Im being haunted and im having nightmares.
3 years already, i havnt heard a word.
1 word a stab in my heart.
You went to taipei without saying good bye.
And i dont dare to confront u
im afraid to get snubbed
At least, give me a reason.
And there is NOTHING i can do to make tt feeling go away.
There is no point in talking to anyone as it doesnt go away
I try to run i try to hide-it follows me
This agony i have to live with
I like talking to joseph.
My favouritest senior.
I feel so immature,
so so small.
They keep treating me like a little boy.
"opps ben is here. underage"
"why dont u stop taking food and cook"
They give me black face,
and when i do, they say i have AP.
When i sulk they ignore me.
They ask me to take drinks for them,
Im totally fine.
I respect them all.
I cant voice out anything.
I just put on a mask.
a fake smile
its getting good.
But all my SA life, joseph was there for me
knows when i feel hurt
talks to me when i jus got yelled
Next year, anew school, a new enviroment, a new life, new friends.
Where ever i go, ill be positive, ill live my life positively.
Time i should stand up for my own.
Im not relying on other anymore.
Ill make trust worthy friends,
Ill be a different man.
But first, i need to get rid of this agony. Please get out of my mind.
I dread the day my results are coming out. i dread it i dread it i dread it dread it. ARGHHHH
3 years already, i havnt heard a word.
1 word a stab in my heart.
You went to taipei without saying good bye.
And i dont dare to confront u
im afraid to get snubbed
At least, give me a reason.
And there is NOTHING i can do to make tt feeling go away.
There is no point in talking to anyone as it doesnt go away
I try to run i try to hide-it follows me
This agony i have to live with
I like talking to joseph.
My favouritest senior.
I feel so immature,
so so small.
They keep treating me like a little boy.
"opps ben is here. underage"
"why dont u stop taking food and cook"
They give me black face,
and when i do, they say i have AP.
When i sulk they ignore me.
They ask me to take drinks for them,
Im totally fine.
I respect them all.
I cant voice out anything.
I just put on a mask.
a fake smile
its getting good.
But all my SA life, joseph was there for me
knows when i feel hurt
talks to me when i jus got yelled
Next year, anew school, a new enviroment, a new life, new friends.
Where ever i go, ill be positive, ill live my life positively.
Time i should stand up for my own.
Im not relying on other anymore.
Ill make trust worthy friends,
Ill be a different man.
But first, i need to get rid of this agony. Please get out of my mind.
I dread the day my results are coming out. i dread it i dread it i dread it dread it. ARGHHHH
Went shopping today with my lil meimei haha =D
Its like finally our time doesnt clash.
But i was dragged into watch alvin and the chipmunks the second time.
It really cute, cos she called me korkor - as in literally korkor.
Met (forgot her name) and this guy called Jacky who is in national Golfer. Cool huh! under 17, he is position 6! He is a really horny guy>< i felt totally uncomfortable ard him but he was hilarious at the same time.
Got dragged into playing lan.. he was saying its cheap 1.60 only! When the cashier said 3.40 please we were like OH MY GAWDD!? GO DIE PLXXX.
ok i totally pwned them in CS and DOTA... and its 2 v me!! i nearly dropped dead laughing. Jacky was talking to himself.. why i die? why i keep dying? how he kill me-.-''
but somehow everytime in a conversation, i always feel so awkward and i end up walking far far ahead.
My heart is so not at peace everytime i think abt my results. Its a horrible and terrifying feeling but i cant hide from reality. Results will be out sooner than i thought.
I feel so moody right now.
Its like finally our time doesnt clash.
But i was dragged into watch alvin and the chipmunks the second time.
It really cute, cos she called me korkor - as in literally korkor.
Met (forgot her name) and this guy called Jacky who is in national Golfer. Cool huh! under 17, he is position 6! He is a really horny guy>< i felt totally uncomfortable ard him but he was hilarious at the same time.
Got dragged into playing lan.. he was saying its cheap 1.60 only! When the cashier said 3.40 please we were like OH MY GAWDD!? GO DIE PLXXX.
ok i totally pwned them in CS and DOTA... and its 2 v me!! i nearly dropped dead laughing. Jacky was talking to himself.. why i die? why i keep dying? how he kill me-.-''
but somehow everytime in a conversation, i always feel so awkward and i end up walking far far ahead.
My heart is so not at peace everytime i think abt my results. Its a horrible and terrifying feeling but i cant hide from reality. Results will be out sooner than i thought.
I feel so moody right now.
asian idol has so many strong singers.. a really eye opener.. talent.. talented singers. Our singing isnt tt bad either =DD gooo Hadi!!
And ken lim gives really good advice think i think is very relevent and a key to winning the contest. Much more serious then the advice dick lee gives.. the advice given now is sharp and hits the gist of winning the entire compeition.
And ken lim gives really good advice think i think is very relevent and a key to winning the contest. Much more serious then the advice dick lee gives.. the advice given now is sharp and hits the gist of winning the entire compeition.
Getai music is gooood!
Some ppl have impression tt musicians who plays on getai are uneducated ppl picked up from the streets, but boy oh boy they are good!
They are totally no uneducated cos they p[lay by reading notes!!
and not only that, they play solid music tt is usually accompanied by a strong voiced singer!
And who watch the 4.30 show being aired every weekday??!?! that hokkien show?? haha that show attracts a tai tai or house wife or whoever stays at home during tt time! terrific music too.
after watching 881 i got this thing going for hokkien song.. its like a sudden appreciation?? even tho i dont understand what they are singing!
there was this funeral going on somewhere cos i heard all tt chanting..
and suddenly, they were playing hokkien songs.. nice ones in fact.. and i reconized 1 from the 4.30 show and im like... is that a funeral?? lol pretty cool eh.. and yes the live band was solid man.. the drum was good and the guitar was also good... lol i wanna play in a getai band!! x)
Some ppl have impression tt musicians who plays on getai are uneducated ppl picked up from the streets, but boy oh boy they are good!
They are totally no uneducated cos they p[lay by reading notes!!
and not only that, they play solid music tt is usually accompanied by a strong voiced singer!
And who watch the 4.30 show being aired every weekday??!?! that hokkien show?? haha that show attracts a tai tai or house wife or whoever stays at home during tt time! terrific music too.
after watching 881 i got this thing going for hokkien song.. its like a sudden appreciation?? even tho i dont understand what they are singing!
there was this funeral going on somewhere cos i heard all tt chanting..
and suddenly, they were playing hokkien songs.. nice ones in fact.. and i reconized 1 from the 4.30 show and im like... is that a funeral?? lol pretty cool eh.. and yes the live band was solid man.. the drum was good and the guitar was also good... lol i wanna play in a getai band!! x)
Im probably one of the worst friend anyone can get.
Dont know whats wrong with my attitude.
i wish u can put in more effort
i wish u would try to at least bother
i wish u could take the initiative.
i wish that when i walk away, u try to keep me back.
Yes i know im selfish.
Im not rdy, not emotionally, not mentally.
Its time i straighten my life.
im sorry if i hurt you..
jus forget me.
but at the same time,
i dont want u to forget me=(
Dont know whats wrong with my attitude.
i wish u can put in more effort
i wish u would try to at least bother
i wish u could take the initiative.
i wish that when i walk away, u try to keep me back.
Yes i know im selfish.
Im not rdy, not emotionally, not mentally.
Its time i straighten my life.
im sorry if i hurt you..
jus forget me.
but at the same time,
i dont want u to forget me=(
im going crazy.. like this guy in the poem
Casualty - Mental Ward
Something has gone wrong inside my head.
The sappers have left mines and wire behind;
I hold long conversations with the dead.
I do not always know what has been said;
The rhythms, not the words, stay in my mind;
Something has gone wrong inside my head.
Not just the sky but grass and trees are red,
The flares and tracers - or I'm colour blind;
I hold long conversations with the dead.
Their presence comforts and sustains like bread;
When they don't come it's hard to be resigned;
Something has gone wrong inside my head.
They know about the snipers that i dread
And how the world is boody-trapped and mined;
I hold long conversations with the dead;
As all eyes close, they gather round my bed
And whisper consolation. When I find
Something has gone wrong inside my head
I hold long conversations with the dead.
Casualty - Mental Ward
Something has gone wrong inside my head.
The sappers have left mines and wire behind;
I hold long conversations with the dead.
I do not always know what has been said;
The rhythms, not the words, stay in my mind;
Something has gone wrong inside my head.
Not just the sky but grass and trees are red,
The flares and tracers - or I'm colour blind;
I hold long conversations with the dead.
Their presence comforts and sustains like bread;
When they don't come it's hard to be resigned;
Something has gone wrong inside my head.
They know about the snipers that i dread
And how the world is boody-trapped and mined;
I hold long conversations with the dead;
As all eyes close, they gather round my bed
And whisper consolation. When I find
Something has gone wrong inside my head
I hold long conversations with the dead.
I sense a long day tmr...
Danvin wants me to join in NUS squash open..
3 man team and my team consist of 2 girls..... -.-
hai hao ba i guess..... free T shirt xD why not?
I dont think im ready for anything yet...
but i dont wanna make her upset.. and i dont think i can give her up..
but really... i jus dont want to be upset and hurt any longer.. esp over small things.
There was a father who came home everynight, drunk. Then he would start shouting and start beating his wife.. his 2 kids would try to protect their mother, but ended up getting a good lashing. Over the years, things didnt get better.. they got poorer and poorer and soon they were living in poverty.
The eldest son finally ran away from home... he went to work at a pub but didnt do to well in it.. Still under the influence from his dad, he started drinking his life away... his income would go into buying beer.. and soon he was living along the streets... following his fathers foot steps.
One day, he was interviewed as a low life.. a scum.. one question was.. how did u become like that... filled with bitterness, he said.." my father"
The second son studied.. he worked hard... he didnt want to follow this father's footsteps.. he had ambition.. soon he got his degree and over the years accumulated awards... and soon, he was a success.. he to was interviewed one day as a successful man.. then asked what was the reason to ur success, he said" my father"
2 brothers from the same family... their end results are so vast from each other.. jus becos they looked at life at 2 different angles...
Danvin wants me to join in NUS squash open..
3 man team and my team consist of 2 girls..... -.-
hai hao ba i guess..... free T shirt xD why not?
I dont think im ready for anything yet...
but i dont wanna make her upset.. and i dont think i can give her up..
but really... i jus dont want to be upset and hurt any longer.. esp over small things.
There was a father who came home everynight, drunk. Then he would start shouting and start beating his wife.. his 2 kids would try to protect their mother, but ended up getting a good lashing. Over the years, things didnt get better.. they got poorer and poorer and soon they were living in poverty.
The eldest son finally ran away from home... he went to work at a pub but didnt do to well in it.. Still under the influence from his dad, he started drinking his life away... his income would go into buying beer.. and soon he was living along the streets... following his fathers foot steps.
One day, he was interviewed as a low life.. a scum.. one question was.. how did u become like that... filled with bitterness, he said.." my father"
The second son studied.. he worked hard... he didnt want to follow this father's footsteps.. he had ambition.. soon he got his degree and over the years accumulated awards... and soon, he was a success.. he to was interviewed one day as a successful man.. then asked what was the reason to ur success, he said" my father"
2 brothers from the same family... their end results are so vast from each other.. jus becos they looked at life at 2 different angles...
I happen to leave Danvin's blog open. The music from his blog was playing, and it made me moody ..................................... yes dots... yes this is a emo post.
