Life Changes

Ok, so I haven't blogged in a while. I haven't needed to vent I guess. Until now that is. I know I've talked about my wanting a baby and then not being sure and then being scared it would take forever etc... Well me and Josh finally decided to really go for it. Not just wait and see what happens. As I expected my doctor sent me straight to infertility. Ok well technically I didn't expect that, but I knew I would have to take fertility drugs. I kinda thought she would give it a shot with me first, but no. She just sent me straight to the pros. That made me EXTREMELY emotional. I don't know why. I was expecting to have to take fertility drugs so why did it bother me that she was getting someone else to prescribe them? I guess I just felt like I was worse off than I originally thought. lol So I cried when I left her office and was a blubbering mess and Josh told me not to worry of course, and I got over it pretty quickly. This first month at the infertility clinic has just been a tracking cycle with no drugs and to me it's been a complete waste of a month, but what do I know? Soon I will be starting clomid and now I'm beginning to freak out a little. I know I want a baby. I do. But I am a control freak. Type A at it's best, and I don't know what a baby will do to my life. I know my life right now. I know my routine. I'm in a good place. My marriage is awesome. I'm soooo happy. Probably the happiest I've ever been. I got my house. Things are going great. I am so scared of the unknown. A child will change everything. EVERYTHING. It will take away the lazy days of snuggling up on the couch with my hubby and my dog and watching TV until I can't stay awake. That is when I'm the happiest. When I'm at home with my husband with a good meal, and absolutely nothing to do but relax and unwind. It's my favorite place in the world to be. There is nowhere else I'd rather be in those moments. A baby will change all that, and I don't know what to expect. And that scares me. I know any mother would tell me that it's sooo worth it. That their child is the best thing that ever happened to them, and they wouldn't change it for the world. But can you mothers honestly say you don't miss your old life every once in a while? (Not that you would change anything), just that you miss the carefreeness of your life before? Ugh. I have to stop doing this. I really do. I think one thing that stresses me the most is that Josh isn't stressed. LOL Well, we are stressed about different things I guess. He is only stressed about the financial aspect of it. That doesn't scare me at all. I'm stressed about life changing, baby crying, mommy crying, no sleep, having to work, who will watch baby, am I gonna be any good at being a mommy? Those things. That's what scares me. Well let's just hope I can get pregnant. How about that? How about we take one step at a time Becca....try that for once.

Follow up on my Slacker blog

I just now re-read my blog about being a slacker and thought I'd give an update. Apparently I am in a much better place than I was. I have officially lost 10lbs so obviously I found a little self-discipline. We had our best month at work in March and I got an awesome bonus so that helped with the working harder and saving money aspect, and I totally finished that book I had started and I LOVED it and I have since read 2 more :) I have a problem with run on sentences. (random I know but I was proof reading) We don't need to discuss the cleaning house thing. I mean it's only been a few months people give me some time :) Oh, and obviously u can see more of what I am talking about with the baby thing if u read that post too. I'm totally lost!

Is anybody NOT pregnant?

Ok, so I realize I am at the age where it is probably time to start a family. We have talked about it quite a bit lately, but are not actively TRYING to have a baby. There are days when I want one sooo bad and then there are days when I question myself and think I'm just not ready. The problem for me is that EVERYONE is pregnant or has just had a baby. ALL of my friends that are my age either just had a baby or are pregnant. Not some.... ALL. I do not have a single friend my age that I still hang out with that does not have a child or is not carrying one. It is almost overwhelming. I know that probably sounds stupid, but I feel like I am in baby overload. Not because I don't LOVE talking with my friends about their babies, but because I kinda feel like I missed the boat and I'm not sure if I wanted to be on it or not? That may not make any sense. It's just the way I feel. And when I say I missed the boat, don't take that literally. I realize I am still very young and have PLENTY of time to get on the boat so to speak. I just feel overly baby consious. Yeah, maybe that is a better way to describe it. Do I want a baby because I'm ready or do I want one because everyone else is having them and I don't want to miss out? I dream about babies and being pregnant. I have all these mixed emotions. Sometimes I am sad that I don't have one too. Other times when I am around screaming babies I think "Thank God that's not me!" I really think a lot of it has to do with my fear of not being able to get pregnant easily. I need to talk to my doctor about some things and I guess the unknown scares me. I think if I knew it would take me 3 years to get pregnant then I would have started trying a few years ago lol. But if it doesnt take me but 3 months then I'm in no hurry to start. LOL Control issues? Yeah I would say so. NOBODY knows how long it will take them, and I know that is all up to God and in his control, and he has a perfect plan for my life. Why do I even bother trying to butt-in or help him out on the planning? He doesn't need my help. I think he's got it covered. He always does.

