la la la la la la la

This is a happy end, come and give me your hand, I'll take you far away.

Okaye I can`t quite believe myself. I am ALREADY in the holiday spirit but truth is, I actually have 2 more stinking papers to sit for. Okaye I just can`t help it, right? Everything`s just falling into place & I can`t help but smile insanely alot these days (: &&&& I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CAN`T WAIT FOR MADNESS IN PERTH WITH IDA, HANNAH & NAZRUL & the cute Aussie kids my sister has been going on & on about. I know Perth can be pretty dead & boring, but heck. When you put 4 absolutely fun people together in a dead place, you`re bound to have truckloads of fun because....we can bring the house down anytime, baby!

ANYWAYYYY, DOESN`T THIS SONG MAKE YOU GUYS HAPPY?! Makes me feel like doing all the silly things I do that make people laugh. HAHAHA. Yes it`s from the MacBook Air ad.

I'm a young soul in this very strange world,

hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.

But why all this hate? Try to communicate.

Finding trust, and love is not always easy to make.


p.s Chantel, thanks a bunch for the sweet text. I miss being insane with you in class already. HAHA. Don`t worry too much about the escaped terrorist, please (: You are so adorable, you know. HAHA.

Okaye everyone let`s go la la la la la la (: Yael Naim owns (:

Day 1

I miss being Fitten. ALOT, ALOT.

leaving on a jetplane

Friday, 22 Feb 2008: THANK YOU JAC, RAQ & SANN for endless insanity, laughter, noise, crankiness, spasm, compliments on my derriere & above all, for love on stressful days.

Efforts to study with them @ Suntec`s Starbucks weren`t exactly fruitful, due to a few factors. But still, I managed to complete another chapter of POM. They said it was 'Fit's Popular Day' because I bumped into so many people I know & here`s sending my misses to them - my favourite flower & my across-the-road-neighbour-whom-I-owe-an-ice-cream-treat, in particular. HAHA :D
______________________________________________________
This week is going to be madness because it`s the commencement of the much dreaded exams. It is ALSO going to be bliss because I`m flying off to Perth for almost a month. I so need a well-deserved break but most of all, to settle some other stuff, of course. I really can`t wait for this trip so that explains why I`ve chosen to leave 8 hours after my last paper ends on 01 Mar. YAY, solo flight again (: I`m actually pretty ecstatic to be departing from T3 for the first time, ever. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, I think there`s just something about leaving home for almost a month. I wouldn`t say I`d be homesick because I`ve been there on my own. Mmm. Still, it gets to me because I`ve never really been a 'goodbye'/'farewell' person, if you get what I mean. God willing, I`ll be fine there. It`s JUST a month, come on (: I haven`t left for real YET. & my grandpa was so cute when he told me to sleep with his shirt when I`m there. 'Kakak kalau malam-malam sejuk, kakak pakai baju Tok lah'. Aww :) HAHA, that got me a little teary. The rest of my family just laughed it off, they know I am my grandfather`s favourite. It comes with being the first grandchild, I think (:

Alright, I`ll TRY to squeeze an entry before I leave on Saturday. I know I`ll miss a whole lot of people, but I`ll carry all of your hearts in mine (: I`ll be back, God willing. & I`ve already promised to call. Okaaaaye... Back to my notes now (:

ADD OIL!!! YAY YAY YAY I LOVE LOVE LOVE P.O.M, M.H.R AND M.A. Let`s reach for more As and Bs this sem, God willing (:

I really feel like dancing in the rain now.

fin

All praises to The Almighty, I am so much better today. Disappointment lingers, but life goes on. You know, sometimes, you are just overwhelmed with sheer disappointment when someone you once loved, maybe still do, breaks a promise. Yes, promises are ALWAYS broken but it hurts more when the issue in hand is EXTREMELY personal. You feel angry, betrayed & you feel the need to allow this person to KNOW that you are feeling this way.

First and foremost, I HOPE no such things will happen again. InsyaAllah. I`ve decided to let the issue rest because you just can`t get 'sorry' out of certain people for whatever reasons that they have. One thing for sure is that I know I have freed myself. I`ve managed to get across what I felt and wanted to say pertaining this issue which surfaced out of the blue. & so with that, I am able to let go & free myself. I`ve said my peace & the rest is, I guess, better left that way. Apology given or not, I don`t think that matters SO MUCH to me anymore. Everyone has a conscience and sometimes you can`t help but feel guilty for not acknowledging your mistake or apologizing to someone you`ve wronged. People have reasons for not apologizing, maybe someday they will, or maybe they won`t. I feel at ease now because I know this comes with closure & acceptance on my part. & yes, the damn pieces don`t FIT anymore. But if someone asks me the same, old question, I`d answer it all the same.
I smiled at everything today. From the cute little boy with dimples in the bus to the couple I met on my way to Parkway Parade. & I did one little thing which I`ve not been doing for some time - I assured myself that tomorrow will be better & that I am stronger than this, I know I am :)

Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be.
& it is in You that I seek solace & gather strength in my darkest days. & above all, I know You are with me.

enough

I think that`s they way it is. When I`m coping on really fine, there`s always something that will upset my entire balance all over again. It`s like a chapter of my life I`ve been trying to close but keeps re-opening itself.

