不是刺痛…而是隐隐的…
还有什么好留念的？
是我不够好么？不同的人同样的情节。。
我决定封闭了。
我决定封闭了。
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
It probably doesn't feel good for you either, but it's just that I am just not strong enough to face up to this challenge ahead.
Like what I always said, you are prettier smiling. Don't look back once you made this decision.
The only reason why I could justify for these happening is probably because you would have met guys who are much better than me. And I certainly hope they do treat you better than I do.
What a year of highs and lows. For now.. I just want to give it all away.
Happy 2015, ahead.
To everyone. To a separated future. And a happier future.
Like what I always said, you are prettier smiling. Don't look back once you made this decision.
The only reason why I could justify for these happening is probably because you would have met guys who are much better than me. And I certainly hope they do treat you better than I do.
What a year of highs and lows. For now.. I just want to give it all away.
Happy 2015, ahead.
To everyone. To a separated future. And a happier future.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
After we separated, there was so many things which I realized that I wanted to do.. with you.
But because this involved money, and we always claimed to want to save money, so we always ended up staying at home. Losing out on all these experiences is indeed one of the regrets that I had.
There are just some things which I just wanted to do but realized that it could have been a burst bubble if it failed.
"I so wanted to fly over to where you are to find you."
Having the need to want to talk to you, but it probably is just a state of mind that caused me to not do anything because of being too hurt. If it meant that the relationship failed because of this, I guess I possibly deserved it.
Over-commitment. This is the word which was said to me when I described my thoughts. Did I really over-commit thinking that how much commitment you put into a relationship would reciprocate some form of expectation and rewards? Was I just nonchalant about some things in life and pretend to not think it is something which I should think about?
Life is just so blurry, and so many things to explore. If what he told me was true, I really wonder how would people view me. What would life become in future?
But because this involved money, and we always claimed to want to save money, so we always ended up staying at home. Losing out on all these experiences is indeed one of the regrets that I had.
There are just some things which I just wanted to do but realized that it could have been a burst bubble if it failed.
"I so wanted to fly over to where you are to find you."
Having the need to want to talk to you, but it probably is just a state of mind that caused me to not do anything because of being too hurt. If it meant that the relationship failed because of this, I guess I possibly deserved it.
Over-commitment. This is the word which was said to me when I described my thoughts. Did I really over-commit thinking that how much commitment you put into a relationship would reciprocate some form of expectation and rewards? Was I just nonchalant about some things in life and pretend to not think it is something which I should think about?
Life is just so blurry, and so many things to explore. If what he told me was true, I really wonder how would people view me. What would life become in future?
Sunday, November 9, 2014
This is the hardest and most cruel reply you can ever get from someone.
Knowing that the person has feelings for you still, but still tell you that she likes someone else. Asking you for advice.
It's painful. Bloody painful. It's..unimaginable how someone can do this..
So many voices around, so many views. But it all doesn't matter because it boils down to the decision that two people make.
It was a dream which was supposedly coming true. But it ended up as a dream bubble that bursted at the end of the day. Although it was a beautiful dream, but it ended up as a nightmare.
When everything is just memories of what happens in daily life, it becomes a torment to just walk around because these things just come back to you naturally. I guess, time will cure. It's just how long it would be.
Knowing that the person has feelings for you still, but still tell you that she likes someone else. Asking you for advice.
It's painful. Bloody painful. It's..unimaginable how someone can do this..
So many voices around, so many views. But it all doesn't matter because it boils down to the decision that two people make.
It was a dream which was supposedly coming true. But it ended up as a dream bubble that bursted at the end of the day. Although it was a beautiful dream, but it ended up as a nightmare.
When everything is just memories of what happens in daily life, it becomes a torment to just walk around because these things just come back to you naturally. I guess, time will cure. It's just how long it would be.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
The open letter
I would like to start with sorries.
I'm sorry that I couldn't make you as happy as you should be in a relationship. Probably even new friends you meet now makes you happier than being with me. A man who could not provide laughter to his spouse would not be in a relationship which can last long.
