This,that and a wee bit of the other.

It's been forever since I've taken the time to gather the wool in my head and shape it into something resembling cohesive thoughts.
If it starts unraveling I might start rambling. Or mumbling.. . as long as I'm not drooling, right?
If I do start, drooling that is, be sweetheart slap a bib on me and leave me on my own planet till I zone back in. I come back. . eventually.

It's been that kind of day. Two steps forward, one back. Two forward and down on my ass I go. I don't know about you but I've reached the stage that laughing at myself when I trip and fall is far easier than berating myself.
After all I've only done it a few gazillion times already.

See?  I totally went off on a ramble. Ha ha    Hello, I'm back. ;-)

Cohesive thoughts. .

I was perusing some peeps on FB. Ahh bloody facebook. . .  a right time robber that site sometimes isn't it?
I had a little bit of it to kill yesterday. It's amazing how little time I actually have given I don't work outside the home. It drives me batty some days.
Uhoh, yup. . rambling. Back to point, Jamie.

So. .peeps/fb. Where the hang was I going with this??
Oh yeah. . I made the remark to myself that some people I know are quite lacking in ummm depth.
I find the news they share rather stagnant and repetitive. Same stuff, different day. While I like to expand my horizons, I understand it might not be for everyone but come on. . step outside your comfort zone. Try something new, like maybe uhhh talk about someone other than yourself? Try something other than selfies?  No, I really mean it. Please enough with the selfies already.
Perhaps show your warts a little because we all know how perfect a facebook life is. ( read: B.S. )
But then who am I to tell you what to do. It is your fb after all and if you want to be flat and two dimensional then I guess that's your prerogative.
Sigh.  but it's just it makes you so, how shall I put this. . yawnnn.
Feel me?
~~~~~

Do you have inner monologues with yourself?
No?
I do. ALL. the. time. Most actively when I'm fighting with myself NOT to wake up in the morning. Let me tell you, it's quite the argument that ensues when I gain a sliver of consciousness.
I give myself shit, I try to tell myself to shut up already but as I often do I don't listen.
I know. . frustrating right? Try being inside my head. On second thought, don't. You probably wouldn't be able to handle my thoughts and my processing them.
I'm not kidding.
Sometimes, however, my inner monologues are of great help. Especially when I'm dealing with the bottom of the gene pool, it's a knee jerk reaction to reach down to the depths of their levels and push them down further. After a good quick talk with myself most of the time I manage to just roll my eyes and walk away. Yup those pep talks have gotten me out of trouble many a time. Ha ha Whew!
However, in the spirit of full disclosure and to keep it real I have sunk down once or ummm twice ;-)

~~~~~

It's now over 2 yrs since that awful day I turned 50. I hid from the world, I moped in my bedroom for the better part of two days, I cried buckets & rivers then cried some more. It was not a good time and I sure as heck wasn't going down without a meltdown of epic proportions.
All what I went through all these years and I am slapped in the face with this awful number??  Even now looking at the '5' and the '0' together makes me cringe a wee bit BUT I can tell you that overall it rocks,more than I ever thought possible.
It's a wickedly freeing age and I hope it crawls by very slowly. (it probably won't).
Gone are the days where I give a rat's ass what another thinks of me. Gone are the days where I need to be a certain weight (menopause took care of that one)  Gone are the days where I take offence to being called 'Ma'am' or the young 20 something little uhh lovies looking at me like I'm washed up or from an alternate universe. Ohhh little honeys , I know so so much more than you.
I live more freely, laugh more readily and make my life what I want it to be, not what others dictate for me.
I eat more of what gives me pleasure, strangely enough that includes healthy stuff. But I've learned to slow down and pay homage to that rare mountain of fries I'll have on occasion. Right to that last one.
But best of all. .?  Auntie Flo took her permanent leave. Yup, go back and read that again. Muahahahha Life starts after she gets good and gone, I promise you.

