vocal cords had also suffered some inflammation due to the tube down my throat during surgery and I had absolutely no voice for 6 weeks. I think it took 2 solid months before I started getting some of my strength and energy back. And by then we'd been busy with a trip to San Diego, moving into our new home, and getting ready for our trip to San Francisco & Lake Tahoe.

My tumor was diagnosed as an abdominal desmoid tumor. It wasn't malignant but not exactly benign due to the fact that they are extremely aggressive and have a tendency to have up to a 90% recurrence rate. But. If it's going to come back, it's going to be in that exact spot, it'll be easy to keep an eye on. And if it's going to reoccur, chances are that it'll be sooner than later. And it's been a year! An excellent sign and a huge blessing.

I definitely didn't waste the last year. Yes, there are things that I should have worked on but didn't, things I just never seemed to get too. But I did do a lot. And I have a lot to show for this past year. I'll just keep plugging along and hopefully next year when I look back I'll be pleased with what I've accomplished.

Where do babies come from???

Charlie will be 3 1/2 next month. And like typical 3-year-olds talks and asks questions constantly. We were driving to McDonalds today as he was rambling on and on about scuba diving & sharks (two of his latest obsessions)...

Can Jack go scuba diving? no, he's too little.
Can Jack eat sharks? no.
If he went scuba diving he'd slip out of the scuba diving (stuff) and get eaten by sharks? I hope not!
WHY? Because that would be messy.
And we wouldn't have a Jack? Nope, no more Jack & we'd be sad.
Can we just get another Jack? Where would we get another Jack from?
FROM THE HOSPITAL!

At this point Greg proceeded to explain that Jack didn't actually come from the hospital but that he grew inside of mommy's tummy & the doctors took him out of my tummy at the hospital (which is very technically true because I had a c-section).

How did he grow inside of Mommy's tummy?
Hummmmm.. I didn't really know what to say so I looked to Greg who answered "Well, there was an egg inside mommy's tummy & we added some seeds to it!"

AHHHH! All I could think of was this little kid who eats eggs almost every morning and just the day before had spent half an hour filling a plastic cup with seeds he'd found on the sidewalk. I could just imagine him trying to make more siblings. I also wasn't sure I wanted Charlie giving this explanation to everyone who would listen. But as it turned out this answer seemed to satisfy him and he responded with a simple "OH!" He did mention that there'd been an egg in my tummy, we added seeds, & then grew Jack several times over the next couple of days but that was as far as the conversation ever went.

Kicking off February with a tan

We're back & we're tan!

Greg & I returned late Thursday night from our very first cruise. It was the best most relaxing vacation we'd ever had.

We took the red eye to Fort Lauderdale with Mel & Steve after dropping the boys off with my Uncle Dave & Aunt Brandee-- the boys love their twins Maddie & Parker so we thought it would be the best bet for a fun week for them. We didn't get any sleep on the flight but since I didn't have the boys to worry about - I totally didn't care! We met Greg's parents, Dave & Nicole, Doug & Jessica, and Jeff & Allie and got to the port in Miami plenty early-- we couldn't wait to get the vacation started. We explored the boat, had our first introduction to the buffet, did an emergency drill where we got to wear our enormous life preservers (nothing kicks off vacation like "here's what you'll do if the boat sinks") which made a perfect pillow (i totally could have used one of those on the plane), then we just hung out on the deck listening to the band as we left the port.

Our formal dining room table was ready at 8. It was the perfect dining time since you're pretty much eating every 3 or 4 hours all day anyway, and you have plenty of time for a nap and shower after your day's activities.. then after your nice long leisurely dinner it's time for all the shows to start. With such a big group we had 2 tables that we rotated seats around. Our servers were Ayyappan from India who was amazing (he could sense the second you were done with one plate & had the next dish there before you could set your fork down) & another girl from Bulgaria (who's name has momentarily slipped my mind) who always described her favorite dishes as 'very very nice'. People aren't lying when they say how amazing the food is on a cruise.. and they just keep it coming. Greg's record for ordering at dinner was 4 appetizers, 5 entrees, & 3 desserts--- and he only gained 2 pounds eating like this for a week!!! Oh-- there was the most amazing dessert - warm melting chocolate-- served in a small custard cup it appeared to be a simple warm chocolate cake but underneath it's thin top cake layer was oozing warm chocolate - Heavenly. (And almost like some sort of sign.. this recipe came to my e-mail box today.. the ones on the ship were served in the custard cups, but Melené tried it today and said it's SOOOO GOOD! Here's the recipe for Molten Chocolate Cakes)

I loved the days at sea because it was just pure relaxing. It has literally been YEARS since I've been able to sleep in without worrying about babies & toddlers to take care of. And in our dark inside cabin room I slept until a blissful 10:30 am (still only 8:30 Utah time but I tried!) We got ready, grabbed breakfast from the poolside grill then settled down on some lounge chairs by the pool. I spent the day reading magazines & a Carol Higgins Clark book - BURNED - and taking walks with Greg along the decks (making many laps past the soft serve ice cream machine). We played cards, and chatted, and napped. It was great!