There are many things which I could do for you, but there are some things which you thought of as a major which I may or may not have noticed and did not do for you, for that, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I was indecisive. I just wanted you to have your choices.
Your smile is so much prettier now, I hope your next relationship would keep you smiling as prettily as you are now. Don't be the same as when you were with me, although I'm sure you would end up with someone much better than me. I'm just the lowest benchmark.
Hurts? Of course it hurts. Knowing someone is happier without you when you are together with the person. It's more painful than quarrelling in a relationship, even worse than the worst quarrel we ever had which included loss of emotional control and physical hurt on self. This dull longlasting pain that chokes you slowly inside, it's bearable but barely bearable. Many thoughts just get to you and you try to fight it off like a fiery warrior, but end up crumbling as a tired one.
It was an especially huge tub of utter disappointment and hurt forced down my throat when I mentioned that there were a lot of things happening at work and you didn't care. Why did you even care if I wanted to ask you questions or not if you don't even bother to check about what condition I am in? it was probably because you made up your mind, or maybe you just wanted to give up. False hopes? What false hopes are there unless you are no longer interested? I wonder..
I'm sure that last phrase you left for me was not meant to be what you wanted. I just wanted to think that you want me to give up. But did you really wanted to give up because of your behaviour? Or because of the relationship with God? Or maybe you just met more better guys than me?
Whatever it is, come what may. I wish you happiness, health and joy.
Sleep early, it helps improve your eyebags condition.
Don't watch TV in the dark, you would be wasting the money you used for lasik.
Don't binge too much, it's bad for health especially with unhealthy food, just like how you always tell me.
Thank you for the 4 years of joy, happiness and lessons learnt. I may not be good at fixing things but I think I can fix better now. I think, I will stay in the generation of fixing things with the olden thinking.
The scrap book which I have you have many pages left. It was a book meant for continuation of our relationship which doesn't serves its purpose anymore.
I'm sorry that I couldn't make you as happy as you should be in a relationship. Probably even new friends you meet now makes you happier than being with me. A man who could not provide laughter to his spouse would not be in a relationship which can last long.
There are many things which I could do for you, but there are some things which you thought of as a major which I may or may not have noticed and did not do for you, for that, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I was indecisive. I just wanted you to have your choices.
Your smile is so much prettier now, I hope your next relationship would keep you smiling as prettily as you are now. Don't be the same as when you were with me, although I'm sure you would end up with someone much better than me. I'm just the lowest benchmark.
Hurts? Of course it hurts. Knowing someone is happier without you when you are together with the person. It's more painful than quarrelling in a relationship, even worse than the worst quarrel we ever had which included loss of emotional control and physical hurt on self. This dull longlasting pain that chokes you slowly inside, it's bearable but barely bearable. Many thoughts just get to you and you try to fight it off like a fiery warrior, but end up crumbling as a tired one.
It was an especially huge tub of utter disappointment and hurt forced down my throat when I mentioned that there were a lot of things happening at work and you didn't care. Why did you even care if I wanted to ask you questions or not if you don't even bother to check about what condition I am in? it was probably because you made up your mind, or maybe you just wanted to give up. False hopes? What false hopes are there unless you are no longer interested? I wonder..
I'm sure that last phrase you left for me was not meant to be what you wanted. I just wanted to think that you want me to give up. But did you really wanted to give up because of your behaviour? Or because of the relationship with God? Or maybe you just met more better guys than me?
Whatever it is, come what may. I wish you happiness, health and joy.
Sleep early, it helps improve your eyebags condition.
Don't watch TV in the dark, you would be wasting the money you used for lasik.
Don't binge too much, it's bad for health especially with unhealthy food, just like how you always tell me.
Thank you for the 4 years of joy, happiness and lessons learnt. I may not be good at fixing things but I think I can fix better now. I think, I will stay in the generation of fixing things with the olden thinking.
The scrap book which I have you have many pages left. It was a book meant for continuation of our relationship which doesn't serves its purpose anymore.
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