NOTE: ETREMELY LENGTHY ENTRY
Yesterday turned out to be one of the greatest days so far. Well, I certainly hope it meant a good start of the month (:
Went down to Yayasan Mendaki at Kee Sun Avenue for my Volunteers` Orientation. I thought it would be an ordinary day but I thought wrong. Indeed. It seemed like the people who sat next to me were talking about their life stories. Yes, they told ME, a complete stranger, about their lives.
Imagine this - You were just sitting down, waiting for the orientation to begin & the usual, "is this seat taken?" takes place. So you exchanged greetings & started introducing yourselves. On my right was a girl named Aisya. She really, really surprised me. She sort of marched towards me & I got pretty intimidated. Like, why in the world does this girl look so darn excited to sit next to me?!! LOL. & then,
Aisya: YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR!!!!
Me: Umm, really? You are?
Aisya: I am Aisya. ARE YOU FROM RAFFLES?
Me: RAFFLES? noooo. Haha.
Aisya: But you look very familiar.
Me: Well, I get that alot. From girls & guys alike.
Aisya: OH!!! YOU KNOW ADILA FROM TP?
Me: Why yes of course. I was her track mate.
Aisya: Oh you are that girl!!! What's your name ah? Tell me, tell me.
Me: Umm. Nurul Fitriyanna. Fit.
Aisya: Yah!!! I saw your pictures on Adila`s Friendster last time & I always ask her "Eh aku nak bebual dengan budak ni! Macam mana nak bebual dengan dia eh?"
Me: umm haha okaye..well here i am! (you can so see that I was dumbfounded at this point & I had NO IDEA how to react)
& then we just talked & she eventually told me about her clinical depression & how it started affecting school & friends. I listened intently, processing her every word into my brain. & then it hit me hard. She has NO ONE to talk to because everyone`s turning their back on her upon knowing her depression. I felt that the least I could do was look into her eyes, & provide a listening ear. I was glad to listen eventhough she got pretty carried away at certain times. It must have taken her much courage to open up to me, a stranger in her life. But I look at it this way - I am no longer a stranger to her. I have no idea what it`s like to be popping anti-depressants, to be visiting the psychologist, to be suffering from depression. But I admire her courage to go out & be a volunteer & be strong. Aisya, if you ever read this one day, I want you to know that despite suffering from depression, I know you are an emotionally stronger person than me & you may not know it but you`ve taught me a valuable lesson about strength & for that, I admire you. I hope that you`ll be able to overcome the hurdles in life. I thank God that our paths crossed.
& on my left was Mdm Rosmah, a really sweet mother who brought her 2 really adorable kids along. One of them, Maisarah, was a special child. I didn`t expect Mdm Rosmah to talk to me much because she was busy attending to her kids. & then I was reading & she suddenly told me that when Maisarah was a baby, her maid had dropped her on the floor. When I heard that, my heart stopped beating for a beat or two. & she went on telling me her difficulties raising a special child. Throughout our talk, I kept silent. You know what? I admire her, I really do. Raising a child is difficult, what more a special child. I played with Maisarah & though she`s just a child, the innocence in her eyes touched my heart, it made me tear for some reason. It`s like here is a child, born healthy & complete, but an accident occured & it has, & forever will change her future, her life. & Mdm Rosmah, really is a strong mother (:
So they were 2 strangers who sat next to me & in such a short period of time, they`ve taught me valuable lessons in life. I look at it as an honour, that two unknown people walk into my life, sit next to me & tell me their life stories. How many of us actually open up to strangers? We live in a world where we are so afraid of opening up, afraid of being vulnerable. You know, sometimes, learning doesn`t take place when we`ve made our fair share of mistakes only. Sometimes, other people`s experiences in life teach us meaningful lessons as well. People do not ask for sympathy, but they seek empathy. But we have to be very careful when empathising. At times, we feel their pain, but we will NEVER know what exactly it feels like.
