Silence, a fatal poison.

I am lost. Feel like giving up but every time always think of some excuse why it is always silent.

I ask the 13 every time we give people advise and help them, but who should we turn to when we need help and advise. Yet if I was given advise would I take it.
Guess not. Every time I feel the only solution is the run. Although I know it is best to face the truth but somehow I can't do that. Yet is it really good to face the problem? The outcome may not be what we want which is why I choose to live in an illusion. Which explains why I always hide behind a mask. Not just one layer but many different layer. I guess everyone wears a mask. Wonder has anyone seen the me under the mask. Even my parents could not figure me out. The worst part is I think I forgot who I originally am.

If silent is all I can get from you, I guess that will be all I every want.
I know I am in the wrong.
And after this guess I will start running again.
Well small k, if you all going out. Don't call me. You know why.

回答

人真得很奇怪
我的一个朋友
有好几天没回复他
他就说我生他气
现在他一个月多没回复我
我因该可以说他生我气吧
他说他忙完了后会跟我说
我...
到那时候还是会回复他
反正只剩下两年半
希望剩下的时间不会浪费掉

二十一

虽然你不知道
我的二十一
我把它给了你
可是我希望你知道
你对我是多么的重要

归零

最近一直在帮朋友给补课
到最后还是被我其他朋友骂
因为每次教到自己很累

那些在担心我的你们放心
现在只在教三或四个人
他的
有点不想教他了
每次都听到人家说
他每次很骄傲

如果你们认识我
就该知道我三个最不喜欢的东西是什么

Tired

Apart from the super crazy nights I have. These few days have been teaching tuition. From morning to night. And this had help me figured out what I wish to have on my birthday. Time alone.

Dreams

You showed me the start of the road which I decided to walk.
But after a while the fear of uncertainty came in.
You have left me the choice of how I wish to walk this path.
But I fear that once the clock strike 12, will everything return back to where it start from?
And everything will disappear leaving nothing at all.

I talk to the rain

Everything is in place I guess.
Sorry yy have to make you do something for me. To tell the truth, is not I have no time. Rather is cause I don't feel like seeing that person? Can say he also don't want to see me. ( Unless I interpret wrongly the message of stop talking to me and leave me alone. ) And this also means don't call me out except if you want me to accompany you to run.
These few days the people I sms has gone down to 3. Which can be said as a good sign which I will explain later. The Queen (normal) Snowyball (normal) and muel (not normal xD)
To the 3 I have to thank you for enduring my weirdness, crappiness (THERE IS SUCH A WORD!) and annoyingness. To muel didn't expect you to reply most of the time but thanks for replying. At least I know there is always people I can turn to when I feel lonely.
Tomorrow my mom will be flying off again. Guess it will be just me and this house and sometimes my bro.
And here is the thing I need to explain to you all. I will be going after 3 years. Have been trying hard so spend more time with the people around me but since the outcome turn out to be like that. I guess I should just leave things as it is. Anyway not much people will notice, tired and tested.

To you. Since it is your wish for me to leave you alone. You will not see me, touch me, smell or hear me. You will not perceive me even if I stand before you. At least this I can promise you. You want you can delete me from your facebook friends and your msn like what you did with the rest even though it is by accident. If I as a friend (not that you regard me as one since I am under other contacts) cannot help you or lend you a listening ear when you need, then I am not considered as a friend but rather just a stranger.

To you xin yu

If you think the post before was referring to you IT IS NOT!
Serious. The start was only an example for the tissue and mirror logic.
You are one of the 2 who have accompany me a lot a lot of times.
So to you. You have help me a lot of times, now it is my turn. Can tell me what happen ma?
Why you change your msn message until like that?

Ignored

Did you ever had a friend that wants something from you and could not find you online. So he will call your hand phone. First he will talk to you about totally random things like why you did not come online all these and finally he will ask from you the favor. After he has done asking and you said okay all those he will just say bye then put down the phone. Then when you think about it. Did he really called to ask about how you are or did he call to ask if you can help him.

After aimlessly walking for 2 hours plus. I have decided to do this. I know by doing this, I might lose quite a number of friends.

Some of my friends keep on saying I am smart, guess what, I am not smart. If I am I would not have ended up where I am now. If you guys are wondering what happen in between? I shall tell you. I was from a JC and cause my results are not that good to enter a university I am now studying in a SP.

Many people have said that I am born in a blessed family. Yet how many know what does it feel like to be here.
You know every time when you go home it is usually a habit to shout to your parents that you are back. For me, that is not the case cause I know usually no one is at home. Dad is working overseas, mom usually go overseas and my brother staying in hostel. You may think so much freedom I have but have you thought of how lonely it is to every time come home to a empty house. Furthermore it has been 8 years. For 8 years I see my mom 3 to 4 months then she goes overseas for about 1 month. For 8 years I usually only see my brother during the weekends if not he does not even come home. For 8 years I have been seeing my dad only 6 weeks each year. You may say technology is so advance now that you can talk on msn all those but you think technology can replace human to human contact?

So you know what does it feel to be lonely? Guess not, if you did I would not have become like that. Many times I try to talk to people or ask them out all those and the reply they give me is busy or lazy. Some made empty promises, some forgot and others did not even bother to reply me. It is like you reach out and the whole world rejects your entire being. So to that world, behold your creation. I don't think I ever want to go for anymore gathering when all they usually do is talk among themselves about things that I understand but they do not want to include me in the conversation so I am just like being ignored and left at one corner. They all make me feel like if I went to the toilet and come back all of them would have left without me cause they had forgotten I went out with them. What for do I want to waste my time and money to go out when I can enjoy that at the comfort of my home.

沉默

镜小时候就开始模仿别人
可是慢慢的他开始忘了自我
神看到了很生气
他惩罚镜
给了他一个世界
一个他必须每份每秒的模仿人

镜每天都在找
每天都在喊
设法离开这冷酷的地方
可是看到的人一句话也不说
因为他们的眼睛
他们的耳朵
和他们的脑海里只有一个字
我

后来镜也累了
但不管他有多累
他还是必须帮在对面的人
希望那人能救他
把他从这世界拉出来
可是那些人一用完
就会到自己的世界
回头看他一眼也没有

到最后
镜的声音也没了
他也放弃和另一个世界的人求救
因为他们的世界不能容纳多一个人
镜只能希望
有人会回头看他
回答他

逆风 (有空去听)

你让我看到了人的一面
每次当我
听他们的烦恼
安慰他人，帮助他人
你说我会安慰到自己
帮到自己

当要找人讲话时
他们就讲忙
从早忙到晚
每一分每一秒
有人对我说
当要找人讲话时
可以发个简讯，他一定会回答我的
到最后我看是不会了吧
每次都觉得好像被利用后
就被丢在一边

对了ZH
很想接受这世界
可是这世界拒绝了我
因此我害怕这世界
避开它

Silence

Guess I better stop talking to you.
Two actually.

One sometimes reply like quite pissed.
Actually not sometimes should be most?
Haha. Actually could tell that you don't really want to chat.
I know I am a kid and usually quite annoying to you.
Better stop before it get worst.

To the other I think I bother you too much that you have to stay up whole night to play your game.
Although you told me it is not my fault but I still think it is.
Haha. After hearing you complaining about me.
Guess I should stop chatting with you so that you will be able to play you game in peace.

Well better stop going online. Must control. Haha.
Well snowyball you should know how to "summon" me out. Haha.

Ignored

Getting a bit pissed.
But you did warn me before I added you in msn.
So guess it is my fault? Haha.

Have no idea what is the use of msn now cause everytime go online look for people to talk to they usually don't reply. Think seriously going to make it to 18 soon.

Guess what my bro say is true. I don't have much 人缘.

Right and wrong are just words, what matters is what you have done.

Well going to make this a short one.

First things first. Don't step on my tail. If you do, you will of course die.
Actually no. I will hate you but still talk to you and give you sarcastic replies.
You will only have 2 choices yes or no.
So you think I will change the date because you cannot make it? Well guess again.
For your: "What have you got to say note / A note to me by YOUUU " in facebook. I will post a funny version yet I mean it.
FYI, currently only the queen has seen the version and no I dun mean it to the queen.
It is just the evil things we do.
And no Snowyball I do not hate you although I always reply you weird sarcasm. Just like to suan you. Haha. I am evil remember that ALWAYS.

After hearing what my friends keep on advising me. About those group of friends are so not worth my time. I guess you are right and I have decided to let go.

P.S: If you guys are looking for me, you know where to find me. Eh all of the 17 should know. Haha.

Here we go again

This is the amount of paper I photocopied in like 2 days not including the books I made. So the total number of paper I photocopied is like 8000 reaching 9000? O ya, the stack of paper on the right is also included in the stack. Haha.

Well today was a freeking weird day.
Miss the company bus cause I eaten breakfast with my friend and forgot all about the time.
Then Wei Quan fetch me to YCK hoping can still catch the bus but sadly can't.
So I had to take taxi and the whole trip cost $33.50.
Had to dig out all the money in my wallet so was left with 5cents for the day.
On my way there I saw my company bus and I feel so like asking the uncle to let me drop there.

