dream a little dream

Oh wow. I actually remember what I dreamt of for the very first time, down to the details. & it was an unpleasant one which involved the sun, sand & sea. A girl from Nashville University drowned before my very eyes. & she was actually calling me for help so I took a luge and before I knew it, I was drowning as well. & we were like slowly being sucked to the seabed in whirls. Okaye don`t ask me why Nashville Uni. It was a dream and yes of course I didn`t expect to recall such a detail but I did. Told Nazir to find out if such a uni exists and truth be told, it does. & don`t ask me why i took the LUGE. A luge`s not meant to be used on water, duh. & it was a really ordinary but disturbing dream because the emotions I experienced were just traumatising.

how very annoying

ARGH. Timetable`s out AND GUESS WHAT?

I have lessons on Saturdays from 1400-1700. I don`t have a life now. With this sem`s timetable, all the more I won`t have a life. Does it even make any difference?

Yes that means I`ll be whining about this till the term ends. Confirmed. So watch this space.

academe

They were discussing it over dinner. I don`t want to spend 4 years abroad, all alone. I`ll probably return looking like a kangaroo or something. It`s okaye. I have 9 more months to think about this.

13 days

I was on a friend`s Friendster page and heard this version of Rihanna`s Umbrella & instantly fell in love with it. Now now, iylia would know how much i HATE this song because I think Rihanna`s just plain annoying. But I take my words back. Kinda. i`m actually like lagging or something but I heard this version and totally loved it. This song is probably stale & THIS VERSION ISN`T GAY. I`m so loving it. You probably should check out Mandy Moore`s cover as well. Come to think of it, this song is meaningful. Now what took me so long? And both covers are awesome, pretty soothing. Imho, definitely better than Rihanna`s.


& Joss Stone did a great job with Nat King Cole`s 'L-O-V-E' on the latest ad by Chanel. There`s that jazzy feel to it. And Keira`s like darn fly please.

On a random note, I feel like running to PR and kidnapping my favourite boy who`s probably sleeping like a pig now. 2 weeks of not meeting & sleeping only at 6 in the morning aren`t funny at all. so. not. funnnaaaay.

for miss Nurul Faradella

it would be so much better if you weren`t so lazy & helped me clean instead, you annoying person.

"oh, i can help to cook rice! I cook rice, ok?"

LIKE HELLO, i`m not being calculative but what`s cooking rice compared to throwing the 42348739845 unwanted pairs of shoes & slippers we have, scrubbing the droplets of paint off the floor and wiping those stuff on the shelves, tolerating DUST and sneezing insanely when I`m the one who has a fricking sensitive nose & sinus?!!!! & you`re 'on leave' from fasting yet you refuse to lift a finger to HELP me, you EXTREMELY annoying person. HELP ME CLEAN WHEN MUM`S AT HOME. AND HELP ME CLEAN WHEN MUM`S NOT AT HOME.

I. AM. CRANKY. HEAR ME ROAR.

we`ll still have each other

I woke up. Had a really bad headache. Read our private blog, read my Friendster msg from him then I smiled really, really wide. Loml, togicel. Indeed (: Thank You, God.

every breathing moment

This longing`s getting to me. Talking to each other on the phone every single night just doesn`t help :( & there`s this rivalry which goes so deep between me & this loss of sleep over him. But I don`t care. It`s insane how I can miss someone this much. 8 days, hurry.

just because i`m moody doesn`t mean you`re not irritating

you know what it is about you? you bring out the worse in me.
all that ego i used to have?
it comes back each time you decide to piss me off.
God, i can`t even be pissed anymore.
It`s pissed beyond pissed.
It`s come to the point where i don`t even wanna know what you say and what you do.
you`re ruining me, and i`m telling this straight to you.
i`ve had countless arguments w people about you.
even w my bf coz he thinks i don`t put myself in your shoes.
so you say people don`t understand you.
i say, that`s bullshit.
B U L L S H I T.
the fact that no one understands you doesn`t mean you`re an artist.
what . . . you think this mess that`s been created is abstract art?
you can choose to live in denial, i don`t care.
but truth is, we both know i`ve always been there.
and the rest of us know how unfair you`ve blatantly accused me.
it`s not boycott or conspiracy or whathaveyou.
it`s all your own doing.
and lest u forget, the rest are still with me not because i`ve, in your words, brainwashed them.
but because they have their own brains and are able to analyse the whole situation.
if there`s one thing that should be in your mouth, it`d be my foot.





now God, please forgive me for i am fasting. i just had to vent it all out.

fruity pebbles

Wonderful, wonderful. School commences on 01 Oct. I can`t wait. Kinda. I`ve been rotting for the past mth and i really mean rot.

