Our crazy life!

DAY 1:

I've always gotten a lot of flak for not ever updating my blog....It's really just because I've never felt like I've had anything worth writing about that people would be interested in. I have my life...it's a fairly uncomplicated life...with no crazy stories to tell and "blog" about. However, this somewhat changed Saturday morning.

The weekend's events finally sunk in last night as I was putting Neddy to bed. It was 7:30 on Sunday night. I had just gotten back from being with Beav for the last 2 days in the Neuro-ICU at St. Joseph's Hospital. I laid down on my bed to cuddle with Ned since I hadn't seen her at all since this whole thing started. I closed my eyes, exhausted from the last 2 days. Ned closed her eyes. Our heads were together on the same pillow. I could feel her sweet moist breath on my face. I could hear the sound of her sucking on her binky. I never realized how soothing that sound was. As she quickly fell asleep, I was left only with my thoughts.

Saturday morning, I was on my way out the door to run a whole slew of errands...returns, groceries, etc. Beav had left early that morning to take his little brother, Justin, on his first good bike ride up South Mountain. Beav had done this trail several times before, even in pitch black darkness with only a head light. He knew his way around. He was experienced. I had no reason to worry that anything would happen to him. Beav is a very careful person, always erring on the side of caution. He just bought a brand new bike and helmet and was stoked to get out on that mountain and try them out.

Around 11:00am, I got a call from Beav's cell, except it wasn't him on the phone. I heard Justin's voice on the other end telling me that Beav had gotten into an accident on their way down the mountain. My heart immediately sunk and I felt sick to my stomach. He told me that he was okay but that he had hit his head pretty hard and had had a seizure from the fall. The fire department and paramedics were there taking care of him. Beav had blacked out a bit after the seizure but he was awake and alert now, already joking around with paramedics, saying he crashed on the easiest part of the mountain and that everyone would think he was a sucky rider :) I told Justin I was on my way. I grabbed Ned, threw her in her carseat as fast as I possibly could and sped over to the trail. It always seems like when you're in a hurry, no once else is. I got stuck behind every old slow driver in Ahwatukee! When I finally got up to the mountain, I started seeing a firetruck...and then another one...and another one. Eight firetrucks were there. Again, I freaked out! I parked in the closest handicapped spot possible and ran with Ned up the trail to where some firefighters were gathered. I told them I was the wife of the guy who crashed on the mountain. They said he was doing great and was conscious and that it was just a matter of time for them to get him in the ambulance and drive slowly down the bumpy trail. I stood there trying to see any sign of an ambulance up the mountain, but couldn't. Neddy sat down right next to where I was standing and started playing in the dirt. I was glad that she found something to occupy herself while we waited. Ten minutes went by and still no sign of Beav or the ambulance. Then 20 minutes. Finally, 30 minutes after I got there, I saw a flashing light making its way down the mountain. When the ambulance finally got to where I was standing, they stopped and opened the door so that I could see him. I stuck my head through the opening and all I saw was Beav strapped down to a stretcher, a C-collar around his neck, and blood. Lots of blood. I think Ned saw the same thing because she started crying and clinging onto me. Beav couldn't see me because he was unable to move his head. He just kept saying, "I'm ok. It's ok." I started bawling. I told him I loved him and that I would meet him at the hospital. He said he loved me too and then the ambulance continued on. I stood there in shock from the image I just witnessed. Then the water works really came out. I was glad I was wearing sunglasses because I'm sure I was a scary sight. Some of the firemen came over to me and told me he was being taken to Maricopa County hospital and that I could meet Beav in the ER.

Justin was still there with me and we made a gameplan for the day, considering we still had their bikes, Beav's truck and Neddy to deal with. We dropped the bikes and Beav's truck off at the house. I grabbed anything and everything I could possibly think of that Neddy might need for the day. Justin jumped in my truck and we headed over to my parents to drop Ned off for the day. I didn't know how long we would be at the hospital, but I never thought we would be there for more than a few hours. This whole "hospital" thing was precautionary because he hit his head and possibly had a seizure. Lots of people have seizures once in their life and there's no real apparent reason behind it.

