Corona Chronicles - first week back at work

It's now the sixth week that kids are at home. Jack is doing home office and playing teacher in the morning and early afternoon. As of this Monday I've started going back into my practice room. So far this week I've seen only three patients in person. The rest still over the phone or video. Those who have come personally I've aksed to wear a mask, but it's proving to be completely horrible. They can't see my mimic and facial expressions, which adds to a feeling of uncertainty and mistrust. And as soon as anyone cries, they have to take the mask off to wipe their face, so it's all suboptimal. Thus I've decided to scrap the masks, unless someone wants to wear one. I've asked patients to wash their hands when they enter the office, I air out the room well between sessions and moved our chairs as wide apart, as possible. Unfortunately my room is fairly small, so it's only possible to put them about 2,5-3 meters apart. I imagine since everyone has been at home for over a month, the chance of them being infected in the immediate future is fairly low. However I'll keep being vigilant, just without the compulsory mask.

Over the last two weekends we drove out with the kids out for walks in the forrest, which was great. There are significantly more people than normal. Everyone tries to take advantage of the good spring weather and goes further out in the hope of avoiding crowds, which is only marginally successful.

In the good news... Last Saturday someone put a tulip under every door in our building, along with a post-it note on the door that said "All the best." No-one knows who it was, but it was such a sweet and generous gesture, because we have 8 flats per floor and 23 floors, so 184 flats... After that people stuck their own "thank you" post-it notes in the foyer downstairs in front of the lift for this person. It gives a good feeling that people, even in such a huge semi-anonymous building like ours actually do care about each other.

In some absurd news... Yesterday, on the 22 of April, I got a letter from the health authorities (dated the 17th of April) that wrote out when I should be in quarantine, which was from the 17.3 to 31.3, and apparently "due to displayed symptoms your quarantine has been extended to the 9.4". The timing of this letter was obviously strange, but also the false information that I had symptoms. So I called them today and asked why it took so long for such a letter to arrive. To which the guy on the phone said that they are really behind sending letters, as there's only a few of them, and right now 3000 people that they have to follow up on. I also asked him to send me a new one with the correct information - ie. that I didn't have symptoms. Which he promised to do.

As of this week small shops (up to 800 sq m) are allowed to open again. This unfortunately meant that all the shopping malls open as well, as they have argued that individual shops all fall under that criteria. Berlin's top virologist is completely appalled by this and thinks this is a really stupid idea. Germany has only started to flatten the curve and this kind of thing might make infections spike again. On the other hand, masks are now compulsory for travel on all public transport in Berlin and Brandenburg. And finally in other good news - apparently the new big Berlin airport should now open in October. This is after six years of postponed deadlines and an absolute disaster and national shame in terms of project management. But apparently now, due to very low air traffic, they were able to finish up some final works on it and almost nothing stands in the way of opening. So Coronavirus does have some positive consequences.

Stay safe and healthy everyone!

Corona Chronicles - The finest of German bureaucracy

So I just got a call from the health authority. Following is a rough transcript of our conversation.

Health Authority Man (HAM): Good day dear Frau G. How are you doing today? I hope the same as yesterday?
Me: Good day. Yes, I am doing well. Still symptom free.
HAM (laughing): That's just unacceptable! (in German he said: Das ist eine Schweinerei!) ... well then that's all for now. (about to hang up)
Me: Excuse me, I have a question.
HAM: Yes?
Me: I was told that after 14 days of quarantine my details will be passed onto the public health officer, who will lift the quarantine. Could you tell me when this will happen?
HAM: At midnight tonight all information will be passed onto the public health officers.
Me: And do you know when I will be informed that the quarantine is lifted?
HAM: I really can't say. Unfortunately our process was changed as of this morning and we have not been informed of how things will work from now on. So I can't tell you what will happen or when or how.
Me: Ummm... so where does that leave me?
HAM: I'm sorry, but I really can't say. And no-one in the health authority can say, because nobody knows.
Me: Ummm... but I can't be expected to just sit at home indefinitely... Surely you can understand my point of view.
HAM: Right. And I do. But I just can't tell you what will happen next or if anything will happen.
Me: Ok, but if I am still feeling fine tomorrow and have no symptoms, and I haven't heard back from you or the public health officer, then I will go outside on Thursday.
HAM: Yeah... I mean... that makes sense to me... (laughing)
Me: Ok then.
HAM (still laughing): Good bye Frau G. and I wish you to stay healthy!
Me: Thanks for your call. Good bye.