I miss her=(
but what the heck?
i dont even know what i want right now.
OH please oh please, someone save me
from these waves of impaling sadness.
Ahhhh i must be forward looking!! sounds like SS... zZZZzzzz
yes! to work or not to work?!?!
haizz
I miss her=(
but what the heck?
i dont even know what i want right now.
OH please oh please, someone save me
from these waves of impaling sadness.
Ahhhh i must be forward looking!! sounds like SS... zZZZzzzz
yes! to work or not to work?!?!
haizz
Ive heard so much stories, so much advice.
Recently, ive been led into many different types of ideals and thinking.
And its making me confuse....
From knowing what i want, and knowing whats right, no i have no idea who is right and if i should follow that thinking. Its in a way cliche. The irony? Its like im finding my own "identity". Frankly I tot im passed that period. haha.
I realised, that i really need to draw the line. Its important cos i get really carried away sometimes.
Im still deciding if i should work.. i got a offer, but its at a rather hard-to-get-to place from my house. Transport would be a headache.
MY SOCIAL LIFE IS TOTALLY GONE. ok thats random, but so true. i have ZERO.. i repeat ZERO social life. And whats keeping my company?? My com... youuutube!?! x)
I want to train!!! i dont wanna work!! i wanna get back in shape! but i wouldnt mind the extra cash. infact, would come in pretty pretty handy=)
Sigh.. im feeling so moody now.. yes thats random too. Im like soooo stuck with my thoughts.... i keep thinking abt stuff which makes me emo. yes! im emo king. partly because its passed 12. magic hour.
i miss going back to school... infact right now, i feel like putting on my uniform and go to school.... but those days are over. T.T ill miss those old old times... the fun we had... how we do stupid things and die tgt. how we made fun of our teachers..
my seniors like to bully me. Buts its fine cos im the youngest and im boy boy to them=)
But its terrible when they do it infront of girls...
Imagine in the squash court.
Senior: waaa ben suddenly so pro ar... i wonder what motivated u.(looking at the other seniors while smiling at the girls)
Me:-.- go and die pls.
Senior: oooo is it becos of the girls????
Me:.... (silent)
worst still it continues
Senior: ooo is ben blushing???!?!
Me:NO
Senior: dont shy la.
Me:(thinking am i blushing)
haha =) its fun tho baaaaa... stupid danvin! 3 points right?? try getting 3 points from me x)
and i realise tt joseph is epitome of lameness. i can listen to his stories allll day long. haha.
-.- i didnt know my coach is a heavy smoker.... he is still so fit..... does tt mean i should smoke too?? im jk.
I dont want a gf x)
so pls guys=.= enough match making..
Recently, ive been led into many different types of ideals and thinking.
And its making me confuse....
From knowing what i want, and knowing whats right, no i have no idea who is right and if i should follow that thinking. Its in a way cliche. The irony? Its like im finding my own "identity". Frankly I tot im passed that period. haha.
I realised, that i really need to draw the line. Its important cos i get really carried away sometimes.
Im still deciding if i should work.. i got a offer, but its at a rather hard-to-get-to place from my house. Transport would be a headache.
MY SOCIAL LIFE IS TOTALLY GONE. ok thats random, but so true. i have ZERO.. i repeat ZERO social life. And whats keeping my company?? My com... youuutube!?! x)
I want to train!!! i dont wanna work!! i wanna get back in shape! but i wouldnt mind the extra cash. infact, would come in pretty pretty handy=)
Sigh.. im feeling so moody now.. yes thats random too. Im like soooo stuck with my thoughts.... i keep thinking abt stuff which makes me emo. yes! im emo king. partly because its passed 12. magic hour.
i miss going back to school... infact right now, i feel like putting on my uniform and go to school.... but those days are over. T.T ill miss those old old times... the fun we had... how we do stupid things and die tgt. how we made fun of our teachers..
my seniors like to bully me. Buts its fine cos im the youngest and im boy boy to them=)
But its terrible when they do it infront of girls...
Imagine in the squash court.
Senior: waaa ben suddenly so pro ar... i wonder what motivated u.(looking at the other seniors while smiling at the girls)
Me:-.- go and die pls.
Senior: oooo is it becos of the girls????
Me:.... (silent)
worst still it continues
Senior: ooo is ben blushing???!?!
Me:NO
Senior: dont shy la.
Me:(thinking am i blushing)
haha =) its fun tho baaaaa... stupid danvin! 3 points right?? try getting 3 points from me x)
and i realise tt joseph is epitome of lameness. i can listen to his stories allll day long. haha.
-.- i didnt know my coach is a heavy smoker.... he is still so fit..... does tt mean i should smoke too?? im jk.
I dont want a gf x)
so pls guys=.= enough match making..
OMG..... i feel like a total retard...
This is so dumb.. so dumb.
hmmmmm
wouldnt if be nice if there was someone who understood how u feel.. understood everything abt you.. when things goes downhill, he or she jus knows exactly how u feel and knows exactly what to do.
I like being with my seniors=) i feel happy and totally free from worries.. but thats only temporary.
Danvin said "sometimes ur ex-gf maybe the one after all who knows u best". Tho i may not like what they do and say sometimes, but i think it really make sense...
What should i do..
I feel stupid cos i keep falling into the same stupid mud hole.
Give me a break... i need more breaks.
Botak jones dinner was great...
Ive yet to see more of this world.. i jus realised how "newbie" to reality... Not every place is like church, not every one is like church people.
Lord, open my eyes so that i may see.
This is so dumb.. so dumb.
hmmmmm
wouldnt if be nice if there was someone who understood how u feel.. understood everything abt you.. when things goes downhill, he or she jus knows exactly how u feel and knows exactly what to do.
I like being with my seniors=) i feel happy and totally free from worries.. but thats only temporary.
Danvin said "sometimes ur ex-gf maybe the one after all who knows u best". Tho i may not like what they do and say sometimes, but i think it really make sense...
What should i do..
I feel stupid cos i keep falling into the same stupid mud hole.
Give me a break... i need more breaks.
Botak jones dinner was great...
Ive yet to see more of this world.. i jus realised how "newbie" to reality... Not every place is like church, not every one is like church people.
Lord, open my eyes so that i may see.
Been so busy the past few days. Shopping, cca, fishing and everything. Which im not suppose to do at all cos im having a bad flu. Im really so shag altho i try to sleep early.
Grad night is tmr!!! Spend a bomb on clothes. Thing is, i got problem wearing those clothes. My burns hurt when the clothes cover my skin, esp my neck. Sigh.
Breakfast tmr first thing in the morning!
Finding a job!!
Make new friends!!
Computer games no long holds any incentive.
Fishing next week! Any girls wanna join??<----(from danvin)
Grad night is tmr!!! Spend a bomb on clothes. Thing is, i got problem wearing those clothes. My burns hurt when the clothes cover my skin, esp my neck. Sigh.
Breakfast tmr first thing in the morning!
Finding a job!!
Make new friends!!
Computer games no long holds any incentive.
Fishing next week! Any girls wanna join??<----(from danvin)
LO AND BEHOLD
THE FISH
The first fish and the only fish.
Im tanned!
Im tired!
Feeling sleepy!!
Grad night on thurs! hmmmm and i got no formal wear!! time to shop!
THE FISH
The first fish and the only fish.
Im tanned!
Im tired!
Feeling sleepy!!
Grad night on thurs! hmmmm and i got no formal wear!! time to shop!
I guess somethings are just not worth it..
Then why am i so dumb?
Tearing every night in vain.
Hoping that someone would care.
Haha =)) I guess not, when some things are just not to be.
Im going fishing tmr!!!!
I hope its fun!! oh wait. its going to be fun=.=
Doing this stuff to help take my mind of stuff..
This is my way of relaxing.
Mozzies please go away.
Then why am i so dumb?
Tearing every night in vain.
Hoping that someone would care.
Haha =)) I guess not, when some things are just not to be.
Im going fishing tmr!!!!
I hope its fun!! oh wait. its going to be fun=.=
Doing this stuff to help take my mind of stuff..
This is my way of relaxing.
Mozzies please go away.
Why is it so hard jus to show a little care.. Just only to get snubbed at.
My concern is genuine and true. Please don't misunderstand me.
Last thing i want on earth is a quarrel with u.
I keep trying Cos i don't wanna lose a friend like you.
When i try so hard to go away, i keep coming back to you.
And when i come back, u just push me away.
You say, i dont understand you.
I try.. i really do try
What should i do.. what should i do.
I wont hesitate anymore.
I have no more feelings.
I guess im NumB
My concern is genuine and true. Please don't misunderstand me.
Last thing i want on earth is a quarrel with u.
I keep trying Cos i don't wanna lose a friend like you.
When i try so hard to go away, i keep coming back to you.
And when i come back, u just push me away.
You say, i dont understand you.
I try.. i really do try
What should i do.. what should i do.
I wont hesitate anymore.
I have no more feelings.
I guess im NumB
I probably just realised how she felt last time.
Probably the exact same way of how im feeling right now.
But i guess its too late right now.
Why m i always the one trying.
Blog im tired.
And i realised. Im nobody to you. So who am i have a say in ur life.
Decided to stop playing computer games. Back to reading.
Probably the exact same way of how im feeling right now.
But i guess its too late right now.
Why m i always the one trying.
Blog im tired.
And i realised. Im nobody to you. So who am i have a say in ur life.
Decided to stop playing computer games. Back to reading.
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
heyy
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
BEN
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
hello^^
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
hows the O's coming about
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
die liao
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
..
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
can't i ave anything more positive..
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
6 points la.. no sweat
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
wooo
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
steady
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
thats more like it
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
lol
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
jyjy @
This, made my day.
heyy
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
BEN
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
hello^^
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
hows the O's coming about
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
die liao
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
..
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
can't i ave anything more positive..
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
6 points la.. no sweat
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
wooo
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
steady
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
thats more like it
Its not abt myself anymore.. its not always abt me says:
lol
life is so ever fragile... [.blueberryPIE.] says:
jyjy @
This, made my day.
I wanna be free. Tmr would be my last big paper and i guess i can give a huge sigh of relief. However, tmr isnt going to be easy. This is a little late i guess? But guys i need prayer. cant afford to do badly for tmr's paper.
I really need a break from this so unrealistic work. I wanna go on a trip to a country where time is slow.. where i can relax and just submerge myself into the surrounding. Singapore is to fast too furious for me right now. If this continues, im going to be a lump of nervous wreck.
I've finally came to my decision. Yes it the ultimatum. Im going to draw a close line between friends and close friends and even closer friends. Im tired of pouring myself into a relationship that wont work and expect it to work. Does it even make sense to u guys? Seriously, why does this kind of things come at the wrong time?? Darren ur so right..
I have to admit altho i really dont want to, that the best advice given is none other than my mom. Altho however extremely irritating and nagging and jus mood crashing, whatever she warns me always comes true. And of cos me being myself, i wouldnt listen and jus carry on. Thats very smart Ben. My mom wants me to work, but i dont want to work. HOW? i know u guys would encourage me to work lah. so dont bother! jus skip this part.
Few things i need to do after Os,
Walk my dog.
Sleep early.
Work out.
Start training to enter NP.
Take a dam long break. So guys don't miss me=(( cos chances are, i wont be contactable.
Thanks for all the nights we shared,
The laughter and tears and the very best.
I hope i wont be missing them,
But its best that i just move along.
