At this point on, I so wish I do not have a tummy at all. Seriously, it's so fucking painful la. I spent the entire afternoon in bed yesterday after having left for home. I skipped Edwin's which is umm, not much of a big deal as compared to how sick I felt.
Seriously, have you ever crapped so hard, you were crying and it gave you such a splitting headache. Mah~! I was too tired to go see a doctor, I swear I thought it would blow over after the first day. But I could barely wake up this morning. And I couldn't sleep so well. So, I was up at like 8plus, staring at the wall wondering how I got fucking sick.
I went over to Yami's house cause it's been damn long since I met her. We had like a good chat over everything and anything under Johnny's & Ass. and all the other J-Pop/Rock/whatever. We watched movies, read comics and had lunch together. Damn, it's been fucking forever. Sad that she's gotta move out. Will be helping her pack soon. =)
Right now, I'd give anything for the pain and crapping to stop. I feel like a baby needing to wear diapers just cause I have no control over them crapping. I blame Dad for getting sick. He gave me something to eat after I returned home from the trip. Since, everyone else didn't get sick from the trip with me, it had to be something after the trip. And the only thing I ate, was what he gave me. *Loud gasp!* Dad poisoned me!!!
LoL. Dad got sick too. but he's just having tummyaches. No crapping. I must be so lucky to have both. (*NOT!*)
Well, since I got a WHOLE lot of movies, videos and jdramas from Yami. I shall watch them tonight since Azhar's being a cruel, cruel man by having our lessons at 8AM EVERY WEDNESDAY FOR THE REST OF THE SEMESTER. I mean, you have a bloody convertible! You can drive! But for some of us who live super far away, we have to wake up bloody early and CATCH a public ride to school! We're not all rich like you duh!
Anyhoo, I'm super glad that I have some things to keep me company through the night. Aiyah, I'll just sleep tomorrow lur.
I'm a bit upset that I'm the 'group leader' for Chong's project. I'm so not good at leading. Just do the work, contribute and present. I don't really feel comfortable directing people tasks and whatnots. I'm not good enough. I'm not hard-working enough. And I'm afraid my teammates will think badly of me or think that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. Like right now, we're only planning to contact our interviewee. Kind of late isn't it? Whereas the other groups have already done the interview or are meeting them this week. Damn, I failed okay. Before anything ever began, I screwed up. =.=
To end off, I've had to cancel all my evening plans with my mates. There's just too much that needs to be covered at school. Sorry yo! I promise next week. We'll celebrate okay?! I no longer have to sneak anymore! Woots~! Thanks for the help so far guys. I managed to do everything I wanted during the holidays. If it had not been for you guys, I never would have succeeded. Cheers to all the drunken folks out there we beat up! ><
P.S. Ryan, I don't appreciate you puking on me the last time, but I swear that was the best time of my life! Your face was just too adorable to miss. Fuck off dude! Hope you die choking your glass! Hahaha!
mew...
♥Thursday, June 19, 2008;
3:19 PM
Some people are just great at playing pretend. They tell you things so that you pity them or whatnot. That's just what they do best, huh?
In truth, they've got noone to share their problems with. Noone who voluntarily asks them what's wrong or give a listening ear. So what do they do? They make themselves look so pitiful so others feel bad that they've ignored them and show concern. The kind of concern you don't get from your friends. But the kind you get from strangers who pass by and drop a single coin into your basket.
You know nothing about love. You never played the part. And all you did was just stand there, hailing a trophy that didn't even bear your name. What are you trying to prove?
I'm not one to say. I don't know you. But hey, have you ever heard of first impressions? It plays a large part in our lives. And if you can't present yourself well enough, who really wants to stick around and get to know you?
Don't get mad at me. These are my opinions. My own judgement. Have you seen my url? It says, BIASED STATEMENTS. I say what I want, however I feel. If you don't like it, you can close the page. Don't trouble yourself and stand up. One click. It's a big cross at the top right-hand page.