My body`s freaking me out. I wake up at around 0900 each day and sleep only after subuh prayers the next day. So that means within 48 hours, i only sleep for like 6-8 hours. AND I`M NOT EVEN SLEEPY. I still have the energy to hit the gym and go for a run. In fact in like 20 mins, I`m gonna jump rope and do my core exercises.

I MISS MY BF LA.

OKAYE let`s jump rope now.

negative but hopeful

c r e s t f a l l e n.

Do you ever just get that feeling where you don`t wanna talk to anybody? You don`t want to smile and you don`t want to fake being happy, but at the same time, you don`t know exactly what is wrong either. There isn`t a way to explain it to someone who doesn`t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, and being alone never was. At least when you`re alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn`t anyone who won`t take, 'I don`t know' as an answer. You feel the way you do just because, you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.


excuse me, I miss you. Badly :(


For some pathetic reason, I get emo when I`m down with fever. Chase this bug away, please.

sneeze

AH. SICK. something`s wrong with my body. i`ve had 2 hours of sleep only. and i`m sneezing insanely and beginning to shiver. how aggravating. i wanna sleep but my body refuses to. urgh. this lack of sleep is driving me nuts. but then again, the only time i look forward to is the night because that`s the only time i have him around.

i will always be your light

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you, and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love. and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.

-Nike Ad

annoyaaaa

i`m in the let`s-annoy-everyone mood. OMAGAWD! OH NO! haha. I think those emoticons with sounds are annoying . OMAGAWD! haha. i wanna go zzzz bzzzz psssst meow woof ngeng in people`s ears.

:D

Results were out yesterday but the internal server was down so i only managed to check them this morning & all i have to say is. . . CONGRATULATIONS to myself! :D all that insane mugging and getting into little tiffs with nazir coz i was too stressed up. ah. everything`s paid off.

& that B for MPO. mmmm i feel like it was totally unmerited though I wrote 24 pages coz I KNOW it was 24 pages of CRAP. i forgot all the management jargon and was practically smoking my way through. i totally didn`t study for that paper. and if i say i didn`t study, it REALLY means i didn`t study. i don`t go around whining about not completing my revision and then emerge with an A. anywaaaaaay, let`s see more As next sem onwards though there`s the much dreaded financial acc for me. Accounting, be it managerial, biz or financial acc and me have been at loggerheads since forever. On a brighter note, there`s one of my strong subjects, biz stats. YAY :D

mmmmm

now now, we shall be good people and ditch Mimpi Manis & Anakku bukan Anakku for Tarawih prayers this Ramadhan. okaye?

holy month

To all my Muslim friends, may you have a blessed Ramadhan. InsyaAllah.

mmmm

Brothers & Sisters made me tear last night, especially the part when Nora read a letter written by her late hubby. now that REALLY hit a nerve in my heart & i started sobbing to my 3/4 asleep bf who was TOTALLY clueless. LOL.

togicel

tranquility. the current setting of my bedroom enables me to gaze at the clouds directly each time i`m in bed. and suddenly, i thought of something. mmmm.

closest thing to an angel that i`ve ever met

you teach me love in subtle lessons, but you are the student if you do not understand that a day will never dawn when you are not on my mind. night will never see a midnight hour with you not in my dreams. no other will ever be allowed into my heart, and i`ll never love again if it isn`t with you.

i have no idea, really. he began reminiscing our courtship days and everything just repeated in my mind as if on auto mode. each time it repeats, i get a different feeling altogether. but at the end of it all, i am more certain than ever that i see him in my future.

