moved

DEAR FRIENDS, PLEASE DO NOT SCREAM AT ME. You know how fickle I am soooo I have decided to move to WORDPRESS instead of BLOGSPOT. That means I won`t need your e-mail addresses anymore! HAHAHA. I`m sorry. Some of my entries in WORDPRESS will be made private and that`s about it. Anyway, ask me for my address! I`ll let you know if you are nice (:

This space will be shut down on 31 July 2008.

grey`s anatomy

Meredith Grey: [narrating] There’s a little animal in all of us and maybe that’s something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free. We are each other’s keepers, we are the guardians of our own humanity and even though there’s a beast inside all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.

Episode Where the Wild Things Are

strength

I can`t stand you being so near yet so far. & I miss you already. This is... bad.

a & f

I met Strength today & there were moments when I wish I could tell him how insane my emotions are currently. But I knew better to just shut up & appreciate the silent moments in the car. We seldom have silent moments, really, because we`d always have something to laugh about. I pray that God would plant seeds of ______ in our hearts because Strength is beautiful in MY eyes, so imperfectly perfect and perfectly imperfect at the same time. Never thought I`d say this but there is something in Strength that was missing in the previous individual I loved.

I am not in love with Strength just yet because it`s not easy for me to do so when I`m constantly caught between the past & present but I pray something could work out between us. God willing. & what exactly is this feeling? =/ So familiar yet so unknown.

If I gave you my life,
Would you let it slip,
Through your fingers like water in the desert?

If I gave you my heart,
In the deep of the night,
Would you hold it like a candle giving you light?

peace

WHY HELLO THERE, 'I-SYA CUTE'.

As much as I want to be polite, I really don`t think people like you deserve any sort of niceness from anyone. Ever.

Please do not succumb to dumb games like these just because you have too much time in your hands. I see you as a green-eyed monster who hasn`t experienced any sort of happiness in life yet. & that is just... plain pathetic. Please do not think that you can attain happiness by destroying others' happiness.

Whatever ill intentions you harbour, whoever you wanna hurt emotionally, I urge you to STOP. & lest you forget, God is great, really. That`s how we got to know this entire account is a scam.


Haven`t you heard? You do not play games with people who can play them better, young lady.

This game you`re playing is so yesterday & I seriously do not know if I should be pissed at you or whether I want to laugh at your sheer foolishness.

Stop hurting others before others hurt you. If you don`t stop, I can only conclude that you have some sort of severe deformity. & that deformity is JEALOUSY. Rid that angst & jealousy in your heart because they won`t do you any good. Mark my words.

I think I`m being nice enough to you but if you think you have something to say for yourself, you can reach me via e-mail at nurul.fitriyanna@gmail.com

I`d be glad to help you on your road to recovery as an individual who is not screwed up. You`ve got some issues there so get them sorted out soon.

I love my sister & it is my responsibility to protect her, that`s why I`m sending you this message.

You have got to stop this puerile game & that`s that. I can`t emphasise that enough.

Regards,
Nurul Fitriyanna

***************************
I could have taken the easy way out by typing a whole paragraphs of FUCKYOUS, KNNBCCB,PEREMPUANSUNDAL,PUKIMAKKAU & whatnots BUT my vocabulary of profanities is limited, so I decided not to. I am a lousy gangster. HAHA.

yo yo yo

Louis: So Fit who is the host for NDP this year?
Fit: Mmm Adrian Pang, Michelle Chong, Jean Danker. Then got one indian one malay host also.
Louis: Orh that chin tanker every year also have.
Fit: U mean Jean Danker.
Louis: Ya ya chin tanker chin tanker.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

& he randomly referred to HEATH LEDGER as JOHN LEDGER.
I`m telling you. It must be the overdose of oldies & blasting Gold 90 FM in his car . He probably got that dude confused with JOHN LENNON. Hahahahaha.

Fit: Eh Louis, where`s your car?
Louis: Aiya scrape already lor.
Fit: What scrape?! You mean scrap.
Louis: Aiya same la!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He is so funny because he has a permanently blur look on his face & the way he talks is just insane. Everyone has got to meet Louis Shen. I love my classmates. HAHAHAHAHA.

the one with a stiff neck

somehow made everything a little easier. Thank you.

bumblebee

Friday, 11 July 2008
We love each other too much, that`s why we unintentionally wore outfits of the same colours. & all in long-sleeved tops (i just realized). Okaye mine was a cardigan but still.
What`s intentional is me closing my eyes & peace-ing. hahaha. Annoying like that.

Nonie Baloney, Raq Duck, Kai Bangkai, I love you three. We are bumblebees.
Anyway, this picture was taken using Kai`s hp which is now dead because it fell 12 stories down. Kai Bangkai memang Pandai.

hopxedpolla

Lately, I find myself retreating to my yesterdays & seeking some sort of familiarity in it. It`s always better when I cried in his arms & he did make everything okaye no matter how hard & bad things were for us. Maybe, some people are just broken like this for the rest of their lives & they don`t really recover. Maybe some people pretend to be okaye but when night falls, they die inside yet again, tear-stained pillow night after night. & maybe sometimes, time doesn`t heal. No, not at all. But it`s comforting to know I still have a heart. No one ever comes close to him. yet.

Today`s gonna be alright if I get through the next few hours. Everything`s gonna be okaye because I`ll try. Don`t you know? I am Denial.

strength

I am TRULY astounded by the seeds of strength that The Almighty has planted in the hearts of those people featured in Arts Central`s The Human Spirit. Each week, a special individual is featured & I am always moved to tears because I truly cannot imagine how hard life is for him/her. I can only say a little prayer for all of these people & hope that things will get better for them. It is a reminder for all of us out there to ALWAYS be grateful to Him because He, our Creator, is capable of anything & everything. & when we face great difficulties in life, He is the only one who grants us the strength within to carry on. My love for Him is eternal, InsyaAllah.

cranky

Cleared my C: & found some of my favourite pics taken in Australia back in March. I realise I`m missing them kids & all the people back in Perth. Too lazy to type a lot today.

& then there was the celebration held at the mosque on Maulid Nabi.

Meet Adorable Aisyah! :D

I so can be their ustazah. Hahaha :D

DAN! :D



Khairun & Daniel bickering over Danish, me & my sister. & towards the end of this clip, I managed to stop the recording AND Khairun from asking me about Nazir`s picture in my purse. She was actually saying 'is that ur boyfriend?'. Then I grabbed my purse back from her. That girl can be so kepo sometimes, really. Haha.


My fav boy

Omg, I am so missing Perth now. Like totally. Kak Eda, when are we going together agaaaain?

******

Iylia`s sister`s wedding on 06 July 2008. There are like a hundred plus pictures & I`m too lazy to upload them here, really.

Iylia & Adly, the ones I`m closer to. Syedol, or rather, Haikal`s missing.
No no, not that Haikhal.

It was hottttttt & I don`t know where my eyes were.