The rest of the orientation session went well. I got to know more people & there was this really cute grandma I made friends with (: & she was like, "Kalau dekat luar jumpa nenek, tegur nenek ye. Kadang kadang nenek tak ingat muka". & I smiled & gave her a half hug. She was really cute. In my heart, I was like, "you make me miss my nenek." & then there was Diah, an Indonesian student undergoing her Masters at NUS. Really nice lady to talk to (: It was nice to be around people from diverse backgrounds. From a police inspector to students who`ve just completed their O levels.
I guess the best part of the orientation that happened to me was when one of the senior volunteers approached me at the end & told me that based on their obervation, they`ve elected me as an Orientation Sustenance Crew (OSC). You know, this means alot to me because not everyone gets elected & out of the 30 odd people who were present, only 2 were chosen & we weren`t even allowed to disclose it to the rest. I am truly grateful for being granted this opportunity. Thank You, God & thank you to the really nice senior, Nisa, who elected me (:
I`ve not started on ANY volunteer work, yet, the journey so far has been truly amazing. It is the greatest reward to me when strangers trust me with their life stories, when I saw the smile on that Grandma`s face when I hugged her, when I saw how Diah`s face lit up when I approached her at the end of the session just to wish her, "All the best for your exams, D." It truly inspires me to reach out to others. & I really hope that I`ll learn to see things in a different view. I admit that I`m no Mother Teresa, i`m just an ordinary being who wishes to learn from others & sincerely help them. I believe that God has granted me a special gift and He has planted seeds of compassion and humanity in me. I believe that the people we meet along the way will always touch us in some way & every single one of them, is capable of teaching us subtle lessons in life.
My aspirations & inspirations still stand. I aspire to clinch that Honours Degree by 2011 & I want to live my childhood dream after that. To fly & see the world, to be an air stewardess. & then I`ll return after two years to join the Police Force & be of service to the nation. & then continue with my Masters. Right now, I see volunteering as a stepping stone, a service to the community. It`s the possibility that keeps me going & though you may call me a dreamer or fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible. DON`T tell me the sky`s the limit when there are footprints on the moon. I have faith in myself, though at times, I may be lost. I`ve always believed in 2 very important things that will guide me through, no matter what - 1) The power of prayers & faith in God 2) Blessings from parents. You can have all the luxury in the world, the world`s best job, the world`s best friends but if you don`t have these two, your life won`t be complete. Though you THINK it is, truth is, it isn`t.
My life is my message.
- Mahatma Ghandi
It`s times like these when I wish Nazir would be by my side & see me grow as an individual, because he has been my pillar of strength and I want to share my experiences with my loved ones, & he will always be my heart`s weakness. It truly saddens me & I can`t help but succumb to tears when I think of it. I`ve got to face facts. But right now, there is no greater joy than sharing this with you - the people who`ve been reading my blog. I know this may sound corny, but I`d like to somehow make a difference in people`s lives. & I hope I have. It`s my overwhelming optimism in the poeple I`ve met, that everything is wonderful til proven crap. I want to leave a touch of that to everyone when I go.
Here`s a special part dedicated to my tagger, Maisara. Be strong. You are your own pillar of strength. Our struggle now to get over the person we love is NOTHING compared to what many others are experiencing. The struggle of a mother trying to raise a special child, the struggle of an orphan, the struggle of a rape victim. Just what ARE our love problems compared to what THEY, the millions of others out there, are experiencing? Everyone thinks they have the world`s greatest problems but there will always, always be others who are in a worse position than us. Keep your faith. God will always be the guiding force in our lives. & you, my dear, will never walk alone. Life`s little bruises & bumps make us who we are, so don`t you ever regret anything. YOU are capable of clearing the obstacles before you or you can be lost in the maze forever. I hope that you would be able to be strong WITH me & you know you can always email me if there`s anything. My addresses are on the left.
I would like to share this with all of you, - a part of an email from a stranger who has been reading my blog for the longest time.
"Truly, all I can say is that listen to your heart. That is where God speaks. It never lies. The voice in your mind would lie a lot but the voice that speaks from your heart holds truth. I suggest you pray and ask for guidance. "
-Adam Hudzaifah
(:
