Stolen

I’m tossing in my sleep trying to shut him up
With fevered dreams
Its only been a week a half hearted fantasy
Wondering what he sees in me
In our separate space we are idols from a higher place
The beautiful ones that everyone wants
And I’d be happy to adore him from a distance
But knowing he adores me from a distance

Makes this hard
And its slow
Longing for just one more moment
Knowing that he has to go
And its false
And its weak
There’s nothing to be said now but in our silence we’re both aching to speak

This emotion frustrated confusion is it all an illusion
Will I wake up to a harsh and empty space
His devotion lies in someone else’s arms
And I am just an outsider
Trying to save face

And its hard
And its slow
Wanting to be all he wants
Knowing that’s not how it goes
And its false
And its weak
There’s nothing to be said now but in our silence we’re both aching to speak

And I’m stronger than this I’ve been through this before
But what’s one more lesson when the stolen moments are worth living for

And its hard
And its slow
Longing for one more moment
Knowing he has somewhere to go
And its false
And I’m so weak
There’s nothing to be said now
But in our silence we’re both aching to speak

They Called Me on a Mission!

Well after a decision that has taken me over a year to make I finally got that big white envelope in the mail today! I will be serving in the Scotland, Edinburgh Mission reporting to the England Missionary Training Center on October 22, 2010! Words cannot describe how excited I am to be serving!

(reading my letter with my family)

But once the excitement and the phone calls died down a little I took the opportunity to read through my letter from the Prophet of the Lord again. And maybe they send the same thing to all missionaries I don't know but either way in that quite moment with my family listening as I read out loud all the nerves and the anticipation were gone and tears came as the Spirit once again confirmed to me stronger then ever that this was right and that Scotland is where the Lord needs me to be.

I am so so proud to be able to say that I will be soon serving the Lord and bring the Gospel to the people of Scotland. Heavenly Father has truly blessed my life and I am truly honored that He has found me worthy to be His servant.

Picture Perfect

Do you ever wish that you could go back in time? That you could somehow press rewind and go back and do things over...and most important do them differently? My little sister Rachel had her senior awards night tonight and as I sat in the audience watching the sea of people in Monsoon blue caps and gowns I couldn't help but wonder at the things I had missed. We sang our alma-mater and the tears over a school and life that I had resented for so long finally came. I was not a big fan of high school while I was there and I always used to blame it on the people that were there because well, they were/are the main reason I never liked it there. To me they were dumb and immature and I had my church friends so I didn't need them. But tonight I have realized that I was wrong. It wasn't everyone else that made High School so disagreeable...it was me. Tonight I realized that if I had tried a little harder to make more friends, to be involved, to have school spirit, then maybe, just maybe I would've been the one crying as a closed that HUGE chapter of my life.

Tonight I realized that there are no do overs. You can't rewind and live your life again just because it didn't turn out the way you pictured. Though not for the first time ever tonight I realized again that life isn't like the movies and if I keep sitting around and waiting for life to be picture perfect I'm going to miss out on those moments that make life perfect.

Two Homes

Well I'm sorry that I am so horrible at this whole blogging thing. As predicted my Winter 2010 at Brigham Young University - Idaho went awesome! And through a lot of prayer and fasting a lot of though decisions were made (well maybe not a lot but it was BIG decision :P) and I am here in good old Lakewood, California. The sun is shinning and I am loving spending lots of time with my family!

The Lord has blessed me with TWO wonderful jobs! I got the job at Mayfair Pool back from last summer which is a HUGE blessing because not only do I love it but it pays really really well (which is definitely needed right now. And I also received a new job at a cute little cafe called Panera Bread down the street from my house. It was hard at first but I am learning to love it and the people I am working with, plus money is money right?

I am currently going to both home ward and singles ward because I received a calling in home ward as the Ward Choir Director! I'm not going to lie its pretty darn scary but we had our first "performance" two weeks ago and I thought it went pretty well if I do say so myself.

Well about that BIG decision. Over the past few months I have been praying and fasting really hard and I have come to the decision that I am going on a MISSION for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! My applications are already in and in a few weeks I'll be finding out where I am going to be spending the next 18 months of my life! Its going to be awesome, though I am a little nervous I know that this is what the Lord wants me to do and that means that it will all work out for the best!

Even though things are going really well and am happy to be here in my hometown I can't help but feel as though I am at home away from home. I miss my Rexburg and the people that I left behind there. Its funny how when I am there I can't wait to come back to California and then when I am finally back I wish I had never left Rexburg. I've been feeling down lately, feeling like I don't know where I belong anymore. But this weekend as I gazed out at the ocean with my family beside me and friends as close a the phone in my pocket I realized that I not only belong one place but two. I am wonderfully blessed with two places where I can go and not have to worry what people think because I know there are people there who will always love me no matter what. I have two homes.

Goals and Resolutions for the Semester

I know that its a little late for New Years Resolutions but...better late then never right?