Meet Iylia. The only male friend who has access to my emotions & has ALWAYS been there for me through the years. See, we even wore tops of matching colors without planning. I call it telepathy. He`s seen me through my brightest & darkest days. I am so kental because I cried last night. He left for NS today & I won`t see him for 16 long days. I hate to be affectionate towards him, but I`ll say this nonetheless. I MISS HIM already. My buddy is gonna be a MAN! :D

Last but never the least, these 2 gems who`ve been around since primary & secondary school days (: InsyaAllah, all three of us are gonna have careers in the civil service (: One staff nurse, one prison officer, one cop. No prizes for guessing who`s who. Hahaha (:

That`s all for now. I`m not in the mood for words because I`m feeling feverish yet again(withdrawal syndrome, maybe) & I really dislike picture posts.

faust arp

Wakey wakey
Rise and shine
It's on again, off again, on again
Watch me fall
Like dominos
In pretty patterns
Fingers in the blackbird pie
I'm tingling tingling tingling
It's what you feel now
What you ought to, what you ought to
Reasonable and sensible
Dead from the neck up
Because im stuffed, stuffed, stuffed
We thought you had it in you
But no, no, no
For no real reason

I am obsessed with short hair. I am thinking of cutting my hair again next two weeks or something. The current do is short but not short enough. I want it shorter. I`ve always wanted Keira Knightley`s pixie do but I`ve not mustered enough courage coz it`s too short. But the time is right now. I shall get it shorter. The hairdryer is my new bestfriend. Told mum about getting my hair cut again, maybe like a butch`s & she looked at me & said, kak do you have a GIRLFRIEND? Oh mother, puhlease.

count your blessings

Tonight, Haikhal has revealed a different side of him to me & it`s strange that I feel a need to stand by him. I am so proud of him to be so driven & motivated. He is Hope. I like it when we talk for hours about anything & everything. I like how comfortable we both feel. & it feels like we`ve known each other since forever. I am ever so thankful to the One above for yet another wonderful presence of a beautiful person in my life (: I wouldn`t want to lose such a gem to certain emotions & feelings that should not exist. Ask me again in a month`s time.

Somehow, I am remembered of what Zarifah used to tell me & I am glad she said them. Yes indeed, sometimes God takes something or someone away from us, only to grant us something or someone better (:


Tonight, I found hope. Again (: Syukur Alhamdulillah.




Hanya Ingin Kau Tahu - Republik

ttm

I`m glad we are going to SP to rockclimb after school today because I just need to do so. On a different note, I need a sign.

closet bookworm

I have finally completed reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, a Nobel Prize winner in Literature. Truth be told, I am NOT a fan of romance novels but I must say that this book goes straight to the list of books I`ll read AGAIN (:

Together they had overcome the daily incomprehension, the instantaneous hatred, the reciprocal nastiness, and fabulous flashes of glory in the conjugal conspiracy. It was time when they both loved each other best, without hurry or excess, when both were most conscious of and grateful for their incredible victories over adversity. Life would still present them with other moral trials, of course, but that no longer mattered: they were on the other shore.
- excerpt from Love in the Time of Cholera


On a different note, I can`t wait to catch a Mexican film entitled Malos Habitos (Bad Habits) at The Picturehouse. It`s a movie along the lines of anorexia, bulimia & a mother`s obsession in keeping her child skinny.




Alright, time to get ready for a wedding! (: Yes, this time I`ve got the date right.

NDP Boom

In a few hours, we`ll be rocking the floating platform at Marina & I totally can`t wait because today is the first NE Show & I`ll get to mingle with Primary 5 kids! :D

enchanted

Deal with it. On a different note, Coke never tasted so good. Knocked me out really good for a couple of hours. Say, for 12 odd hours or so. More than all the 5 hours a night I`ve been getting for the past 2 weeks. Haikhal was pissed with me but I know I`ll make it up to him probably later today. & that, I can`t wait but my head is hurting so badly now. I need to sleep. AGAIN.

electric shocks on aching bones

SMRT Challenge 2008, anyone? (:

vindicated

So turn up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defence is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in

of snakes & my favourite fireman

Haikhal called me a while ago from the hospital & I don`t know why I`m feeling a little depressed though I know he`s gonna be alright. My heart ached when I was about to leave just now, but I know he`s safe & there won`t be snakes in the hospital. I`d do whatever I did just now, all over again. In a heartbeat. As a concerned friend.

earth intruders

In my head, we are broken pieces of smithereens, a mess that`s so beautifully created, it breaks the hearts of those who see us through their telescopic eyes. In my head, you are dancing easily through my dreams & I love swaying to the tune of our brokenness. In my head, we float like tiny specks of balloons in the vast blue sky, you are Red & I am Green. In my head, your touch warms me to my senses & our kisses are so intense & passionate, they bring tears to my eyes. Abyss. In my head, we lie in darkness on our canopy bed with entwined bodies & interlocked fingers, & we fall asleep to the tune of our renewed covenant we make to never leave each other. In my head, my dam bursts & the walls I build fall apart right before my very eyes.

But truth is, sometimes, in my head, I float on okaye & I know everything`s gonna be alright. I know I`m okaye when the feelings remain YET at the same time, I have a harmless infatuation on another individual.

barriers to entry

I want to say SO much because I`m penting it all up in my system & it`s driving me a little insane. YES, Fitriyanna, it`s a blog & it`s the www. But once I start typing, sometimes, I really wonder who are reading my words behind their screens. & then I start hitting 'backspace' & just close the damn window. Back to Square 1. Everything`s in my system AGAIN. No wonder I`m so happily unhappy. Maybe I should learn to actually TALK it out again.

fulfillment

Being a mentor to 2 girls who have records of juvenile delinquency isn`t an easy task at at all. It is hard for me NOT to be emotionally attached to them. At the same time, I cannot allow them to lose respect for me because there is an undefined boundary they musn`t cross. But NOTHING truly beats the satisfaction I receive when they call & thank me for all that I`ve done.


It is not 'thank you' that I want. It is not monetary reward that I want. It is not recognition that I want. I only want my two girls to fit into society again & redeem themselves. I have total faith & confidence that they`ll go far. InsyaAllah. With the basic elements of prayers, support from their families, guidance from their mentor, counsellors & the right kind of peers, I believe that things will fall into place soon enough, eventhough it isn`t an easy world out there.


I know I have done my part as their mentor when I see them going back to school & making full opportunity to be positive contributors to the society. I`ve always believed that the relationships I`ve shared & established with troubled youths is a two-way sort of relationship.



I am grateful that God has blessed me with a supportive family who`s always behind me in all that I do, that I do not come from a broken family & that I am receiving good education, & that I have been given good health & He has planted seeds of compassion, humility & humanity in me. & I know I`ll continue to touch other lives like this for as long as I can, God willing (: & yes, my ultimate career in life? To be a woman in blue who is one of the 'Captains of Lives'. Go figure(:

lovehate relationship

My short hair so far...
Love: i can have sexy out-of-bed hair OR neat straight hair whenever I like. For the latter, all I need to do is blowdry.
Hate: -Blowdrying tires my arms & it`s just so... troublesome. But I like my hair neat & in place.
- MY FRINGE IS BEYOND ANNOYING. & I really mean BEYOND.