Anyway, I really like my job. Everyday's a new learning experience. But for yesterday, it was like the most terrifying time of my life. This one particular customer I once served LAST YEAR, returned and asked for ME to serve. She's eccentric. A little loud. And very particular about a whole lot of things. She's adamant that her feet is retarded, half-screeching that her bone is sticking out. And calls out my name in front of my colleagues in a manner that makes you skin crawl. She prevented me from serving my other customers, and freaked me out so bad, I went in the store room screaming my head off. I swear, I would've gone nuts if she had stayed longer.
I told my colleague in the store room that she might be crazy. And when I went out to pass her the slipper she asked for, the first thing she said is, "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"
My heart skipped a beat. Like, I could've passed out in fear at that point in time. Thank God for Joselito and Aloy around. Goodness Gosh!
But well, working in this kind of environment encourages to meet and handle many kind of people. The bitchy, stuck-up, timid, over-zealous and all others. you have some good days. Some bad. But you learn something at the end of the day.
I love Dane Cook. I don't care what everyone says. But he's just awesome. Jeff Dunham is not too bad too! I think Achmed the Dead Terrorist is amazing. Though he doesn't get much exposure. Damn it!
Oh. Get a load of Achmed's Jingle Bombs.
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb strapped to my back.
I have a nasty plan
for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A,
but not through checkpoint B.
That's when I got shot in the ass
by the US Military...
[it's not funny!]
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
Mine blew up you see.
Where are all the virgins
that Bin Laden promised me?
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
U.S. soldiers shot me dead.
The only thing that I have left
is this towel up on my head.
I used to be a man,
but every time I cough,
thanks to Uncle Sam,
my nuts keep falling off.
My bombing days are done.
I need to find some work.
Perhaps it would be much safer
as a convenient store night clerk.
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
I think I got screwed.
Don't laugh at me because I'm dead
or I'll kill you...
I KILL YOUOUOU!
How about that?!!! I think he's awesome. Don't you?!!! Hahaha!
I've just realised that there are too many faggots about in my life. Like, seriously, what happened to all the good men out there?!! The ones who'd like to challenge their surroundings and play with fire?!! Okay, wait. Does that make sense?
On a lighter note, I'm leaving tomorrow night/next morning. Only coming back Monday morning. I can choose to skip school. But what the heck, it'll be fun to not sleep and go to school straight. For the first time, I'll be super early!! Maybe, I can get LJ breakfast!!! JAY! WENDS! CAN OR NOT?!!!
One more thing. I REFUSE TO GO SOBER! Muahahaha!
mew...
♥Saturday, June 14, 2008;
10:49 AM
Well, yesterday work was pretty scandalous? Joselito and I were bitching about someone. LoL. Maz joined in soon after. But dang! Not as fun as the previous day.
Anyway, sweet that Julaiha Jusoh a.k.a Jay, dropped by with her Mum to see me. But no thanks to the crowd, I kept having to go back behind the counter. It was a little 'scary' when the first person I saw after lifting my head off the comp screen was her Mum. LoL. Hahaha!
Later in the evening, Hairi popped by to say hi. Gosh! Waste tambang! Save to money for marriage lur! =.=
When I got back, managed to catch Music Station. Hey! Say! JUMP was one of the guests performing that night. They're so HOT now~! Gosh, watching them grow up on TV is amazing!!! I watched Perfume, Acidman, and some others that I missed. LoL! Acidman told of their previous performance where Kanjani8 was also a guest performing that day. And they were so nervous, one of the started singing WAY before the commercial break ended. And the staff were waving and shouting, "NO! NO!" Kanjani8 had such a laugh they probably would've died that night. Thank God they didn't. =P
Wah! In the next episode of music station, KAT-TUN is a guest!! Probably their new single, DUES or something from their Queen of Pirates Album. Ah~! Yami-chan! I want to borrow that ALBUM!!! ><
I went out last night after Mum and Sis were asleep. LoL. Morning air is good I guess. It clears your thoughts. Spiritual cleansing. But heck, because of it, I woke up late and Dad got upset. Fuck~!
Mum wants to take us out to watch Kung Fu Panda this coming Monday. Yeargh! Joselito kept giggling at work thinking about the movie. Says he, it was awesome...
Oh yeah, I caught Marilyn Manson on MTV. My take? I actually think he's impressive. Why? I have no bloody idea. It's his persona that intrigues me. Either that, or his video of Tainted Love just caught my eye with a number of cuties in there. I think it's that bad-boy image that makes it such a thrill to be with. That sense of danger. Oh yeah, I like bad boys. The naughtier the better. =P
Before I forget, if you guys happen to be reading this, I am terribly sorry okay?!!! I have a bad memory and sometimes I forget things. And it's terrible that I forget your names!!! I go out with a lot of people I tend to forget yeah?! It's hard when I have to pretend and call you guys by fugly names. Sweetheartx just don't count! ><
Gosh! I am so fixated by Dan Brown's Deception Point. It's as realistic as my imagination can go. Amazing desu~! Must read til the end!!!
Now, get a load of all the pictures. I'm a little too lazy to arrange them accordingly. =P
Even if a million years pass by
We never change, no worries, you'll be alright
You'll definitely meet your precious one
One day you'll find them on this earth, I believe in love
Forever
mew...
♥Wednesday, June 11, 2008;
11:34 PM
At some point, you suddenly realise that whatever you've done, it might have brought you to a place you don't want to be. It may already be too late. And it's so hard to make the best out of nothing. So what do you do when that time comes? You can keep telling yourself that it'd never come to this. But what do you know? What do we know about the future and what it holds for us?
I must be honest and admit I made a lot of bad judgements on people around me. My bad. My mistake. My lack of knowledge, my lack of common sense and my lack of understanding. It's weird huh? I've come to rue the days where I thought at that point in time were right. I'm way too young. I know nothing. It's just totally sickening when I look at myself and find me in some deep shit where I know I could've just avoided and walked away.
I'm drowning myself in Kat-Tun like completely. Too much time at hand makes me brood a whole lot. But I keep thinking of what Ming Hui said about stoning lotx. CREEPS ME OUT~! Then again, I can't help it. That one second span between any event/action, drags me away to think about a lot. And I'm surprised at how much things I feel bothered by. I'm a bloody teenager! What could possibly upset me this much?!!
This is a point of truth when I say that as much as I hate men in general, I do miss having that someone close to me. That someone who'd make the world look like a wonderland. That someone who knows how to tell me he loves me. That someone who'd make things all better despite how badly the aliens were invading. LoL. I miss a man's touch. But I swear, getting drunk and guy-hopping aren't the answers to anything.
Time goes by, and so many meetings and partings repeat themselves for us
Here I am, depending on someone's kindness, I've lost sight of something
Now, counting up the number of passed seasons, what do you think about on nights when you're alone?
mew...
♥Tuesday, June 10, 2008;
10:35 PM
Shit. As much as I'd hate to say this, THANK GOD FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!!
I can't wear my bloody contacts for about 2 weeks. Cause I hurt my eye in some fight. GREAT SYAQ~! Fight some more. I'm sure others would like a taste of your punch. And your eye is dying for another elbow in it. I so do not like my specs. And yes ALOY! Your wish came true! I have to wear my darn specs to work...
Anyway, I watched TRL this morning with William Moseley and Ben Barnes as the special guests. They were promoting special clips and trivias about the comic series that others may not have known. My, my, was Ben hot. Will kind of reminded me of Shi Yan. Cause everytime he spoke, he did a whole lot of hand gestures. The mike went in and out of range. LoL~! Cute!