Once Justin and I got to County, they told us that only one person could go see Beav at a time. I went first. I walked through the corridors of the ER looking for room #23, thinking to myself how much I wished they had taken him to a nicer hospital. There were crazies all over the place. I saw the number 23 just ahead and picked up my pace. In this tiny "room" with curtains for walls and just enough space for maybe 2 people to stand next to the bed, I saw Beav laying there. He still had the C-collar on and there was a blue bandanna wrapped around his head that was covered in blood. When Beav fell, he sliced his head open pretty bad so Justin wrapped the bandanna on tight to stop the bleeding. I grabbed his hand and asked him how he was feeling. He said he was ok. I preceeded to tell him what happened and what they were going to do at the hospital. I asked him if he remembered having a seizure. He nodded his head. I told him that lots of people can have a seizure after hitting their head, and that it was totally normal. He cut me off mid-sentence, and quietly said, "I had the seizure before I crashed."

I looked at him, as tears started to form in his eyes. At that moment, everything changed. "You had the seizure before you crashed??" I asked in almost disbelief, reiterating what he had said. He nodded his head again. We both started to cry. We knew then that this situation was much more serious than we could have ever imagined. Beav had a seizure; and it wasn't caused from him hitting his head. Time stood still for a moment as we looked at eachother, our minds running wild with what this new information could mean. It was then that the nurse came in and told us that a CT of his neck and brain was ordered along with an X-ray.They wanted to check out his brain and see if they could find a reason that Beav had this seizure and also to see if he had any broken bones or fractures. I needed a break. I stood up and told Beav that I was going to get Justin and let him come in and see him. I kissed his hand and left. I felt I held it together pretty well when I was with Beav. Once I walked away, it all hit me. I walked quickly toward the waiting room, crying all the way. Justin was sitting in there, worrying as only he can do. I told him the news that Beav just told me. He gave me a hug and walked in through the door. I sat down in a chair, surrounded by a bunch of homeless people and others who didn't speak any english. This was County after all. I stared off into space. Before I knew it, Justin was back. As much as I wanted to go back in and see Beav, I dreaded my emotions. It was so much harder to keep them in check when I was with him. But I had to be strong.

The doctors had been in and out of his room, asking him the same questions over and over again. I got back to his bed just as a CT tech came to get him for his scan. She was a sweetheart. I told her I was almost done with my Ultrasound program and that I would like to come back and watch them do the CT. She agreed. We got back to the CT room exchanging jokes and stories, both feeling the comradery of being in the medical imaging field. When it was time to do the actual scan, I went back behind the glass and watched as the images came through. Now, as an ultrasound tech, I've been able to learn a little bit about reading CT's. I didn't do really anything with the brain but I knew what looked normal and what looked abnormal. What I saw when they went through the slices in the frontal part of his brain was not normal. The right side looked fine; the left side...not so much. I knew they couldn't tell me anything so I didn't bother to ask. I took a deep breath and walked back into the room as they transferred him back to his bed. After getting back to the ER, it only took about 5 minutes before a Dr. came to us with the preliminary results from the CT. It was "abnormal." That's all they could tell. Knowing this was probably the case, my heart still sunk. They suggested doing another CT, but this time adding contrast, and if needed, they would do an MRI. We were left alone at that point. Again, the tears came. We were so scared. There was an abnormality on his CT that they couldn't define. What on earth did that mean??

For the next few hours, he had visitors come see him. I was glad because it gave me a mental break from all of it. Justin came back in and his other brother Nate was there as well. Again, it was my turn to spend time with Beav. I pulled up a chair and just held his hand. The nurses were all very nice and we got to talking about this and that. Beav was resting and I didn't want to bother him with a million questions.