Never once a hi-bye friend,
Never will be a hi-bye friend.
My selfishness, its killing me.
I really need a break from this so unrealistic work. I wanna go on a trip to a country where time is slow.. where i can relax and just submerge myself into the surrounding. Singapore is to fast too furious for me right now. If this continues, im going to be a lump of nervous wreck.
I've finally came to my decision. Yes it the ultimatum. Im going to draw a close line between friends and close friends and even closer friends. Im tired of pouring myself into a relationship that wont work and expect it to work. Does it even make sense to u guys? Seriously, why does this kind of things come at the wrong time?? Darren ur so right..
I have to admit altho i really dont want to, that the best advice given is none other than my mom. Altho however extremely irritating and nagging and jus mood crashing, whatever she warns me always comes true. And of cos me being myself, i wouldnt listen and jus carry on. Thats very smart Ben. My mom wants me to work, but i dont want to work. HOW? i know u guys would encourage me to work lah. so dont bother! jus skip this part.
Few things i need to do after Os,
Walk my dog.
Sleep early.
Work out.
Start training to enter NP.
Take a dam long break. So guys don't miss me=(( cos chances are, i wont be contactable.
Thanks for all the nights we shared,
The laughter and tears and the very best.
I hope i wont be missing them,
But its best that i just move along.
Never once a hi-bye friend,
Never will be a hi-bye friend.
My selfishness, its killing me.
I deserve whatever is happening to me right now.
I played with fire and i got burnt.
Just who? Just who is to blame?
I dont really expect much.
Perhaps jus a little concern and care,
Could make my day.
But all u wanna know is what is going on.
So what if i told u? U wouldnt give damn.
There are somethings which i really wanna say,
But as it is, i have really, really no say.
Im jus a third party and ill always be.
Always secretly trying to be with you
I let my heart ache jus to have a chat with you
How i wish i would understand
That things that would never change
Even though i try.
And if 1 day we really so meet,
Jus give me these 2 things.
Your so warm company
And ur silent, silent gaze.
I played with fire and i got burnt.
Just who? Just who is to blame?
I dont really expect much.
Perhaps jus a little concern and care,
Could make my day.
But all u wanna know is what is going on.
So what if i told u? U wouldnt give damn.
There are somethings which i really wanna say,
But as it is, i have really, really no say.
Im jus a third party and ill always be.
Always secretly trying to be with you
I let my heart ache jus to have a chat with you
How i wish i would understand
That things that would never change
Even though i try.
And if 1 day we really so meet,
Jus give me these 2 things.
Your so warm company
And ur silent, silent gaze.
Everyday is a brand new day.
Good morning everyone this is benjamin speaking and its saturday.
plans for today... music practice in church.
hope everything would be smooth and we wouldnt finish too late...
Im really getting chubby.. i guess its a high time to hit the courts.. Danvin is jus wanting for his hundred plus match.. sigh..
O lvl didnt start off too well=// But im not losing faith! im sure God will pull me thru. Thanks darren for ur never ending support..
Hi victoria =D if ur reading this... means u have woken up from ur slumber!! whcih means.... u have tuition! get rdy!! why are u reading this!?! get rdy!!*nnaaaagggsssss*
Good morning everyone this is benjamin speaking and its saturday.
plans for today... music practice in church.
hope everything would be smooth and we wouldnt finish too late...
Im really getting chubby.. i guess its a high time to hit the courts.. Danvin is jus wanting for his hundred plus match.. sigh..
O lvl didnt start off too well=// But im not losing faith! im sure God will pull me thru. Thanks darren for ur never ending support..
Hi victoria =D if ur reading this... means u have woken up from ur slumber!! whcih means.... u have tuition! get rdy!! why are u reading this!?! get rdy!!*nnaaaagggsssss*
I keep falling and falling and falling into the same trap...
And i look back and laugh at my stupidity
While im still falling and falling and falling into the same old same old trap.
And one day, will look back and laugh at my own stupidity.
Why... Why dont i ever learn.. Why?? Why? Dont we humans ever learn.
And i look back and laugh at my stupidity
While im still falling and falling and falling into the same old same old trap.
And one day, will look back and laugh at my own stupidity.
Why... Why dont i ever learn.. Why?? Why? Dont we humans ever learn.
I am sick and I am tired of putting faith in the ppl around me.
I regret doing so and from now on im not going to bother to do anything abt it anymore.
Im going to finish up my 3 weeks more in this school.
I somehow have this thing for always trusting ppl again even tho they failed you like all the time.
I realised that some people are jus different. Some people are true to their word, while some others(im not naming you cos i dont wanna humiliate u) jus cant. They turn back on their word, cancel outings all the time, always late and they think it is alright and tt person will understand. Well there is a limit to my patience. They dont apologise and further more they think whatever they do is alright cos they go to church, have a very enthu cell grp and WOW they are perfect.
Well im going to stop being nosey and poke my nose and help you if u need help any longer. I dont really care of u failed everything and i wont even bother cos im the one trying to help u while u arent even helping urself. I dont see why I AM always the one twist my time ard jus to help you while u wont do the same.
So stupid im not doing tt well myself either and im worried for someone else. Well, now im not going to bother even if u drop on ur knees and beg. ill say beg on.
I regret doing so and from now on im not going to bother to do anything abt it anymore.
Im going to finish up my 3 weeks more in this school.
I somehow have this thing for always trusting ppl again even tho they failed you like all the time.
I realised that some people are jus different. Some people are true to their word, while some others(im not naming you cos i dont wanna humiliate u) jus cant. They turn back on their word, cancel outings all the time, always late and they think it is alright and tt person will understand. Well there is a limit to my patience. They dont apologise and further more they think whatever they do is alright cos they go to church, have a very enthu cell grp and WOW they are perfect.
Well im going to stop being nosey and poke my nose and help you if u need help any longer. I dont really care of u failed everything and i wont even bother cos im the one trying to help u while u arent even helping urself. I dont see why I AM always the one twist my time ard jus to help you while u wont do the same.
So stupid im not doing tt well myself either and im worried for someone else. Well, now im not going to bother even if u drop on ur knees and beg. ill say beg on.
I wonder what have friendster become.
People to chat with each other
Friends suaning each other trying to win the never ending argument abt who loves who more.
Enemies to throw grenades of words at each other.
Where are the comments on ppl!! where where where. i think its being abused. well its jus penning down my thoughts.
I like this pic.
See the ball flying? Jasmine has a cool stance.
Alvin looks so bo chup.
I look jus me.
Justin looks like 'ouch!' i think he was doing 'the taiji-cum-yoga superdupersmash'. Very effective for volleyball. works all the time. He was jus charging up.
Barney has good phototaking skills. Well done!
Sigh. i realised something.. i always feel so down past 12. O.o weird.
People to chat with each other
Friends suaning each other trying to win the never ending argument abt who loves who more.
Enemies to throw grenades of words at each other.
Where are the comments on ppl!! where where where. i think its being abused. well its jus penning down my thoughts.
I like this pic.See the ball flying? Jasmine has a cool stance.
Alvin looks so bo chup.
I look jus me.
Justin looks like 'ouch!' i think he was doing 'the taiji-cum-yoga superdupersmash'. Very effective for volleyball. works all the time. He was jus charging up.
Barney has good phototaking skills. Well done!
Sigh. i realised something.. i always feel so down past 12. O.o weird.
Incubator
The tiny baby sleeps in a cage of wires.
Lights blink on and off:
its legs are thin as matches, and its hair,
a fuzz of limpid gold.
Sometimes it arches its tiny body,
stretches itself and yawns,
delicate as an egg in that machinery
which sings its own quite tune.
Machine, you are my mother now, you feed
with the slow drop of time.
It is warm here, sleepless mother,
raise me to run one day
with my leather schoolbag among blossoms
on a day of lesson and fire.
Wakeful machinery, be good to me,
hear me if I don't breath,
and ring your alarm bell, the panic
of your kind breast of steel.
Machinery, let us sleep together,
on the blossom of the night,
till i grow tall, till i leave you
and seek soft human arms.
Lain Crichton Smith
The tiny baby sleeps in a cage of wires.
Lights blink on and off:
its legs are thin as matches, and its hair,
a fuzz of limpid gold.
Sometimes it arches its tiny body,
stretches itself and yawns,
delicate as an egg in that machinery
which sings its own quite tune.
Machine, you are my mother now, you feed
with the slow drop of time.
It is warm here, sleepless mother,
raise me to run one day
with my leather schoolbag among blossoms
on a day of lesson and fire.
Wakeful machinery, be good to me,
hear me if I don't breath,
and ring your alarm bell, the panic
of your kind breast of steel.
Machinery, let us sleep together,
on the blossom of the night,
till i grow tall, till i leave you
and seek soft human arms.
Lain Crichton Smith
Was abt to go to bed when i decided to do a quick search on youtube for a song.
However, i came across this particular song.. and this person is called Keiko Matsui.
A pianist. And i was captivated by her music.. so overwhelm... So i jus laid down on my beanbag and enjoy heavenly music. Speaks to your soul. Her music.
I plan to buy her album.
Makes me regret not continuing learning piano from aunty nancy. Really do.
And i read abt her bio upon composing this song called forever forever.
One day, her child came to her and said "i love you forever, forever" and she decided to compose a song whcih speaks forever forever.
How i wish i could play half as well as her.
However, i came across this particular song.. and this person is called Keiko Matsui.
A pianist. And i was captivated by her music.. so overwhelm... So i jus laid down on my beanbag and enjoy heavenly music. Speaks to your soul. Her music.
I plan to buy her album.
Makes me regret not continuing learning piano from aunty nancy. Really do.
And i read abt her bio upon composing this song called forever forever.
One day, her child came to her and said "i love you forever, forever" and she decided to compose a song whcih speaks forever forever.
How i wish i could play half as well as her.
For goodness sake.. its jus O lvl..
why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?
gotta work on humanities..
new strategy to remember??
ill remember it as a song.. hope it works..
Why are people so shallow.. they go so far to prove their point even at the verge of provoking the other? how dumb. But im not getting provoked. Im going to be a good natured person=).
Thanks rachel for changing my blog skin=)
why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?
gotta work on humanities..
new strategy to remember??
ill remember it as a song.. hope it works..
Why are people so shallow.. they go so far to prove their point even at the verge of provoking the other? how dumb. But im not getting provoked. Im going to be a good natured person=).
Thanks rachel for changing my blog skin=)
People come,
and people go.
Look to the future,
and not the present.
present becomes past every single second.
Time and tide waits for no man.
Time and tide waits for Mr B.Yuen.
how i wish.
Im struggling right now.
Dont call it stress.
I think its worse.
Im not focused, and neither am i ready for anymore challenges.
God.. please.. Why do i have this nostalgia feeling for her. Makes extremely no sense. Archilles heel for sweet girls - sad case.
How i wish i could be a vagabond.
Where i can go and do anything without any emotions attached. But wouldnt that be a really sad thing.
God didnt say life was easy.. Did he say life would be hard?? i wonder.. But he did say 1 thing=) and that is he will help us. And i really do need help.
and people go.
Look to the future,
and not the present.
present becomes past every single second.
Time and tide waits for no man.
Time and tide waits for Mr B.Yuen.
how i wish.
Im struggling right now.
Dont call it stress.
I think its worse.
Im not focused, and neither am i ready for anymore challenges.
God.. please.. Why do i have this nostalgia feeling for her. Makes extremely no sense. Archilles heel for sweet girls - sad case.