At work I discovered a horrible thing.
What I task them to do all was not done.
They were suppose to pass one bag of food to muel in turn out they went to open it and eat it while passing a few of it to him. Freeking pissed cause there is a reason why I separated the food is so that you all don't finish it or so that all of you have a equal share.
Inside the bag also has the basic driving theory and advance theory book also suppose to pass to muel.
In the end what happen? They tell me it is somewhere in the office. LOST!
I became totally speechless. Have not seen such irresponsible people in my life.

I can't bring myself to be angry with them. Have no idea why.
I think I am too good to people that they all take things for granted.

镜

一面镜子
看起来是靠近
却是远
两个世界不会相差
只是静静的看

想进入对方的世界
是不可能的
因为这只会制造伤害
再多尽力也只会制造破坏
最后镜子就会被损坏

有些想补救可是我
我不想再进入他人的世界
我只想静静的看
周围的镜子的破坏
给的伤害已经把我损坏

For big star and the queen or any of the 17
5 months. Let me slumber for 5months.

lost

These few days super lousy.
Everything is so not going my way.

Ya can call it karma.
Karma from what?
From listening to people's problems, helping my trainees in any way I can so that they will enjoy being in armour, being one of the most on and up instructor and help everyone in my department and what else? O ya, organising gathering.

What I get in return?
People do not wan to come for the gathering, gathering cancel one way or another, people forget they are suppose to meet me, failing to get into a uni, failing in my driving test, want to borrow a listening ear but who ever wants to listen, I can seriously delete all my msn contacts and leave like 18 left, I don't even think many remember I have a blog, people don't even acknowledge the things I do.
It was like during one of the passing out parade. I was the decoration 2IC and the decoration IC have to go for some course and everything was thrown to me. Then everything like adjusting the lights all these also ask me to do the reason they give was cause I use to climbing up and down the ladder le. Then after the whole thing there is a debrief and there were like saying decoration got anything to say? O, decoration IC not here so skip. And when the decorations got problem like have holes and all those, I have to pay with my own money. Even when I told the higher up about the problem they were like noted and forgotten. Nice way to work.

Once someone said: How can I give you a gift when you already have so many.
I actually thought it was quite meaning full. Now I find it a whole lot of crap.

O ya, if you are wonder who the 18 are they are?
THE QUEEN! BIG STAR! Bear/Monk/Wicket. Ah Ong. Ah Ma and Ah Mah
KS. ZH. PY. YY. Ah LOO. JW. W'an. WALTON TON. "Pilot" aka walton oso. Flabby. Muel.
Snowyball

You know what,
You won, I lost.
Happy to see me in such a sad state right?
I should just F off from the world.
No diff, my existence is already slowly slipping away.

闭

周围的墙开始慢慢造起
打开的窗也慢慢闭上
门已经关起
铮也慢慢的从脑海中消失了

周围一片黑暗
脑海一直混乱
接下来
就看你怎么走了

结束了

最后一个聚会已经结束了
我再也不会举办多一个了

因该早就看到你再跟我讲不要再举办了
从那时叫SOA的朋友
加上这次中学朋友
我放弃了
只想聚一聚都这么难
最气的是那两个叫我叫多一点人的却没来
如果你们不要来就不要叫我叫整班
不要跟我说这么少人
因为我只想跟几个要好的朋友聚德

重开始的十五个说可以
到最后只有九个
大多数都是最后一分在跟我说的
有一个我打给她时才说不来了
那些有理由得我不怪你们
最气的是一个叫lin的
说他害臊不想去

还有一个从SOA的
那时说不可以因为那天有朋友生日
好我就改去星期日
到了大家跟我说
他们星期日不可以,我们改到以后吧
他又跟我说星期六可以

下个礼拜六是他二十一岁生日
我也很不想去
你要说我小孩子气或什么都好
我也不想去管的

烦也烦够了
管也管够了
我累了
那些我再气的
我还在气

你

闭上双眼
关了双耳
不用管他人怎么想
不用管他人怎么看
你是你

人

最近好忙啊
从外国回来的时候
第一件事知道的是表姐进了医院
最担心的是因为她是马来西亚人
和她的病是脑癌
大家都轮流去医院探望她

买了一些东西想给在兵营了的朋友
可是叫他们来跟我拿好像很麻烦
最后想还是叫我中学朋友帮我带进去
回想还是中学的朋友最好
不是因为他们随传随到
是因为他们愿意听愿意帮

每次翻开报子
就一直看到战阵
就得很可笑
他们给他们做东西的理由
是因为他们要保护他们信仰的兄妹
你们去保护他们
那他们又有谁去保护呢
就因为他们所信得跟你们所信的不同
你就认为他们因该死
每天打打杀杀的
你们不会觉得烦吗？

战阵已经死了够多人了
你们还到处去伤害犹太人
你们是不是很希望由第三个世界大战
难道你们就想不出其他根好的方法让被人注意到你们的想法吗？