-ME-

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

I am a defensive person and of course my reaction would be to defend my senior pastor of Lighthouse Evangelism.

I feel that what he did was understandable, being in the confines of the church. At points, he was trying to explain to Christians how what we believe in can be used to explain seeming 'discrepencies' in the experiences of others. In this case, there was no intention at all to be disrespectful to Buddhists or people of other religions. There was also no intention letting the general public view this. It was not his fault that some guy (who we can easily track down) who was offended blew it out of proportion. C'mon, I know a friend whose colleague shouted at her in her face (in front if bosses and all) "Christianity is bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!", when she didn't even say anything to spite him or criticise him.

Moreover, the Da Vinci code and other books that criticize Christianity has been allowed by authorities to be circulated. Why then has authorities not taken action by banning these books? Why does there seem to be a double standard?

He was not the one who posted the video. There was no intention of causing racial disharmony. But through this, i admire him more because apologised for the things that weren't right though there was no ill intention. We all are sinners, but how we respond to God and Man will reflect who we really are.

I must admit i am definitely imperfect. After i heard about it yesterday, I was a little angry and felt well, "persecuted". I wanted to find a verse from the bible that would encourage us to hang on during persecution, to make myself feel better that Christians are "suffering" for God.

However, the verse i found (and i believe i was led to it by God) was that following:
Matthew 5:43-45
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' But i tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven. He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous."

These were Jesus' words, reflecting what a true Christian heart should be.

I read this and thanked God for His mercy for me and teared. I was challneged to pray for those i disliked, for those who i felt anger toward. This verse will stick with me for a while...

Gillianwrote.
10:16 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2009

These I give to You

There are many days when I dream

Of what could be & what has been

Of power, fame & royalty

Of bliss indulgences in fantasy

Before me my mind’s 3 strides ahead

To find the person I’ll never be

To have things with jewels spread

To own more than perfect eyes can see

To live a life no others live

Be beauty, wealth, personified

To live a life with everything

That crave Man’s delight

But I should not think

This wicked way

For all glory’s not mine

Not mine, I say!

Open my clasped hands,

My heart, I pray.

For I want to give You

These things today.

Gillianwrote.
9:40 PM

Sunday, October 26, 2008

So beautiful she once was

Her face was full, alive!

The many works her hand did do

To make the old revive.

And then came he

Whose hands were cruel

To break her heart

To take her all.

And cause her to

Become so small

If only he would listen,

Hear her call.

Oh Mother Nature

So divine

You should have fought,

You were too kind.

Man’s cruel hands

Destroyed your youth,

Till your heart wrenched

Too late to soothe.

Gillianwrote.
9:50 PM

Oohh... I'm back... at least to post up some poems.

On the pew where I did sit

And pondered on Life’s bitter sweet;

Till earnestly at last I sought

The face I knew but I forgot.

My heart did stir

Within my breast

Till felt a tear

It wouldn’t rest.

A still small whisper

My heart heard;

To keep in prayer

To know His word.

“Fear me my child,

Oh come seek my face;

Spend a little while

Within my grace.”

“Not my will,

But Yours be done;

I’ll be still,

Cease my run.

Draw me close and hold me tight

Make me be Your great delight.

Come take my mind, my heart, my soul,

Warm it up, this heart so cold.”

My heart did know

I was to change

Immediately so?

Out of my range!

But inside my heart

I now know

A fire did start

And begin to grow.

Gillianwrote.
9:27 PM

Saturday, February 09, 2008

I was just laying in my bed at night... and thoughts just came to me. How all the ang paos i get, the luxury of an air-conditioned room with a comfy bed... the monthly pocket money... everything that i have (including friends and loved ones), i do not deserve. I could have been someone in the slums... a beggar... All that we have are the Lord's, truly. And that is why we should obey when the Lord asks us to care and feed "the least of these"... and u also do it as u do to the Lord.
But oh how tightly we hold on to these things... It is indeed easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle! Toying with the idea to go on a mission trip. I feel that the Lord is calling me to some sort of missions... but it's so blur still. It started when i was in year 2 in NUS... same time as when i got to know yc better. Hee...
This is a burden on my heart that i'm just letting out for anyone who wants to read. It just came so strong last night... that these things are so temporal... but yet with the knowledge of it, i still find it so hard to lay all of it down.. to be willing to give it up if there is a need. Wait... there is a need... so much need... around the world... even here. The pple seeling tissue... the pple in homes... I sometimes wonder why my family spends so much on dinners and stuff... and kind of feel guilty...
Oh well... on a lighter note... CNY has been a good time of rest and play.. (Bohnanza!) My sleep deprivation session is tmr! I hope i can keep my eyes open, especially while doing the human reactions tasks, and also in the fMRI.
Gong Xi Gong Xi to all those out there! May the Lord bless you all to bless others.