How i wish i could be a vagabond.
Where i can go and do anything without any emotions attached. But wouldnt that be a really sad thing.
God didnt say life was easy.. Did he say life would be hard?? i wonder.. But he did say 1 thing=) and that is he will help us. And i really do need help.
im suppose to be studying right now, and i got a hideously large chap to cover.. but william hung on youtube is hysterical and im addicted. esp those ppl who edited the video which makes it to die for. im dying of laughter.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BcmsvGYfyjg
watch this.. the full thing for full dosage
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BcmsvGYfyjg
watch this.. the full thing for full dosage
He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others
Learn from the mistakes of others
You can't live long enough to make them allyourself.
Friends, you and me...
You brought another friend...
And then there were 3...
We started our group...
Our circle of friends...
And like that circle...
There is no beginning or end...
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called the present
Ive been reading Tuesday with morrie.. slowly..
And 1 thing really struck me is this old man morrie.
He quoted "Learn how to die, then u will learn how to live"
Sigh.. there is so many things going on at 1 time.
I think im getting to emotional again.
And seriously - i got no idea why.
I wish someone would jus care for me,
Take sometime to understand me.
Not laugh at how I feel.
Bothers abt how i feel.
Knows what is going on in my life.
And gives me encouragement.
God, where are u? I feel so lonely.
Today is such a crazy day...
Ive been mixing with other classmates and i figured out 1 thing... we do really stupid idle talk.. and its like sooo funny... Ppl like Ziyi(Zhang Ziyi) Wei cheah(Almost fierce) wah lao.. they are like.. lame. I dare say my lvl is probably the level tt my teachers will remember for the rest of their life.. every single one of Us..
Ziyi is like~ ill jus tell u what he did. we were suppose to be at the lab, ziyi and jian wen went into chem class... and didnt want to out.. i believe they were falling asleep on the sofa.. and my teacher couldnt come out.. next when they finally went out after like how long they walked pass Mr yeo class.. and shouted
"MR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeo"
and he replied"YES HOW CAN I HELP U MASTER WONG(wong ziyi)?"
"NTH" and walked off.. do u play this kind of jokes on ur teachers?
and my chem teacher was telling us how she horribly fell for that trick and told us to avenge her... -_-
LAB was horrible today..
I started my bunsen burner and it was a weak fire and the fan blew the flame onto my index finger... OUCH and i was howling for the next 1 hour(no jus abt 10 mins)
and the next thing my test tube cracked
i waited 10 mins for my chemical to change colour and realised i didnt put chemical Y.
So goon.
sigh... hope things turns for the better
Ive been mixing with other classmates and i figured out 1 thing... we do really stupid idle talk.. and its like sooo funny... Ppl like Ziyi(Zhang Ziyi) Wei cheah(Almost fierce) wah lao.. they are like.. lame. I dare say my lvl is probably the level tt my teachers will remember for the rest of their life.. every single one of Us..
Ziyi is like~ ill jus tell u what he did. we were suppose to be at the lab, ziyi and jian wen went into chem class... and didnt want to out.. i believe they were falling asleep on the sofa.. and my teacher couldnt come out.. next when they finally went out after like how long they walked pass Mr yeo class.. and shouted
"MR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeoMR yeo"
and he replied"YES HOW CAN I HELP U MASTER WONG(wong ziyi)?"
"NTH" and walked off.. do u play this kind of jokes on ur teachers?
and my chem teacher was telling us how she horribly fell for that trick and told us to avenge her... -_-
LAB was horrible today..
I started my bunsen burner and it was a weak fire and the fan blew the flame onto my index finger... OUCH and i was howling for the next 1 hour(no jus abt 10 mins)
and the next thing my test tube cracked
i waited 10 mins for my chemical to change colour and realised i didnt put chemical Y.
So goon.
sigh... hope things turns for the better
life is not as complicated as it is..
Someone said tt i made it complicated.
I didnt realise tt my chinese teacher understand us( or at least me ) so well.. what she said today was totally how i felt and still feel and it boost a little of my confidence..
I did smt tt has placed me in a spot. i dont know what to do.. it has been bothering me the whole entire day. God i pray tt u will give me the right solution.
I had a bad fall today.. sprinted to get a drop shot and had a heavy fall on my right knee. Hurts so much when i bend it.
Someone said tt i made it complicated.
I didnt realise tt my chinese teacher understand us( or at least me ) so well.. what she said today was totally how i felt and still feel and it boost a little of my confidence..
I did smt tt has placed me in a spot. i dont know what to do.. it has been bothering me the whole entire day. God i pray tt u will give me the right solution.
I had a bad fall today.. sprinted to get a drop shot and had a heavy fall on my right knee. Hurts so much when i bend it.
Tmr is chinese oral!!! And im beaming with confidence =) but im also very nervous.. The thought of it jus dreads me. But im a survival! Once im done with oral, im going to yell" IM A SURVIVAL!" classic=).
Jarod was soo lame today... have u ever tried to JAG Au young? Its like whatever u say, he has always something to counter.. so u get backfired. I was asking au young if he had an extra squash ball and jarod came*EXTRA* and said sir, i got 4 balls... then Au young was like "oh all of us here have 2 balls and u got 4" thats was it man.. samuel and me went away laughing like some mad ppl.
My school is the limit... jus imagine a whole bunch of upper sec rioting... lol?
Muthu comes to address us in the hall.. comes and shows us attitude..
Muthu: Boys u sit down!
Us(me excluded... im a good boy): BOO
Muthu: I say sit down! or no recess for u!
Us(me excluded... im a good boy): BOOOOO GET LOST LA... SIT DOWN LA...
Muthu:.... puts down the mic and walks off to complain to JK.
That was a sneak peek of my school=)
Im wondering how i would fair at the tourny><
Jarod was soo lame today... have u ever tried to JAG Au young? Its like whatever u say, he has always something to counter.. so u get backfired. I was asking au young if he had an extra squash ball and jarod came*EXTRA* and said sir, i got 4 balls... then Au young was like "oh all of us here have 2 balls and u got 4" thats was it man.. samuel and me went away laughing like some mad ppl.
My school is the limit... jus imagine a whole bunch of upper sec rioting... lol?
Muthu comes to address us in the hall.. comes and shows us attitude..
Muthu: Boys u sit down!
Us(me excluded... im a good boy): BOO
Muthu: I say sit down! or no recess for u!
Us(me excluded... im a good boy): BOOOOO GET LOST LA... SIT DOWN LA...
Muthu:.... puts down the mic and walks off to complain to JK.
That was a sneak peek of my school=)
Im wondering how i would fair at the tourny><
Smt happened today tt ive been trying to aviod for so long..
Well i guess its hard to really hide our emotions.. well for me that is.
i feel so drained.. in every single area of my life.
drained.
I once read a book abt apologies and it talks abt why apology doesnt work.
for example, i apologised, and she still gives attitude.
She thinks she doesnt need to apologise cos she doesnt find any reason to.
I think its alright.
They say, give time to the other party b4 trying to talk again or whatever.
But the bible say, tt we should make peace b4 the sunsets.
i dont know... but doing what the bible says really aint working out.
ok enough abt it.
IM STILL COUGHING LIKE MAD. WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG.
Well i guess its hard to really hide our emotions.. well for me that is.
i feel so drained.. in every single area of my life.
drained.
I once read a book abt apologies and it talks abt why apology doesnt work.
for example, i apologised, and she still gives attitude.
She thinks she doesnt need to apologise cos she doesnt find any reason to.
I think its alright.
They say, give time to the other party b4 trying to talk again or whatever.
But the bible say, tt we should make peace b4 the sunsets.
i dont know... but doing what the bible says really aint working out.
ok enough abt it.
IM STILL COUGHING LIKE MAD. WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG.
I jus read a very old convo.
And reading it made me very upset.
I was so so unfeeling and so not caring abt her feelings.
I jus continued saying how hurt i felt without giving a damn abt her feelings.
Im upset becos, i wont get tt chance anymore.
Wont get a chance to listen or care for her.
When will i let go.
And reading it made me very upset.
I was so so unfeeling and so not caring abt her feelings.
I jus continued saying how hurt i felt without giving a damn abt her feelings.
Im upset becos, i wont get tt chance anymore.
Wont get a chance to listen or care for her.
When will i let go.
Again ive come to a point of questioning.
This year seems like a year of questioning.
Questioning myself is easy,
Answering myself, out of 10 ill givem myself 2 for my answers.
Ive figured out tt its not the ppl around me, but its abt me, myself.
There is so much to change. So much things i know i need to do.
Where's my faith? I've come to ponder abt so dying faith.
WHY? i ask myself.. but i give myself a 2 marks answer.
Im really wasting time right now.
There are things tt time would have been better spent on.
Time has gone by. How i wish i could put the past behind me.
Its alright to think abt the past, but i think im over doing it..
cos i really miss my sec 2 days=P
But then right... im going to focus on the present=)
This year seems like a year of questioning.
Questioning myself is easy,
Answering myself, out of 10 ill givem myself 2 for my answers.
Ive figured out tt its not the ppl around me, but its abt me, myself.
There is so much to change. So much things i know i need to do.
Where's my faith? I've come to ponder abt so dying faith.
WHY? i ask myself.. but i give myself a 2 marks answer.
Im really wasting time right now.
There are things tt time would have been better spent on.
Time has gone by. How i wish i could put the past behind me.
Its alright to think abt the past, but i think im over doing it..
cos i really miss my sec 2 days=P
But then right... im going to focus on the present=)
Ive come to realise that in life, its not abt what i want.. its not abt getting all i want. Yes a sense of sastisfaction and achieving your goal is sweet.. but its not abt getting whatever i want..
I want... what more do i want?
i got everything i want, but why dont i feel happy?
What do i need?
I jus wanna be happy, i wannt smile.. i wanna laugh..
I did something really mean today.
I want... what more do i want?
i got everything i want, but why dont i feel happy?
What do i need?
I jus wanna be happy, i wannt smile.. i wanna laugh..
I did something really mean today.
A son just got his driving license and wanted a car. So he went to ask my father. His father promised him tt if he would graduate from the U, he would but him a car.
One day, the son came home waving a piece of paper in his hand. He had done well. His father said "Son im proud of u" and he handed his son a bible. His son face turned black. And yelled" where is my car? U promised me a car" he was so furious and stomp into his room. Slam the bible down on the table and pack his clothes. He left the house. Day after day, his father tried to explain and persuaded him to come home, but the son would not listen. And to avoid his father he went overseas.
News came to the son tt his father had passed away. He came back to collect his father's house.
When he opened the door, he was surprised tt nothing has changed. Passing his father's room, he entered his room. Expecting a dusty room which nobody had entered for years, he was surprised tt there wasnt a speck of dust. And in fact everything was neatly packed. Not how he was left his room when he went away from home. Taking a closer look at his bed, there was a arc where someone had sat there everyday.... many hours. He saw the bible which was neatly perched on the table. Taking it, he proceeded to open it. Upon opening it, a letter slipped out and fell on the floor.
A little curious, he sat on his bed and cautiously opened it. Unfolding a letter tt by now was yellow in colour.
The letter read
"Son, im proud of you. You have done well and as promised i shall buy u a car. However, i do not know what type of car u like, so here is a cheque. Im giving u $50,000 to buy a car that u like and a bible."
With trembling hands, the letter slipped from his hands as tears started dripping bit by bit.