ANYWAY, U GUYS HAVE TO CATCH THE RSAF`S DISPLAY DURING NDP on 09 Aug duh. I`m not going to spoil it for you by posting the video here. I managed to record it yesterday during our rehearsal &&&& I`m looking forward to the upcoming rehearsals because everything`s falling into place, I`m BEYOND PROUD to be part of NDP 2008. Anywayyy... RSAF BLACK KNIGHTS IS THE SEX. & pretty please STOP bugging me for tickets because I`m only entitled to 2! (: loveyoupeopleaplenty. kthanksbye!

i wanna go hommmmme

I know what could possibly be the best birthday present ever but for now, I`ll just shut up. Yea, I have exactly four donkey months.

random

I`ve been thinking about it. I want to & I still do. Unfortunately, things aren`t quite as simple as they seem so I`m just gonna continue being so caught up in that situation until some fairy godmummy comes my way & sprinkles some green faery dusttt on me. Have I told you I miss you? Well, I do. It`s a lovehate thing which disgusts me. Oh you wouldn`t know anyway. & then she tells me SO WHAT? JUST DO IT. & throws me that arrogant look, I so wanna dig her eyeballs. I LOVE YOU - I can`t say those 3 words to anyone else but you, because I mean what I say & knowing me, I can`t afford to carelessly say them like saying FUCK YOU, which are becoming my 2 fav words as of late. I am tired of this, I wanna float. how many times have I told myself to get out of the rut, only to find myself being drawn to you AGAIN? AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN. It`s like echo, echo, cho, cho, cho. OKAYE STOP. 7 months of living nightmare & still counting. Let`s float. & the dreams have got to stop, they are NOT signs. I ____ you from what could possibly be 500-660 miles away. G`day.

misses

For some uncanny reason, I`m gonna miss you. A little if not a lot. In ways you`d never know or imagine. Saturday night was brief but eventful. From CGH to getting lost in Jurong, you were an amazing company & I couldn`t have asked for more, dear friend (: Friday seems like forever but just wait (:

short hairrrrr

Hello world, I no longer have long hair. LIKE FINALLY :D

your tongue down my throat, i kid you not

sore throat = symptom of me coming down with fever (ALWAYS the case)

Fever AGAIN. Fever in 2 weeks. My immune system is going downhill, all thanks to the lack of sleep. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AT SIMPANG NOW BUT I AM NOT (thanks ah, xxxxx). Bengs abis. Gaaaah. I`m not making any sense BECAUSE I AM F.HUNGRY & I`m craving for Aglio OlioO0oOoo000O. & I have to be at City Hall at 0930 tomorrow because we are starting rehearsals at the floating platform already. 0930?! :( Whine whine whine. I need sleep. Kthxbye.

roadtrip

It feels good to be on my bed after 2 nights of not doing so. The journey back was keplak tsh dush uuuuu. SO annoying. My head kept hitting the side & it almost rolled off. You know I wish I had a car or a bike now so I can go there whenever I want. Closest I can get. WHERE ARE YOU?! I`m doing this crazy thing which is pissing my sister off. I miss my parents already :(

we`ll float on okaye

For the past 4 years, I have gotten used seeing them together almost anywhere & everywhere that I find it really awkward to just meet her without him now. I`ve got one less person to do our 'buddy hello' with now. It scares me a great deal to see my reflection in her & know that somehow, things just won`t be the same anymore. For some odd reason, the cause of their breakup is the EXACT reason for the recent increase in my fear of relationships AND commitment. I see it happening everywhere.


& I`ve finally plucked the courage to tell Syai that I`m just not into him anymore. He`s wonderful but even after 7 months since the last one ended, I`m just not ready I guess. Somehow, I feel more at ease now, one thing less to fret about (:

networking

I have been procrastinating about setting up my very own Facebook account for a very long time because I`m plain lazy, really. So, since I`m still unwell & can`t get out of the house, I decided to quit procrastinating & get it done. Now my friends have NO reasons to bug me to set up an account! It`s a tad complicated & I`m still a noob. I viewed some of my friends' profiles & could somehow pick out those whom I THINK live their lives on Facebook. HAHAHA. Somehow, I foresee myself doing the same once I get the hang of it. HAHAHA back at me.

Okaye to those who do have a Facebook account, you can add me up! Just key in my full name (:

you`re impossible to find

I`m supposed to be home tomorrow but I was sent back because I fell sick & am currently running a temperature of 38.3. The weather`s been pretty bad, that`s why.

I soooo want to cry. I was chatting with Imad over on MSN & was telling him about all my cravings. Sashimi, tom yum soup, watermelons, ice cream & Starbucks coffee. He had to go offline coz he wanted to sleep so I was left with nothing to do.


A while ago, I got a phone call from him & he asked if I wanted to go out later tonight to have my coffee. I just don`t feel like it because I`m feeling like crap now & my nose just won`t stop leaking. I was suspicious because he was supposed to be SLEEPING, but his background was really noisy. He claimed that he was on his way to his grandmother`s house. Okaaaaye so that explains it.


& then he suddenly told me he`s down my block with fruits! HAHAHAHA. Liar! Because I`m really unwell, he decided to just leave the bag of fruits outside my doorstep. He not only bought one watermelon, but he got me a honeydew too, knowing it`s my favourite fruit! (: & I`m talking about the ENTIRE fruit here, not slices of it. YES, so he carried a watermelon AND honeydew all the way from Eastpoint to my house. It`s not exactly near, actually. &&& to my amazement, he bought me 3 slices of salmon sushi too! HAHAHAHA (:

On the night of The Quest, he actually sent me an audio file to wish me ALL THE BEST. I expected him to say 'ALL THE BEST' out loud or something but he sang my current favourite song, Secondhand Serenade`s 'FALL FOR YOU', while strumming the guitar. & I still remember him saying that now I`ve got someone who has sung that song for me. Sweet (:

Sometimes I wonder why he does these things for me because I was REALLY mean to him when we were together 2 years ago. I threw a book at him, made him sit under the scorching Sun, in the middle of the basketball court for being late, made him travel all the way from home to my place just to accompany me to NTUC & whatnots. Yet, he`s still the same Imad I know a few years ago. God bless him for being so patient with me & for having a huge heart (:

Thank you, Imad. Really. You are the sweetest (:

sunny side up

OMG. The 3 rascals from KL are coming down to Sg tomorrow noon! Irfan,Hilmi & Ziqry, Kakak Fitri misses you curly-haired monsters! I am sooo sexcited. Looks like the entire day will be spent at my grandparents' in Jurong so I can plaaaay with them :D Too early to say anything, but June looks like a bright month (: Dear God, I hope so :D

The Quest, The Quest, you know you know it`s da best

MY ENTIRE BODY IS ACHING. Botanic Gardens was SHIT. We spent an hour plus searching for Sealing Wax Palm & Anda-something something. & singing a cheer at Bedok & Tamp Interchange to an audience of 3 or more members was downright embarassing. I`ll upd8 soon before I leave on Tue.

Though we, the ex-trackers(HAHA), lost to a whole load of 'small kids', I am proud to say that we managed to at least clinch the Top 50 position. There were more than 300 teams or so okaaaaaye. To Adila, Farah & Yasin, you guys are DA bomb maaaaaan & I love you so :D

Anywaaaay, if you guys saw a whole load of insane freaks in orange running around all over Singapore today.... That was us :D

finito

Woooo. Exams ended on a good note. I am pleased with my performance today, thank God (: Okaaaaaaye holidays have officially commenced! (: I`ll be pretty occupied with a few camps & the climbing expedition on the 16th. I foresee an interesting month ahead (: Right now, I am soooo gonna catch up on SLEEP. &&&& I caaaaan`t wait for The Quest tomorrow! :D

of perfect competition, monopoly, oligopoly

I am upset because my penultimate paper wasn`t as manageable as I thought it would be. I was stoning 3/4 of the time, & that itself wasn`t a good indication. It`s not like I didn`t study. I did. It was alarming to see the people around me stoning as well. But when I looked to my right, the people from Class B were busily scribbling on their paper. & I really mean 'busily'. Whatever Mr Pon emphasised during revision was like totally different from what came out today. Gaaaah. I stepped out of the Grand Hall wanting to cry so badly. I seek comfort in the fact that my classmates ALSO think the paper was tough. But then again....

I really hope they`ll moderate it. I don`t know why but I can`t quite handle the thought of flunking because for the past 3 semesters, all I`ve gotten are As, Bs and B+ & I`m really thankful for that. I don`t want to disappoint my parents AND myself. I know what I am capable of & today just killed me. Ladies & gentlemen, today I died because Microeconomics was THE shit.

Anyway, Faiz was nice enough to run to the front shop to get ice cream for me just because I told him I feel like crap. & the phone convo I had with my mummy sort of made me feel better. Okaye, time to switch to a different mode now. I guess what`s done is done & I`ll patiently await 13th June. Last paper tomorrow. GAMBATE!

you can hold my hand

Today, I`ve learned that even when I think I have no more to give, when a friend cries out to me, I will find the strength to help & somehow that strength comes naturally, & I`m amazed by how strong I actually am.

I think there`s something wrong with the sentence structure but I`m sure you get what I mean.

mug

Hokaye. Exams commence tomorrow & I`m only 55% prepared, headed for Doomsville, really. I totally cannot wait for Friday because that`s when madness ends. & on Saturday, there`s this so-called Amazing Race all around Singapore. My ex TP Track&Field mates, namely Yasin,Adila & Farah have formed a team, together with me & we hope to win the first prize of course, that`s S$10,000 & a whole load of prizes :D I think this is a great way for us to bond with each other again after so long. Such a pity that Mag or Becka couldn`t join us because of family & church commitment. Anywaaaay, I`ve already promised Faris 100bucks IF we manage to clinch the Top 3 positions because he was the one who told me about this competition.

Okaye, enough excitement, it`s back to books now. I`ll be back soon! :D

loml togicel

Because i`ve always known you as someone with a big heart, even bigger than mine. The dream was beautiful. Good while it lasted but I miss him even more now, body & soul so strong.

A rivalry goes so deep between me & this loss of sleep over him. Yes, still. Sometimes, I enjoy being in denial - that I am no longer bound to the ties of my past, because it takes away the pain, even if it`s temporary. But when I`m done with denial, the only words I can say to myself are It`s still there.

I cannot kiss another without him constantly on my mind, without wishing it`s his lips instead. I still cannot find the courage to delete our pictures & I don`t have the heart to discard that picture of him in my wallet. In a way, I am pretty screwed up. What if our 'loml togicel' really means what it`s supposed to mean? How long am I supposed to be haunted like this?

A thousand times I’ve seen you standing
Gravity like lunar landing
You make me wanna run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
Drift to you, you’re all I hear
As everything we know fades to black

man vs terrapin

My brother, Faiz, is BEYOND ANNOYING. He has this female pet terrapin which is super hyper for a terrapin & it even killed her male counterpart just days after she was brought into the 'tank'. Okaye, that`s not why my brother is annoying. You see, he was playing MY laptop on MY bed, or should I say, mattress because I am weird, hence, I dislike sleeping on beds so I sleep on the floor. OKAYE ANYWAY, he was gaming on MY mattress & that terrapin was crawling all over MY laptop. I yelled at my brother to get it off my laptop & back into the tank. My brother refused & thought it would be better to put the terrapin on the place where I sleep, in other words, on my MATTRESS. How mother annoying is that?! I was shrieking because I was so 'geli' already & besides, I`ve just changed my bedsheet!

Me: FAIZ, CAN U STOP PLAYING WITH IT? AND PUT IT BACK INTO THE TANK!!!!!!!
Faiz: No, I want Orix to stay with me!

Me: WHAT ORIX? ISN`T HER NAME TANIA? PUT IT BACK!
Faiz: WHAT TANIA?! Orix la! Nvm, Orix can stay here. She is part of our family.
Me: Family, your head. I don`t care. Just get it into the tank. Oh oh oh. Okaye why don`t you put it into your mouth instead?
Faiz: How much do I get for doing that?
Me: Nothing? Hurry put it in your mouth.
Faiz: I don`t want. Dia tak boleh percaya, skali I tertelan how?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That conversation went on for another 3 minutes & he finally put Tania/Orix back into the tank. Anyway, we watched Duyung on DVD last night & my brother obviously took the name Orix from that movie. Orix was a pet monkey anyway. Okaaaaye, the name Tania was given by me. Don`t ask why because it just is. Faiz thinks Tania is an ugly & uncool name for HIS pet terrapin, so now he wants to call it. . .Orix.

We were both looking at Tania/Orix swimming in the tank & then I told Faiz to just stick to Tania.

Me: K, Faiz, let`s do this. We`ll both call her Tania and see if her head pops out of the water. & then we`ll call her Orix also.
Faiz: K, set!
Both: TANIA, TANIA, TANIA!!!!! (for about 20 seconds)

There was no reaction from Tania. So we tried calling her Orix instead.

Both: Orix.. Orix!! Oriiiiiiix!

Yeah, you guessed it right. Her head was out of the water.
Okaye, fiiiiine, no Tania. We have decided to call her Orix since she responded to it -.-

Orix or Tania, I still dislike terrapins. & to think we have 5 in the house. Yeah, & guess what? Right at this very moment, as I`m typing this out, my brother is telling me to wash Orix.

KAAAKAAAAK, CAN YOU CLEAN ORIX FOR ME???

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I won`t ever touch it. I am beyond annoyed now because I want to study, not clean a terrapin! & to think I wasted half hour of my study time to be bothered with Faiz & Orix.

of secrets, rumours & gossip

I need to get out of Singapore because it is waaaay too small & everyone knows each other, or at least they think they do. & Fazly? I didn`t think it was funny that your bunch of friends texted you to inform you that I was at the foodcourt. I`m not a superstar, to begin with. I am a nobody. 'Fit is at the foodcourt'. & then you made your way up to the foodcourt to say hi to me. It wouldn`t have been weird if I actually know those 6 guys or so, but I don`t. Not even a single one of them. Heh.

I think I have waaaaaay too many dirty secrets & a few incidents over the past 2 weeks have freaked me out because I have no idea what people know & they actually talk about it. & guys? Yes, guys, the species with something hanging down south, do gossip. You`d be surprised to know how some of them do it better than us girls.

Note to self: START BEHAVING. There aren`t many Nurul Fitriyannas in Singapore.

listen

When I bring it up, you shut me out. Afiq, sometimes, I wished you wouldn`t treat me like I`m the greatest mistake you`ve ever made in your entire life. I would have warned you about me, waaay before you developed all these feelings. But really, WHAT is the point? Caution could have done the warning, but it rarely ever helps.

Don`t treat me like I`m something bad that happened to you because, in your words, I am... special. I have got nothing left to give in this love/hate friendship we share. & somehow, crazy as it seems, it makes me angry that you`d stay with me even after what I`ve become, after all that I`ve done. Please remind me again what exactly we are fighting for.

we`re all the same

I bite my tongue so damn hard & refrain from allowing my careless words to be heard because the blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground. I`m almost done here. I`m almost done lying to myself. Everything must come to an end.

David Archuleta, MY American Idol

This rendition made me have goosebumps because Archie sang it sooooo beautifully, it was sort of...heartbreaking. Ironically, in a good way, if you get me. All 3 judges gave a standing ovation. I don`t need to say much about how well he sang. His voice control is magnificent. Just watch.

On a different note, I am fully aware that it`s time for me to step out of that zone, into the unknown & back into reality.

Gossip Girl

Episode 18 was alright for me, I guess. I still like 17 best (:

[edit]okaye, this is specially for 'passerby' who tagged, & for everyone else (: These are some of the websites I visit to watch my doses of online TV and stuff, like Gossip Girl, Samantha Who? & Brothers & Sisters. There are loads of websites out there but here`s my list (:

www.3flicks.com
http://www.fanpop.com/
www.sidereel.com
[/edit]

rollin good times

Things aren`t getting any easier & I need another form of escapism to sort my thoughts first. In other words, I just wanna be back there, you know.

all my life...no more.

My parents think I should go for it. If I`m really going under the knife next year to cure my palmar & plantar hyperhidrosis, I die-die wanna be under anaesthesia because my late grandmother was partially awake when she had her colonoscopy back in 2004. Oh, the horror. Yes, a darn tube being inserted through your anus & then it slowly makes its way up your rectum, then through your colon & finally your ileum. ALL THAT WHILE YOU ARE AWAKE when you are SUPPOSED to be under anaesthesia, in other words, being put to sleep. So yes, imagine my grandmother`s utter discomfort AND pain. Point is, I want to be under anaesthesia & that`s that.

mellow

Uno: I pray that her soul would be blessed, that God's mercy will always be with her, in hopes that she will find peace and happiness in the afterlife. I believe that God will hold our hand, better than sincere and true friends, & guide us in every step we take and in every decision we make & that death is His call to an eternal home of bliss for us, where there is a much higher and better life. I pray that Mak, Abah, Kak Ina & Abang Faizul will be strong enough to overcome this obstacle, InsyaAllah. Deaths always remind us that if we live a good and pious life, then it is something that we should not fear, that we should have complete faith and trust in Allah s.w.t, that He will protect us from the punishment of the grave and the greater punishment of the Hellfire. InsyaAllah.

Dos: On our way to the funeral, I wished Mummy hadn`t made a wrong turn. Because of that, we had to drive past his place & I got a little nostalgic. ALL OVER AGAIN. & I actually teared because I could see ourselves on the bike at the usual traffic light. It was beyond painful to feel that way again, because I`ve been coping fine lately.

Tres: I am really thankful for Syai`s existence in my life. The past few weeks have been tough, but hey, we are still here. It`s a different kind of happiness, but I am grateful, nonetheless. Slowly, but surely.

Cuarto: EXAMS ARE COMING. LIKE, IN 10 DAYS. & I`VE YET TO GET MY ASS ON THE CHAIR & MUG. LIKE REALLY, REALLY MUG. So I`m gonna go get my act together.Pronto.

Cya when I cya!



Do you know what your fate is?

And now you're trying to shake it?

You're doing your best dance, your best look
You're praying that you'll make it

i am strong like this

I know my old self is back when I wake up in the morning & tell myself that I believe in what I am because it`s all I have today. I believe in the power to reinvent myself. Thank You, God, for the strength within.

meow

Daaaaarn. WHY must the Reading Circle`s debut session begin the night before my first exam paper? :( Looks like I`ve gotta give it a miss. & imagine my reaction when I found out that the short story to be discussed on that day is in...MALAY. I need my kamus, already. Anywaaay, I`m going for an audition tomorrow to do a voiceover for a Malay cartoon. YES, I KNOW. SHUT UP, ALREADY. Watch this space. Hahaha. Wish me luck! :D

addiction

Hello babies (: Ahhh, it feels fantabulous to be home tonight though it`s a Friday. As we all know, Friday isn`t exactly a Friday for me because I`ve got school on Saturdays, so my weekends actually commence at 5pm every Sat. It`s been an insane week because project submission was on Monday, Tuesday AND Wednesday. Oh, the horror, really. Sleeping at 4am for 3 consecutive nights WASN`T funny at all. My stress level ALMOST hit maximum, but so did my productivity. But all`s well now, thank God.

I am SOOOO looking forward to our NDP Motivators' costume fitting tomorrow. I totally cannot imagine myself in some loony outfit, like a SQUID or something. HAHAHA. Madness won`t be over till August but I bet it`s SOOOOOO gonna be fun & it`ll be such a pleasant experience! :D

On another note, Mother`s Day is on Sunday but I`ve got some mentoring seminar over at Kee Sun till 5pm. Gaaaaaah. I`m sooo gonna rush for the dinner thingamajig we are gonna have. Okaye, NOW I wished I had 26 hours or something.

Alright, I`m blabbing too much tonight, but, BEAR WITH ME! I`m a happy goober today, I even wore a flowy skirt to school. Okaye, random. HAHA. Okaaaaye, before I go, I just wanna share a new TV series I`ve been addicted to online. No no, it`s not Gossip Girl. It`s...Samantha Who?, starring Christina Applegate. Go watch! It`s a feel-good show, really! (: & oh, just a little trivia here... this show`s created by Cecelia Ahern, who is the author of PS, I LOVE YOU (: There you go!

Summary: Samantha "Sam" Newly is forced to start over with her life after a horrific accident leaves her stricken with amnesia. As she reconnects with acquaintances in her old life, however, Sam is disconcerted to discover she apparently had been a self-centered, narcissistic witch with no successful relationships to speak of. She'd like to be good now -- so why does she keep feeling this compulsion to be bad?

For FULL summary, click http://www.tv.com/samantha-who/show/68654/summary.html?q=samantha%20who&tag=search_results;title;1

It IS interesting, so go watch okaye! (: You are soooo gonna be hooked, like me!

Okaye, be good & hope you`ll have an awesome weekend. HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY to your mummies too! :D

LOVE,
FITTIES

i dont wanna be a rockstar

I think we are headed for Doomsville. It can be sunny one day, I`m laughing, so contented to be with him, & the next moment I know, I want out. I think that we should run as fast as we can into what we don`t know. Shit. My infatuation is just like a damn Marginal Utility curve.

ANYWAY, I NEED TO START MUGGING. & OH, girls, episode 16 of Gossip Girl is a MUST-WATCH! I sooooo wanna kill G & I think Jenny`s a pain in the ass. Can`t wait for Epi 17 to be out!

transition

I know it`s NOT really over. I am the world`s biggest liar & you know that. After a while, I realise that once people are broken in certain ways, they can`t ever be fixed, & this is something NOBODY ever tells you when you are young & it never fails to surprise you as you grow older & you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it`s already happened.

I know damn well that I should be stronger than this. I think that I`m afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens. How is it possible for me to be so strong yet so weak?

If somebody asks me if I`m happy or not now, I`d answer with a resounding yes, but I know it`s a different kind of happiness, the kind of happiness you experience with so many cracks in your heart. You know, the thing is this...Everyone CAN be okaye, but it takes a real person to smile through the pain. & sometimes, whether you want it or not, you move forward because that`s the only step you can take. That`s just the way it is.





Every now & then when I want you, I wish that I could tell you that I want you.

anata ga iru kagiri

HOPE - the word that so often rises with us in the morning, gets sorely wounded as the day progresses and dies at nightfall.

stop it, Fitriyanna

You don't just stop feeling something for someone because you start feeling something for someone else.

fight it

I know what I`d call it but I`m not gonna be mean. & I don`t want to see things in that perspective. Besides, I`m very forgiving. & I HAVE forgiven that particular person for causing so much pain that still exists in the corners of my heart. He was there for a certain period of time, & I really do appreciate it, but things always happen. But all`s forgiven. I live with the pain that could possibly be permanent but I have never blamed him entirely for marring something & someone I once held on to dear life because I`ve made my mistakes as well. My conscience is clear like that.

Mum once said that if I don`t watch it, my extremely forgiving nature could be my downfall in life. & you know how Mums are always right. I pray that God will guide me through this & you are gonna be okaye, InsyaAllah. & I know myself best - that when I forgive, I forgive with all of my heart even if I don`t get an apology in return. Despite all my flaws, I am grateful to The Almighty for blessing me with this trait. My prayers go out to you. Everything`s gonna be okaye, InsyaAllah.

p.s to the rest of the world, don`t ASSUME you know who this post is about because it is not.

classic

The possibility of it turning into Situation B doesn`t faze me one bit. Breathe, take it slow.

My Livejournal`s almost ready. FRIENDS only entries.

party, p-party party p-party people

Today, the world is going to sing to me from the minute I open my eyes in the morning to the minute I fall asleep listening to your voice tonight. You are making this worthwhile. This is infatuation at its peak. If Aish is my Courage & Frente, my Strength , you are that dose of positivity that has been long gone from me & slowly making its return, you my Optimism.

Know that I can`t wait to see you so handsomely dressed up today. & for once, I feel okaye to let my guard down slightly for someone. Just slightly, just slightly.

Today, all is gonna be right with the world.

If I told you things I did before

Told you how I used to be

Would you go along with someone like me?

If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?

holiday

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

of a wanted man

IF YOU DON`T KNOW ANYTHING, DO US ALL A FAVOUR & JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. Silence is GOLDEN.

Mummy & me were discussing the issue over late dinner, while watching the news & I understand she`s got a lot to handle at work. & she`s constantly on standby. For the past month since the case, her mobile phone rings at ungodly hours. I don`t EXACTLY know what her department has to deal with coz it`s strictly confidential. God. Singaporeans can be so . . . ignorant. People are SO damn quick to point fingers at others when they think they know EVERYTHING, but truth is, they know NOTHING. Just watch the news & listen to what they have to say about this issue. Seriously, they are just making a fool out of themselves, sounding like uneducated morons. Just leave the damn politics to the...politicians & members of Parliament, & in this case, SPF as well. & seriously, we all don`t need 2-cents worth of measly opinion from members of the public.

YEA THIS IS YOUR FUTURE POLICEWOMAN TALKING.

'FRIENDSHIP' PHOTO

ZAZ & me were walking ahead of Dahliah & then...

DAHLIAH: EH, BOTH OF YOU FASTER TAKE FRIENDSHIP PHOTO!!
ME: WHAT THE HELL IS A FRIENDSHIP PHOTO?!

I COULDN`T GET OVER THE JOKE, SO that explains the... spasm. & credits to D for the pic. UNTIL TODAY, WE DON`T GET HOW A 'FRIENDSHIP' PHOTO IS SUPPOSED TO BE, D. I had to edit the contrast for this pic because the resolutions were bad.

This is 7 years of madness. & Dahliah, 11 years for us.

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT THE BOTH OF YOU?

LOVE in all its grandeur :D You know i love you so.

goodbye past, hello present

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

There`s a part of me that will always be in love with him for the rest of my life. I can`t have him ever again but when I look back at my life before he was in it, I see it was good. So moving on doesn`t hurt SOOOO much now, but having him in my life was always a lot better. Eventually, the heart repairs, though it`ll never be fully healed. There are just certain people in your life you`ll keep missing, always wanting to reach out to, but you can`t.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

I`m just making room for the future. Not just for someone new, but for everything else that`s gonna come my way. Time will diminish your presence. This makes me wanna choke because my heart breaks all over again. YOU WERE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MESS.

It feels ....weird to wake up & know that someone is actually making me smile. But I`m happy & I need no convincing. Breathe, take it slow. & keep things under control.

there`s much to fear but I`m not afraid

Tonight, I thanked God for your presence.

start of something new

This could be everything.
It could mean something.
It could also be nothing.

Dear handsome policeman, you make my heart palpitate. I know something isn`t right with me when I start smiling each time your name appears on my hp screen. It`s been too long, way too long. My cheeks haven`t ached from grinning & giggling in a while. Above all, I know I`m elated & I`m entitled to this happiness. Breathe, take it slow.

of dreams and forgiveness

I don`t want to do this anymore.

of T-junctions

I am easily traumatized, I am not kidding. I am very much afraid of T-junctions, cab rides and motorcycles now, especially Gilera Runner. I want to cry so much but I can`t. Somehow, I just can`t.

So many things are running through my head now. I cannot imagine what could have happened to us IF the motorcycle wasn`t beside our cab. Because I was seated directly behind the cab driver, logically, we would both be hit first because the oncoming car was on our right. & all of that, I can`t imagine.

I am just really really really really really thankful that the motorist wasn`t badly injured. I wanted to cry so much when I saw all the shattered pieces of glass, the cab`s punctured tyres, the car`s fallen bumper, all the blood, but most of all, the tears in the motorist`s eyes. Thank God, he wasn`t severely injured. I am really grateful for that.

Everything`s still playing before my eyes, really. I remember hearing the sound of our cab crash, someone flying off in the front (the motorist) & myself falling out of my seat, my head hitting the door & window & Dahliah shouting my name when it happened. When we got out of the cab, I swear my legs turned soft & my hands were trembling when I called my parents. & I wanted to puke so many times.

I am eternally grateful all 6 of us involved are safe, Alhamdulillah. I was pretty pissed with the P.O who attended to us because of some reasons. This whole thing still shocks me to an extent. I hope all of you people who drive a car or ride a bike to be safe on the roads, PLEASE. It doesn`t matter if you are at a T-junction or expressway or wherever. I can`t express how grateful I am now, really. In my opinion, to escape physically unharmed from accidents is God`s way of giving us ANOTHER chance to live.