Yup it's freeing at this stage of the game. And free I shall be because truly? Life starts after 50.
You just wait and see.

~~~~~

That's about all she wrote for this time, folks. See ya all in the funny pages ;-)

I'm centred and ready. Bring it.

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2015.

Take a moment to look at that number. Sometimes it looks amazing and other times, like now, it looks strange. Futuristic almost.
But it is what it is, proof that time marches on. Quickly at that.

I just turned another year older but I did it here:

To an Aquarian being beside any body of water lends to a re-birth of sorts. We find strength and purpose there. An almost mystical healing of one's soul.

So to this year and come what may, bring it on. I'm ready.

Theatre Etiquette went right over her head

A word to the COW at the theatre.

1- Like you I paid very good money for these seats to the Nutcracker, hosted and performed by our very own ballet company.

2- You are tall and errr 'big boned' so your big head blocked centerstage and with the weaving and bobbing you were doing, talking to your son and daughter none stop you managed to block 75% of the entire stage for me.

3- I very politely informed you of that percentage causing me to be unable to enjoy or see most of the first half.
Your apology was accepted. I thought that was the end of that.

4- WHY in the world would you wait till intermission and all the lights are on to lose your shit on me?? Do you realize where you are in a theatre full of well dressed people. Grant you I wasn't dressed to the nines but it doesn't make me any less classier than them but a whole lot more than you. Raising your voice and picking a fight with me was low ( read: NO )   class and it makes me wonder if you've ever been to a theatre before. . ? I guess the saying 'you can dress them up but you can't take them out ' applies very much to you.

4- I asked you twice in a very low voice if you were sure you wanted to take me on right here right now to which you answered in a resounding 'Yes' and continue to beak off some more till I told you to shut the hell up. You, Madam, and understand I am using the term loosely, were a complete embarrassment.

5- Furthermore added to the embarrassment was your entire family jumping on board and telling me I'm the one who had a problem and they were going to talk to the head usher.  I understand they were backing you up but they were not privvy to the whisper I politely ushered in your ear when you stopped bobbing long enough for me to be able to do so. Talk about group mentality. However, I'd have ALL their hearing checked, they seem to have been unable to hear you beaking off non stop and loudly.  

6-Wonderful lesson you've showed your children on how to behave in a theater. Understand the sarcasm within that statement. And speaking of lessons might I suggest you take some lessons on etiquette, of ANY kind, for I believe you are in desperate need of some.

7- A glass of wine later finds me sitting in the lobby unable to go back in for my want to SMACK you upside the head is greater then the want to see the rest of the show. Given the level of need for such temporary satisfaction, you have no idea how thankful you should be. I refuse to get bailed out of the clinker by lowering myself to your no class level. You are welcome, you little shit. I do have a sneaking suspicion you are sitting in the seat in front of my empty one with a smug look on your face and smirking. Enjoy but I will enjoy the karma bus when it makes a stop in your neck of the woods much much more 

Lump of glossy coal your way, Cow. The kind covered in goat shit. That stuff smells like your personality.

My 'Stupid Emotional Upsets and the Fixer Uppers' kinda day.

( and by stupid emotional upset read: Menopausal, lack of sleep, stupid cold hanging around or snow. Choose one though, not all 4 mmmkay? I'm not that unbalanced  )

Stupid emotional upset: Half a tub full of hot water for my bath. Imma gonna hack that stupid hot water tank to bits in a fit, I am.

My fixer upper: Hauled out the weights and went at it. Fu*k you hot water, I'll warm up another way then, you effing persnickety piece of shit.

Stupid emotional upset: Walking up the stairs and bloody well tripping over nota. Not an effing solitary thing. Stupid life long klutz. Usually I laugh at myself but hey. . it's that kind of day, isn't it. . f a c k.

My fixer upper: Watching my neighbour trip and fall in the snow right after. Yeah, I know. . not nice but hey it stroked my bitchy funny bone right to the core.

Stupid emotional upset: Still pissed off about the tub thing. Haven't went at that contraption with a frikken Thor hammer yet. Residual anger for my loss of tub time.

My fixer upper: Took the mutts to the dog park, found out I was over dressed. The simple act of unbuttoning my coat did it. ( read: my denial moment winter's here )

Stupid emotional upset: Not feeling productive be it with my camera or in the kitchen or in any corner or my interests. I think I can blame menopausal on this one.

My fixer upper: Getting another email saying one of my photographs is up for 2014 photograph of the year on that website knowing FULL well I won't win but being considered is right fucking A enough.

My husband gets home tomorrow for a four day stay. That means coffee to wake me up in the am and breakfast out a couple of times.
So starting Wednesday till he travels back on Sunday he's going to be my fixer upper. Like he always is.
Well him and chocolate 

Like

Sometimes it's the small things. .

When you are able to recognize it's the small things that sometimes make up for a great day. I'll take them. Every time.

Things like:

The dog decides to do his business right beside the garbage bin that's along your walking route. Holy crap! you mean I don't have to walk around with this shit?! ( double pun intended *wink * )

Being half way human again when the meds kick in after your stubborn self gives in and buys them. What a feeling.

The warmth of the sun on your face when you venture outside after being in the deep freeze. Knowing it's not going to last but standing there not caring if your looking like you are having a out of body experience. Cause, baby, warmth like that in this part of the world mid November is out of this world.

Coming downstairs looking forward to that happy place that caffeine kick will bring you to and finding out your daughter has supper in the slow cooker. Double. Freakin. Win.

Finding out your hubby is checking out plane tickets to your fav place in Canada, just before the insanity of Christmas, even if we might not be able to go. . ? Good enough for me and fingers crossed.

Stepping on the scale and it telling you another pound bit the dust. Hell ya,  I'll take that. . and try not to go eat all. things. carbs.  ( 9 lbs down but who's counting. . . hello? Heck, I AM!  ha ha )

Having a 2 week daily headache ease.

Your daughter coming home surprising you with your new favourite coffee cup. Finding out it'll hold more and, let's be honest, make it taste better somehow. Woot!

Sitting back and watching both your daughters's lives righten some and level out. A reprieve from the constant deep down hurting a mother will < sometimes not so > silently suffer.
This is not such a small thing, it is, however, one that very much matters.

Nailing a Christmas gift for the guy who we attach ALL receipts to his gifts to because we know he'll be returning all of them. The world's hardest person to shop for, don't try to tell me different. But hell ya, I got that boy a great one. Patting myself on the back. ( till one of the kids comes up and takes it out from underneath me because he is, and I repeat myself, the hardest person to shop for )


And there you have it, just some of the things that gives me the warm fuzzies.
What about you? What makes your day? Small big, weird, funny. . share won't you?

My new fav coffee cup! Appeals to my java lovin' Scottish heart. Aye.