All of the sudden, I felt his arm grab me, I turned my head back toward him and saw this fear in his eyes that I've never seen before. He tried to speak but all that came out was "I...I...I...eee...eee...." I completely lost it. He was having another seizure. I screamed out for a nurse to help me as he violently convulsed. I have never been so scared in my life. As this all played out in slow motion, I watched, helplessly, as one by one, nurses and doctors rushed to his side. Some of them were trying to hold him down, others were just observing. Observing was not something I was doing well. The CT tech from before saw my distress and immediately grabbed me. I felt like I was having convulsions, but for different reasons. She turned my head away from the chaos going on around me. I tried to shut it out but couldn't. Why was this happening to him?What was causing him to seize? My panicking got worse. They decided to completely remove me from the situation as they let the seizure take it's course. I couldn't handle it. They moved to a back room, placed me on a couch, and told me to take a moment and to come back in once I had time to regroup. I sat there for about 3 minutes, trying to get my sobbing under control. I finally did. I took a deep breath, stood up and walked back to where I last saw Beav. The seizure had stopped but he was unconscious. He had an oxygen mask with a bag attached to it. His chest moved up and down so systematically with every breath. I looked at the monitor and saw his bpm was at 190 and was making its way back down. They had given him medication to stop his seizure and another to prevent future ones. I sat by his side, waiting for him to regain consciousness. It didn't happen anytime soon. By this time, Justin had left and Nate was still in the waiting room. I knew Beav needed a blessing so I immediately called my Dad. I explained what had just happened and he said he would be right there. About 30 minutes later, I saw Beav slowly open one eye. I jumped up! "Beav...I'm right here!" I yelled at him. He slipped back out of consciousness. Several minutes passed by until he opened both eyes. I repeated myself. He didn't acknowledge that he could hear me but I knew he could. I kept talking to him as he opened and closed his eyes. I was so glad to see that he was coming to.

Beav having another seizure changed the doctor's game plan. Instead of doing another CT with contrast, they decided to skip that step and go straight to the MRI. Problem was that neither the MRI tech nor the Neurologist was at the hospital. It was a Saturday and both of them were on call. So we waited...and waited...In the mean time, my parents showed up. I gave them a huge hug and was so glad to see them. My dad was dressed in a shirt and tie, ready to give Beav a blessing. I asked the nurse for permission to have a few people in Beav's room for a few minutes and she agreed, as long as we made it quick. I grabbed my parents and Nate and walked toward Beav's bed. He looked like he was asleep still but when my Dad said his name, he opened his eyes and started to talk to us. Nate and my Dad asked him if they could give him a blessing and of course he agreed. We all closed our eyes and listened to the words that were said. It was a powerful moment. By the end, we were all crying, but I felt much more calm about the situation. There were hugs all around and then they all went back to the waiting room since the nurse told us we needed to make it quick. I sat back down in my chair, held Beav's hand, and laid my head on his bed while we continued to wait for his MRI.

Finally about 2 hours later it was time to get the test done. I asked to go with them, but they said I could go only as far as the MRI waiting room and that it would take at least an hour. Well, I didn't want to be alone so I decided to hang out in the main ER waiting room with everyone that was there for Beav and I. I kissed Beav and told him I would be waiting for him when he got back. I could see he was exhausted and I was glad for once because maybe he would sleep through the MRI. I heard they were really freaky and I didn't want him to remember it if he didn't have to.

I opened the door to the ER waiting room and saw my parents, Nate and Amy, Justin and Aubry, Beav's friend Nate Wright and Krista and Jonny with Krispy Kremes and McDonald's cheese burgers and fries. Comfort food. I needed it. I was so glad they were all there to distract me from the current situation. I can't imagine the ER waiting room at County was where they wanted to spend their Saturday afternoon, but it helped that the BYU basketball game was on. We ate and talked and distracted our minds by watching BYU lose.

