no we no us no i

When we met, I had doubts

I thought it wouldn’t work

There was too much against us

But over time you seemed true,
Your persistence, your determination, your stability

Convinced me

That I could trust you with my heart

I trusted that you could cradle it, shelter it and make it whole

And you did… for a good while

No matter how difficult things got

We were always there for each other

I thought I knew you well
Because you were a rock

But what I didn’t know, was that rocks too can change

I don’t know how, or when…

Or where things changed

But somewhere, the tides changed

And I in turn, came to put too much trust into our relationship

I let myself go… I allowed myself to fall

Thinking that there would always be someone there to love me more

Unconditionally mine and ours and yours

Me you v world

Us and them…us

somewhere somehow

us warped

into you

YOU and YOU

i faded first

then us

then it was world you v me

I didn’t realise that I wasn’t capable of being loved

In the way that you promised

Somewhere somehow

I morphed

Into someone hideous, someone you couldn’t stand being around

My heart shattered into millions
When u finally told me

All those things, so painfully true

It was true

How did I change?

I was once so comfortable with my solitude

I was once so happy to think of just me

I was once so confident …..with US

I liked that concept…

no more
no how no why

suddenly you don’t love me anymore

and I feel like I cant love myself

you cant stand me anymore

and I cant stand myself

I want to die and live and die

I struggle to breathe

Im gasping for air

And in the end I realise

There’s nobody there anymore

Just me and me and ME

And the echoes of my thoughts

The emptiness of my heart

And the big gaping hole in my life

no we

no us...

no i.