Why doesnt anyone notice when im upset, or when im hurting all over.
One day, the son came home waving a piece of paper in his hand. He had done well. His father said "Son im proud of u" and he handed his son a bible. His son face turned black. And yelled" where is my car? U promised me a car" he was so furious and stomp into his room. Slam the bible down on the table and pack his clothes. He left the house. Day after day, his father tried to explain and persuaded him to come home, but the son would not listen. And to avoid his father he went overseas.
News came to the son tt his father had passed away. He came back to collect his father's house.
When he opened the door, he was surprised tt nothing has changed. Passing his father's room, he entered his room. Expecting a dusty room which nobody had entered for years, he was surprised tt there wasnt a speck of dust. And in fact everything was neatly packed. Not how he was left his room when he went away from home. Taking a closer look at his bed, there was a arc where someone had sat there everyday.... many hours. He saw the bible which was neatly perched on the table. Taking it, he proceeded to open it. Upon opening it, a letter slipped out and fell on the floor.
A little curious, he sat on his bed and cautiously opened it. Unfolding a letter tt by now was yellow in colour.
The letter read
"Son, im proud of you. You have done well and as promised i shall buy u a car. However, i do not know what type of car u like, so here is a cheque. Im giving u $50,000 to buy a car that u like and a bible."
With trembling hands, the letter slipped from his hands as tears started dripping bit by bit.
Why doesnt anyone notice when im upset, or when im hurting all over.
hmmm i happened to think of an old friend since pri school days and i started thinking abt all my old friends that i have lost touch with or dont really talk as much or we dont hit it off.. its really sad. But we as ppl, we change and move on with life...
How pathetic i m. thinking abt my life, im such a misery.
How pathetic i m. thinking abt my life, im such a misery.
i dont know how to face my parents.. my grandparents... what should i tell them.. i failed .. all my papers...
omg.. this is soo much worst then psle...
arghhh i hate myself.. i dont how to ans my leaders..
i feel like talking to someone.. but what is there to talk abt? its all my fault.. all my stupid fault... all i did was play play play..
play someone la.. ben play.. ya.. play.. play la.. u go play la.. play again I make sure I break ur hands.. make sure u cant use the keyboard again..
omg.. this is soo much worst then psle...
arghhh i hate myself.. i dont how to ans my leaders..
i feel like talking to someone.. but what is there to talk abt? its all my fault.. all my stupid fault... all i did was play play play..
play someone la.. ben play.. ya.. play.. play la.. u go play la.. play again I make sure I break ur hands.. make sure u cant use the keyboard again..
i dont know how to face my parents.. my grandparents... what should i tell them.. i failed .. all my papers...
omg.. this is soo much worst then psle...
arghhh i hate myself.. i dont how to ans my leaders..
i feel like talking to someone.. but what is there to talk abt? its all my fault.. all my stupid fault... all i did was play play play..
play someone la.. ben play.. ya.. play.. play la.. u go play la.. play again I make sure I break ur hands.. make sure u cant use the keyboard again..
omg.. this is soo much worst then psle...
arghhh i hate myself.. i dont how to ans my leaders..
i feel like talking to someone.. but what is there to talk abt? its all my fault.. all my stupid fault... all i did was play play play..
play someone la.. ben play.. ya.. play.. play la.. u go play la.. play again I make sure I break ur hands.. make sure u cant use the keyboard again..
i failed every single paper..
i failed math
i failed sci
i failed mt
i failed lit
i failed humans
if i fail english...
u tell me how?
okay im so panicky right now... feel like knocking my head right back to earth... and thank God.. its not my O lvls.
im panicking.
im darn worried
my heart ... its like its like... breaking and at the same time there is this wrenching pain.
and another part of me is telling to me start punching the wall
and another part is telling me jus go die.. shortcut.
wah lao.... screw maple.
i failed math
i failed sci
i failed mt
i failed lit
i failed humans
if i fail english...
u tell me how?
okay im so panicky right now... feel like knocking my head right back to earth... and thank God.. its not my O lvls.
im panicking.
im darn worried
my heart ... its like its like... breaking and at the same time there is this wrenching pain.
and another part of me is telling to me start punching the wall
and another part is telling me jus go die.. shortcut.
wah lao.... screw maple.
i feel so... i dont know. lol
okie. i was visiting Ben's friendster and wow... ooooooooooo so many girls wrote him comments. >< ok girls are the last of the issue.. for the time being.. lol..
today, i was at starbucks with darren and kk.. its my first time going to PS this year.. okay!!! but kk had to leave early to meet ooooo someone^^
so i was talking to darren while talking to him he started tearing up somecards... and i only realise it when he suddenly handed me a card fully in tact.. i was like.. omg? ehhh how u do!! lol im so slow.. like always.
okie. i was visiting Ben's friendster and wow... ooooooooooo so many girls wrote him comments. >< ok girls are the last of the issue.. for the time being.. lol..
today, i was at starbucks with darren and kk.. its my first time going to PS this year.. okay!!! but kk had to leave early to meet ooooo someone^^
so i was talking to darren while talking to him he started tearing up somecards... and i only realise it when he suddenly handed me a card fully in tact.. i was like.. omg? ehhh how u do!! lol im so slow.. like always.
ok=.= im unhappy. and my history exam tmr isnt helping at all.. i studied a fair bit, but i know its not enough! but im not going to touch tt book again!
Today i was watching a wuxia serial tt i bought and there was this scene tt was so touching.. its one the most touching or the MOST touching scene i ever saw. I was tearing and grinning at the same time, whats going on in my head?
left brain:"awww soooo sweeetttt.. he finally found his long lost uncle"
right brain:"LOL!! NO ORIGINALITY!"
left brain:"omggg soooo touching"
then i started laughing!! ahahahaha same old thing and tearing cos its sooo touching. okay i know im dumb.
sigh.. i finally found the song i have been looking for=) its
"Ive never been to me" by charlene.
Its such a sad song...=( and my love for blues...
for ppl who dont know music, Blues music makes u unhappy, however, contary to it, jazz makes u happy!?!? yes it does... but not for me.. its noise to me and gives me a headache..
sigh! bleah stupid exam tmr! i hate exams! im going to make a petition to the SG Government MOE to abolish all exams!! if they dont, we will go on strike! then march arm to arm to MOE at bouna vista and demand to see whoever the mp is.. i cant remember his name. if he refuses, we shall go on a pusche. The MOE pusche Led by Benjamin Yuen.
Okay.. if anybody from the government happpen to read this, im joking.
(too much hist.. i jus read abt Mao. cant blame me.. he brained washed me)
ok bye.
Today i was watching a wuxia serial tt i bought and there was this scene tt was so touching.. its one the most touching or the MOST touching scene i ever saw. I was tearing and grinning at the same time, whats going on in my head?
left brain:"awww soooo sweeetttt.. he finally found his long lost uncle"
right brain:"LOL!! NO ORIGINALITY!"
left brain:"omggg soooo touching"
then i started laughing!! ahahahaha same old thing and tearing cos its sooo touching. okay i know im dumb.
sigh.. i finally found the song i have been looking for=) its
"Ive never been to me" by charlene.
Its such a sad song...=( and my love for blues...
for ppl who dont know music, Blues music makes u unhappy, however, contary to it, jazz makes u happy!?!? yes it does... but not for me.. its noise to me and gives me a headache..
sigh! bleah stupid exam tmr! i hate exams! im going to make a petition to the SG Government MOE to abolish all exams!! if they dont, we will go on strike! then march arm to arm to MOE at bouna vista and demand to see whoever the mp is.. i cant remember his name. if he refuses, we shall go on a pusche. The MOE pusche Led by Benjamin Yuen.
Okay.. if anybody from the government happpen to read this, im joking.
(too much hist.. i jus read abt Mao. cant blame me.. he brained washed me)
ok bye.
right now, im reminiscing abt the past.. cos i jus saw something i shouldnt really see..
im telling myself this isnt the time.. not the right time to be feeling like that.. i got freaking math and chem tmr! and im sigh... hahas.. stupid la.
=))))
im proud to say im half rdy for battle!! up and on! b4 i my exam, ill do the battle cry.
"WE ARE ARMING FOR THE FIGHT"(slighty bending down and slapping thighs)
~taking a step forward
"PRESSING ON WITH ALL OUR MIGHT"(this time hitting chest)
~looking fierce.
"SAINTS"(JUMPS UP)
ok im rdy for math. bring it on... BRING IT ON!!!! I SAID BRING IT ON! oh wait.. the paper is tmr.
ok turn of events... im having butterflys in my tummy and i feel like skipping exam and give a mc.. saying oh i accidentally bite my finger cos i was too nervous.LOL like tt "O"s how? ill chew off my hand.
hmmm i wanna go kovan tmr.. its being almost a year? since i went there..
ill end here for nw.
long term goal? pass mid years.
im telling myself this isnt the time.. not the right time to be feeling like that.. i got freaking math and chem tmr! and im sigh... hahas.. stupid la.
=))))
im proud to say im half rdy for battle!! up and on! b4 i my exam, ill do the battle cry.
"WE ARE ARMING FOR THE FIGHT"(slighty bending down and slapping thighs)
~taking a step forward
"PRESSING ON WITH ALL OUR MIGHT"(this time hitting chest)
~looking fierce.
"SAINTS"(JUMPS UP)
ok im rdy for math. bring it on... BRING IT ON!!!! I SAID BRING IT ON! oh wait.. the paper is tmr.
ok turn of events... im having butterflys in my tummy and i feel like skipping exam and give a mc.. saying oh i accidentally bite my finger cos i was too nervous.LOL like tt "O"s how? ill chew off my hand.
hmmm i wanna go kovan tmr.. its being almost a year? since i went there..
ill end here for nw.
long term goal? pass mid years.
sigh...
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to meeee
happy birthday to me.
yay!!
Exams.
spoils the mood. im still sooo blur.. im okay with chem..... i think but not physics! omg i forgot abt physics... and of cos my humans! gosh.. thinking abt it already gives me a headache.
eh.. whats the problem with u?? huh huh huh!!
conclusion.
ok if i continue blogging, im going hurt someones feelings.
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to meeee
happy birthday to me.
yay!!
Exams.
spoils the mood. im still sooo blur.. im okay with chem..... i think but not physics! omg i forgot abt physics... and of cos my humans! gosh.. thinking abt it already gives me a headache.
eh.. whats the problem with u?? huh huh huh!!
conclusion.
ok if i continue blogging, im going hurt someones feelings.
I was jus talking to aidan, my senior, and i realized how much i missed all of them.
there, aidan, joseph, danvin, another joseph, yonghui, shaomin, emmanuel..
squash was really fun with them back then. but now, zzzzz bored to the pits... those were the days, where we would go out for dinner or shopping.. talk abt girls, and me, get bullied.. cos im the youngest.. butt of all jokes, and gets all the teasing.. but of cos i get the better treatment=) but now, i barely talk to them at all.
somehow, i miss the good old days... where training was at ccab.
also, i miss my sec 2 life.. its maybe the most memorable secondary school life i had. Leon and i.. hahas.. also it was then and when where i met many new friends. did stupid things together, and hitting cars with hockey ball.. it was also then when i met hannah=) i wonder how she is doing.
spending 1 more year in sec school.... really isnt nice... when i see all my other friends moving on, having their own lives, and me? still facing julia huang..
im tired.. i think ima go to sleep now..
there, aidan, joseph, danvin, another joseph, yonghui, shaomin, emmanuel..
squash was really fun with them back then. but now, zzzzz bored to the pits... those were the days, where we would go out for dinner or shopping.. talk abt girls, and me, get bullied.. cos im the youngest.. butt of all jokes, and gets all the teasing.. but of cos i get the better treatment=) but now, i barely talk to them at all.
somehow, i miss the good old days... where training was at ccab.
also, i miss my sec 2 life.. its maybe the most memorable secondary school life i had. Leon and i.. hahas.. also it was then and when where i met many new friends. did stupid things together, and hitting cars with hockey ball.. it was also then when i met hannah=) i wonder how she is doing.
spending 1 more year in sec school.... really isnt nice... when i see all my other friends moving on, having their own lives, and me? still facing julia huang..
im tired.. i think ima go to sleep now..