It`s like a living nightmare, really. Dahliah, this goes in our BFF history.

but i seem to be struck by you

PARALYZER uploaded by carlosmoralessoria123456789

(:

YOU, AS A SOUND AS SILENT AS NONE

If you ask me why I`m not interested in someone, I might say their nose is too big, or they don`t know how to dress, or they`re too thin or too fat or too plain. But the truth is, I only notice those things because of the real reason -that I`m just NOT feeling anything. But people don't want to hear that. They ALWAYS want an explanation. So I have to come up with something concrete even though feelings aren`t like that. I don`t look for all these things because I`ve accepted the bloody fact that Cupid KEEPS shooting its bloody arrows at me like ALL the time.

IF I do meet a guy and I feel happy with him for whatever reason, I WOULDN`T give a rat`s ass about what he wears or how tall he is or what he does for a living, even if he`s not a policeman(sorry, my fantasy). But when I`m with someone and it just DOESN`T feel right, that`s when I start noticing the bad haircut or bad grammar, every little thing. & it`s true that tomorrow I may be with someone whom you think is TOTALLY wrong for me. & the next day I might meet a perfectly nice guy whom you think I SHOULD feel excited about, but I don`t. But if I do be with someone, it means for a change, something feels right. For a change, I`m feeling hopeful. I just want to feel happy when I`m with someone. IS THAT SO WRONG? & if there`s no someone, then so be it. Really. But Cupid doesn`t get it, at all. & on another note, yes, I`m proud of my sexual orientation & I don`t give a hoot about what YOU, yes particularly YOU, think. I`ve been like this since I was 15 & really, you`ve always had issues about it & I can`t afford to still be giving a damn about it.

Dream, catch me when I fall.

you are the fruit to my loop

To the girl who is my Courage,

Today was eventful, thank you. Know that seeing that spark in your eyes when you laugh is enough to get me through the day. Know that I am grateful for the times I`m able to cry on your shoulder or in your lap. Know that I feel your unconditional love for me when you stroke my hair & wipe my tears. Know that it tugs my heartstrings when you say this,"Why are you so beautiful even when you cry, Fit?". & I know that you say it not to please me but there`s just something about the way you say it that ALWAYS makes me cry harder. Know that I am eternally grateful to have you in my life, yesterday, today & tomorrow. I`ve said this one too many times, but you REALLY are the wonder in everything that`s wonderful in my life (: Things are never quite as scary when you are around. All of these...I just wanted you to know.

From the girl who lights up your world.

i am my own prisoner

365 days have passed & ever since then, there hasn`t been a single day when you`re NOT on my mind or in my heart. I miss you so damn much, it makes me wanna choke on my tears. 05 May is gonna hurt so much more than this. God knows when I will ever heal from these ties that bind me to our past.

Leona Lewis - Better In Time imported by Nikki_x

thought i couldnt live without you

its gonna hurt when it heals too

it'll all get better in time

eventhough i really love you

im gonna smile cause i deserve to

it'll all get better in time

MAYBE U SHOULD SHUT YOUR TRAP

WHAT is wrong with people who spread rumours about you? They probably have some sort of mental disorder, I should think so. The thing is, you don`t even know that idiot. So when people say something like..."Eh Fit, ABC told me that you yada yada yada yada..." Then you go like..."Who the SHIT is this ABC?" & so your friend tells you about this ABC piece of crap & you realise that you don`t know him but he THINKS he knows the world about you. Like...OH WOW, seriously!

The nerves some people have, really! & for the love of mankind, really...it doesn`t mean that I know YOU just because YOUR bunch of friends know ME OR used to see me at the track in TP OR your grandmother`s neighbour`s cat had an out-of-the-world scandal with my neighbour`s cousin`s gardener`s chihuahua. It doesn`t work that way, idiot. HELLO, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING, PLEASE. Like, totally.

que sera, sera

okaaaaaye, random pic!

Fremantle, Perth on 16 Mar 2008 at 1808 hrs

I told my parents what I PLAN to do, say, for the next 3 years of my life. I`ve always had this sort of vision on my future & I`m slowly reaching my goals, Alhamdulillah. There are TWO occupation I`ve always wanted to...do(?) since I was a cute little Fit. HAHA. Yes, that includes being an officer in blue, which I PLAN to retire as (: & to set the record straight, I`ve NEVER wanted to be a doctor OR a housewife. HAHA.

Fulfilling ONE of my childhood ambition is just less than 2 years away, insyaAllah. At times, I have to change the course of my journey in life because we all know that`s just the way it is - we can only plan but God decides everything & who are we to go against Him, really? I am a firm believer in fate & destiny, in Qada` & Qadar.

I`m really thankful that my parents are supportive of my planned decision, even if it means I`m 49834729837498 miles away from home, based in Abu Dhabi OR Dubai OR flying around every few days. To me, everything gets a little simpler when you`ve got the blessings of your parents.

Okaaaaye for now, let`s step back into the present & get ready for school in a whileeeeee.

make love, not war

It makes you soooooo unhappy YET you fall out with people who used to matter soooo much to you. I wanna say more but I know better NOT to.

of meadows and green flowers in my head

I need another form of escapism, really. I`ve always been in & out of space. That`s just how I am, always in transitions. I know that I need to be okaye for myself & for everyone else but I`m just gonna take my own time. & the world knows that TIME isn`t ALWAYS a Band-Aid.

Sometimes, I run back to how it all began because there`s that allaying sense of familiarity despite your current absence in my life. I remember our moments of love, lust, madness, our tears of joy & sorrow & everything there was to us. More often than not, I miss you more than I should.

Everything changes, sometimes in our favour & sometimes not. This takes time, but God willing, I`m gonna be okaye. Slowly but surely.

At least I had every fibre of your being & the love in your heart, if only for a while. Everything`s gonna be okaye. Oh how many times have I said this? I am gonna be okaye. Nothing but divine intervention is gonna stop me from being fine. & given TIME (what`s new, really), this won`t scare me SO much. I`m a mess at times but I`m a firm believer in myself & hope & a better tomorrow.

On another note, I think there`s just something about Yael Naim`s voice & songs that make me wanna float. I get so dreamy it makes me dizzy, in a good way.

I picture myself holding the greatest green balloon ever, in a long, frilly white dress with my face so pale, it exudes such unimaginable placidity, it hurts you. Such tranquility..Mmm... & I have green flowers in my hair, like a mini wreath on my head. Mmm... & when you look up at the sky, all you can see are specks of green & I`m all the waaaaay up there in the clouds..You can`t see me smile from where you are but you know that I`ve got the widest smile plastered on my face...because I`m happy up there......Can you conjure that image in your head? Mmmmm.

Anywaaaaay, she did a cover of Britney`s Toxic & it`s so good it`s haunting.

of love at the playground

I wanna be a jumper so that I can teleport to Canning Vale right now.

