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Syaq
03|07|**
I'm a Cancer so I ♥ water
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i want these, santa

attachment at RADIO *@_@* DENIED
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True Blood Season 1 & 2
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Taylor Swift 'Fearless' Album
Batman & Joker T-Shirts
Studded Caps
stuff from VK/Midnight Secretary

meoww

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gangfights

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December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009
♥Tuesday, December 30, 2008;

9:29 PM


Perfect
by Simple Plan

Hey dad look at me 
Think back and talk to me 
Did I grow up according to plan? 
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? 
but it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it 
I just want to make you proud 
I'm never gonna be good enough for you 
I can't pretend that I'm alright 
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect 
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

I try not to think 
About the pain I feel inside 
Did you know you used to be my hero? 
All the days you spend with me 
Now seem so far away 
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it 
I just want to make you, proud 
I'm never gonna be good enough for you 
I can't stand another fight 
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect 
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said 
Nothing's gonna make this right again 
Please don't turn your back 
I can't believe it's hard 
Just to talk to you 
But you don't understand

Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect 
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect 
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back 
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

i think this just about sums it all up. hais... breathe sya, breathe.


mew...
♥;

8:49 PM


fook, fook, fook . . .


How can I say this any better? Hmm... Yesterday seemed like the most awesome day for me. Can you imagine, I waited almost 2 and a half hours before my entire group mates were present.

=__=

Well, at least one of them had enough punishment. I can excuse you now. Hais... I've already accepted the fact that I had to live with the whole group thing and just make the best out of things. But hey, who said it was just going to be plain-sailing.

I'm still tired despite having left home early to have a good night's rest. Many thanks to Shane and Thommy for caring. Sweet la you guys. =)

Was late in meeting Wends this morning. Well, she was late too. She said we're "Late Queens" and that noone can beat us. =P

Oh oh oh!! I made Jay scream so loud the entire world could've heard. Haha! It feels good giving stuff away to the people you love. *everyone say aww -HERE-*

Shoot la. First time Ms Ang said she wanted to meet me along with Safith and LIEW MING JIE! The moment you see that dudes' name, you know you're in big trouble with attendance. Hais... I remember only having a problem with Gimz' module cause there's a class at 8am!

Tonight was a tad bit unusual for me. But who am I to say anything?


Quote form Khadd (as requested by her):
" Customers tend to remember companies who remember them"

pretty good huh? ^^


mew...
♥Monday, December 29, 2008;

5:05 AM


i'm still awake?? O_O"


Vampire Knight is sucking the life out of me. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse to hide my sheer PANIC and ANXIETY over later's filming?!!

I don't know what my group's doing. REALLY. We're going around in cicles doing really nothing. Not achieving anything. Haiz... I knew my group was doomed from the start but heck, I'm really not interested in seeing Ms Soo again. So fail me. I don't even know why I'm in media.

Shh. This is not what I want. *>.<*  

It's not very obvious but I guess it takes time for me to really know what I want. And now that I've got a glimpse of what I'd like to become, hell, I gotta start working on it right now! =) 

Anyway, yesterday was kind of unexpected. I do a lot of things without thinking through. Being random, I always say. I should learn to rejoice in the many unexpected little gifts from heaven. =)

And you...
Just in case you pass by, there were many things I wanted to tell you face to face. Seeing you today, all polished up , well, it was great. I'm sorry for leaving you. I mean, you were in and out so many times, I don't know what I was thinking. But thank heavens you're better. =) It hurt recalling what you became. And it might have been my fault for not taking good care of you. But no matter what, I'll know now and forever, you are one of my greatest friends, my best companion for all evil and the likes. And you're my most trusted. It's just sad that you're leaving me now. But I wish you all the luck in the world. And I pray one day we'll cross paths again. Study hard and make up for lost time. And please, please don't make your Mum cry anymore. She loves you a lot. Have fun abroad and stop mentioning hentai in front of me! The thought of you jerking off is gross! And above all, I love you my friend. I wish I could send you off but I've got school. But I promise, I'll see you later. This time we'll say goodbye the right way.


mew...
♥Saturday, December 27, 2008;

1:37 AM


screams, and more screamings...


after so many years bearing witness to the destruction of a home, i'd gotten myself used to the noises and vulgarities every now and then.

but i wasn't prepared for this. the usual screamings still take place. but i recently heard the sound of beatings and that got me super mad. but just then, a stiffle in a cry, i heard my sister slouched on the sofa, crying as the noise went on. 

while my anger subsided, sadness swept in. how can i protect her? how can i protect my sisters?

they don't deserve this. they don't know why.

now i feel the weight of the world hanging precariously on my shoulders. and it seemed it just got heavier.

much apologies to joyce and thomson. hotmail sucks and so does my computer. lappy died-ed on me again for the third time this year. and i'm working in the next 8-9 hours? and i'm not even sure if i can make it on sunday. world please stop for a second so i can breathe.

in case you haven't heard, i HATE the holidays.


mew...
♥Monday, December 22, 2008;

1:44 PM


no more purple dinosaur...


i have to say these past weeks have been tough. and the fact that it's the holidays - I HATE THE HOLIDAYS - none of my friends are around. they're busy i can understand. and i know i shouldn't be bugging them day and night with my whinings. 

haiz... i'd have to say, this year sucked as much as it was awesome. i met some new friends, lost some old ones, got myself hurt over the silliest things and well, i LIVED. so it's not always plain sailing. but i don't regret the things i did, the words i said and everything i felt. they were real even though some gave me only a glimpse of happiness. at least i got to walk away with something.

