The Quest, The Quest, you know you know it`s da best

MY ENTIRE BODY IS ACHING. Botanic Gardens was SHIT. We spent an hour plus searching for Sealing Wax Palm & Anda-something something. & singing a cheer at Bedok & Tamp Interchange to an audience of 3 or more members was downright embarassing. I`ll upd8 soon before I leave on Tue.

Though we, the ex-trackers(HAHA), lost to a whole load of 'small kids', I am proud to say that we managed to at least clinch the Top 50 position. There were more than 300 teams or so okaaaaaye. To Adila, Farah & Yasin, you guys are DA bomb maaaaaan & I love you so :D

Anywaaaay, if you guys saw a whole load of insane freaks in orange running around all over Singapore today.... That was us :D

finito

Woooo. Exams ended on a good note. I am pleased with my performance today, thank God (: Okaaaaaaye holidays have officially commenced! (: I`ll be pretty occupied with a few camps & the climbing expedition on the 16th. I foresee an interesting month ahead (: Right now, I am soooo gonna catch up on SLEEP. &&&& I caaaaan`t wait for The Quest tomorrow! :D

of perfect competition, monopoly, oligopoly

I am upset because my penultimate paper wasn`t as manageable as I thought it would be. I was stoning 3/4 of the time, & that itself wasn`t a good indication. It`s not like I didn`t study. I did. It was alarming to see the people around me stoning as well. But when I looked to my right, the people from Class B were busily scribbling on their paper. & I really mean 'busily'. Whatever Mr Pon emphasised during revision was like totally different from what came out today. Gaaaah. I stepped out of the Grand Hall wanting to cry so badly. I seek comfort in the fact that my classmates ALSO think the paper was tough. But then again....

I really hope they`ll moderate it. I don`t know why but I can`t quite handle the thought of flunking because for the past 3 semesters, all I`ve gotten are As, Bs and B+ & I`m really thankful for that. I don`t want to disappoint my parents AND myself. I know what I am capable of & today just killed me. Ladies & gentlemen, today I died because Microeconomics was THE shit.

Anyway, Faiz was nice enough to run to the front shop to get ice cream for me just because I told him I feel like crap. & the phone convo I had with my mummy sort of made me feel better. Okaye, time to switch to a different mode now. I guess what`s done is done & I`ll patiently await 13th June. Last paper tomorrow. GAMBATE!

you can hold my hand

Today, I`ve learned that even when I think I have no more to give, when a friend cries out to me, I will find the strength to help & somehow that strength comes naturally, & I`m amazed by how strong I actually am.

I think there`s something wrong with the sentence structure but I`m sure you get what I mean.

mug

Hokaye. Exams commence tomorrow & I`m only 55% prepared, headed for Doomsville, really. I totally cannot wait for Friday because that`s when madness ends. & on Saturday, there`s this so-called Amazing Race all around Singapore. My ex TP Track&Field mates, namely Yasin,Adila & Farah have formed a team, together with me & we hope to win the first prize of course, that`s S$10,000 & a whole load of prizes :D I think this is a great way for us to bond with each other again after so long. Such a pity that Mag or Becka couldn`t join us because of family & church commitment. Anywaaaay, I`ve already promised Faris 100bucks IF we manage to clinch the Top 3 positions because he was the one who told me about this competition.

Okaye, enough excitement, it`s back to books now. I`ll be back soon! :D

loml togicel

Because i`ve always known you as someone with a big heart, even bigger than mine. The dream was beautiful. Good while it lasted but I miss him even more now, body & soul so strong.

A rivalry goes so deep between me & this loss of sleep over him. Yes, still. Sometimes, I enjoy being in denial - that I am no longer bound to the ties of my past, because it takes away the pain, even if it`s temporary. But when I`m done with denial, the only words I can say to myself are It`s still there.

I cannot kiss another without him constantly on my mind, without wishing it`s his lips instead. I still cannot find the courage to delete our pictures & I don`t have the heart to discard that picture of him in my wallet. In a way, I am pretty screwed up. What if our 'loml togicel' really means what it`s supposed to mean? How long am I supposed to be haunted like this?