Coronavirus Chronicles - Week 3

The good news is that so far I'm symptom free. I was in more or less full quarantine for three days last week from Monday to Wednesday. That was actually harder than expected. Both of me and for Jack and the kids. I found it surprisingly difficult to be just in one room for the three days. In hindsight I guess it felt a little like being in prison. Note to self: good that I have cleverly managed to avoid prison up until now and should continue to avoid it in the future. It was also so strange on the one hand to work from my bedroom as a therapist, and then be on my bed (aka couch) for the training analysis. Very very strange mix of feelings and roles.

In the rest of the time I tried to do any leftover organisational work that was possible to do and then watched TV. I thought about reading something... but then in the process of constant migration between the camping table and the bed, the bed seduced me more. I binge watched the second season of Big Little Lies - oh, so good! And then started watching the new Swiss TV Series on Netflix "Freud" - I mean, I really had no choice on the matter there after I saw the title. The series is really mostly terrible at best, but vastly entertaining. Needless to say that I put on a whole extra 1kg just sitting on my bum for three days. The scales on Thursday basically said "and you were expecting maybe?"

To work out how long I should separate myself from the kids and Jack I used the information on WHO website as a guide, which said that the mean incubation time of the virus is 5-6 days. I've also been listening to daily podcasts of Christian Drosten, who is a Berlin virologist from the Charite hospital, and is basically considered God currently by most Germans, as he's providing information in a very down to earth and calm manner and advises without creating panic. He said that in the latest scientific study from Hong Kong the mean incubation time of 90 patients was 5.2 days. Thus Jack and I decided that if I was symptom free on Thursday (being 9 days after my contact with the infected patient) that I should come out. And so I did. And if felt good.

As of Saturday I've been getting daily calls from the health authority to check if I'm still symptom free. Tomorrow, on the 31st of March it will be two weeks and if I am still symptom free, then they will pass my information onto a public health officer who will officially pronounce me healthy and officially end my quarantine. I can't wait for it to happen so I can finally go for a run. I don't think I've ever anticipated being outside quite as much as now. In fact I can't remember the last time I stayed indoors for 9 days straight. Maybe when I was in hospital with meningitis as an eight year old...

In the meantime as a family we've been trying to entertain ourselves with board games. We seem to be going roughly through one game a week before everyone gets tired of it. A few weeks back it was Monopoly. Then it was an old game of Jack's called Game of Life - where kids were introduced to concepts of insurance and shares and stock market speculation. Last week we started on Quirkle. And for this week I ordered us an edition of Snakes and Ladders - we'll see how that goes.

Funny how everyone reading this will be doing so stuck at home all at the same time.

Stay healthy!!! 

Corona Chronicles - Week 2

Today has been interesting. I found out that one of my patients that I last saw last Tuesday tested positive for Coronavirus on Sunday. She sent me the information with advice to stay at home and a form to fill out for the local health authority as a person who had contact with an infected individual. Thus home quarantine for me it is - I'm not allowed to go out at all. I feel fine for now and have no symptoms, but Jack and I decided to be on the safe side and isolate me for the time being from everyone else. We figured that most likely if I am infected, then the chance of him and the boys becoming infected (or having already gotten it in the meantime since Tuesday) are very high. However we think that by trying to be safe for the next few days while I haven't shown symptoms we might be able to stretch out the possible infection thus making sure that we, as the adults, are not sick right at the same time (laypersons theories at this point, but experts also have no definite information on this either). It would make it much easier to look after the kids, if we were to be sick consecutively. Time will tell...

With the help of a portable camping table I have converted our bedroom to a temporary practice room, where I talk to patients over the phone, and tomorrow I'll start video sessions with a white wall in the background to try and keep at least some sort of neutrality and abstinence in therapy. And it has also become my own analysis room, as I had my first training analysis session with my therapist over the phone today. Both has worked better than expected, which is good and surprising at the same time.