some things in life can't be bought. like sheer concern over someone's well-being and not only asking because it seems like the right thing. and i never noticed this until yesterday. ah sin has always been my greatest confidante. so he doesn't speak english very well. it drives me nuts to correct his english. so he's not my age though he wouldn't disclose it to any soul on earth. i had mum dig up his personal information. =P

anyway, when i came to work, after smiling and greeting to just about everyone i passed, the first thing he asked was, "Sya, what's wrong?"

for a moment i stood dumbfounded, wondering where he got the idea. so, i said i was just fine. i guess i was just so drowned in my thoughts that i hadn't realised my expressions or behaviour. iwas silent all day and only speaking when i'm spoken to.

then during my break, ah sin came in, placed his hand on my head, gently shuffling my hair, "what's wrong? you look upset"

you cannot imagine how defensive i got and started mumbling then ending with a nope. =__= just tired i said.

then later, i just had to ask. we were together behind the counter, well, counting money. so i asked him something. and everything that was bothering came spilling out. i couldn't breathe, my heart was in my throat which made it so hard to speak and i was holding back from making a scene. god. it was such a relief for you to know how i felt. and i know i can trust you with anything.

all i ever wanted was someone who's sincerely concerned about me; someone who bothers to ask about me. like when i'm out, i'd hope someone would message me and ask me where i was, what time i'd be back or something like that. i come home to an empty house, and even when i'm around, all i get is a "oh, you're here?"

anywhere but here would be nice. -____-


mew...
♥Thursday, December 18, 2008;

2:20 AM


shh... so i'm at it again...


messing up the scrolls of time,
i scramble to find the precious pieces,
to change, tamper and manipulate,
the borderlines of balance

you swooped in and stole my heart away
you touched my face
and you held it if it were yours
carressing my heated skin

you spoke and laughed with me
you shared your darkest desires
and still i treasure those moments
and i cringe inside in bleeding pain

i tore my chest open
i ripped my heart out and gave them to you
here i lie bleeding
while you're flying through the wind

i drown myself in bitter darts
my sorrow plunging me into the abyss
i haven't shed enough tears for you
but i'm tired carrying this burden

i want school to be over. i want time to stand still. i want to reel into the future. and skip out on every inconvenient darn thing. but it's not fair right? i'd have to go through a river before i can get to the other side.

now the question is, do i have the heart to go all the way, or do i give up and drown myself?


mew...
♥Monday, December 15, 2008;

11:59 PM


shoot me please . . .

i beg of you. someone, anyone shoot me. i can't take it that i'm always falling into these kind of traps and it seems i'll never get out of it.

i'm not SUPPOSED to:
- have problems cause my "purpose" in life is to help others and not myself
- be sad cause i'm the happy darn bitch who never has problems remember?
- FEEL LIKE AN INCOGNITO IDIOT WHICH I CURRENTLY DO RIGHT NOW!

why does it hurt so bad when your chest has been ripped out so hard, all you want to do is bleed and fucking die?

i can't bring myself to let go despite everything. you've made me so happy. and you've helped me gone through harsh times. but at the same time, you're hurting me.

i hate myself so much right now. how could i let myself fall for someone as good as you?


mew...
♥Tuesday, December 9, 2008;

12:34 AM


stand still or i won't catch you...


i never fail to be in the presence of death. she died early this afternoon. and i'm just glad i got to meet her one last time and kiss her hand just before she got ill. people are dying and i'm going to have to live with that loss. maybe that's why, all i want is a new life in the form of a child.


[edited] how much longer do you have with third stage cancer? [/edited]


mew...
♥Thursday, December 4, 2008;

3:31 AM


i have to be honest...


i want to have a baby of my own now.

i don't want a husband and i don't want that family shit.

i just want to quit school, have a baby and make it my priority in life.


i have never been this serious in my life before. =__=


what's wrong with me?


mew...
♥Wednesday, December 3, 2008;

11:33 PM


tell me if i did wrong


I am trying super hard to be patient. I have quite a temper; my close friends know that. Such an amazing inheritance from Dad. =__=

I wouldn't want to tell people hurtful things in the face unless I feel like there's no other way or I would just like to see that person cry. Either way, I don't intentionally want people to think ill of me. Then again, I don't give a damn so much if someone out there hates me so much they'd have to tag my board and call me 'crazy woman'. Yeah, you know who you are. ass.

It's worse when the person is someone who is somewhat close to me. To be told that I mean a lot to that person and then having thoughts to shake that person off, that's a fucked up feeling man. Seriously, I feel like I'm on ends now, torn between doing what's right and doing what's nice.
Today has been a terrible day.
Haiz. Everyone's busy.
IP will kill me.
and I currently hate Shane's ass. =__=
gurEaaaat....


mew...
♥Monday, December 1, 2008;

7:36 PM


i'm sorry if i'm mean...


But I am one who's not so patient with someone THAT persistent. I really do not want to hurt you but please, I need some space. *begs*

Gah, I've returned Shane's jacket after having it for about 5 days. LoL. Can count some more. It really feels weird having it for so long. *shakes head* cannot make it....

There's a whole load of ICAs to do and I'm feeling like fc*k after what happened between me and Dad. 

He must be 'proud' of himself for embarrassing me in front of Wendy and probably half of Singapore boarding the train...  =__=

I cannot take the fact that I am ALWAYS supposed to consider other people's feelings before mine. Is it that hard to think for myself for a change?? Would that be a selfish thing to do?? GAWD!

But then again, I should be a little nicer to him. I should be a tad bit more patient with him. Cause yesterday was great. Watching soccer together last night brought back sweet memories. Something we haven't had for a very, very, very long time.

i need a breather seriously...


and i've been suffering from the Shane syndrome for the past week!! help!


mew...