earth intruders

In my head, we are broken pieces of smithereens, a mess that`s so beautifully created, it breaks the hearts of those who see us through their telescopic eyes. In my head, you are dancing easily through my dreams & I love swaying to the tune of our brokenness. In my head, we float like tiny specks of balloons in the vast blue sky, you are Red & I am Green. In my head, your touch warms me to my senses & our kisses are so intense & passionate, they bring tears to my eyes. Abyss. In my head, we lie in darkness on our canopy bed with entwined bodies & interlocked fingers, & we fall asleep to the tune of our renewed covenant we make to never leave each other. In my head, my dam bursts & the walls I build fall apart right before my very eyes.

But truth is, sometimes, in my head, I float on okaye & I know everything`s gonna be alright. I know I`m okaye when the feelings remain YET at the same time, I have a harmless infatuation on another individual.

barriers to entry

I want to say SO much because I`m penting it all up in my system & it`s driving me a little insane. YES, Fitriyanna, it`s a blog & it`s the www. But once I start typing, sometimes, I really wonder who are reading my words behind their screens. & then I start hitting 'backspace' & just close the damn window. Back to Square 1. Everything`s in my system AGAIN. No wonder I`m so happily unhappy. Maybe I should learn to actually TALK it out again.

fulfillment

Being a mentor to 2 girls who have records of juvenile delinquency isn`t an easy task at at all. It is hard for me NOT to be emotionally attached to them. At the same time, I cannot allow them to lose respect for me because there is an undefined boundary they musn`t cross. But NOTHING truly beats the satisfaction I receive when they call & thank me for all that I`ve done.


It is not 'thank you' that I want. It is not monetary reward that I want. It is not recognition that I want. I only want my two girls to fit into society again & redeem themselves. I have total faith & confidence that they`ll go far. InsyaAllah. With the basic elements of prayers, support from their families, guidance from their mentor, counsellors & the right kind of peers, I believe that things will fall into place soon enough, eventhough it isn`t an easy world out there.


I know I have done my part as their mentor when I see them going back to school & making full opportunity to be positive contributors to the society. I`ve always believed that the relationships I`ve shared & established with troubled youths is a two-way sort of relationship.



I am grateful that God has blessed me with a supportive family who`s always behind me in all that I do, that I do not come from a broken family & that I am receiving good education, & that I have been given good health & He has planted seeds of compassion, humility & humanity in me. & I know I`ll continue to touch other lives like this for as long as I can, God willing (: & yes, my ultimate career in life? To be a woman in blue who is one of the 'Captains of Lives'. Go figure(:

lovehate relationship

My short hair so far...
Love: i can have sexy out-of-bed hair OR neat straight hair whenever I like. For the latter, all I need to do is blowdry.
Hate: -Blowdrying tires my arms & it`s just so... troublesome. But I like my hair neat & in place.
- MY FRINGE IS BEYOND ANNOYING. & I really mean BEYOND.


ANYWAY, U GUYS HAVE TO CATCH THE RSAF`S DISPLAY DURING NDP on 09 Aug duh. I`m not going to spoil it for you by posting the video here. I managed to record it yesterday during our rehearsal &&&& I`m looking forward to the upcoming rehearsals because everything`s falling into place, I`m BEYOND PROUD to be part of NDP 2008. Anywayyy... RSAF BLACK KNIGHTS IS THE SEX. & pretty please STOP bugging me for tickets because I`m only entitled to 2! (: loveyoupeopleaplenty. kthanksbye!

i wanna go hommmmme

I know what could possibly be the best birthday present ever but for now, I`ll just shut up. Yea, I have exactly four donkey months.

random

I`ve been thinking about it. I want to & I still do. Unfortunately, things aren`t quite as simple as they seem so I`m just gonna continue being so caught up in that situation until some fairy godmummy comes my way & sprinkles some green faery dusttt on me. Have I told you I miss you? Well, I do. It`s a lovehate thing which disgusts me. Oh you wouldn`t know anyway. & then she tells me SO WHAT? JUST DO IT. & throws me that arrogant look, I so wanna dig her eyeballs. I LOVE YOU - I can`t say those 3 words to anyone else but you, because I mean what I say & knowing me, I can`t afford to carelessly say them like saying FUCK YOU, which are becoming my 2 fav words as of late. I am tired of this, I wanna float. how many times have I told myself to get out of the rut, only to find myself being drawn to you AGAIN? AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN. It`s like echo, echo, cho, cho, cho. OKAYE STOP. 7 months of living nightmare & still counting. Let`s float. & the dreams have got to stop, they are NOT signs. I ____ you from what could possibly be 500-660 miles away. G`day.

