chasing gold, riches, beauty, fame

Feed my fury.

Sometimes it feels like test.
Joke of a test.
To give u a taste of your own medicine.
To show you what you have been putting Ur girl thru.

Now u know It feels.
To be in her shoes.
Quietly suffering
And hurting.

Sorry baby

If ur reading this, congrats ur a stalker.

Sometimes when u decided to move up forever, make sure it's forever.

Don't be such a whimp Ben.

Ur more than this.

Sometimes I wish I had Abit more 风度

But it's so hard.

I had to get my message across.

Watching the count of monte cristo..

Brings back stored memories

of the many times I spent reading all this book again and again..

我累了
我不行了

Just take it that it's my fault.
My small mindedness.
My pride and ego.
My irresponsibility.

I need to let the burden go.

I wish I could save you
I wish I could save everyone
I wish I could save the world


But sometimes I wish I could save myself
Sometimes I should save myself first

No fking right at all

No fking right.

Only a man in a silly red sheet.

I'm a simple man with simple needs

some ppl are not what they seem to be.. or what they make out to be..

I guess this is what they call a moment of weakness.

Buck up ben! don't be a weakling!

Sometimes u have to choose between greatness and religion.

Its really sad to see yourself turning into someone u don't wanna be.

I always thought peer pressure was for the weak..

But I'm not proud to say this, but sometimes, I pretty much feel that way right now.

In the past I say things subtly over social feeds hoping to gain someone's/particular person attention.

But now, I guess in times like this, I would prefer to seek the solace of my hidden journal. And in 20 years to come, only read my younger self as a silly little douche bag.

Sometimes things seem to be beyond control. Beyond reach. But Deep down I know, its just a waste of time to seek such cheap thrills. No help to career and opportunities.(but its soo soo tempting I swear)

I havn't always been that type to have many friends. I prefer having A few good friends rather than many "okok" friends? So why should I go out of my way to change that.

Someone once said I tend to bend towards the melancholy side of the spectrum. I guess its inbuilt in me. Something I cannot change. Its engineered into my blood..

My time of whining is up. I have to have the inevitable. project work

notetoself: Stay strong ben. Slowly and surely, things will get better!

Is this all to life?

So it's  4 am in the morning.  And I'm pretty darned annoyed.

So this Indian friend shares a link of Stephanie Koh defending her position for saying y she isn't proud to be a Singaporean.

And he shares the link and say that he agrees to what she say that Taiwan is better and Aussie is better.

Cliche: the grass is always greener on the other side.

Maybe cos I've been listening to dr raju, a visiting lecture from melb to teach us mktg, whom has given us valuable lessons and comparison sg-Aussie, I mean. Hey. Aussie is great. Minimum wage is great. But I think most ppl only see 1 spectrum of it all.

I think ppl with no financial background should be taken seriously.

What really grinds my gear is that this Indian guy who likes to be seen as someone who has ideals goals and achievement give comments on such petty issue without first processing anything. Then reading his comment on fb really just puts me off.

I mean if you're someone who likes to portray your intelligence and broad mindedness, common. Get real. I mean if your gg to compare sg education system to Aussie or Taiwan and say that that particular country has more freedom for creativity and insist that it's better and that Singapore sucks. I mean hey I totally respect your theory. But gunning down sg system, I say hey "be glad that u can get an education." In fact, a highly educated person would just treat this as trash. You know like don't even bother with trivial issues and comment on something more practical to society.

I should even let this get the best out of me. It's so petty. Is not v Christian like. What would Jesus do? "My son, do not concern yourself of worldly affairs"

I think the key is contentment.
Not moving to another country.
Not having all you need.
After all, I believe in a greater being than just achieving self-actualization.

I think I really need a good alone time to reflect and come back to God. I've been way too far.