You know, one day, I hope you realise that you`ve made a mistake & actually acknowledge the fact that you`ve betrayed me. You know you shouldn`t have done that. You know I trusted you. You knew everything that you needed to know, Nazir. But you didn`t know that one day, I would know about it. You know that right now, I am powerless to make people stop talking because I can`t control what comes out of their mouths. Everything`s been done & said. What you did. . . was that a mistake? I don`t know & I`ll never know & the thing is, I don`t know if there is a need for me to know if it was a mistake on your part or not. I gave you a chance to give me an explanation but I received none. That`s just very disappointing, really. I am not the right person to talk about responsibilities, but whatever happened to being responsible for your own actions?

Slowly I discover things that break my heart, but more often than not, I keep them to myself because I can`t do anything about all these. I am extremely weary of this shit already. I`ve reached my limits. Push me any further & I`ll probably end up being the next Britney.

ALL sorts of contact, cut. You`ve done it yourself. I can only take so much. Enough is enough. Maybe some day, you`ll realise that I`ve loved you with all I that I have in me & that I would just drop everything just for you if you make your way back now. Everyone makes mistakes, we all know that, but to acknowledge that mistake takes lots of courage & I knew you as the person who had lots of that. Or so I thought. Let`s face the brutal facts now, we`re not returning, too much damage`s been done & that`s all there is to it.

Yeah, we`ve all had times when sorry really does seem to be the hardest word, & you`re probably experiencing it now. I don`t know. All I know is you probably had your own reasons for doing that. & I know I yearn for a better tomorrow & for this chapter of my life to close. For real. You know you were special.

crap

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, how can i NOT go insane??!! You tell me.

bite my tongue

"the end is only when you want it to be."

I told you I have such itchy fingers. Sometimes I`m amazed where my fingers can lead me to. Anywaaaaay, I logged in myflashbox. It`s not even on my blog anymore & I don`t know why I even logged in. Read the old tags then got all emo nemo. Wth. I lived for your tags sent on 31 July 2007 & 1 August 2007.

I miss you laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa & I know better not to say it so I`m just gonna shut up & live with it. Crap. How annoying is this?

Okaye & I`m supposed to be in school but I`m not? No. Okaye & I`m supposed to be in school but I`m not.

i think my dam`s gonna burst soon

Sometimes, an uncontrollable feeling of sadness grips us, he said. We recognize that the magic moment of day has passed and that we`ve done nothing about it. Life begins to conceal its magic and its art.

We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice.

The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

If we are not reborn - if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of childhood - it makes no sense to go on living.

There are many ways to commit suicide. Those who try to kill the body violate God's law. Those who try to kill the soul also violate God's law, even though their crime is less visible to others.

We have to pay attention to what the child in our heart tells us. We should not be embarassed by this child. We must not allow this child to be scared because the child is alone and is almost never heard.

We must allow the child to take the reins of our lives. The child knows that each day is different from every other day. We have to allow it to feel loved again. We must please this child - even if this means that we act in ways we are not used to, in ways that may seem foolish to others.

Remember that human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God. But if we listen to the child who lives in our soul, our eyes will grow bright. If we do not lose contact with that child, we will not lose contact with life.

- an excerpt from By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept by Paulo Coelho

_______________________________________________

fair and square says:

fit.....
- spunk(@) says:
yea?
fair and square says:
i love you very much.

everything will be alright k.
- spunk(@) says:

okaaaayeeee u love me & everything`s gonna be alright.
mmm, u are my courage, baaaabyyyyy HAHAHAHA (:
fair and square says:
youll always be our baby
- spunk(@) says:

2nd march..u promisssseeeeddd meeeeee.
fair and square says:

i did? ;)
- spunk(@) says:
kill me alreadyyyyyy..you ass. & ur bf sucksSssxxxZZzzzzzz HAHAHA
fair and square says:

he missesxxxzszzxxz you
- spunk(@) says:
gaaaah...everyone does!!! HAHAHA -rolls eyes
fair and square says:
witch
- spunk(@) says:
woof (:

OKAYE I MISS MY FAVOURITE COUPLE & HURRY MEET ME ALREADY.

yes i`m still alive. now read this.

"Don't be frightened, Pilar. Don't just fall into playing a role."

I didn`t want my problem with the old man to become a problem with him, so I tried to stay calm. "I don`t know what you mean by 'playing a role'."

"Some people always have to be doing battle with someone, sometimes even with themselves, battling their own lives. So they begin to create a kind of play in their head, and they write the script based on their frustrations."