A thousand times I’ve seen you standing
Gravity like lunar landing
You make me wanna run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
Drift to you, you’re all I hear
As everything we know fades to black

man vs terrapin

My brother, Faiz, is BEYOND ANNOYING. He has this female pet terrapin which is super hyper for a terrapin & it even killed her male counterpart just days after she was brought into the 'tank'. Okaye, that`s not why my brother is annoying. You see, he was playing MY laptop on MY bed, or should I say, mattress because I am weird, hence, I dislike sleeping on beds so I sleep on the floor. OKAYE ANYWAY, he was gaming on MY mattress & that terrapin was crawling all over MY laptop. I yelled at my brother to get it off my laptop & back into the tank. My brother refused & thought it would be better to put the terrapin on the place where I sleep, in other words, on my MATTRESS. How mother annoying is that?! I was shrieking because I was so 'geli' already & besides, I`ve just changed my bedsheet!

Me: FAIZ, CAN U STOP PLAYING WITH IT? AND PUT IT BACK INTO THE TANK!!!!!!!
Faiz: No, I want Orix to stay with me!

Me: WHAT ORIX? ISN`T HER NAME TANIA? PUT IT BACK!
Faiz: WHAT TANIA?! Orix la! Nvm, Orix can stay here. She is part of our family.
Me: Family, your head. I don`t care. Just get it into the tank. Oh oh oh. Okaye why don`t you put it into your mouth instead?
Faiz: How much do I get for doing that?
Me: Nothing? Hurry put it in your mouth.
Faiz: I don`t want. Dia tak boleh percaya, skali I tertelan how?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That conversation went on for another 3 minutes & he finally put Tania/Orix back into the tank. Anyway, we watched Duyung on DVD last night & my brother obviously took the name Orix from that movie. Orix was a pet monkey anyway. Okaaaaye, the name Tania was given by me. Don`t ask why because it just is. Faiz thinks Tania is an ugly & uncool name for HIS pet terrapin, so now he wants to call it. . .Orix.

We were both looking at Tania/Orix swimming in the tank & then I told Faiz to just stick to Tania.

Me: K, Faiz, let`s do this. We`ll both call her Tania and see if her head pops out of the water. & then we`ll call her Orix also.
Faiz: K, set!
Both: TANIA, TANIA, TANIA!!!!! (for about 20 seconds)

There was no reaction from Tania. So we tried calling her Orix instead.

Both: Orix.. Orix!! Oriiiiiiix!

Yeah, you guessed it right. Her head was out of the water.
Okaye, fiiiiine, no Tania. We have decided to call her Orix since she responded to it -.-

Orix or Tania, I still dislike terrapins. & to think we have 5 in the house. Yeah, & guess what? Right at this very moment, as I`m typing this out, my brother is telling me to wash Orix.

KAAAKAAAAK, CAN YOU CLEAN ORIX FOR ME???

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I won`t ever touch it. I am beyond annoyed now because I want to study, not clean a terrapin! & to think I wasted half hour of my study time to be bothered with Faiz & Orix.

of secrets, rumours & gossip

I need to get out of Singapore because it is waaaay too small & everyone knows each other, or at least they think they do. & Fazly? I didn`t think it was funny that your bunch of friends texted you to inform you that I was at the foodcourt. I`m not a superstar, to begin with. I am a nobody. 'Fit is at the foodcourt'. & then you made your way up to the foodcourt to say hi to me. It wouldn`t have been weird if I actually know those 6 guys or so, but I don`t. Not even a single one of them. Heh.

I think I have waaaaaay too many dirty secrets & a few incidents over the past 2 weeks have freaked me out because I have no idea what people know & they actually talk about it. & guys? Yes, guys, the species with something hanging down south, do gossip. You`d be surprised to know how some of them do it better than us girls.

Note to self: START BEHAVING. There aren`t many Nurul Fitriyannas in Singapore.

listen

When I bring it up, you shut me out. Afiq, sometimes, I wished you wouldn`t treat me like I`m the greatest mistake you`ve ever made in your entire life. I would have warned you about me, waaay before you developed all these feelings. But really, WHAT is the point? Caution could have done the warning, but it rarely ever helps.

Don`t treat me like I`m something bad that happened to you because, in your words, I am... special. I have got nothing left to give in this love/hate friendship we share. & somehow, crazy as it seems, it makes me angry that you`d stay with me even after what I`ve become, after all that I`ve done. Please remind me again what exactly we are fighting for.

we`re all the same

I bite my tongue so damn hard & refrain from allowing my careless words to be heard because the blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground. I`m almost done here. I`m almost done lying to myself. Everything must come to an end.