Over the course of the morning, while dealing with unendless stream of beurocracy with my institute, now that I'm doing phone sessions, I got further emails from two other patients, both of whom I saw on Wednesday. They are now also under quarantine and one is awaiting results of her test, as she might actually be infected. So there is a reasonable chance that I am actually infected, but we'll only find out definitely after next Wednesday on the 1st of April, which is when 14 days of potential infection period will be over. There's something untrustworthy about finding out the result of quarantine on April Fool's Day. I called my GP to find out if I should get a test already to know things for sure. The doctor's assistant told me to stay away and to call the Corona Hotline, which I did. After an unexpectedly short period of time on hold (about 15 mins) the woman on the other end of the line asked if I had any symptoms and said that if I didn't, there's no point trying to get tested, as they only test people with symptoms. So - waiting game for now it is. This is also hard for people like my training therapist and a supervisor, both of whom I saw after Wednesday, as they don't know if they should now close their practice if I am potentially infected. But there's not much else I can do at this point, other than wait.

Jack has been wonderful bringing me food and coffee and putting them in front of the bedroom door. We've been joking about leprosy and the plague, which albeit morbid, actually puts a lighter spin on things. Tom has snuck into the bedroom one time and tried to sell me his picture for 10 EUR. He's sorted his stash of drawings yesterday and decided to sell them to people. We've been careful to let him down gently that perhaps it's a bit of a steep price... (update: artwork below... )

It does feel pretty lonely confined here despite electronic contact to the outside world. Thankfully this week is supposed to be very sunny, as it is now and that makes things easier (see photo from my "office").

Following are some photos from yesterday's trip out of the little town of Linum in Brandenburg, where we went for a little hike and did some birdwatching. Apparently it has the largest population of storks in all of Germany (wave to Z and C!). That was obviously before we knew that I might be infected with the virus.

Stay healthy!

Corona Chronicles - Day 4 of Quarantine

The first work week is over. I have had three video sessions with three patients. Out of those two worked out well, which was a surprise to me. Next week I will offer all of my patients either video or telephone options, or putting therapy on hold for the time being. I hope that at least some stay on for now, because as I'm self-employed it's good to have at least some money coming in. Even my training analyst is switching our sessions to be over the phone, which will be interesting.

Jack and the boys have done very well this week. Tim has been in contact with his school friends on the phone, and in the evening he's been doing Skype with his best friend. In the next few weeks we want to set up Skype dates with more people and keep in touch this way.

I've occasionally still being running in the mornings, but it's a fairly lonely affair as of this week. Mostly, even in the midst of dark cold winter, there are at least a few other runners here and there. At the moment there's no-one apart from me. I miss the other runners - we usually wave to each other going past, but now it's just me with myself.

Boys don't complain walking up the stairs, which is great. Here's a photo of us playing a game Tim created himself with his stone collection and snacking on home-made meringues. And the second photo of what our shops look like now.

Stay safe and healthy!

Corona Chronicles - Day 1 of Quarantine

"The times we live in!" It's a phrase that I've now heard numerous people say, and have said it myself too often in the last couple of weeks. Because these are unprecedented times and something inside me insists that I try to write this down. I am not sure how regularly I will write here or where this diary will go, but I feel like I need to record what is happening in our little family universe and in the greater world around us.

The Prelude - fear

Personally my fear of the coronavirus has been growing since the start of February. I normally follow the news very closely and hence knew how dramatic the situation was developing in China and then Iran, followed by Italy. In the middle of February my training therapist was away for a week and after we resumed our sessions the first one was dedicated to my feeling of utter panic. At first it was just a giant shapeless clump that then showed some contours and I was able to articulate what was it that I was so scared of. Turns out the main fear was that Jack and I will both be very ill at the same time and there won't be anyone to look after the kids. "Normal fear of any parent" - my therapist said. Great! Nice to know that my fears are normal. Jokes aside, I was one of the first wave of panic buyers (in German they call them "hamster buyers") and ordered 200 EUR worth of groceries on Amazon that now occupy most of the space under my desk. Unfortunately I missed stocking up on disinfectant, which has become a luxury commodity ever since the middle of January. Thankfully we still had a little left of our old supply.

Since then I noticed that fear comes in phases. Each one forcing me to do something else to feel more in control and increase my feeling of safety at least by a tiny margin. For example in such phases Jack and I have completed our power of attorneys in case one of us is incapacitated. We've discussed our preferences for organ donations. We developed contingency plans of how we will deal with a possible infection - how we could arrange isolation of the sick individual (so far it's just been assumed that it's one of the adults). Each of these phases ends with a period of relief and relative calm. Right now I'm in one of these.