More than an hour had passed when a nurse came in and asked for me. I jumped out of my chair and threw my partially eaten cheeseburger in my purse and headed for the door. I waved at everyone and followed the nurse in. She told me that Beav did really well during the test and that the results probably wouldn't be in for several hours since it takes so long for the images to be processed. I was a little bummed out because I was sick of waiting. I just wanted them to do something for him, admit him, fix him...anything.

I assumed my position back in the chair next to Beav. He seemed to be doing better but he was so drugged up that I didn't know if he really was. As I sat there, my Dad was in the waiting room asking the lady at the front desk if Kim Manwaring was at the hospital. She said she'd look into it. My Dad didn't want to bother Kim but he was a pediatric neurosurgeon and it was worth a try to see if he was there and if there was any advice he could give. 5 minutes later, the lady at the front desk came out from behind her bullet proof glass barrier to see where Chuck Kennedy was. He was in the bathroom and the lady frantically started banging on the door saying that Dr. Manwaring was on the phone and that he needed to talk to him now! My dad quickly opened the door and she gave him the phone. Kim was eager to know what was so important since he was in the middle of surgery. My dad filled Kim in on the events of the day and Kim agreed to look at the images from the MRI once they came through. It was a quick conversation and my Dad felt bad for bothering him. I continued to sit next to Beav and hold his hand. He was starting to act "more with it" and was asking questions about what had been going on for the last few hours. I filled him on the recent events, not knowing he wouldn't remember a thing about our conversation later. My sister text me and said that her and Jonny wanted to come in to see Beav. I went to get them from the waiting room and on the way back, some of the Dr.'s stopped us to confirm with me that we wanted to be transferred to St. Joseph's...what?? I knew nothing of being transferred. They looked at me, confused. Then they asked me if I knew Dr. Kris Smith. Again, I had no idea what they were talking about. Finally, they asked me if I knew Dr. Manwaring. Ahh, finally a name I recognized. I told them yes and that he was a family friend. They told me that Dr. Manwaring said that Beav was getting transferred to St. Joe's and that Dr. Smith would be his neurosurgeon. Thank goodness Krista and Jonny were there because they were able to explain to me that my dad made a call to Dr. Manwaring and asked him to look at Beav's MRI. Apparently after looking at the images, he knew that Beav's "condition" was serious and that he needed the absolute best surgeon for the job. Kim Manwaring is an amazing Dr. and I would trust his medical opinion over anyone's. So I told the ER doctors that if Kim thought we needed to be transferred, then that's what we would do. I didn't even know where St. Joe's or that the Barrow Neurological Institute at the hospital was internationally known for their work with brain tumors. All I had to go off of was Kim's opinion. The doctors walked with us back to Beav's bed and told us how lucky we were that Dr. Manwaring got the transfer in when he did. I guess we were about to be admitted to County and once you're admitted somewhere, it's extremely hard to get transferred at that point. The timing couldn't have been more perfect...and close.