Never had a dream come true (s Club 7)
Everybody’s got something,
they had to leave behind,
One regret from yesterday,
that just seems to grow with time,
There’s no use looking back or wondering (or wondering),
How it could be now or might have been (or might have been),
Oh this I know,
but still I can’t find ways to let you go,
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you.
Somewhere in my memory
I’ve lost all sense of time,
And tomorrow can never becos yesterday is all that fills my mind,
There’s no use looking back or wondering (or wondering),
How it should be now or might have been (or might have been),
Oh this I know
but still I can’t find ways to let you go,
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
You’ll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will,
you know you will oh baby,
You’ll always be the one I know I’ll never forget,
There’s no use looking back or wondering (or wondering),
Because love is a strange and funny thing (and funny thing),
No matter how I try,
I try I just can’t say goodbye, no no no no,
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say (never found the words to say),
You’re the one I think about each day (you’re the one I think about each day),
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
A part of me will always be with you,
oooohhh.
one irritating thing is when u got a good story to blog abt.. and by the time u get home and type blogger.com, ur user and pw, and jus abt to type the whole thing jus vanishes.
downright awful.
oh yes! 1 thing that is more addictive to me then playing online games is.. common guess.. ur getting close... u got it! its lying on my bed and so totally absorbed into reading a live novel.. and i'll lie face down and then i get tired then face up and side ways then the other side. The cycle continues. And going wah lao... im so jealous!..
infact when my friend call me and here goes: ((*** aka toooot) this is rated G blog.. for family))
Manfred: BEN!!! WHERE IN THE TARNATION ARE U.. COME *****ON LA****FASTER****
Me: who are you?(he has no more ego) oh yesyes u were saying(but not bothering abt his reply, i continue reading and dreaming abt the female lead)
Manfred: OIII U LISTENING ANOT
Me: yaya(subconciously)
Manfred: YA LOR.. **** THEY COME **** DISTURB ME**** LETS GO **** THEM
#1 hour later#
Me: ok byebye( i finished my book)
Manfred: ok set see u there
Me: okok... Beep* ehhhhhh!!! wait wait wait what thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#########
ok thats how addictive reading is for me. once i start, i cant stop..
in school#####
IN the olden days
Teacher: DARREN STAND UP.. BEN UR TALKING TO HIM TOO STAND(with a louder tone and pitch) GEEEEEEEEEEET OUTTTTTTTTTTTT
Present####
Teacher: BENNNNN GIVE KEEP TT BOOK.. IF I SEE IT ONE MORE TIME ILL TEAR IT... (with a louder tone and pitch) BENJAMIN YUEN I SAY KEEP THE BOOK NOW!
ok thats my story.. omg im soo in love with the main character and and leading female character!!! omgomgomg i must read it again!!!
Justin so i hope u get my hint, dont give me another book...(ha, ha, im joking)
sigh... im so sick of online games im not going to touch it anymore..
ok tata im going on maple now.
downright awful.
oh yes! 1 thing that is more addictive to me then playing online games is.. common guess.. ur getting close... u got it! its lying on my bed and so totally absorbed into reading a live novel.. and i'll lie face down and then i get tired then face up and side ways then the other side. The cycle continues. And going wah lao... im so jealous!..
infact when my friend call me and here goes: ((*** aka toooot) this is rated G blog.. for family))
Manfred: BEN!!! WHERE IN THE TARNATION ARE U.. COME *****ON LA****FASTER****
Me: who are you?(he has no more ego) oh yesyes u were saying(but not bothering abt his reply, i continue reading and dreaming abt the female lead)
Manfred: OIII U LISTENING ANOT
Me: yaya(subconciously)
Manfred: YA LOR.. **** THEY COME **** DISTURB ME**** LETS GO **** THEM
#1 hour later#
Me: ok byebye( i finished my book)
Manfred: ok set see u there
Me: okok... Beep* ehhhhhh!!! wait wait wait what thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#########
ok thats how addictive reading is for me. once i start, i cant stop..
in school#####
IN the olden days
Teacher: DARREN STAND UP.. BEN UR TALKING TO HIM TOO STAND(with a louder tone and pitch) GEEEEEEEEEEET OUTTTTTTTTTTTT
Present####
Teacher: BENNNNN GIVE KEEP TT BOOK.. IF I SEE IT ONE MORE TIME ILL TEAR IT... (with a louder tone and pitch) BENJAMIN YUEN I SAY KEEP THE BOOK NOW!
ok thats my story.. omg im soo in love with the main character and and leading female character!!! omgomgomg i must read it again!!!
Justin so i hope u get my hint, dont give me another book...(ha, ha, im joking)
sigh... im so sick of online games im not going to touch it anymore..
ok tata im going on maple now.
I happened to chance upon xiaxue blog..
and she said
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
but.. hmmm i believe thats the titanic sank, and the ark didnt=)PTL.. our lord is pro's of the pro's
and further more.. the ark is way larger then the titanic
and she said
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
but.. hmmm i believe thats the titanic sank, and the ark didnt=)PTL.. our lord is pro's of the pro's
and further more.. the ark is way larger then the titanic
sigh... a teenage life is never easy.
Today, i borrowed a book called the teenages textbook.. its really lame, but the storyline is great.. if i could, ill blog the whole entire story down, but.. tts beyond me.. hahas. dont wanna get sued for infrigment of copy right. I really like the main character.. he has the attitude and character i really want..
i once heard a martial arts master said.. skills and stance, i can master it in 9-10 years.. but love is something in my whole lifetime ill never understand. perhaps.
why m i saying all these=.= no link at all.
Today, i borrowed a book called the teenages textbook.. its really lame, but the storyline is great.. if i could, ill blog the whole entire story down, but.. tts beyond me.. hahas. dont wanna get sued for infrigment of copy right. I really like the main character.. he has the attitude and character i really want..
i once heard a martial arts master said.. skills and stance, i can master it in 9-10 years.. but love is something in my whole lifetime ill never understand. perhaps.
why m i saying all these=.= no link at all.
Mid-Term Break
Seamus Heaney
poem
I sat all morning in the college sick bay
Counting bells knelling classes to a close.
At two o'clock our neighbors drove me home.
In the porch I met my father crying--
He had always taken funerals in his stride--
And Big Jim Evans saying it was a hard blow.
The baby cooed and laughed and rocked the pram
When I came in, and I was embarrassed
By old men standing up to shake my hand
And tell me they were "sorry for my trouble,"
Whispers informed strangers I was the eldest,
Away at school, as my mother held my hand
In hers and coughed out angry tearless sighs.
At ten o'clock the ambulance arrived
With the corpse, stanched and bandaged by the nurses.
Next morning I went up into the room. Snowdrops
And candles soothed the bedside; I saw him
For the first time in six weeks. Paler now,
Wearing a poppy bruise on his left temple,
He lay in the four foot box as in his cot.
No gaudy scars, the bumper knocked him clear.
A four foot box, a foot for every year.
i have felt the anguish of losing someone once,
i dont want to feel it the second time.
But its a fact that the second time would come.
im ponning school tmr.. and its because i got into a huge trouble with my chem teacher and im in for a discipline case. Perhaps im running away. Yes i intend to do that. But for how long.
Right now, 3 people are running thru my mind right now.
I someone feel so~ its a feeling that i have no idea how to pen it down.
I wont be able to sleep in peace tonight.
Lord, you felt a thousand time worst then what im feeling right now, its within my control to stop hurting you, but im sorry for being so selfish..
Im watching a chinese serial and there is this woman who has this love hate relationship with this guy, but because of a secret, she have to leave this guy.. She actually bears to break his heart.. cos of a secret.. tt her lover wanna kill her father..
Why did you have to tt to me?
its been 3 months, how long more will it linger.
i dont want to feel it the second time.
But its a fact that the second time would come.
im ponning school tmr.. and its because i got into a huge trouble with my chem teacher and im in for a discipline case. Perhaps im running away. Yes i intend to do that. But for how long.
Right now, 3 people are running thru my mind right now.
I someone feel so~ its a feeling that i have no idea how to pen it down.
I wont be able to sleep in peace tonight.
Lord, you felt a thousand time worst then what im feeling right now, its within my control to stop hurting you, but im sorry for being so selfish..
Im watching a chinese serial and there is this woman who has this love hate relationship with this guy, but because of a secret, she have to leave this guy.. She actually bears to break his heart.. cos of a secret.. tt her lover wanna kill her father..
Why did you have to tt to me?
its been 3 months, how long more will it linger.
hmmm ive decided to blog again
right now, im feeling lowest of the lowest after a very very long time..
its really hard to describe and perhaps talking to someone would help, but.. who to talk to? everyone is busy.. hahas.. im 16, going 17... pretty much old enough to take care of myself.
right now a question that has been popping in and out of my head after a really long time..
Am i happy?
A couple of months back, someone asked me that question and right now, im asking myself again..
My grade are zooooooooooom down down down... 3 test tmr... triple zero next week..
im not in working condition... neither do i feel like working..... maybe i wont..
if i called someone and tell him my situation, he would coax me to study..
wait.. maybe everything that is going on in my life right now, is caused by me.
what is wrong with me? seriously i dont know
hahas im jus type random crap.
Im thinking so much right now, my head feels like jus bursting... but i cant go to sleep cos i havnt study, but i dont feel like studying.. my life has become a irony... i really really dread going to school tmr..
My birthday is jus down the corner, and i dont feel like celebrating it.. i dont want a birthday this year..
My life is one full of hardship and the hardest thing to accept is tt i am the one tt caused all this.
ok im tired.. i think ill go to bed..
i shouldnt blame life, i shouldnt blame God. I should blame myself.
right now, im feeling lowest of the lowest after a very very long time..
its really hard to describe and perhaps talking to someone would help, but.. who to talk to? everyone is busy.. hahas.. im 16, going 17... pretty much old enough to take care of myself.
right now a question that has been popping in and out of my head after a really long time..
Am i happy?
A couple of months back, someone asked me that question and right now, im asking myself again..
My grade are zooooooooooom down down down... 3 test tmr... triple zero next week..
im not in working condition... neither do i feel like working..... maybe i wont..
if i called someone and tell him my situation, he would coax me to study..
wait.. maybe everything that is going on in my life right now, is caused by me.
what is wrong with me? seriously i dont know
hahas im jus type random crap.
Im thinking so much right now, my head feels like jus bursting... but i cant go to sleep cos i havnt study, but i dont feel like studying.. my life has become a irony... i really really dread going to school tmr..
My birthday is jus down the corner, and i dont feel like celebrating it.. i dont want a birthday this year..