misses

For some uncanny reason, I`m gonna miss you. A little if not a lot. In ways you`d never know or imagine. Saturday night was brief but eventful. From CGH to getting lost in Jurong, you were an amazing company & I couldn`t have asked for more, dear friend (: Friday seems like forever but just wait (:

short hairrrrr

Hello world, I no longer have long hair. LIKE FINALLY :D

your tongue down my throat, i kid you not

sore throat = symptom of me coming down with fever (ALWAYS the case)

Fever AGAIN. Fever in 2 weeks. My immune system is going downhill, all thanks to the lack of sleep. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AT SIMPANG NOW BUT I AM NOT (thanks ah, xxxxx). Bengs abis. Gaaaah. I`m not making any sense BECAUSE I AM F.HUNGRY & I`m craving for Aglio OlioO0oOoo000O. & I have to be at City Hall at 0930 tomorrow because we are starting rehearsals at the floating platform already. 0930?! :( Whine whine whine. I need sleep. Kthxbye.

roadtrip

It feels good to be on my bed after 2 nights of not doing so. The journey back was keplak tsh dush uuuuu. SO annoying. My head kept hitting the side & it almost rolled off. You know I wish I had a car or a bike now so I can go there whenever I want. Closest I can get. WHERE ARE YOU?! I`m doing this crazy thing which is pissing my sister off. I miss my parents already :(

we`ll float on okaye

For the past 4 years, I have gotten used seeing them together almost anywhere & everywhere that I find it really awkward to just meet her without him now. I`ve got one less person to do our 'buddy hello' with now. It scares me a great deal to see my reflection in her & know that somehow, things just won`t be the same anymore. For some odd reason, the cause of their breakup is the EXACT reason for the recent increase in my fear of relationships AND commitment. I see it happening everywhere.


& I`ve finally plucked the courage to tell Syai that I`m just not into him anymore. He`s wonderful but even after 7 months since the last one ended, I`m just not ready I guess. Somehow, I feel more at ease now, one thing less to fret about (:

networking

I have been procrastinating about setting up my very own Facebook account for a very long time because I`m plain lazy, really. So, since I`m still unwell & can`t get out of the house, I decided to quit procrastinating & get it done. Now my friends have NO reasons to bug me to set up an account! It`s a tad complicated & I`m still a noob. I viewed some of my friends' profiles & could somehow pick out those whom I THINK live their lives on Facebook. HAHAHA. Somehow, I foresee myself doing the same once I get the hang of it. HAHAHA back at me.

Okaye to those who do have a Facebook account, you can add me up! Just key in my full name (:

you`re impossible to find

I`m supposed to be home tomorrow but I was sent back because I fell sick & am currently running a temperature of 38.3. The weather`s been pretty bad, that`s why.

I soooo want to cry. I was chatting with Imad over on MSN & was telling him about all my cravings. Sashimi, tom yum soup, watermelons, ice cream & Starbucks coffee. He had to go offline coz he wanted to sleep so I was left with nothing to do.


A while ago, I got a phone call from him & he asked if I wanted to go out later tonight to have my coffee. I just don`t feel like it because I`m feeling like crap now & my nose just won`t stop leaking. I was suspicious because he was supposed to be SLEEPING, but his background was really noisy. He claimed that he was on his way to his grandmother`s house. Okaaaaye so that explains it.


& then he suddenly told me he`s down my block with fruits! HAHAHAHA. Liar! Because I`m really unwell, he decided to just leave the bag of fruits outside my doorstep. He not only bought one watermelon, but he got me a honeydew too, knowing it`s my favourite fruit! (: & I`m talking about the ENTIRE fruit here, not slices of it. YES, so he carried a watermelon AND honeydew all the way from Eastpoint to my house. It`s not exactly near, actually. &&& to my amazement, he bought me 3 slices of salmon sushi too! HAHAHAHA (:

On the night of The Quest, he actually sent me an audio file to wish me ALL THE BEST. I expected him to say 'ALL THE BEST' out loud or something but he sang my current favourite song, Secondhand Serenade`s 'FALL FOR YOU', while strumming the guitar. & I still remember him saying that now I`ve got someone who has sung that song for me. Sweet (:

Sometimes I wonder why he does these things for me because I was REALLY mean to him when we were together 2 years ago. I threw a book at him, made him sit under the scorching Sun, in the middle of the basketball court for being late, made him travel all the way from home to my place just to accompany me to NTUC & whatnots. Yet, he`s still the same Imad I know a few years ago. God bless him for being so patient with me & for having a huge heart (:

Thank you, Imad. Really. You are the sweetest (:

sunny side up

OMG. The 3 rascals from KL are coming down to Sg tomorrow noon! Irfan,Hilmi & Ziqry, Kakak Fitri misses you curly-haired monsters! I am sooo sexcited. Looks like the entire day will be spent at my grandparents' in Jurong so I can plaaaay with them :D Too early to say anything, but June looks like a bright month (: Dear God, I hope so :D