Well, I'm in love with this song today. So, yeah. It's tonight's sweet lullaby. I just hope I wake up the next day to hear this song once more. =)
"Harukana Yakusoku"
Kat-Tun
Na-na-na-sa-ku-ka-na-ha-ru-ka-na-ya-ku-so-ku
ma-wa-ru-na-mo-na-i-ya-ku-so-ku
itsumo dare ka ni makaseta
nani mo kowakunai Everyday
dakedo shinjirare nakute
hitori ie wo tobidashita
kimi no koe ga soko ni kikoeta karasa
nagareru asega kaze ni yureteiru
hashiru kimi ga matsu basho e
ano hi oretachi ga shinjita yume
kizamu harukana yakusoku
machi wo samayoi tsukarete
(Oh anybody, oh oh everybody)
michi ni suwatte nagameta
(Dream is slipped away, oh yah on!)
kamen wo tsuketa otona ga
onaji fukude aruiteru
(Oh yeah Love is what I'm looking for)
(I believe your promise, I promise you)
kimi no yume ga soko ni kienai youni
[chorus]
afureru ai ga sora ni habataite
mawaru owari no nai hibi ga
shinjiru kimi ga tsuita uso nara
sotto kokoro ni shimauyo
[repeat chorus]
nagareru wasega kaze ni yureteiru
hashiru kimi ga matsu basho e
ano hi oretachi ga shinjita yume
kizamu harukana yakusoku
mawaru harukana yakusoku..
mew...
♥Friday, June 6, 2008;
11:00 PM
I am the epitome of the dead and dying. My colour preference says it all. My funky language says it all. Heck, sometimes the weather gives it away.
Many thanks to Saf who totally made my day. I tell you, your "embraces" have wonders in them. Don't stop, okay?! And the thing you did in Juliet's class was priceless. You+Umbrella+Sean slamming against the wall+confusion was totally hilarious! It got me grinning all the way home. Thanks dude. Really appreciate it.
I'm really sorry if sometimes I don't feel up to it and rejoice in your happiness. I truly am sorry. But many times, I feel like shit with what's going on around me. A lot of things are happening to fast and I'm having a really hard time holding on to something real. Something that won't slip away from my fingers.
I feel totally selfish when I have these feelings. I feel like I'm just thinking of myself. I don't mean to. And I feel guilty. It feels terrible and it totally sucks, okay?!!
I'm on like a freaking no carbs diet. Funny, I feel more like I turned into a vegetarian. Olivia dear told me to try the 'hibernation diet'. Yeah, the first thing that comes to mind is a Grizzly Bear and it does involve honey. =) Been on it for several days now. Guess I'm doing pretty good.
Oh, and disclaimer to the whole universe. Nana-chan and I did not break up! We didn't start anything to have 'broken' up in the first place. That means you Ming Hui! It's not because of Joyce! Aiyah! =P
Anywho, great that I'm having a vacation to KL. I totally need a break and a chance to shop til I drop. More shoes and baggies for me! Woohoo!
mew...
♥Wednesday, June 4, 2008;
10:40 PM
I don't want to make a pointless post or ramble on how fugly shitty I feel like right now.
But hey, a blog is an update of my oh-so pretty life. If you get bored, feel free to close this window. Like, seriously.
Well, for starters, it's kinda sad that I think Isaac and I are STILL not on good terms. I mean, it's been fucking forever already la. I'm like waiting for him to make the first move, while he's probably waiting for me. Great~! =|
Jay is pretty happy, I guess. Though I must say I am still shocked by the news. But babe, seriously, TAKE IT EASY. No rush. And you'd better be studying for Chong right now! Oh, and please do something about your blog html. It's a little whacked.
Apart from hearing the sweet delights of someone shitting shit+gas+water(is that even it???), home's pretty much the same. Though I did get upset with Mom earlier on. I'm just not talking anymore. I haven't argued with Dad for over a week now. It feels nice. =) I just realised that in the mornings I never once uttered a word. Not until I'm done taking a shower and all dressed up. Never wondered why. Now that I think of it, why huh?!!
Ooh! And Wendy's having some luck with that Nabeh guy. Oh wait, should I still call him that?! Haha! It's so stuck. She went out for a run with him after she left me today. Wah! I got abandoned! =( Haha! Hope she had a great time. She's supposed to spill the beans on him!