GRAND CAYMAN
First thing Monday morning we docked in George Town, Grand Cayman. Dave, Nicole, Jeff, Greg & I tendered over to the island and met our dive group. It was my (and Greg's) first boat & Ocean Dive.. and how awesome to do it in Grand Cayman along the wall. (And i got to use my new mask, snorkel, and RED fins!) The conditions were awesome (I was a little worried that visibility would be bad or the water would be choppy) but the water was 81 degrees and so comfortable. Our first dive was at a site called Caribbean Club Sand Shoe. We could see from where we were diving where the wall dropped off but we weren't close enough to it to explore it. Nicole found a little Morey eel that came out of his hole to say hello. I was amazed by the teeny tiny fish swimming between big giant fish. We dove to 70 feet & stayed down for about 30 minutes. I couldn't believe how fast the time went. I lost my mask about six feet below the surface during our ascent (it wasn't on tight enough & as the pressure decreased it floated off), but Greg luckily was able to grab it.

Our second dive was at a site called Lone Star Ledge (formerly Lobster Ledge because of all the lobsters there). We dove to about 60 feet & stayed for about another 30 minutes. There were 2 coral reef fingers with over hangs that we explored (I was too chicken to actually go into the overhangs, but I still enjoyed them). Greg and I saw a flounder swimming across the bottom that we followed for a few minutes. We found a puffer fish, and Dave showed us an enormous grouper that had shrimp cleaning it's teeth (apparently there was an enormous lobster and a crab beneath the grouper, but I didn't see them). We had a great time being carried by the current while we dove.. but it wasn't until we had to go back to the boat that we realized our mistake.. it just took a little more effort, but we made it back with plenty of time and air. I'm so glad that I took the classes and got certified at the last minute. It was an amazing experience & I can't wait to dive again.

After our dive, Milt & Susan, Doug & Jessica, Mel & Steve, and Allie were waiting for us. They'd found a couple of vans to take us on a tour around Grand Cayman. We stopped at a Turtle farm where they raise thousands of turtles for food and to release back into the wild. There were small ones and enormous 600 pound ones. We stopped at a rum cake factory then went to Hell. (HaHaHa!) Hell was named for it's black iron shore formations that are estimated to be 1.5 million years old. I guess they named it Hell because someone said it must be what Hell looks like. But they put a post office there so all the tourists could send post cards from Hell. We didn't have any addresses with us! But we slapped one together for our good friend James and sent it to him at work since we knew he'd really appreciate the gesture.

JAMAICA
On Tuesday, Greg and I were out on the deck having breakfast as we pulled into Ocho Rios, Jamaica. We met everyone and walked right off the boat into the port where there were swarms of tour buses and vans. Our guy was waiting for us (Dave had it all set up for us before hand). He got us saying "No Problem, Mon!" right away. I couldn't believe how lush and green everything was. They drove us to the Dunn River Fall's where we hiked an amazing waterfall. It was tons of fun. There were some great pictures taken. We hoped in the van and they drove us through the Fern Gully. The road had formerly been a river which had since been diverted by an earthquake. So the sides were really steep & it twisted and turned, just like a river. Along the side were cave where cave-men lived & had lived for decades. We saw the tiniest of shacks and huts and then huge expansive beautiful mansions. I loved driving through the neighborhoods and seeing the kids run around or waiting for their school bus.

Our next stop was tubing down the White River (they joked that it was named that because so many white people come floating down it every day). It was hysterically fun. We had 2 river guides that would swim really fast past us so that they could get ahead to push us out of brush or away from rocks. Sometimes they'd jump out of the river, disappear into the jungle then come jumping back into the river, just in time to guide us through some rapids. We stopped about half way down the river for a little cliff diving. Now, it never even occurred to me that I would jump.. I don't jump off of little diving boards into a swimming pool. Dave, Greg, Jeff, Milt, and Doug all jumped, then Melené jumped. Steve was being a total chicken. I thought.. wouldn't it be funny if I jumped and Steve didn't. So I did it! I jumped! 15 feet and it was awesome (Okay, Greg said the cliff was more like 8, but it really seemed a lot higher!)! Then Nicole came in right behind me. Steve almost HAD to jump at that point.. and he finally did. I just kept thinking.. you know, when am I ever going to get the chance to jump off a cliff in Jamaica? I'm glad I just sucked it up and did it. At the end of the River was a little stand where we bought the boys some bright Rastafarian hats complete with braids and beads.

How ironic to be in Jamaica on Bob Marley's birthday. Our guide sang his favorite songs to us as they drove us to a craft market where we did a little shopping. We found some t-shirts for the boys & a sweet little steel drum. I loved Jamaica and would definitely go back. (especially because I'm sure there's great diving there too!)

We loved the cruise & had an awesome time. We can't wait to get on our next one and want all of our friends to go with us.. so come on! It's going to be great!