David Archuleta, MY American Idol

This rendition made me have goosebumps because Archie sang it sooooo beautifully, it was sort of...heartbreaking. Ironically, in a good way, if you get me. All 3 judges gave a standing ovation. I don`t need to say much about how well he sang. His voice control is magnificent. Just watch.

On a different note, I am fully aware that it`s time for me to step out of that zone, into the unknown & back into reality.

Gossip Girl

Episode 18 was alright for me, I guess. I still like 17 best (:

[edit]okaye, this is specially for 'passerby' who tagged, & for everyone else (: These are some of the websites I visit to watch my doses of online TV and stuff, like Gossip Girl, Samantha Who? & Brothers & Sisters. There are loads of websites out there but here`s my list (:

www.3flicks.com
http://www.fanpop.com/
www.sidereel.com
[/edit]

rollin good times

Things aren`t getting any easier & I need another form of escapism to sort my thoughts first. In other words, I just wanna be back there, you know.

all my life...no more.

My parents think I should go for it. If I`m really going under the knife next year to cure my palmar & plantar hyperhidrosis, I die-die wanna be under anaesthesia because my late grandmother was partially awake when she had her colonoscopy back in 2004. Oh, the horror. Yes, a darn tube being inserted through your anus & then it slowly makes its way up your rectum, then through your colon & finally your ileum. ALL THAT WHILE YOU ARE AWAKE when you are SUPPOSED to be under anaesthesia, in other words, being put to sleep. So yes, imagine my grandmother`s utter discomfort AND pain. Point is, I want to be under anaesthesia & that`s that.

mellow

Uno: I pray that her soul would be blessed, that God's mercy will always be with her, in hopes that she will find peace and happiness in the afterlife. I believe that God will hold our hand, better than sincere and true friends, & guide us in every step we take and in every decision we make & that death is His call to an eternal home of bliss for us, where there is a much higher and better life. I pray that Mak, Abah, Kak Ina & Abang Faizul will be strong enough to overcome this obstacle, InsyaAllah. Deaths always remind us that if we live a good and pious life, then it is something that we should not fear, that we should have complete faith and trust in Allah s.w.t, that He will protect us from the punishment of the grave and the greater punishment of the Hellfire. InsyaAllah.

Dos: On our way to the funeral, I wished Mummy hadn`t made a wrong turn. Because of that, we had to drive past his place & I got a little nostalgic. ALL OVER AGAIN. & I actually teared because I could see ourselves on the bike at the usual traffic light. It was beyond painful to feel that way again, because I`ve been coping fine lately.

Tres: I am really thankful for Syai`s existence in my life. The past few weeks have been tough, but hey, we are still here. It`s a different kind of happiness, but I am grateful, nonetheless. Slowly, but surely.

Cuarto: EXAMS ARE COMING. LIKE, IN 10 DAYS. & I`VE YET TO GET MY ASS ON THE CHAIR & MUG. LIKE REALLY, REALLY MUG. So I`m gonna go get my act together.Pronto.

Cya when I cya!



Do you know what your fate is?

And now you're trying to shake it?

You're doing your best dance, your best look
You're praying that you'll make it

i am strong like this

I know my old self is back when I wake up in the morning & tell myself that I believe in what I am because it`s all I have today. I believe in the power to reinvent myself. Thank You, God, for the strength within.

meow

Daaaaarn. WHY must the Reading Circle`s debut session begin the night before my first exam paper? :( Looks like I`ve gotta give it a miss. & imagine my reaction when I found out that the short story to be discussed on that day is in...MALAY. I need my kamus, already. Anywaaay, I`m going for an audition tomorrow to do a voiceover for a Malay cartoon. YES, I KNOW. SHUT UP, ALREADY. Watch this space. Hahaha. Wish me luck! :D

addiction

Hello babies (: Ahhh, it feels fantabulous to be home tonight though it`s a Friday. As we all know, Friday isn`t exactly a Friday for me because I`ve got school on Saturdays, so my weekends actually commence at 5pm every Sat. It`s been an insane week because project submission was on Monday, Tuesday AND Wednesday. Oh, the horror, really. Sleeping at 4am for 3 consecutive nights WASN`T funny at all. My stress level ALMOST hit maximum, but so did my productivity. But all`s well now, thank God.

