Caleb and Grace

Caleb and I were making fruit salad. My parents always liked to save and drink the juice the canned fruit was in. Sarah doesn't save it, because it has sugar. Caleb, asked for a piece of fruit. I gave him one and he said a little huffy "you fed me sugar!" Then this evening while working on the blog he showed his mom his elbow with a band-aid on it and asked "does this feel better?" Yes, Sarah answered and he went off happy. It was so fun playing with Caleb today. I asked him the french fry question again and he said no that he wasn't yellow- but Gracie- his little sister is a french fry, because she's yellow!


Emily is so great with the computer. She helped me so much.

Doing the Deshcutes!

This weekend a small bunch of my family went river rafting in Oregon down the Deschutes. Brother Karl is a guide. He and his 3 kids Melissa (who's engaged), Nicole and her boyfriend Adam, and Kevin were there. My sister Sarah and husband Blake and daughter Emily and I went too! We brought along water soaker to get in fights with other boaters. We'd get close to the boat and then someone would say "where ya from?" That was code for -GET EM! Sadly, we didn't do that much.

There was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of boats. There was even a boat with an 80 year old lady and the boat flipped! She's still alive. Sarah got hurt though. There was this natural water slide. Ya float down with out a boat- just you, the life jacket and a little fear! I went down up further the slide and it was so tipsy turvey that I got scared. Then came the part where you go UNDER WATER for about 4 seconds. You need to put your elbows in and your feet up of course. I made it, but was not doing that again. Sarah went before me, but she hit her head on a rock underneath. It's a bout an inch big and was bleeding. The boating guides got a first aid kit and did the whole clean out with water bottle we stole from an unknown person and
iodine. She was fine- just a head ache and a blue Rambo head band to keep the gauze on. Blake, her husband is a dentist, so he stitched her up at home that night.

There are traditions for this trip. A stop off at Joe's Doughnuts in Sandy OR on the way there in the morning. Those doughnuts are BIG! Then double scoops of ice cream afterwords and dinner at Calamity Jane's, a burger joint. We added a 1 dollar bill to the hundreds up on the ceiling with our signatures. If your there look for the one that says ROSE CLAN. You can also find an LDS dollar. Then we headed home tired!

Melissa has one more tradition. Licorice and pixy sticks together. She calls it LIXIE STIX. You add the pixy sugar inside the licorice and then eat it. YUMMY! She's a creative chick! We created and ate those on the boat. Below are some pic's of the whole thing.

Never shave your legs in a cold river!

The summer of 1993, right before I got my mission call I went on "discovery"- a 5 week camping trip with ricks college. I decided to shave my legs in a river. BAD IDEA! Ya, see when the river is cold legs get goosebumps and when you shave them, they come off and your bleeding from every poor! Tonight I tried to do the same thing only in a bathtub and the first thing that came to my mind "never shave your legs in a cold river." I hadn't thought of that in years. My mother sucks at advice, so when we'd go to wedding showers or receptions and my mom would say to me- you give them advice, you're good at that. That's when I'd write: Never shave your legs in a cold river- or any other body part for that matter! I've now said it 3 times so you and I don't have to remember the hard way after 15 years! Good luck!

Madona- she still works

When I was at Ricks College, and I was down, my roommates just had to put on Madona and pretty soon I'd be dancing on the tables! Well, I had one of those weeks, (and it's only Thursday) and I put that in on my car and boom-It happened- Happiness! Thanks Madona!

Talking to two great women in my ward helped a lot too!

Mom came home and said "Hello, Sam-a-roo, how are you?"

I'm such a relationship person- I need more.

Funny Kid Stuff

About 2 years ago, I was babysitting for my sisters then 4 kids while they were gone. The last day we were all on the floor and Spencer who was 3 or 4 was sitting on my lap. He said to me while rolling his eyes "I'm sitting on your penis!" The more mature Ryan said to Spence, "She doesn't have a penis." After a little explaining about sex organs, Spencer said, while pushing on my boobs, "but you have baby milk!" I explained that no, I didn't. You had to have a baby to have baby milk. I know Spencer, It's so confusing! I'm sure at the age of six he's got it by now though.

On the weekend of the forth, I was getting 3 year old Caleb ready for church. I told him in my cute kid voice that, "I loved him, he's so cute, I just wanted to eat him, he's like a french fry."
He reasoned his way out of that by saying, "but french fries don't wear feet. I'm not yellow. French fries don't wear feet, or socks!" Ya gotta love kids!






About 3 years ago, I was at work, and my boss had a little Spencer too. Spencer was also three. 2 tall RM men came in to get a job. Spencer said to the tall buff one, "Do you have breasts?" The guy was so cute with him. He got down on his level and said, "No, I have pectorals", as he patted them. He then said, "and let me give you some advice, just between us guys, don't ask girls that!" Oh, what a smart fellow.

Small Blessings and a Monster!

Since my sister and her 2 kids have moved in people think I need a break. What they don't know is that they have their own entrance, living room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedrooms. I've had 2 offers to house sit. One is going to pay because they have 2 dogs. Because of my low paying job I need all the money blessings I can get. I'll make a hundred dollars doing that. Bro and Sis Elder are going to pay me and my mom to drive them to and pick them up from the airport. Then my friend Scott needs a ride too and he'll pay for gas. I'd help out all these people for free.

Sam is the monster. He has a hernia and is getting very thin. A few weeks ago, he wasn't eating, so I was spoiling him with meat and bread and anything else I could think of. We have always fed him left overs and such, but he has gone crazy. He will pull him self up (not an easy task for him) to the table, the kitchen counter, etc. He's grabbed a ham sandwich I made, tried to grab hard boiled eggs, grabbed the bag of bread that I saved just in time and just pulled down a plate of cookies. Nothing can be left close to the edge or he will sniff it out and get it. He'll go through any bag sniffing for food. Parker just watches and usually doesn't get any of the spoil.

Preparing the way

My mom got back yesterday from my uncle's funeral. She was told by my aunt and cousins that my dad had appeared to Rodger, his twin a few times around Fathers day. He didn't say anything, but Rodger told him to go back, prepare the way for him, but that he wasn't ready to go yet. I feel peaceful and happy to hear this. It's so great to know my dad's spirit is still alive and concerned for his family.


Mom and I forgot to put flowers on his grave this fathers day. I think it was because Dad was focused on Rodger, not us. I love having a knowledge of the plan of salvation. Tonight at Family Home Evening, we were studying about Korihor, the anti-Christ. (Alma 30) Who was teaching that there was no Christ and that when a man was dead that was the end of him. If that's true then it doesn't matter how we act. The scriptures of the restoration clearly teach about the unity of the family in the next life. The Bible does as well, see Luke 16: 19-31 Although a story, you need to remember who is telling the story. It's the Savior. The message is the dead care about their family members still living in mortality. Who better to know what the next life will be like!

Babies; their not what they are cracked up to be.

Once again my job will be changing. Friday the 11 is my last day with Aditya, the cute little energizer bunny boy with acid-reflux and a swallowing disorder. I will miss him. We are attached. I love that little kid! He's such a happy guy. I feel sorry for him, to loose someone he's attached to and have to get used to some one else, who's not as cool as me. He's also somewhat attached to Niha, they do play together, if she's not crying and he's not trying to sit on her.

I'll still have the pain in the butt baby, Niha. She's an emotional wreck. She has extreme separation anxiety. When I walk around the corner, even though she can hear me speaking, she cries. A few weeks ago she was in this 'I'm only happy if your holding me phase'. She would scream all day long. Any time she cries, it's big tears and boom, if you pick her up she stops in a second. I was able to wean her off that by only picking her up when she stopped. Day by day it she's figured it out and had fun playing instead of crying. Now, she's in this worried mode. If I get up, she makes squeaks. She usually falls asleep on my and is so hyper sensitive to movement, that if I make a move she will grasp on to me tighter afraid I'll put her down. She does this when she's asleep, so needless to say, she sleeps on me for 1/2 hour only. Today I was walking around from the living room to the kitchen, which is an open space, cleaning up and she was fussing, even though she could see my every move. Once I sat down on the floor, she was fine- that's our improvement from being held all the time. She cries if I pay too much attention to Aditya, She cries if I'm talking to long to Aditya's mom. She's frustrating. She also fights eating- she will constantly dodge the spoon filled with baby food. I practically have to put her in a head lock to get her to eat. Today I used a syringe and that worked much easier. Everything is a fight.

My job satisfaction is low. I can't get out of the house. There's no taking the kids to the park, playing in the sprinkler when it's sunny, going to the zoo. It's just naps, feedings, and diapers. So much for a fun summer.

Just a few items I've learned. Mothering is for the young. Breast milk breaks down baby food, rice cereal, so that if the combination is lumpy in 30 min it will be like milk. I can pee and hold a baby at the same time. I can hold a bottle and change a diaper almost 100% with one hand. I can feed 2 babies, one in each arm, or one in an arm, one standing up. I can let a baby cry for an hour. Oh- the things I can do... the list could go on and on and on.

I will be looking for another job through an agency that pays me what I'm worth. Sometimes I just want to forget this whole family thing. A husband sure, but kids- ahhhh! and that's coming from the girl who's been doing pretty much that since she was a teenager. Thank goodness for a social life!

Foo Fighters

FYI: the band Foo Fighters do not sing the song 'every body's kung-fu-fighting'

Around noon yesterday I was invited to see the Foo Fighters in concert that night at the Key Arena in Seattle. I had heard the name often, but was not sure what songs they sang. I was told it was "rock n' roll'. I like rock n' roll. But... my dates definition of rock n' roll and mine, we learned at the end of the evening, are very different. I soon figured out that this band is one of those screaming, usually can't understand the lyrics, hair swirling, head shaking, bands. Most of the members were in black. While a few songs were familiar, it's not something I listen to. I was a little worried at first about enjoying myself. But, my ever so smart date brought us both ear plugs. That was brilliant! It blocked out the noise of my own clapping, and the noise of the crowd, but we could still hear the music- which was mostly guitar and drums. When we first put them in, I asked my date a question and he proceeded to answer me. I thought he was moving his mouth, but with no sounds to tease me. He wasn't teasing. We had to take our ear plugs out to speak, they worked that well.

The band of course started and these are some of the things that went through my head: The spirit is not going to be here. How do people get so off the path of normal living to dress and act like this, to think this is music. My dad would call it "infernal noise". Thy are so off the path of righteousness. Why are men so drawn to this music? Ok, so obviously, the arena is not just men, so it's women too. There are so many bands like this, how does society pick which ones succeed? They all sound the same. Is it talent? Is it lyrics? Is it attractiveness? It is luck, is it being in the right place at the right time? Is it knowing someone?

Now, lest I sound like I didn't like it at all, I did like some of the songs and some of the things the band did, like having a whole platform of instruments on a circle, come out of the sky and them walking to it and playing acoustic. I liked one of the slow songs and of course, bobbed my head and other body parts to the music. He lead singer, who used to be the drummer for Nirvana had a foul mouth, but was also funny. He had lived in Tacoma- "beautiful city", he said. He had lived in Olympia-"great night life!" he told us. It would be a hard choice: Paris or Olympia? After leaving the stage, they came back out and did an encore of course. They showed on the 4 screens him debating how many songs he should do. One? Two? Three? Four? Five? They all came back out, told a funny story and played 5 songs.

My date's opinion is that, that is rock 'n roll. My opinion is that rock 'n roll is a spectrum. There's soft rock, classic rock, and hard rock. I like soft and most classic, and even a few hard rock songs- usually the ballads. He didn't think Foo Fighters was hard rock. I think it's on the edge of it. Either way, I had a good time with him and at the concert and had an experience I wouldn't have had on my own. Thanks date (hehe).

3 ways in, 2 ways out

I've been thinking the last 24 hours about the process I've gone through while I've been single. I do believe it is a process. There are 3 ways into the single adult program of the church, none of them positive. 1. never get married. 2. get divorced. 3. have a spouse die. There are two ways out 1. marriage, 2. death. I suppose there is a third: going apostate and leaving the church.

Anyways, I've had the angry-bitter phase. That lasted for a few years. No one could get me out, it was something I had to get through. I didn't understand- I had righteous desires and this sure didn't seem merciful, just, or kind to me. I wanted to throw rocks at Heavenly Father. I very silly picture now.

Then when I turned 31 I was living with my parents due to school. I went to the family ward I basically grew up in. I was HUMILIATED! I wanted to hide. I thought I'd come back with a baby on my hip and children trailing behind. But I had nothing. I felt like I had this "looser" stamp on my forehead. No body wanted me, I was never picked. I wasn't something enough: pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, long hair enough, etc. I didn't want to be friends with the people who helped raise me, who talked me through those difficult times. I felt like we'd be having the same conversations we had when I was 17 and nothing had changed. During both of those phases I'd push away possible friendships, because I didn't think I was worthy, and I didn't stand a chance in the romantic department- men don't like angry bitter women!

After the hard grieving of loosing my Father wore off, I realized I didn't care anymore about being single and I started to have a good time, just having fun.

While I still visit those phases, for a short while, and with lesser intensity, I'm now just grateful there is a single adult program. Sure polygamy would solve the problem. But through this program I've meet people in my same situation, have made friends and have even had a few dates. Are there still lonely Friday and Saturday nights? ABSOLUTELY. But, I think there would be a lot more if there was no SA program.

BLUE

I'm having so much fun with this blog! I can't stop! My sister has created a blog monster!
See, I'm a Blue (from the book the Color Code, personality book) which means a few things.
1. I need to reveal myself, (Hence, why I love this) 2. I'm a do-gooder, 3. I crave intimacy- emotional, spiritual and physical.

Uncle Rodger

My favorite Uncle Rodger passed away today, He's 91. He was my dad's twin brother. Their whole family is now together. Uncle Rodger was such a jester. I remember when I was around 11. We went out to those Buffet restaurants and he awakened me to the fact that I could have as many desserts as I wanted. 5, he kept saying, 5, go for 5! I took that as a challenge and oh my gosh. I did it. I ate 5 desserts, and boy was I in PAIN afterwords. I was moaning and groaning and couldn't walk and bent over and I undid my pant zipper in the parking lot! He was just laughing- he knew what he was doing! He was always such a funny teaser! I love you Uncle Rodger! Hug my dad for me!

The Field is White and CTR

I was talking to a friend of mine commiserating about men we had a dates with, but who are "Playing the Field". I came up with this from Sec 4 of the Doctrine and Covenants.

Behold, the field is white, already to harvest, and Lo, He that thrustest in his cycle with his might will have to buy lots of dinners and will inadvertently disappoint many women when they don't call back.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we teach our children very young to "choose the right". We give them rings to remember to act like the Savior would have them act. I have a gold one that I've been wearing since I was 19. Sometimes we also like to make up other things that mean CTR. Here are a few.

Chase the Rich (Steve Elder)
Current Temple Recommend. (My brother Karl)
Circumcise the Russians (me, during the cold war)
Can't trust Rob (specifically for Shelly)

Watermellon Robber

So, yesterday mom and I were cutting watermellon at my sister Sarah's house. Mom started telling us how her mom as a teenager had gone into watermellon farms and cut open the watermellon and taken just the heart and leave the rest. RUDE! But we thought it was so funny I wrote a song to the tune of the primary song "follow the prophet". It goes like this:



Grandma was a robber, first one that we know.
In Illinois, she stole things that growd!
Grandma was a sinner, She didn't know the truth
Then she met Grandpa and then they had Ruth.

Ruth is my mom (hehe). The kids thought this was so funny they started singing it at the dinner table. I think they thought it was their Grandma, who was sitting there at the table with them.

Eleven year old Emily wrote the last line. We are a singing family. We make up songs all the time. When we get together it's a little like girls camp!

No house, kids, husband- JUST ME

Although I don't have children to show off, or a husband who's my best friend, or a beautiful house, or anything like unto it, I'm still going to have a blog.

So here's the update on me. In 23 days I will be 36 years old. I live with my mother and have 2 dogs because she has a fenced in back yard- sounds fabulous doesn't it. But, lets look at the positive, I don't have a mortgage payment, I don't have to pay rent or any other bills. I don't have a marriage certificate over my bed, but instead 2 dogs in my bed.

I went back to nannying 2 months ago, and have been taking care of 2 babies from India. They are 11 month old Aditya, who was walking at 9 months, has a swallowing disorder and acid reflux, which means mom puts baby food in his special formula and I have to hold him upright for 20 min after he eats. He's a hyper little guy who's all over the place, but has not grown or gained weight for 3 months! Niha, is a girl who is 9 months old and has just started to crawl. She's a crier and hates being left alone, which needs to happen often as Aditya will not eat unless he's alone. She prefers to be held and has started refusing a bottle. If I'm lucky she'll nap for 30 min, but usually on top of me, as she's so sensitive. Both are cute, but it is difficult work and I've learned that mothering is for the young. I used to want twins to make up for lost time, but forget that!

I've been jumping around with jobs since Nov of 07 and during this time, I've had a few dates, which is a miracle in and of itself, but men don't seems to stay for very long mostly because I screw it up. As I often say: "love me or leave me, they usually choose to leave!" I'm intent on getting this dating thing right by the time I turn 40. I think that's a good goal.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is still TRUE regardless of my unfulfilled dreams. I was just released from a primary calling that I was totally burned out of, and now have a ward and stake calling with the single adults.

I still enjoy visiting family with my 26 nieces and nephews, and 1 and 1/2 great nieces. At the end of 08 I will have 3 nephews and 2 nieces married.

Oh, I could go on, but is any one really going to read this?