1. One of the main things that I want to do this summer is be able to get more out of church and not have church just be this three hour obligation every Sunday. So heres the plan...
a) Every Sunday I will have a Relief Society Presidency Metting at 10:00am so I will attend that and then from 11:30 - 12:30 I will go up to the MC (where our ward is held) and study.
b) So that I can be more prepared for the lessons I will study whatever RS and Sunday School lesson I think is being taught.
c) In my Sunday Journal I want to have a first section where I will record my thoughts/ questions about what I study before I take notes on those things in the actual class.

2. Another thing that I want to do is attend the temple every week. It is soo close and I dont take the opportunity to attend often enough. Here's the paln...
a) Get my temple recomend by January 23rd
- set up and appointment with the Bishop by the 16th.
b) Plan to attend the temple every Friday at 1:00pm
c) Bring a skirt and tights in my clothes bag every Friday (along with the clothes I already pack for after work.

3. This next goal has been a goal for a really long time but I haven't been so good at accomplishing it. I want to start exercising more, but to help me achive this goal Im going to try something new and instead of going to the gym all the time (which I hate) Im going to switch it up.
a) Mon/Wed/Fri - I want to do the ab workout that I learned from Kris at night. I eventually want to work my way up from 6 minutes to around 15 minuets of abs everyother day.
b) Tuesday - Around 8pm I am going to go upstairs to the workout room and to the olypitcal machine for 20 minutes, eventually working up to about an hour.
c) Thursday - Around 8pm I am going to go the Hart building and swim laps for 30 minutes again eventually working my way up to an hour or more.
d) Saturday - Around 9:30am I am going to get up and do a yoga video before I get ready for the day.

Week One Completed

Well I have offically completed my first week of the Winter 2010 Semester! Go me! There are lots of new and old things this semester and I am excited for all of it!

Classes: I have 15 creidts this semester which I was a little nervous about since four of those credits are Spanish BUT I think that its all going to work out great! Here's what I'm taking:

Spanish 201 (4 credits): I am taking this with Brother Colvin who is pretty hilarious if i do say so myself. Its only been a week and already I am so happy that I made the decision last semester to drop 201 with Sister Peck. I am once again falling in love with this beautiful language and even though its going to take a TON more work to understand a lot of it I am happy and excited to be learning it again (coming home speaking in broken espanol for the rest of the night is evidence of this)

Home & Family Management (3 credits): We havent done much in this class yet but I think that it will be a good one. I not to fond of the teacher but its a required course for my minor so I will survive. More importantly I will be learning lots about how to run my home and family, which includes a lot of time managment and organizational skills which will help me a lot.

Media Law & Ethics (3 credits): I don't really know about the teacher for this class either but it is a subject I'm really interested in. There will be a lot of history in it, which is different from all the rest of my communications calsses so it will be a good break for that.

PR Writing (3 credits): This class is going to be a lot of work but a lot of fun as well. As a PR class I'll will be doing what I want to be doing as a career after I graduate and I am so excited for it! We jumped right into the class this past week without going over the syllabus or anything. We wrote a New Release and Fact Sheet for our time in the lab on Wednesday and then just to practice our writing Brother Cannon had us read four non-scriptural articles and comment on them. It was really fun and really helped with getting back into the swing of writing a lot.

World Religion (2 credits): I am excited for this class as well. Brother Purse is really fun and I can tell that he aboslutly loves this subject. I am glad that we are going to take the "glass half full" approach and in our studies see what each religion is getting right and what they have in common with the restoration of the gospel.

I've gotten all new roommates this semester...again. There are five of us total in the apartment and we all seem to get along just fine so that should be ok. One is a return missionary and the other three are freshmen still. It should be fun to room with them.

I also have a new calling this semester. I am the Relief Society Secretary. I am the only new girl in the presidency but I know all three girls pretty well and love them all. I am actually really excited for this calling and being able to get closer to the girls in our Relief Society and to be able to serve them.

The last new thing about this semester is that I have a job!! I work Monday through Friday from 6:30-9:30 am at the school bakery! Its super early and I don't do any real baking which is kinda a bummer but it is super fun and I really like the people I am working with. Most importantly I am earning more money for whatever the future may hold for me!!!

Some old things, Im obviously still living in the same apartment and I am still hanging out a lot with my old FHE brothers. This weekend we went to Lava Hot Springs and it was lots of fun! We ate at Senor Iguanas which was delicious and just relaxed in the natural hot springs.

Anyway I have a feeling that this is going to be a really great semester and can't wait for the adventures that are in store for me!

Wyoming Trip!

So about right around Halloween Kris and I started haning out with two of our FHE brothers Joe & Derek. Let me tell you these two (though we thought they were a little strange in the beginning) are AWESOME and so so much fun! So the weekend before Thanksgiving we packed up the car and headed out to Star Valley, Wyoming where Derek's parents live. Let me tell you it was the best weekend EVER! Pretty much just a TON of laying around & relaxing but it was great! We also went sledding but there wasnt that much snow so we got a tow rope & were all pulled behind the Suburban! SUPER FUN! Anyway I had to put pictures up. I was so blessed this semester with amazing friends such as Kris, Joe, Derek & Logan. They made this semester probably the best one yet!