I am SOOOO looking forward to our NDP Motivators' costume fitting tomorrow. I totally cannot imagine myself in some loony outfit, like a SQUID or something. HAHAHA. Madness won`t be over till August but I bet it`s SOOOOOO gonna be fun & it`ll be such a pleasant experience! :D

On another note, Mother`s Day is on Sunday but I`ve got some mentoring seminar over at Kee Sun till 5pm. Gaaaaaah. I`m sooo gonna rush for the dinner thingamajig we are gonna have. Okaye, NOW I wished I had 26 hours or something.

Alright, I`m blabbing too much tonight, but, BEAR WITH ME! I`m a happy goober today, I even wore a flowy skirt to school. Okaye, random. HAHA. Okaaaaye, before I go, I just wanna share a new TV series I`ve been addicted to online. No no, it`s not Gossip Girl. It`s...Samantha Who?, starring Christina Applegate. Go watch! It`s a feel-good show, really! (: & oh, just a little trivia here... this show`s created by Cecelia Ahern, who is the author of PS, I LOVE YOU (: There you go!

Summary: Samantha "Sam" Newly is forced to start over with her life after a horrific accident leaves her stricken with amnesia. As she reconnects with acquaintances in her old life, however, Sam is disconcerted to discover she apparently had been a self-centered, narcissistic witch with no successful relationships to speak of. She'd like to be good now -- so why does she keep feeling this compulsion to be bad?

For FULL summary, click http://www.tv.com/samantha-who/show/68654/summary.html?q=samantha%20who&tag=search_results;title;1

It IS interesting, so go watch okaye! (: You are soooo gonna be hooked, like me!

Okaye, be good & hope you`ll have an awesome weekend. HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY to your mummies too! :D

LOVE,
FITTIES

i dont wanna be a rockstar

I think we are headed for Doomsville. It can be sunny one day, I`m laughing, so contented to be with him, & the next moment I know, I want out. I think that we should run as fast as we can into what we don`t know. Shit. My infatuation is just like a damn Marginal Utility curve.

ANYWAY, I NEED TO START MUGGING. & OH, girls, episode 16 of Gossip Girl is a MUST-WATCH! I sooooo wanna kill G & I think Jenny`s a pain in the ass. Can`t wait for Epi 17 to be out!

transition

I know it`s NOT really over. I am the world`s biggest liar & you know that. After a while, I realise that once people are broken in certain ways, they can`t ever be fixed, & this is something NOBODY ever tells you when you are young & it never fails to surprise you as you grow older & you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it`s already happened.

I know damn well that I should be stronger than this. I think that I`m afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens. How is it possible for me to be so strong yet so weak?

If somebody asks me if I`m happy or not now, I`d answer with a resounding yes, but I know it`s a different kind of happiness, the kind of happiness you experience with so many cracks in your heart. You know, the thing is this...Everyone CAN be okaye, but it takes a real person to smile through the pain. & sometimes, whether you want it or not, you move forward because that`s the only step you can take. That`s just the way it is.





Every now & then when I want you, I wish that I could tell you that I want you.

anata ga iru kagiri

HOPE - the word that so often rises with us in the morning, gets sorely wounded as the day progresses and dies at nightfall.

stop it, Fitriyanna

You don't just stop feeling something for someone because you start feeling something for someone else.

fight it

I know what I`d call it but I`m not gonna be mean. & I don`t want to see things in that perspective. Besides, I`m very forgiving. & I HAVE forgiven that particular person for causing so much pain that still exists in the corners of my heart. He was there for a certain period of time, & I really do appreciate it, but things always happen. But all`s forgiven. I live with the pain that could possibly be permanent but I have never blamed him entirely for marring something & someone I once held on to dear life because I`ve made my mistakes as well. My conscience is clear like that.

Mum once said that if I don`t watch it, my extremely forgiving nature could be my downfall in life. & you know how Mums are always right. I pray that God will guide me through this & you are gonna be okaye, InsyaAllah. & I know myself best - that when I forgive, I forgive with all of my heart even if I don`t get an apology in return. Despite all my flaws, I am grateful to The Almighty for blessing me with this trait. My prayers go out to you. Everything`s gonna be okaye, InsyaAllah.

p.s to the rest of the world, don`t ASSUME you know who this post is about because it is not.