classic

The possibility of it turning into Situation B doesn`t faze me one bit. Breathe, take it slow.

My Livejournal`s almost ready. FRIENDS only entries.

party, p-party party p-party people

Today, the world is going to sing to me from the minute I open my eyes in the morning to the minute I fall asleep listening to your voice tonight. You are making this worthwhile. This is infatuation at its peak. If Aish is my Courage & Frente, my Strength , you are that dose of positivity that has been long gone from me & slowly making its return, you my Optimism.

Know that I can`t wait to see you so handsomely dressed up today. & for once, I feel okaye to let my guard down slightly for someone. Just slightly, just slightly.

Today, all is gonna be right with the world.

If I told you things I did before

Told you how I used to be

Would you go along with someone like me?

If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?

holiday

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

of a wanted man

IF YOU DON`T KNOW ANYTHING, DO US ALL A FAVOUR & JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. Silence is GOLDEN.

Mummy & me were discussing the issue over late dinner, while watching the news & I understand she`s got a lot to handle at work. & she`s constantly on standby. For the past month since the case, her mobile phone rings at ungodly hours. I don`t EXACTLY know what her department has to deal with coz it`s strictly confidential. God. Singaporeans can be so . . . ignorant. People are SO damn quick to point fingers at others when they think they know EVERYTHING, but truth is, they know NOTHING. Just watch the news & listen to what they have to say about this issue. Seriously, they are just making a fool out of themselves, sounding like uneducated morons. Just leave the damn politics to the...politicians & members of Parliament, & in this case, SPF as well. & seriously, we all don`t need 2-cents worth of measly opinion from members of the public.

YEA THIS IS YOUR FUTURE POLICEWOMAN TALKING.

'FRIENDSHIP' PHOTO

ZAZ & me were walking ahead of Dahliah & then...

DAHLIAH: EH, BOTH OF YOU FASTER TAKE FRIENDSHIP PHOTO!!
ME: WHAT THE HELL IS A FRIENDSHIP PHOTO?!

I COULDN`T GET OVER THE JOKE, SO that explains the... spasm. & credits to D for the pic. UNTIL TODAY, WE DON`T GET HOW A 'FRIENDSHIP' PHOTO IS SUPPOSED TO BE, D. I had to edit the contrast for this pic because the resolutions were bad.

This is 7 years of madness. & Dahliah, 11 years for us.

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT THE BOTH OF YOU?

LOVE in all its grandeur :D You know i love you so.

goodbye past, hello present

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

There`s a part of me that will always be in love with him for the rest of my life. I can`t have him ever again but when I look back at my life before he was in it, I see it was good. So moving on doesn`t hurt SOOOO much now, but having him in my life was always a lot better. Eventually, the heart repairs, though it`ll never be fully healed. There are just certain people in your life you`ll keep missing, always wanting to reach out to, but you can`t.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

I`m just making room for the future. Not just for someone new, but for everything else that`s gonna come my way. Time will diminish your presence. This makes me wanna choke because my heart breaks all over again. YOU WERE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MESS.

It feels ....weird to wake up & know that someone is actually making me smile. But I`m happy & I need no convincing. Breathe, take it slow. & keep things under control.

there`s much to fear but I`m not afraid

Tonight, I thanked God for your presence.

start of something new

This could be everything.
It could mean something.
It could also be nothing.

Dear handsome policeman, you make my heart palpitate. I know something isn`t right with me when I start smiling each time your name appears on my hp screen. It`s been too long, way too long. My cheeks haven`t ached from grinning & giggling in a while. Above all, I know I`m elated & I`m entitled to this happiness. Breathe, take it slow.

of dreams and forgiveness

I don`t want to do this anymore.

of T-junctions

I am easily traumatized, I am not kidding. I am very much afraid of T-junctions, cab rides and motorcycles now, especially Gilera Runner. I want to cry so much but I can`t. Somehow, I just can`t.

So many things are running through my head now. I cannot imagine what could have happened to us IF the motorcycle wasn`t beside our cab. Because I was seated directly behind the cab driver, logically, we would both be hit first because the oncoming car was on our right. & all of that, I can`t imagine.

I am just really really really really really thankful that the motorist wasn`t badly injured. I wanted to cry so much when I saw all the shattered pieces of glass, the cab`s punctured tyres, the car`s fallen bumper, all the blood, but most of all, the tears in the motorist`s eyes. Thank God, he wasn`t severely injured. I am really grateful for that.

Everything`s still playing before my eyes, really. I remember hearing the sound of our cab crash, someone flying off in the front (the motorist) & myself falling out of my seat, my head hitting the door & window & Dahliah shouting my name when it happened. When we got out of the cab, I swear my legs turned soft & my hands were trembling when I called my parents. & I wanted to puke so many times.

I am eternally grateful all 6 of us involved are safe, Alhamdulillah. I was pretty pissed with the P.O who attended to us because of some reasons. This whole thing still shocks me to an extent. I hope all of you people who drive a car or ride a bike to be safe on the roads, PLEASE. It doesn`t matter if you are at a T-junction or expressway or wherever. I can`t express how grateful I am now, really. In my opinion, to escape physically unharmed from accidents is God`s way of giving us ANOTHER chance to live.

It`s like a living nightmare, really. Dahliah, this goes in our BFF history.

but i seem to be struck by you

PARALYZER uploaded by carlosmoralessoria123456789

(:

YOU, AS A SOUND AS SILENT AS NONE

If you ask me why I`m not interested in someone, I might say their nose is too big, or they don`t know how to dress, or they`re too thin or too fat or too plain. But the truth is, I only notice those things because of the real reason -that I`m just NOT feeling anything. But people don't want to hear that. They ALWAYS want an explanation. So I have to come up with something concrete even though feelings aren`t like that. I don`t look for all these things because I`ve accepted the bloody fact that Cupid KEEPS shooting its bloody arrows at me like ALL the time.

IF I do meet a guy and I feel happy with him for whatever reason, I WOULDN`T give a rat`s ass about what he wears or how tall he is or what he does for a living, even if he`s not a policeman(sorry, my fantasy). But when I`m with someone and it just DOESN`T feel right, that`s when I start noticing the bad haircut or bad grammar, every little thing. & it`s true that tomorrow I may be with someone whom you think is TOTALLY wrong for me. & the next day I might meet a perfectly nice guy whom you think I SHOULD feel excited about, but I don`t. But if I do be with someone, it means for a change, something feels right. For a change, I`m feeling hopeful. I just want to feel happy when I`m with someone. IS THAT SO WRONG? & if there`s no someone, then so be it. Really. But Cupid doesn`t get it, at all. & on another note, yes, I`m proud of my sexual orientation & I don`t give a hoot about what YOU, yes particularly YOU, think. I`ve been like this since I was 15 & really, you`ve always had issues about it & I can`t afford to still be giving a damn about it.

Dream, catch me when I fall.

you are the fruit to my loop

To the girl who is my Courage,

Today was eventful, thank you. Know that seeing that spark in your eyes when you laugh is enough to get me through the day. Know that I am grateful for the times I`m able to cry on your shoulder or in your lap. Know that I feel your unconditional love for me when you stroke my hair & wipe my tears. Know that it tugs my heartstrings when you say this,"Why are you so beautiful even when you cry, Fit?". & I know that you say it not to please me but there`s just something about the way you say it that ALWAYS makes me cry harder. Know that I am eternally grateful to have you in my life, yesterday, today & tomorrow. I`ve said this one too many times, but you REALLY are the wonder in everything that`s wonderful in my life (: Things are never quite as scary when you are around. All of these...I just wanted you to know.

From the girl who lights up your world.

i am my own prisoner

365 days have passed & ever since then, there hasn`t been a single day when you`re NOT on my mind or in my heart. I miss you so damn much, it makes me wanna choke on my tears. 05 May is gonna hurt so much more than this. God knows when I will ever heal from these ties that bind me to our past.

Leona Lewis - Better In Time imported by Nikki_x

thought i couldnt live without you

its gonna hurt when it heals too

it'll all get better in time

eventhough i really love you

im gonna smile cause i deserve to

it'll all get better in time

MAYBE U SHOULD SHUT YOUR TRAP

WHAT is wrong with people who spread rumours about you? They probably have some sort of mental disorder, I should think so. The thing is, you don`t even know that idiot. So when people say something like..."Eh Fit, ABC told me that you yada yada yada yada..." Then you go like..."Who the SHIT is this ABC?" & so your friend tells you about this ABC piece of crap & you realise that you don`t know him but he THINKS he knows the world about you. Like...OH WOW, seriously!

The nerves some people have, really! & for the love of mankind, really...it doesn`t mean that I know YOU just because YOUR bunch of friends know ME OR used to see me at the track in TP OR your grandmother`s neighbour`s cat had an out-of-the-world scandal with my neighbour`s cousin`s gardener`s chihuahua. It doesn`t work that way, idiot. HELLO, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING, PLEASE. Like, totally.

que sera, sera

okaaaaaye, random pic!

Fremantle, Perth on 16 Mar 2008 at 1808 hrs

I told my parents what I PLAN to do, say, for the next 3 years of my life. I`ve always had this sort of vision on my future & I`m slowly reaching my goals, Alhamdulillah. There are TWO occupation I`ve always wanted to...do(?) since I was a cute little Fit. HAHA. Yes, that includes being an officer in blue, which I PLAN to retire as (: & to set the record straight, I`ve NEVER wanted to be a doctor OR a housewife. HAHA.

Fulfilling ONE of my childhood ambition is just less than 2 years away, insyaAllah. At times, I have to change the course of my journey in life because we all know that`s just the way it is - we can only plan but God decides everything & who are we to go against Him, really? I am a firm believer in fate & destiny, in Qada` & Qadar.

I`m really thankful that my parents are supportive of my planned decision, even if it means I`m 49834729837498 miles away from home, based in Abu Dhabi OR Dubai OR flying around every few days. To me, everything gets a little simpler when you`ve got the blessings of your parents.

Okaaaaye for now, let`s step back into the present & get ready for school in a whileeeeee.

make love, not war

It makes you soooooo unhappy YET you fall out with people who used to matter soooo much to you. I wanna say more but I know better NOT to.

of meadows and green flowers in my head

I need another form of escapism, really. I`ve always been in & out of space. That`s just how I am, always in transitions. I know that I need to be okaye for myself & for everyone else but I`m just gonna take my own time. & the world knows that TIME isn`t ALWAYS a Band-Aid.

Sometimes, I run back to how it all began because there`s that allaying sense of familiarity despite your current absence in my life. I remember our moments of love, lust, madness, our tears of joy & sorrow & everything there was to us. More often than not, I miss you more than I should.

Everything changes, sometimes in our favour & sometimes not. This takes time, but God willing, I`m gonna be okaye. Slowly but surely.

At least I had every fibre of your being & the love in your heart, if only for a while. Everything`s gonna be okaye. Oh how many times have I said this? I am gonna be okaye. Nothing but divine intervention is gonna stop me from being fine. & given TIME (what`s new, really), this won`t scare me SO much. I`m a mess at times but I`m a firm believer in myself & hope & a better tomorrow.

On another note, I think there`s just something about Yael Naim`s voice & songs that make me wanna float. I get so dreamy it makes me dizzy, in a good way.

I picture myself holding the greatest green balloon ever, in a long, frilly white dress with my face so pale, it exudes such unimaginable placidity, it hurts you. Such tranquility..Mmm... & I have green flowers in my hair, like a mini wreath on my head. Mmm... & when you look up at the sky, all you can see are specks of green & I`m all the waaaaay up there in the clouds..You can`t see me smile from where you are but you know that I`ve got the widest smile plastered on my face...because I`m happy up there......Can you conjure that image in your head? Mmmmm.

Anywaaaaay, she did a cover of Britney`s Toxic & it`s so good it`s haunting.

of love at the playground

I wanna be a jumper so that I can teleport to Canning Vale right now.

Sch commenced on Tue & too bad I didn`t find any notes outside the LT. You know, somewhere along the lines of 'Dear students, there`s no lesson today. It`s all an April Fool`s joke! Happy April, kids!' or something. FAT HOPE. Ahh, delusions delusions. So yes, there WAS a lesson. ZOMGGGGGG. I`ve got a Logistics module this semester. (EWWWWWW, Operations & Total Quality Management, EWWWW). Le sigh. I`ll try my best to love it. God, give me strength to endure this crap wonderful subject.

(:

visits from the past

Okaye yes, friends, it`s official. I`m on 3 dates this week with 3 different guys. It`s retarded, considering the fact that 2 of them happen to be people I used to have something going on with 2-3 years ago. & 1 is an ex-boyfriend I`ve not exactly hold (held?) a proper conversation with for the past 1.5 years because we ALWAYS, ALWAYS bicker once we start talking, but he`s such a sweetheart, really & I`ve already promised to be nice & bite my tongue &&&&& keep my comments to myself. Anywaaaaay, just don`t comment much & wish me all the best. I don`t quite know if I WANT to do this. Let`s just do this for the sake of it & maybe for ... fun? Okaye. For ... fun. Better without the question mark. For the next 3 days, I`m gonna have to worry about what to wear.