My life is one full of hardship and the hardest thing to accept is tt i am the one tt caused all this.
ok im tired.. i think ill go to bed..
i shouldnt blame life, i shouldnt blame God. I should blame myself.
Thursday.
Leon said i was getting unfit.. =) hahas... i guess so..
Today was a relatively bad day.
I jus realised that this world has so much more different people then i ever knew.. guess i still got a lot to learn. I somehow feel really stupid right now. Why cant ppl be true to their word? yao jiang yi qi.. hahas well sounds so pai kia.. but i think its something which we must do.
Zzzzz there seems to be a dupe wipe on ko.. if my items happens to dissapear, i guess thats a cure to me gaming.. what should i play next?
zzzz i know la "study".. hahas^^
Leon said i was getting unfit.. =) hahas... i guess so..
Today was a relatively bad day.
I jus realised that this world has so much more different people then i ever knew.. guess i still got a lot to learn. I somehow feel really stupid right now. Why cant ppl be true to their word? yao jiang yi qi.. hahas well sounds so pai kia.. but i think its something which we must do.
Zzzzz there seems to be a dupe wipe on ko.. if my items happens to dissapear, i guess thats a cure to me gaming.. what should i play next?
zzzz i know la "study".. hahas^^
ok blog.. right now im really mad... im really really mad.. why should i help someone when they dont even appreciate it yah? I really feel like talking to Grace chua now.. but i guess she will be busy.. talking to justin? exams.. haha... how stupid can this get?
The whole story.
I was browsing my msn list when i saw someone whom i have a little attachment to with a really really downcast msn nickname and out of "concern""care" i decided to msg tt person(which i really regretting in the end).
Ended up to us arguing... haha how stupid right? Maybe i shouldnt have been a busybody to even try to talk sense.. the outcome wasnt like how i expected... which was me losing my temper... and trust me, it was the last thing i really wanna do... but u know... sometimes u jus gotta listen to someone older then u.. and whom have been through it to... and i know exactly how u are thinking... and.. no matter how i try to explain... i try to reason things out.. end up to things being my fault for even talking to u.... great u dont care if u lose a friend yah? then why should i care? after all, ur mind is filled with tt "guy" and whatever i say is pointless cos u feel tt way..
Ive long gone thru experience by jus going with my feeling.... its really decieving and ends up with greater hurt and regret... the past year was full of it and perhaps i made the greatest mistake on my birthday..( if ur reading this, dont think tt i hate u... who is the one who blocked and deleted me from your msn)
ok what i jus said was going with my feelings... i guess i still got a long way to go, but from now on, before i ask someone whats wrong, im really going to think twice...
If the past few days u even took me as a friend, why didnt u msg me? JH jus forget everything... asking how ur day was can be so hurting, i really dont see why we should even talk anymore... but whocares yah?
ok im super piss off now... this post is not complete and i dont intend to complete it.
The whole story.
I was browsing my msn list when i saw someone whom i have a little attachment to with a really really downcast msn nickname and out of "concern""care" i decided to msg tt person(which i really regretting in the end).
Ended up to us arguing... haha how stupid right? Maybe i shouldnt have been a busybody to even try to talk sense.. the outcome wasnt like how i expected... which was me losing my temper... and trust me, it was the last thing i really wanna do... but u know... sometimes u jus gotta listen to someone older then u.. and whom have been through it to... and i know exactly how u are thinking... and.. no matter how i try to explain... i try to reason things out.. end up to things being my fault for even talking to u.... great u dont care if u lose a friend yah? then why should i care? after all, ur mind is filled with tt "guy" and whatever i say is pointless cos u feel tt way..
Ive long gone thru experience by jus going with my feeling.... its really decieving and ends up with greater hurt and regret... the past year was full of it and perhaps i made the greatest mistake on my birthday..( if ur reading this, dont think tt i hate u... who is the one who blocked and deleted me from your msn)
ok what i jus said was going with my feelings... i guess i still got a long way to go, but from now on, before i ask someone whats wrong, im really going to think twice...
If the past few days u even took me as a friend, why didnt u msg me? JH jus forget everything... asking how ur day was can be so hurting, i really dont see why we should even talk anymore... but whocares yah?
ok im super piss off now... this post is not complete and i dont intend to complete it.
what is going on???
recently, ive been having a lot of arguments with my friends... and i jus lost 2 good friends... seriously im at a lost right now and my mind is totally blank as well as a whole load of questions going thru it right now...
yes its always sad losing a friend, but i gotta move on.... not tt i dont care abt tt friend anymore... but i jus dont know how... perhaps, im jus not the right person... im not as good as i m when it come to words now adays...
Grace ur greatly mistaken when u said my eq has improved..
They both said i had attitude problem... 1 directly and another indirectly.... well if ur reading my blog, u prolly know who u are.. anywaes it was nice knowing u...
Sometimes i find it soo hard caring for ppl... 1 whom i take time off to spend time with, the other whom i try comforting? cant think of a better word right now... where does my fault lie?? why do u keep taking advantage of my patience??
I send u words of encouragement, u reply me with 1-2 msges.... say ohh ok.. or ok... or better still"0.O"...
Lol who knows, i may even lose all my friends... wouldnt tt be great?xD
anywaes since those are none of my concern anymore...
im going to have a hard time in school this week...tmr is sports day... and i seriously dont feel like going for it.... jus to see ppl run?? i rather see horses run.
recently, ive been having a lot of arguments with my friends... and i jus lost 2 good friends... seriously im at a lost right now and my mind is totally blank as well as a whole load of questions going thru it right now...
yes its always sad losing a friend, but i gotta move on.... not tt i dont care abt tt friend anymore... but i jus dont know how... perhaps, im jus not the right person... im not as good as i m when it come to words now adays...
Grace ur greatly mistaken when u said my eq has improved..
They both said i had attitude problem... 1 directly and another indirectly.... well if ur reading my blog, u prolly know who u are.. anywaes it was nice knowing u...
Sometimes i find it soo hard caring for ppl... 1 whom i take time off to spend time with, the other whom i try comforting? cant think of a better word right now... where does my fault lie?? why do u keep taking advantage of my patience??
I send u words of encouragement, u reply me with 1-2 msges.... say ohh ok.. or ok... or better still"0.O"...
Lol who knows, i may even lose all my friends... wouldnt tt be great?xD
anywaes since those are none of my concern anymore...
im going to have a hard time in school this week...tmr is sports day... and i seriously dont feel like going for it.... jus to see ppl run?? i rather see horses run.
I suddenly got a question tt is bothering me right now...
and i cant remember it cos someone jus msn me and i =.= i forgot... ok right.
Sigh... life is pretty draggy right now. havnt studied for the past few months... jus playing com like crazy... i guess tt gotta stop soon... if not im surely dead... test coming up=) and i dont know the dates.. sigh.. not so easy being a student right now.. i dont know why i dont feel like tt when i was younger like maybe in primary school.... but now, worrying abt everything...
I guess some memories cant be forgottened, im coping pretty fine with it=) thank God... Many ppl have been thru their each and other own individual "trouble" to put it mildly... hmmm
oh yes i remembered...
Hmmm today i happen to go blog browsing after perhaps a few long 4 months. And i visited many blogs whom authors were pretty close to me at a point of time.. be it 3 days? to perhaps a month.. lol... i mean yea... 3 days and how a friendship and bloom.. interesting eh? then after the 3 days, stopped all communication... sigh.. well tt was 3 years back.. and oh oh.. this funny one.. said tt she was going to teach me how to express my feelings.. hahas.. =) tt was 2 years back.... and this love-hate relationship i had with this person.... hmmmm
But after a certain amt of time, we jus drift apart? and why is tt so? God did u place them there in my life for a reason? or was it jus my foolishness for i dont know.. hahas what m i saying?? im drunk.
I really need something to keep me pushing foward, rather then entertain idle thoughts... like i m right now.. sigh... im only 17 this year... and i wanna die at maybe 70... 53 years more of this?? oh no! im screwed.
ok frankly, i wanna know if ppl reads my blog.. if u read this post, please tag. much appreciated.. and thanks in advance.
and i cant remember it cos someone jus msn me and i =.= i forgot... ok right.
Sigh... life is pretty draggy right now. havnt studied for the past few months... jus playing com like crazy... i guess tt gotta stop soon... if not im surely dead... test coming up=) and i dont know the dates.. sigh.. not so easy being a student right now.. i dont know why i dont feel like tt when i was younger like maybe in primary school.... but now, worrying abt everything...
I guess some memories cant be forgottened, im coping pretty fine with it=) thank God... Many ppl have been thru their each and other own individual "trouble" to put it mildly... hmmm
oh yes i remembered...
Hmmm today i happen to go blog browsing after perhaps a few long 4 months. And i visited many blogs whom authors were pretty close to me at a point of time.. be it 3 days? to perhaps a month.. lol... i mean yea... 3 days and how a friendship and bloom.. interesting eh? then after the 3 days, stopped all communication... sigh.. well tt was 3 years back.. and oh oh.. this funny one.. said tt she was going to teach me how to express my feelings.. hahas.. =) tt was 2 years back.... and this love-hate relationship i had with this person.... hmmmm
But after a certain amt of time, we jus drift apart? and why is tt so? God did u place them there in my life for a reason? or was it jus my foolishness for i dont know.. hahas what m i saying?? im drunk.
I really need something to keep me pushing foward, rather then entertain idle thoughts... like i m right now.. sigh... im only 17 this year... and i wanna die at maybe 70... 53 years more of this?? oh no! im screwed.
ok frankly, i wanna know if ppl reads my blog.. if u read this post, please tag. much appreciated.. and thanks in advance.
crap la... today is a lousy day.. so irritated.... and rain was irritating too..
man i tell u, stupid chinese teacher... made me soo pissed off... i hate tt attitude of hers... she makes herself out like sooo freaking busy and stressed... and arghhhh.. cant be bothered to explain... so annoying... so i decided to go home than rather going for the stupid oral test...
u know what?? i dont give a damn anymore... so many days, i withheld myself from replying u.. deleting ur msgs.. and jus getting on with life until today... i guess its over.. the friendship between us... im breaking it.
man i tell u, stupid chinese teacher... made me soo pissed off... i hate tt attitude of hers... she makes herself out like sooo freaking busy and stressed... and arghhhh.. cant be bothered to explain... so annoying... so i decided to go home than rather going for the stupid oral test...
u know what?? i dont give a damn anymore... so many days, i withheld myself from replying u.. deleting ur msgs.. and jus getting on with life until today... i guess its over.. the friendship between us... im breaking it.
The Bicycle Ride
I step into the Autumn morning
like a First Communicant
and ride off down the lane,
singing.
Across the frosty fields
someone is mending fences
knock knock knock,
and a twig that's caught
in my bicycle spokes
tinkles like a musical box.
The village smells of wood-ash
and warm horses.
Shining crows rise
into the sky like hymns.
I have to pass the church
where my father is buried.
It's a wonderful church.
The Christ in the chancel
is carved by Eric Gill.
There are guidebooks in the nave,
and every day the villagers come
to put fresh flowers
on the graves. My father's
is under the yew tree
by the wall. I look at it
out of the corner of my eye
as i go cycling past,
making for open country.
We didn't go this way
after the funeral -
my mother and me,
and my sad unfamilar aunts
crying and crying
for their lost brother.
In hired cars,
we went straight home,
where some kind person
had made us tea
and tiny sandwiches.
They were like pocket-handkerchiefs.