Gillianwrote.
10:39 PM

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Gillian needs to be contented about all she has in her life.

I received a gift box one day,
I opened to look inside.
If i said i thought t'was good,
You would know i lied.

I found a purse with but few coins,
A train ticket for one.
I saw a freindship band,
Old and discolored from the sun.

I found a broken record tape,
An old book of fairy tales.
There was a mended paper heart,
And some book on falling quails.

I looked up from my box around me,
Discontent with my gift.
Into the boxes if others peeked,
Till the lid of one did lift.

There was no purse,
No ticket.
No friendship bands
In it.
No tape,
A paper heart
With some tears
And a cut.
A book of fairy tales
Like mine,
And a great book,
holy, divine.

I looked to see the owner's face.
Where a pleasant smile did hang.
She was content with all she had
With no voice, she sang.

A cross in the distance,
I did see.
And the girl she carried her gift
there gently.
She placed it down
At the cross and knelt
And said a prayer
So heartfelt.

Tears came to me
As i did the same.
As i surrendered all
His Spirit came.
'All these I'll take
Into my hands.
Don't hesitate,
There's no "depends".'
"I'll give you greater gifts than these
If you trust me with this box.
Right now be content with it
No matter what it costs."

I looked up and nodded,
My heart filled with shame.
I looked again in that little box,
And somehow t'was not the same.

Written by... me.

Gillianwrote.
12:26 AM

Friday, October 26, 2007

i don't really know how i've been living the past few weeks... seems like a blur to me... going for VCF events, goind for class, doing work, going out...
these weeks have been... challenging? It's like someone has put all my insecurities in front of me and laughs wickedly seeing me cringe and hide into the imaginary hole i've dug. And at the moment i'm struggling to climb out of it... with God's help, yc's and the help of a listening ear (thanks, u know who u are).

It really is terrible to feel this way... like ur self-esteem just gets crushed into a paper ball. To find my identity in smthg more important than worldly measures.. that's my prayer.

There's always someone lurking behind trying to tell me that i'm no good. That i'm not enough. But faith is trusting what God says. If He says i'm precious, i am! And for those out there who constantly go into low self-esteem relapse, YOU'RE PRECIOUS TOO!

=) Trying to see my worth slowly... i haven't gone to the pits... I just need to seek for answers, to know that this life isn't the end.

God of all creation. God of the universe (yes, the module taught me loads...). God of the thing that's smaller than an atom. God of me.
How could there be aetheists? When u learn of the universe, the order, the cycles... the detail... i know my life is not my own.

Gillianwrote.
1:24 AM

Friday, September 28, 2007

It's one of those days where i just feel mildly depressed. There probably is a reason, but yeah... blogs are just too public.
Sometimes.. i think i place too much expectation on others and myself. I think it's not right, but i can't help asking why things are not another way; "better". The number of 'why's i ask is almost uncountable. I get angry with myself sometimes coz of this.

Random stuff:
1) Oh well... went shopping on wed with nette!! Finally got my sports shoes! Riddle (blame nette is it's not funny): what happens when a cow goes to Antratica? Neu-bei-leng-si (new balance). That's the brand of me shoes! (sorry, lazy to take pic, but if anyone wants to go running........)

2) Bored to death at home now... trying to study and trying to qualify to enter nerdland with debs.

3) I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamt i was walking home from somewhere at night. And then i saw pink panther in front of me striding. So i went "de-dem.de-dem. de-dem-de-dem-de-dem-de-dem-de-dem.... tededeedum" (the pink panther tune) He looked at me from the corner of his eye, gave me a look then ignored me until i caught up with him.
Then we were walking into a tunnel and diagonally below us was another tunnel. A man looked up from the tunnel and somehow or other (coz i don't recall pinky talking) i knew he was after pink panther. It was easy to spot pink panther coz... well, he is bright pink. Then i took out my pencilcase, decided that i could not use my yellow highlighter to paint pink panther coz it would be even brighter than his current pink, so threw my highlighter away. sadly, the dream ends there.
It was hilarious. I woke up not knowing if i should laugh. It's weird.
That's so much amusement i had for today. Like i said, it was a pretty boring day. Toodles!

Gillianwrote.
7:39 PM