For the next hour, I was filling out transfer paperwork as Beav was finally getting stitched up from his accident earlier that morning...it only took 10 hours for them to finally get around to it. It was Beav's lucky day because a med student was doing the stitching. Jonny was there with me and since he had already been through med school, provided me with interesting insight on the student's work...which I don't think he approved of :) She was too gentle when she was irrigating the wound and the stitches she did had to be taken out and redone by the ER dr. Good thing he was drugged up and didn't really know what was going on. When the stitching was done, the paramedics showed up to transfer him. They loaded Beav up on the stretcher, we said goodbye and thank you to all the ER doctors and nurses, and were on our way. As they rolled him toward the exit, we passed several inmates on their way in...County...so glad we weren't staying! Beav's parents were driving from Thatcher to see Beav and we didn't think they'd make it to County before we were transferred. But, as we walked outside, they were there waiting. They ran over to see Beav before he was loaded into the ambulance and it was a very emotional moment. It was so good to see them, and I knew Beav needed them. They didn't have much time because the EMTs had to get us to St. Joe's, but they were going to meet us there. Bettie and Gary hugged and kissed Beav and then we got into the ambulance and started heading to St. Joe's. The paramedic that was watching over Beav was a really cool and sincerely nice person. He was thinking of going into ultrasound so Beav and I had a good conversation with him about the program. It was nice to have something to talk about that didn't involve Beav's brain issue. We arrived at St. Joe's and the very first step inside the hospital was already 100 times better and nicer than County. I was so grateful we were there. They took him up to the Neuro ICU and it was about 10:00pm by the time we got to his room...more than 12 hours had passed since this whole thing started. Beav's night nurse, Norah, immediately made him feel at ease. After they got him settled in, Beav's family made it up to the room and his parents were able to spend some time with him. I gave them their space. I walked out into the hallway where my mom was patiently waiting. I suddenly realized how exhausted I was, and emotionally, physically and mentally drained. My mom hugged me for a long time and I was so glad she was there. I was planning on staying the night with Beav, but everyone convinced me I needed to go home and get some sleep. I didn't want to go to an empty house. I didn't want to sleep in my bed without my husband. Even though I was so tired I could hardly function, I didn't want Beav to wake up in the hospital without anyone there. Hospitals are scary places. Norah, the nurse convinced me that it was okay if I didn't stay. There would be people in and out of his room all night doing tests on him and that if I stayed I would maybe get an hour or two of sleep. She said I needed my rest so that I could be there for him the next day. Relunctantly, I agreed. Bettie and Gary said their goodbyes and I made my way into his room to tell him I wasn't staying. He agreed that that would be best. I promised him I'd be back at 8:00 the next morning. With that, I hugged him and kissed him, told him I loved him more than anything in the world and assured him that everything would be okay. He looked so tired and I hoped he would get some rest between the poking and prodding.

As I walked out the door, my mom was still waiting. She grabbed my keys out of my purse, put her arm around me and started making me walk away. I felt like the worst person in the world for leaving him alone. My mind was about to explode with all the thoughts going through it. It was a good thing my mom stole my keys - I was in no condition to drive. We met up with Beav's family outside and walked together to our cars, smelling the amazing spring flowers and feeling the cool March breeze. It was refreshing. We said goodnight to everyone and went our separate ways. I opened the passenger door to my car and slowly got in. It was quiet for the first few minutes. I didn't want to talk because if I did, the crying would start all over again. Leave it to my mom to get everything out of me. She started talking about everything and asking me how I felt, and from that point until we got home, I didn't stop crying. I was so scared. My husband was in the hospital about to have brain surgery because they found a mass. How did this happen? How did a mountain bike ride turn into this? Why weren't there any signs leading to this?

I asked my mom if I could stay at her house for the night. Neddy was already asleep over there so it only made sense. We stopped by my house and picked up all the necessities for the next day for myself and Neddy. My mind was scattered and I couldn't think of what I needed. I was a wreck. I packed what I could think of and we got back in the car and pulled up to my parents house. My dad was asleep on the couch and we woke him up. Sean had just got home from a wild night of hot tubbing with his friends. I wished that's what I would have been doing that night. I was jealous of his simple life; the life of a teenager. When did life get so crazy? I said good night to my family and walked down the hallway to the room that Ned was asleep in. I quietly opened the door and saw her peacefully asleep in a pack'n'play. She had no idea what happened that day or what was going on with her Dad. It was probably a good thing. I kissed her head, put my pajamas on and climbed into bed. I couldn't sleep. My mom had a stash of Ambien and I was definitely going to need something to go to sleep. I got up and walked into her room. She was watching TV, unwinding from the day. I told her I couldn't sleep and she gave me some. I went back to my room, knelt down, and prayed harder than I'd ever played in my life. Climbing back into bed, I reluctantly tried to go back to bed. Ambien is amazing! I fell asleep listening to Neddy's sound machine playing the sound of the ocean and stayed asleep for 7 hours straight! I've never needed sleep more than I did that night.