Slacker

I am such a slacker lately. I feel like I'm slacking on EVERYTHING and I don't know how to get motivated to not be a slacker. I feel like I'm not giving 100% to anything. I used to think that I had lots of self-discipline but I totally don't. It's not really fun learning that about yourself. I can't make myself work out, work harder, KEEP my house clean (I mean I clean it I just don't put forth the effort to keep it that way), diet, catch up with my friends, get up early, groom my dog, blog, upload my pictures, finish reading a book I started, work on my relationship with God, clean my car out, fold laundry, save money, and the list goes on and on. I mean...how do I make myself be motivated? I am happy, I'm just not happy and productive. I want to be productive.

Change of subject. I want a baby. BAHAHAHA. How ironic that I put this in my blog about being totally LAZY!!! I really do though. I think I'm finally at that place where I am ready. It took me a while to get there, but I'm there. I think it will still be a while until we have one but I definitely have the fever.

My house is starting to look like someone lives there so I really am gonna post some pictures. It has been very empty up until this point and it still needs lots of work but I'm getting there. I love my house. I hope we are there for a really long time. On another note. My dear hubby just has no self control either and even though we just bought a house he wants to buy a truck. REALLY? I obviously think this is a terrible idea and have told him so many many times but I give! I hope our children are not as persistant as he is because I totally cracked. I can't listen to it any more! If we have to live off of ramen noodles and Mountain lightning then that is his fault and he will have to live with his fat wife because you can't lose weight when all you eat is junk. Ha Ha. So while I'm writing this post and eating my lean cusine at work two ladies from another office bring me a piece of marble cake a piece of strawberry cake and a brownie. MMMMM Have I mentioned that I have no self control? Yeah the brownie is gone and I'm working on the strawberry cake. I hate myself. lol I think I am gonna leave it at that for today. Happy Valentines Day!

Draft

I really meant to get back to this but never did so I'm gonna post it as is:

So we are finally moved upstairs. We have been for I guess a week and a half or two weeks. I am so happy. We still need lots of furniture but I guess it doesn't really matter that we have empty rooms for now. Ellie is getting much better with her puppy pad. She is finally using it every time she pees as long as none of the rooms with carpet are open. Poop is another story. Not sure what happened there. We are working on it. I know I have to post some pictures. I don't really have an excuse for why I haven't.

We had our first round of tornado warnings on Monday night in the new house and I have never been SO thankful. I tell you what it is nice to not have to run for cover in the middle of the night or spend the night away from home because it might get stormy. Also on my list of things to be thankful for....A DISHWASHER!!! Oh my gosh. How did I live without one before? My kitchen is so clean!

We are having some friends over for the game this weekend and I can't wait for everyone to see the house. Nobody has really seen it.

Work is soooo slow today. I'm going crazy!