The Here and Now

Everything has been developing so rapidly. After the first patient was diagnosed in Berlin on the 1st of March there were increased reports of people stealing face masks and disinfectant. There was even a report of protective equipment being stolen from an intensive care unit in a child oncology ward. Naturally these types of news only perpetuated the feeling that the world was simply disintegrating.

Last Friday (13.3.2020) finally the Berlin government ruled to put all schools and Kindergartens on quarantine as of today (Tuesday). It was on that day that people's attitude really seems to have changed. Prior to this there were two groups of people - those who were on the same page as me and those who were of the opinion "oh, it's just another flu". You could almost sense the change in the air and see it on people's faces as the government also said that all theatres, cinemas, gyms and even brothels were shutting down. On Saturday people streamed into the shops and bought literally everything and anything that was left over by the first wave of panic buyers. By early afternoon the shelves were almost completely empty. I have never seen lines in Lidl at every checkout running as far back as the back of the shop. It was just utter madness and desperation.

On Saturday came more government decisions to close borders. First Poland closed its border, which created huge traffic jams of people wanting to get in or out. Belgium already had its borders closed on Friday. A colleague of mine had tickets to fly to a friends wedding, and his girlfriend took an earlier flight but he had to remain in Berlin as his flight was cancelled by that stage because of the border shut down. Last week we heard of neighbouring countries announcing states of emergency one by one. Italy, Spain, Switzerland... It almost seemed surreal. As of today afternoon, no international citizen can come into Germany for the next 30 days. It feels like we're locked in. Even though theoretically we could fly out, but most countries either wouldn't take us, or force us into quarantine, so it does just feel like we're locked in. I was trying to remember how that felt like for the first 10 years of my life in the Soviet Union, but I suppose I was too young to realise it on an emotional level. I certainly don't like how it feels now.

Right now the weather is good, but there are noticeably less people outside. Some people are in masks, but most are without. I ordered some of the N95 charcoal masks for going outside in the next few weeks, but because of ultra high demand they're only going to arrive (if they actually do!) in the start of April. We have a stash of medical single use masks for the eventuality that one of us will get sick at home. We started taking the stairs almost exclusively. Which adds a good extra 5 mins to get out of the house by the time we walk down 15 flights of stairs. And another 7 minutes or so for going back up. I either ride my bike to work, or drive. I haven't been on public transport for the last three months or more.

Jack is working from home. He's been great. He takes the boys outside for an hour after breakfast to get some fresh air and makes sure that they keep their distance from any other people. Then they do homework. I have been at work in the mornings and then as of today started doing Russian homework after coming home. So far my practice is open. I have an agreement with my patients that if they feel any cold or flu symptoms they can cancel their session on a short notice without penalty (normally I charge money for cancellations of less than 48 hours). One of my patients is on so called "voluntary quarantine", after returning from one area of risk. But all others are coming so far. I stopped shaking hands with them for the last three weeks, air the room well between sessions and wash my hands regularly - basically doing everything right to try and avoid infection.

As I was riding home today, it was warm and sunny. If this was any other spring, there would be dozens of people outside, sitting in cafes and sunning in the parks. Potsdamer Platz would be buzzing with tourists. But there are less, a lot less. There are no tourist groups and any people seen around the centre seem to just be going from A to B with a stressed expression on their face. I rode past the deserted Mall of Berlin, which definitely felt surreal. Volkswagen stopped production in Germany. IKEA is closing shops nationwide. Every news source is writing about the economic fall out of this and how many billions each day it is costing the nation. Everyone with precarious employment is scared and worried about how they will make ends meet and how long they'll be out of a job. And these are the majority of people affected by the shut down of restaurants, cinemas, bars, clubs and so on.

Right now the coronavirus counter for Germany says: 9360 total cases of infection, 67 people recovered, 26 died. Berlin has 383 cases and no recoveries or deaths so far. Mostly here it's been young people, with at least 50 of them infecting each other in night clubs, which are now also all finally closed as of Sunday.

But amongst all this scariness, there are also small rays of hope. Young people have been leaving notes for their elderly neighbours, offering to do grocery shopping for them, so that the elderly don't have to go outside. There was one note like this today in the foyer of our house. Some people have been leaving rolls of toilet paper for neighbours to take. This gives hope. And the sun also gives hope. And as the tattoo on my forearm says - this too shall pass.

Wash your hands and keep your distance!