Pat, pat, pat ... My father
used to dry my tears like that.
By Selima Hill
I step into the Autumn morning
like a First Communicant
and ride off down the lane,
singing.
Across the frosty fields
someone is mending fences
knock knock knock,
and a twig that's caught
in my bicycle spokes
tinkles like a musical box.
The village smells of wood-ash
and warm horses.
Shining crows rise
into the sky like hymns.
I have to pass the church
where my father is buried.
It's a wonderful church.
The Christ in the chancel
is carved by Eric Gill.
There are guidebooks in the nave,
and every day the villagers come
to put fresh flowers
on the graves. My father's
is under the yew tree
by the wall. I look at it
out of the corner of my eye
as i go cycling past,
making for open country.
We didn't go this way
after the funeral -
my mother and me,
and my sad unfamilar aunts
crying and crying
for their lost brother.
In hired cars,
we went straight home,
where some kind person
had made us tea
and tiny sandwiches.
They were like pocket-handkerchiefs.
Pat, pat, pat ... My father
used to dry my tears like that.
By Selima Hill
a had a chat with a few of my old friends jus 5 mins ago and still chatting with them currently... hmm im glad they are doing pretty fine right now and im happy for them.. ok.... melody jus said i was cute....-.- but its alright.. it made my day=) i got a lunch date with her=) where should we go?? chimes?
ok.... im so tired now... altho ive been sleeping like a pig the past few days.. hahas hmmm im really bored.. i seriously dont know how to survive next week.. no school... surely die la...=( save me someone...
i went to the suntec it fair.. and boy! was hella pack... moving an inch a min.. everyone was neck to neck... shoulder to shoulder... butt to butt... hahas =) and u know... IT fair is a place which i can go to everyday!!! prices were slashed a lot... but the ram i wanted was only slashed 4 dollars=( from 108 to 104... ='(
wanted to go xiao long bao! i was craving for it... but also it was totally full... we went to carls jr... finally had a chance to go there=)) the burger was hugmongous..
The bible depics love in a very very delicate manner... it says
LOVE is patient
LOVE is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrong.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always persevers.
I love this chapt..
and i LOVE you=)
ok.... im so tired now... altho ive been sleeping like a pig the past few days.. hahas hmmm im really bored.. i seriously dont know how to survive next week.. no school... surely die la...=( save me someone...
i went to the suntec it fair.. and boy! was hella pack... moving an inch a min.. everyone was neck to neck... shoulder to shoulder... butt to butt... hahas =) and u know... IT fair is a place which i can go to everyday!!! prices were slashed a lot... but the ram i wanted was only slashed 4 dollars=( from 108 to 104... ='(
wanted to go xiao long bao! i was craving for it... but also it was totally full... we went to carls jr... finally had a chance to go there=)) the burger was hugmongous..
The bible depics love in a very very delicate manner... it says
LOVE is patient
LOVE is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrong.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always persevers.
I love this chapt..
and i LOVE you=)
today, my topic shall be the essence of a man.
Now what is this special thing is us human that we all share in common. This little affection we have in our love ones..
and that we are able to feel their sadness and all their feelings..
for example, seeing someone i love so dearly, upset, makes me upset too.. and sometimes it gives me a sense of uselessness that i am unable to do anything.. and that im incompentent... seeing someone i love so much suffering with me, thats someone im unable to bring myself to do, so i promised myself that i would study hard and give tt person i hold so dearly to my heart a good life in future..
the essence of a man,
great strength,
can be subjected great responsibilities and task and fulfilling them.
being able to commit to something
being able to presson, persevere
able to go thru hardships and from that learn from his mistakes.
now the question i bring forth today is, do u have that essence?
do i have tt essence?
right now, i got a lot of things on my mind and its making my very stressed up...tho i greatly regret somethings,
ppl close to me and who are great observers, will know that whatever i do, i first do a lot of strategic planning.. and i dont plan for it to fail.. which is my greatest downfall.. and most of the time, i meet failure face to face not too well.. and i sometimes wonder does anyone understand? if they do, do they actually care?
do u care for others around u?? are u sensitive enough?? when ur at a dead end, ask urself questions... and u will be surprised by your ans.
Now what is this special thing is us human that we all share in common. This little affection we have in our love ones..
and that we are able to feel their sadness and all their feelings..
for example, seeing someone i love so dearly, upset, makes me upset too.. and sometimes it gives me a sense of uselessness that i am unable to do anything.. and that im incompentent... seeing someone i love so much suffering with me, thats someone im unable to bring myself to do, so i promised myself that i would study hard and give tt person i hold so dearly to my heart a good life in future..
the essence of a man,
great strength,
can be subjected great responsibilities and task and fulfilling them.
being able to commit to something
being able to presson, persevere
able to go thru hardships and from that learn from his mistakes.
now the question i bring forth today is, do u have that essence?
do i have tt essence?
right now, i got a lot of things on my mind and its making my very stressed up...tho i greatly regret somethings,
ppl close to me and who are great observers, will know that whatever i do, i first do a lot of strategic planning.. and i dont plan for it to fail.. which is my greatest downfall.. and most of the time, i meet failure face to face not too well.. and i sometimes wonder does anyone understand? if they do, do they actually care?
do u care for others around u?? are u sensitive enough?? when ur at a dead end, ask urself questions... and u will be surprised by your ans.
so tired today....
squash was a disaster! sigh.... reflexes a little slow today... must be due to the flu... had problem reacting fast.. hmmm
I made up with JH..it was more of a relieve... it hurts me to push her away... but i still did it... and the hurt is gone.. how stupid m i, to not treasure a friend who was always there for me... im stupid..
i hope that i will get well soon!!!
chibi!!<3333 u didnt blog abt me!=(
hahas nvm...
squash was a disaster! sigh.... reflexes a little slow today... must be due to the flu... had problem reacting fast.. hmmm
I made up with JH..it was more of a relieve... it hurts me to push her away... but i still did it... and the hurt is gone.. how stupid m i, to not treasure a friend who was always there for me... im stupid..
i hope that i will get well soon!!!
chibi!!<3333 u didnt blog abt me!=(
hahas nvm...
i slept for dont know how long..... around 16 hours... hahas
and im still sick... my throat is still as sore, and nose still as block and im jus totally tired...
during the long long time i slept, i kept thinking of someone... someone who was pretty special, but whom i chased away...
ahaha nvm... its time for school... my head is spinnnning
ciao... hope i make it home alive
and im still sick... my throat is still as sore, and nose still as block and im jus totally tired...
during the long long time i slept, i kept thinking of someone... someone who was pretty special, but whom i chased away...
ahaha nvm... its time for school... my head is spinnnning
ciao... hope i make it home alive
Its3.48 am right now.
Hahas... it been quite a while since ive been up this late.. since around the last week of dec hols??
Yup.. its long past my bed time... but i cant sleep.... so i decided to watch the last disk of tian long ba bu...
there is so much on my mind. im so greatly troubled...
God.. when everyone fails me, i know that u never will... ive been away from u far too long, i guess its time for me to come back..
i dont know how to continue writing or what to write... i guess i better get going...
Its a pain that will stay on for quite awhile more... but im not alone... when everyone leaves me, i know tt lord, ur always with me...
Hahas... it been quite a while since ive been up this late.. since around the last week of dec hols??
Yup.. its long past my bed time... but i cant sleep.... so i decided to watch the last disk of tian long ba bu...
there is so much on my mind. im so greatly troubled...
God.. when everyone fails me, i know that u never will... ive been away from u far too long, i guess its time for me to come back..
i dont know how to continue writing or what to write... i guess i better get going...
Its a pain that will stay on for quite awhile more... but im not alone... when everyone leaves me, i know tt lord, ur always with me...
i miss her and i wanna talk to her... i got so much to tell u.... but ironically, i wished u wouldnt call... i wouldnt know what to say... neither do i wanna hear anything from u... ihateu.. but i miss ur voice.. i miss ur comforts.. do u know how lonely i feel right now? i feel so alone... so alone
Its been a month... i thought i gotten over u^^ but as i write this, a crystal clear tear, trickle down my face..
i feel a great anxiety to pry open the box where i kept all the things u gave me... i want to hold u close to me and breath the whisp of ur hair... i feel so weak without you.. i want to be enveloped in your arms.. feeling tt security that i have with u... but now i feel so vulnerable....
A great sense of saddness is overwhelming..
i cant carry on typing..
goodbye my love..
goodbye forever.
goodbye.
saddness and tears are overpowering me....
where are u my friend.. Cheryl
when i need u right now.
Its been a month... i thought i gotten over u^^ but as i write this, a crystal clear tear, trickle down my face..
i feel a great anxiety to pry open the box where i kept all the things u gave me... i want to hold u close to me and breath the whisp of ur hair... i feel so weak without you.. i want to be enveloped in your arms.. feeling tt security that i have with u... but now i feel so vulnerable....
A great sense of saddness is overwhelming..
i cant carry on typing..
goodbye my love..
goodbye forever.
goodbye.
saddness and tears are overpowering me....
where are u my friend.. Cheryl
when i need u right now.
Sigh... today was a long day... PE was chao boring la... cos of mr chong...
Raining the whole entire day... was freezing cold..
Last 2 period was english... seeing the worst teacher ever and after that, i got chinese CT paper2.... told us so last min, but i think i have chances of passing! if i pass this paper, which i doubt, it would be the first chinese exam i passed for like 3 years! even if i dont, ill still work hard to passing it and my goal of course is may-june Olvls..
Pulled my left thigh muscle.. was ok after a period of time...
ENG results were a total disaster! I got one of the lowest which really hurt my ego and ontop of samuel doing much better, my ego was left to a big humongous ZERO.
sigh... i come to a point of my life where i start to ask, why did God place me here?
Raining the whole entire day... was freezing cold..
Last 2 period was english... seeing the worst teacher ever and after that, i got chinese CT paper2.... told us so last min, but i think i have chances of passing! if i pass this paper, which i doubt, it would be the first chinese exam i passed for like 3 years! even if i dont, ill still work hard to passing it and my goal of course is may-june Olvls..
Pulled my left thigh muscle.. was ok after a period of time...
ENG results were a total disaster! I got one of the lowest which really hurt my ego and ontop of samuel doing much better, my ego was left to a big humongous ZERO.
sigh... i come to a point of my life where i start to ask, why did God place me here?
Im so angry!!!!
My dad took away the laptop.
Stupid samuel rather to go to colony zone than to help me chase away the 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KSERS! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
My stupid brother is sooooooo damn irritating.... ahhhhhhhhhhh im going crazy... im so sick sick sick sick sick... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BLOGG U TELL ME WHY IS EVERYTHING LIKE THAT?? HUH HUH HUH U TELL ME.! stupid=(
I wanted to see doctor.
My dad took away the laptop.
Stupid samuel rather to go to colony zone than to help me chase away the 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KSERS! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
My stupid brother is sooooooo damn irritating.... ahhhhhhhhhhh im going crazy... im so sick sick sick sick sick... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BLOGG U TELL ME WHY IS EVERYTHING LIKE THAT?? HUH HUH HUH U TELL ME.! stupid=(
I wanted to see doctor.
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Wanna eat, eat yummy food Wanna play, play what u like, Wanna nuah abit, nuah till melt into bed Wanna work, work till earn a lot So u can ...
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I dont know what im getting myself into, but i really dont mind giving it 1 more try. I hope i dont live to regret it