The house

Ok, so obviously I haven't blogged in a while. I have been very busy. My office computer is totally jacked up and it won't let me read the blogs I follow and I haven't had internet for a week at home which now I do so I can get back to my blogging. Anyways we are in the new house :) Sort of. We are living in the basement for now. SOMEONE got the bright idea that scraping popcorn ceilings off would be no big deal. Cough Cough. Obviously the person in question has never done it before and now she is living in a basement instead of the house she just bought. We finally finished the ceilings at around 1am on sunday. It took us a whole week. Yesterday was mostly clean up but we still have a lot of cleaning to do. I finally got the kitchen cleaned up and found a pan and a spatula in the boxes we are living out of and made a Bertolli pasta meal for dinner last night. Our first sort of cooked meal in the house. Since we are staying in the basement we havent turned the heat on yet. We are just using the gas heater downstairs. It was hilarious carrying the huge TV up the stairs and hooking it up in the living room floor and sitting in game day chairs with huge sweatshirts on to watch Dexter last night. We couldn't miss our show even if we did have to freeze our booties off to watch it.
Maynard is too smart for his own good. If he decides he doesn't want to be in the fenced in back yard he just gets out. We aren't sure how he is managing it but he stays at home. We will walk by the door and see him on the porch, or pull up in the driveway and he will greet us at the car. Trouble. Ellie is a ra-tard and is having trouble with the stairs. She has also disregarded her puppy pad so I guess we are starting all over with the house training. Ugh.
Now after we get everything clean we have to paint. THEN we can move in for real :) I am SO happy right now. It has been a lot of work but it is so great to finally have a house.
Oh BTW I realized this weekend that my basement is not underground. BAHAHAHA Oh the irony. That's right people. You may wonder how I missed that before and all I can say is I'm not sure. When you look at the house from straight on you can't see the basement so that wall I guess is technically underground, but the other 3 walls are not. Alot of flippin good that is gonna do me. I actually think it's funny. The girl who is terrified of storms and HAD to buy a house with a basement bought one that isn't even underground. I still feel safe in my basement and I'm sure I will be better off there than in a trailer or a house that doesn't have one at all. I know this blog is jumping around a lot so thanks for staying with me if you've made it this far. I just had to catch up on everything. I have a TON of catching up on my blog reading to do. I don't know why this computer will let me sign in to mine but not view anyone elses. Stupid. Well I can't wait to post more pics. I will do before and afters. I guess that is all for now :)

It's official!! (almost)

So yesterday we found out that our appra isal was good and then it went back to underwriting for an appraisal review. Usually that takes about 3-4 days but we were blessed and ours came back the same day!!! Yay everything is approved and we are ready to close. We were supposed to close at the first of November because we wanted to make sure we were ready financially and because the owners were having to find somewhere to go. At first they were having a hard time because they are renting and they have pets inside. They called us Tuesday and said they have found a place and are ready to close! They said they can probably be out by the 15th! As for the financial situation God has totally provided for us and we are ahead of schedule! I got extra money at work from my unused personal days and Josh sold his 4-wheeler. We have also found someone to buy our trailer and so we don't have to worry about that payment anymore!! It's like the pieces all just came together. I know God had his hand in it. I am SO excited. I have wanted a house for soooo long and it just doesn't seem real. I couldn't be happier!!I guess I could post a pic now that I know it's going to be mine. So here is a sneak peak!

I know the bushes could use some trimming! LOL There is a fenced in back yard behind the poolhouse for Maynard too! I will post more pics later. I will do before and afters as I fix up each room!! I feel so blessed and so happy! It's like all of my dreams have come true! It may sound cheesy but I wanted this sooo bad!

On a totally un-house related note I have been working on my relationship with God. I have been a slacker for quite a while now. I have been praying for the desire to be closer to him because for a while it wasn't on my list of priorities. I am just being honest. I am also trying to take a little time each night to read the bible. I have never read the whole thing before and I think it would do me some good to get some of my facts straight. It is amazing the things that God has put in my path and opened my eyes to. Even the smallest things increase my desire everyday to be closer to him. Jenny if you read this your bible studies and your videos on your blog are wonderful! Sometimes you just don't know what might really touch someone else! So anyways I would just like to ask everyone to say a little prayer for me. I am trying but I know I will have days when I struggle. Everyone does. I want to be a better example for my friends and my husband.