And me? Well, I met someone by chance. And I never thought I'd ever meet him again. He seems more refined. He's totally changed. And he wants me. Eew. God, like I'd ever go back to that life again. I don't know. He's been in and out of that place time and time again. I don't want be a part of that anymore. Sure it was thrilling. Sure I had fun breaking them rules. But as it is, that part of my life is over. Good luck Zrul. Pray many many to God, for he shall forgive your sins like I hoped he did mine.
And damn it! My family thinks I am INCAPABLE of doing anything bad!!! That's a total insult. It's not fair okay?!
Mum asked me again the other night, "Kak, when are you going to get a boyfriend?" Seriously, Jay would love to have my Mom. Mom and Grandma were talking about having grandchildren and how wonderful it felt. Gosh, no. Not now grandma! Do not pair me up with your friend's grandchildren!!
I'm studying for Chong at my own pace. Pretty okay I guess. But I'm so tired already. Though I was so motivated earlier on. Why?! I need to raise my GPA. I need to ace my modules! God, help me.
mew...
♥Tuesday, June 3, 2008;
1:26 PM
Honestly, do my opinions matter? You talk among yourselves and make your own decisions so why still worry about what I think?
I'm noone. Just another fucking somebody in your life. Just like the people you used to know but never kept in contact with. So why does my feelings matter?
I have to be honest here. I am very, very. very, very shocked. I'm still in that mode right now. I'm not angry, I can tell you that. But I'm not sure if I'm okay about it. I might be a little upset.
I have no idea why I feel strongly against men. Maybe, it's cause I've been watching how they keep hurting my close friends. One girl after another. They're so hurt inside, they're lost in a world that doesn't exist.
I never told anyone this, but one of my friends committed suicide. And I was the last person she talked to. How great is that? :But then again, I am your best friend. I'll tell the whole world how I much I love and care for you. Even if you push me away, I know what your intentions are. And I'm one of those who are no longer afraid of your Mum! Okay, she's nice la really. Sweet even.
If it makes you happy, then by all means go ahead with it. But he has to take care of you. I don't expect much now. Still, he's taken on the title. So he should keep up to it.
I don't believe that everything has to be complicated. You choose how you want things to be like. You choose who you want to be with. And you choose how you should be treated. Fate will always be there. But you can't depend on it.
I'm not a perfect person. But I do my best to be true to what I feel. Sorry if I may upset you. But hey, that's just me.
mew...
♥Sunday, June 1, 2008;
2:33 AM
I'm not sure if you're just playing a sick joke with me, but I swear it's not funny dude. I may be contradicting myself when I say I hate men in general, but I still do feel some stuff. I hate this puffy feelings that come along with being a girl! But damn it.
You make me weep in silence at your presence cause every fucking day I watch you stand so close to me, but you can't feel me reaching out for you. That fucking sucks man. And for some reason, I still want to wait for you. My bleeding heart thinks you'll see one day. But I don't believe it'll be beating anymore when that happens.
Right now, all I want to do is sit in the rain. I did that for a while. Okay, maybe a LONG while. Well, my fingers turned purple-ish and my lips were blue. Point is, I can see you dancing in the rain. It's just beautiful. It's the only way I know where I don't get hurt thinking of you.
Gah well, who cares how I feel.
I like how the weather's been cold, rainy and calming. I think better this way. I see things more clearly this way. But MH said I cannot brood too much. I'll go senile faster that way. Eek~!
I love this song to the max. Or maybe I've just been listening to it every second.
All Around Me by Fly LeafMy hands are searching for you...My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips...
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire runs in through my being..
Burning...
I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive. I'm alive!
I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me...
And you whisper you love me
And I began to fade...
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway...
The angels singing say
We are alone with you...
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm alive. I'm alive!
I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healing
And so I cry...
The light is white...
And I see you...
I'm alive. I'm alive! I'M ALIVE!
I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healing
Take my hand I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am...
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe...
I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling,
savoring this heart that's healing
mew...