"I know a lot of people like that. I know just what you mean."

"But the worst part is that they cannot present the play themselves,"he continued."So they begin to invite other actors to join in.

"That`s what that fellow outside was doing. He wanted revenge for something & he chose us to play a part. If we had accepted his restrictions, we`d be regretting it now. We would have been defeated. We would have agreed to participate in his miserable life and in his frustrations.

"The man`s agression was easy to see, so it was easy for us to refuse the role he wanted us to play. But other people also 'invite' us to behave like victims, when they complain about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask us to agree, to offer advice, to participate."

He looked into my eyes. "Be careful. When you join in that game, you always wind up losing."

He was right. But I still wasn`t happy about being inside the chapel. "OK, but I`ve already said my prayer. I`ve done what I wanted to do. Let`s go."

- excerpt from By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept

by Paulo Coelho

you want a piece of me

There are like about 5 people lingering but I can`t even be bothered to bat an eyelid. In the first place, I`ve never LOOKED for these sort of things. For some odd reason, Cupid just likes me way too much. Anyway, there are some individuals whom I`ve taken an interest in but the effect sort of wears off after a while coz they aren`t exactly like the person who came up with 'loml togicel'. Go figure. So it`s like a passing thing which I have zilch intentions of pursuing. It`s like 'there`s no beginning, there`ll be no end' kinda thing. I pretty much like where & how I am NOW. & all is well with the world. That`s just about it. I`m looking forward to tonight, tomorrow and the day after. We`ve got Friday well-planned ;)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE (:

just like we do

Our conversation consisted of Hello & Goodbye. & in between, there were deafening moments which made me wanna hang up. The 'I MISS YOU's & 'HOW ARE YOU DOING?'s were unsaid. We were contented with keeping silent. & then suddenly, I heard sobs on the other line - something I seldom hear from her. There`s a reason why she`s my COURAGE. & the sobs simply broke my heart into pieces again for God knows how many times already. The kind of heartbreak which can`t make tears stream down your face. More like the kind that could make you stop breathing any moment.

For you, I`ll be strong. Here`s to strength, you beautiful girl.

of a mellow saturday

Hello yello. I am home on a Saturday, completing the much dreaded MHR assingment. Geez. A 6000-word limit report. HELLLLOOOOOO. & to think I have to meet my group members in town tomorrow just to complete it. I am so glad that we are almost done with Marketing. I can`t wait for this semester to end, really. Guys, we are halfway there, thank God it`s sem 3.5 already. So to all the wonderful people of 19/3C, we are gonna be just fine coz madness will be over come Tuesday.

It`s February 2008 & that means I`m just weeks away from the much anticipated Perth trip. Hurrah! :D

Yesterday brought me joy. I look forward to a new week filled with love & laughter. & to everyone I`m missing currently, you are in my prayers.

Despite a crazy week, I managed to finish reading 2 well-written books. HAHA.

The mercy of Allah is an ocean. Our sins are a lump of clay clenched between the beak of a pigeon. The pigeon is perched on the branch of a tree at the edge of that ocean. It only has to open its beak.
- an excerpt from Minaret by Leila Aboulela

Anyway, I`m still thinking of how I can squeeze in some time for a 10-wk course on Islamic Astrology at Al-Falah Mosque. Mmmm. I`ve no idea how to pave time for this BUT I really, really, really, really wanna attend it. Okaye, we`ll see. It`s about shifting priorities again. & oh, if anyone knows about Islamic Astrology in other mosques, drop me an e-mail okaye! (:

Okie dokie, back to my report now. Gambate! :D

TGIF

Tonight, we are gonna laugh, dine, bond & spread all the love in the world by the ...umm... riverfront? LOL. Table for 10 yay i hope everyone will have fun. Thank God for Zac & his car. But I`ve this uncanny feeling that the 4 of us in the car are not gonna be able to find the place & we`ll all end up bickering. & there`ll be lots of 'TURN RIGHT, EH NO TURN LEFT. RIGHT RIGHT. EH LEFT!' & then Bean would just say, "SHUT UP! LET ME CALL MY MUMMY." (okaye, inside joke) HAHAHAHAHAHA.

OKAYE I SOOOO NEED TO RUMMAGE MY CLOSET NOW & GET READY BY 1830!

HAVE A GLORIOUS WEEKEND, EVERYONE! & may February be a better month for all (:





p.s Raqiah dear, i wish you could tag along tonight.





[edit] YOU ARE CRAZY.
& btw, what`s wrong with everyone eh? Call ME, then I couldn`t pick up. Then I called & then THEY didn`t pick up. & then THEY called & I didn`t pick up. & then I called & they didn`t pick up. EH FUN AH PLAY THIS GAME!!!! You guys must try it out you know -.-
&&&&& IT`S 1811 & I STILL DON`T KNOW WHAT TO WEARRRRRRRRRR.[/edit]

& all is right with the world

THANK YOU.