spreeeng kleeneeng

because i don`t do anything that`s got to do with cleaning during the fasting month, i`m doing it now. u know how cranky u get if u clean during puasa? all that dust and whatnots. the weather, the perspiration and then u get really thirsty and hungry? and then u get so darn pissed. then it affects ur puasa. so might as well clean now. anywaaaaay... i hate cleaning u know. coz i have sinus AND a sensitive nose. urgh. i so look like a red-nosed monster now. and my oh my. i found ALOT of junk. i`m really full of rubbish. Ha. and lots of stuff from the past. i was like 'didnt i throw this the other time?' u know how easily old pieces of paper tear? i had loads of fun tearing them all up. HAHA. it`s therapeutic, really. i chuck them into the black garbage bag and told myself that whoever i was back then, whatever i experienced then, go into the bin as well. no emotional debts. i`m happy.


Yesterday was by far the best Friday I had in many months :D okaye just have to say this but i think my bf`s really cute when he`s coy. HAHA (: i didn`t know that part of him exists because he`s just retarded most of the time. and i mean it in a good way.

OKAYE BACK TO CLEANING. and if anyone wants A LOT OF ring files and whatever kinda files, just ask me. i think i`m a file-collector. HAHA. i have like 3 stacks of new files and i don`t even know i had them.


OH AND DID U KNOW? THERE`S LIKE A NEW FITNESS CORNER LIKE, 200M AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. haha.


On another random note... I wonder what my mum would say if I told her I wanted to join SCDF after my degree and be a Fire & Rescue Specialist, in other words, a female fire fighter or maybe be a Civil Defence Senior Officer.. MMMMM.

OKAYE SERIOUSLY FIT, GET BACK TO CLEANING.

insanity

i`m like so in love with Mimpi Manis that i watch the repeats in the morning as well. aku ni dah kenapa, ye? my brother will go like, 'why do u keep watching Ya Ya Ya?'. HAHAHAHA. the show`s 'ya ya ya' to him becoz of one of the theme songs.

Yes, anyway they have like repeats in the morning and evening. AHHHH. and there`s Mimpi Manis 2. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
hahahahahahaha i`ve finally realised that dangdut`s like so cool ahhhhhh. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

random

my itchy hands and fingers landed me on her blog. i tend to land on unexpected blogs whenever i`m bored. anywaaaay, i think she`ll grow up to be a really really really beautiful lady. i can see that already though she`s just 13. She`s pretty tanned but she`s got my uncle`s alluring brown eyes. & we share the same birthdate. Not that i`m implying that all 19 Oct babies will grow up to be beautiful people, but yeah. HAHA. this is a nonessential post la but i`m like so darn bored.

korn act

oooo i was fumbling with the wireless connectn and ta-daa!! i`m in 'Malaysia' now & i found wireless@SG and got connected! okaye no, i`m in Jurong. so damn ulu Jurong. i`m supposed to help my Grandma but well, she simply refuses to allow me to touch ANYTHING in the kitchen so here I am! :D

you`ve got my back

I need to take an emotional breath, step back and remind myself who is actually in charge of my life.

& just so YOU know, nothing`s changed. 5 years or not, I still care.

you fondle my trigger, then you blame my gun

i couldn`t sleep after we hung up so i was awake till 0700. thought alot, wrote alot. ironically, i didn`t cry. i think i know why but i choose not to think that`s the EXACT reason. i stared at the ceiling, my thoughts ran wild and somehow, everything just seemed to fall into place. for that 2 hours, the only constant reminder in my head was 'the right thing to do may not always be the best thing'. and with that, i came to a conclusion and made two important decisions that will definitely alter my ENTIRE life. God will guide me through this tribulation.

EVERY FUCKING BETRAYAL BEGINS WITH TRUST

I`m not even going to get mad or upset with them anymore. I`m just going to learn to expect the lowest out of the people I thought the highest of. and that`s that. You both decide.

People just say and do things that you just wonder to yourself, 'Why? Why are they doing this? Don`t they know I have feelings too?' And it`s sad to know that sometimes these people are your friends.

& get this straight right into YOUR thick skull. YOU cannot say YOU`VE lost a friend. imho, if a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed. not to me. because after 5 years, YOU know what`s my stand on 'friends' or whatever u call this.