Sch commenced on Tue & too bad I didn`t find any notes outside the LT. You know, somewhere along the lines of 'Dear students, there`s no lesson today. It`s all an April Fool`s joke! Happy April, kids!' or something. FAT HOPE. Ahh, delusions delusions. So yes, there WAS a lesson. ZOMGGGGGG. I`ve got a Logistics module this semester. (EWWWWWW, Operations & Total Quality Management, EWWWW). Le sigh. I`ll try my best to love it. God, give me strength to endure this crap wonderful subject.

(:

visits from the past

Okaye yes, friends, it`s official. I`m on 3 dates this week with 3 different guys. It`s retarded, considering the fact that 2 of them happen to be people I used to have something going on with 2-3 years ago. & 1 is an ex-boyfriend I`ve not exactly hold (held?) a proper conversation with for the past 1.5 years because we ALWAYS, ALWAYS bicker once we start talking, but he`s such a sweetheart, really & I`ve already promised to be nice & bite my tongue &&&&& keep my comments to myself. Anywaaaaay, just don`t comment much & wish me all the best. I don`t quite know if I WANT to do this. Let`s just do this for the sake of it & maybe for ... fun? Okaye. For ... fun. Better without the question mark. For the next 3 days, I`m gonna have to worry about what to wear.

boys

"KAKAK FITRI, LOOK I`M STRANGLING ANIQ!"



"KAKAK FITRI, loook!! I am strangling Danish!"




Makes me :D each time I look at them. Dan has a thing for strangling people. HAHA.



"WHAAAAAT? NO, I DON`T!"

(:

freefall

& after all these weeks of escapism, I realised that TIME & DISTANCE just won`t change certain things. There`s just something about being back in Singapore that depresses me, really. It`s almost April already. 1 April 2007 was the beginning of madness. & the event that followed 10 days after. Look where we are just one year later. It still breaks my heart so much, it really does. & truth is, right now I just wanna be back in Perth. There, I experienced a different lifestyle I`m comfortable with, I learnt to forget everything. I learnt to forget you. I learnt to forget us. Call me a coward for running away so far, I can`t quite care much. If I had the chance, I`d run away further.

hoooome

GUESS WHO`S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK :D

Touched down at about 2110 last night on board SQ 226 &&&& headed to Popeyes immediately. Thank God I went & returned safe & sound (:

Perth was orgasmically fabulous, trust me. I had heaps of fun & memories that last a lifetime. Thank you Cik Kam, Cik Ati, Yasmin, Amirul, Aunty Siti Joh, Uncle Joh, Daniel, Aunty Siti Amran, Uncle Amran, Danish, Khairun, Nenek Salbiah for being really hospitable. HAHAHA. Will blog more about stuff in the next few days. &&&&&& guess whaaaaat, I met the love of my life #2 (:



Everyone, meet Daniel Juhasz (pronounced as Yu-haz)



Match made in Heaven, I know (;


Coz it's nine in the afternoon and

Your eyes are the size of the moon

You could coz you can so you do

We're feeling so good

Just the way that we do

When it's nine in the Afternoon

from me to you

Here I am, all alone in the Departure Hall, my heart`s racing, God knows why. My flight`s departing at 0110.

Thank you everyone, for your well wishes. God willing, I`ll be back home in a month`s time. My heart is heavy to leave my loved ones back here but they know they`ll constantly be in my prayers though we are thousands of miles apart.

I`ve planned something for some of my loved ones & I hope they won`t cry or tear when they receive it.

Thank You, God, for Your eternal love is the guiding force in my life.

Thank you to Mum & Dad for this trip, for your endless love & for being MY parents.

Thank you to friends, who`ve always been there in my times of weakness & strengths. Thank you for endless concern & never ending love.

Thank you to everyone who`s touched me in more ways than one. Thank you & see you, insyaAllah.

I know, it`s a month only, but like I`ve said, I totally suck at goodbyes. Here`s an 'I LOVE YOU' to everyone (: Please take care.

la la la la la la la

This is a happy end, come and give me your hand, I'll take you far away.

Okaye I can`t quite believe myself. I am ALREADY in the holiday spirit but truth is, I actually have 2 more stinking papers to sit for. Okaye I just can`t help it, right? Everything`s just falling into place & I can`t help but smile insanely alot these days (: &&&& I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CAN`T WAIT FOR MADNESS IN PERTH WITH IDA, HANNAH & NAZRUL & the cute Aussie kids my sister has been going on & on about. I know Perth can be pretty dead & boring, but heck. When you put 4 absolutely fun people together in a dead place, you`re bound to have truckloads of fun because....we can bring the house down anytime, baby!

ANYWAYYYY, DOESN`T THIS SONG MAKE YOU GUYS HAPPY?! Makes me feel like doing all the silly things I do that make people laugh. HAHAHA. Yes it`s from the MacBook Air ad.

I'm a young soul in this very strange world,

hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.

But why all this hate? Try to communicate.

Finding trust, and love is not always easy to make.


p.s Chantel, thanks a bunch for the sweet text. I miss being insane with you in class already. HAHA. Don`t worry too much about the escaped terrorist, please (: You are so adorable, you know. HAHA.

Okaye everyone let`s go la la la la la la (: Yael Naim owns (:

Day 1

I miss being Fitten. ALOT, ALOT.

leaving on a jetplane

Friday, 22 Feb 2008: THANK YOU JAC, RAQ & SANN for endless insanity, laughter, noise, crankiness, spasm, compliments on my derriere & above all, for love on stressful days.

Efforts to study with them @ Suntec`s Starbucks weren`t exactly fruitful, due to a few factors. But still, I managed to complete another chapter of POM. They said it was 'Fit's Popular Day' because I bumped into so many people I know & here`s sending my misses to them - my favourite flower & my across-the-road-neighbour-whom-I-owe-an-ice-cream-treat, in particular. HAHA :D
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This week is going to be madness because it`s the commencement of the much dreaded exams. It is ALSO going to be bliss because I`m flying off to Perth for almost a month. I so need a well-deserved break but most of all, to settle some other stuff, of course. I really can`t wait for this trip so that explains why I`ve chosen to leave 8 hours after my last paper ends on 01 Mar. YAY, solo flight again (: I`m actually pretty ecstatic to be departing from T3 for the first time, ever. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, I think there`s just something about leaving home for almost a month. I wouldn`t say I`d be homesick because I`ve been there on my own. Mmm. Still, it gets to me because I`ve never really been a 'goodbye'/'farewell' person, if you get what I mean. God willing, I`ll be fine there. It`s JUST a month, come on (: I haven`t left for real YET. & my grandpa was so cute when he told me to sleep with his shirt when I`m there. 'Kakak kalau malam-malam sejuk, kakak pakai baju Tok lah'. Aww :) HAHA, that got me a little teary. The rest of my family just laughed it off, they know I am my grandfather`s favourite. It comes with being the first grandchild, I think (:

Alright, I`ll TRY to squeeze an entry before I leave on Saturday. I know I`ll miss a whole lot of people, but I`ll carry all of your hearts in mine (: I`ll be back, God willing. & I`ve already promised to call. Okaaaaye... Back to my notes now (:

ADD OIL!!! YAY YAY YAY I LOVE LOVE LOVE P.O.M, M.H.R AND M.A. Let`s reach for more As and Bs this sem, God willing (:

I really feel like dancing in the rain now.