9586095846084568

I`m still alive. Got back from a night`s stay in JB yesterday. I went insane over food. Suffice to say i think i`ve gained the 5kg i`ve lost. So, hurrah.

Today was whacked. I`m so sleepy & worn out. Tired doing NOTHING. Been out since morning. Just returned from Nazir`s, bumming our royal asses around & i can`t quite stop sneezing because i`ve got his cats` fur ALL OVER my sweater. & it`s soooo annoying. God willing, IF we do end up being with each other for the longest time, I`m gonna ban cats in the house because their fur tickle my nose. Anyway, u know how pets look like their owners? I can`t help but go like 'LOOK AT THAT BULLDOG. THE NYONYA LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE IT'. no wonder. sometimes I think Nazir looks like a pussy when he snuggles up to me wearing that 'i`m a poor kitten, pls love me' expression on his face, and rubs his head affectionately on my chin. argh how adorable is that?!! haha. He`s such a pussy. Pussy cat, i mean. okaye i`m getting lame. Anyway, I can`t stand them, furry animals. okaye i`m gonna eat & drown myself in sleep.

OH!!!! i think i`ve become a TV addict again now that school`s out. Never been a fan of Indo or Malay shows except Hikmah but i think i`ve fallen in love with them. HAHAHAHA. & does anyone watch the Indon sinetron about a dangdut singer, 'Mimpi Manis' on the new channel, Sensasi? HAHAHA. Someone please tell me i`m NOT the only kental person who watches it without fail every weekday & actually sings along too the songs? LOL. "stop. engkau mencuri hati ku, hati ku" hahahahahahahahahahaha. this is so cool. hahahahahaha.



& i think u guys should catch the sinetron after Mimpi Manis everyday at 2100, Anakku Bukan Anakku. That Nabila Syakieb girl is darn pretty, please. & check out the Devil & the snake. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

3090294093

mmmm. 4 hours of him on the phone. feels slightly different though I can`t pinpoint what it is exactly. but okaye. i got off the phone like this

--> :DDDDDDD



people in love, their hearts get eaten

close your eyes till break of day

ah. i googled it & i think i better see the doctor soon. i felt it again today & i`m more than certain i should go to the clinic. i couldn`t sleep properly thinking about it. How do I say this? I was partly worried coz it`s hereditary but last night, it was more to me feeling upset. Wanted so badly to cry. But braced myself. I feel like my body`s just failing on the whole. I did mention it to him, and I felt better but somehow i still felt upset. Woke up around 5-ish and talked to my other half for a while. Didnt go so well. Thought about alot of things till I finally fell asleep. Wished I could turn back time.

with you

it gets insane and crappy. but i really enjoy these kinda conversations. the kind we talk about our future together. & come up with silly plans for anything and everything. But no matter what, we both know what we want at the end of the day and that we`ve got to be part of each others' future. I miss him already. Thank You, God (: I am eternally grateful.

f.hungry

this is killing me. I WANT CREME BRULEE. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

dwarf

urgh. i`m having the weirdest cravings right now :( apple strudel, doughnuts, sambal stingray, mcDonald`s bfast, chicken cheesticks, otah, gummybears, chicken soup. EVERYTHING. & I just weighed myself & almost fell off the scale. Okaye exxagerating. Point is, since the last time I weighed myself, which was 1 mth ago, I`ve lost 5 darn kg. Yes, and it`s effortless. SERIOUSLY effortless. I`ve not been hitting the gym for the longest time, suffice to say my track running shoes are collecting dust. Nazir says I`m anorexic, but NO, i`m not. I know I`m not. And i still have my ass & my ribs aren`t potruding out & i`m not self-purging & i still enjoy eating. It`s just called 'loss of appetite'. Heh. I seriously think I`m shrinking. I`m like a head shorter than Nazir now. & well, he isn`t TALL. so that goes to say i`m becoming a midget. A skinny midget. & we are both gonna have midget babies & we`ll name them after the 7 dwarves.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. it`s the end of the month. GOOD RIDDANCE, BAD AUGUST! now i pray Sept-Dec be the best 3 months of mine & everyone else`s 2007. My April, included.