Welcome back old life

Time to switch back to the old me. Haha. Well the usual sleep at 6 or 8 in the morning then wake up at 2 in the afternoon then nua all the way till 12 midnight then go out again. Haha. I don't look like those kind right?

Well 2 year in NS was very fruitful. Training new specialist out and seeing how they work in unit and in turn learn from them. Weird cycle. Haha. The last few days in camp was very sad. Trying to spend more time with the people I know cause it would be very hard to go out and all these stuff. But in the end feel it was wasted. Could not spend much time with my ex-trainees, the OOCs of STW and the people who help me when I was in STW. Wanted to have a meal with someone but he was always busy with his MOB and stuff. Haiz. Well 没缘分. Could not even pass something I made for him directly. Kind of sad isn't it.

Last day : slept at 2a.m. making all those stuff and woke up at 530 like that to take the trainees for breakfast for the last time. Haha. Was quite touch by them. Even though we only knew each other for like 2 weeks but they were always such a cheerful bunch. That day they go around shouting ORD lo and were making my last day a very enjoying day for me. Though we only know each other for 2 weeks, I think I will miss them. Haha.

Well, think I will end here. Hope to see you guys out in the streets if there is a chance.

希望

走的时间日子都已经选好了
好希望在走之前
他不会再到讨厌我
在走之前他能够回答我
能够留下一个回忆

送外卖

每次回去都会打给他
问他需不需要我买些东西
都不知道他是怎样看我的
只是一个送外卖的吗？

很想认为不是
可是...
每次和他讲话,问他东西
他看起来很不想回答
送剪训
只有问他要吃什么他才会回答
是我想太多了吗？

就结束吧

觉得要做他朋友好难啊
他对我好像对一个陌生人一样
跟他说话他听不到因为我不是A
就算他听到
他和我讲话从来没面对面得讲因为我不是G
打电话给他他不会接因为我不是N
寄剪训他不会回答因为我不是Z
他会这样因为他是L

讲真的
我这三天回去还不是因为他
因该在家的这三天
最后知道答案了
对他来说我也只是个路人甲

接下来的这几天都不知道要不要回去
他都不想看到我
我看我也不要为难他了
我们就开始向左走向右走吧

发霉

今天一整天在家
好闷啊
发剪训出去可是没有人回答
不知道是我太烦了还是什么
我看是吧

既然我这么烦
我看十二月十二号
就该回国了吧
这样其他人的生活就不会被我打扰到

我知道你要讲什么
逃避不是一个解决问题的方法
可是我已经试过其他方法了
就是试到别人认为我很烦
只好逃,闪,避

如果你原谅不了我,忘了我吧

风
我弄他生气了
打给他他不要接
寄剪训给他他也不要回答
这次我说他到太过分了

我觉得我很没用
想安慰他因为他不喜欢他新的工作
反而弄他越来越讨厌我

风
可以快点带我回家吗
我不想再留在这了
我也不想为弄他跟讨厌我
不想出现在他面前

Late nights, early morning...

That day went out with Vin and Kiat, felt like freeking long never go out late at night le. Like 10pm then reach home at about 5am to 6am. Envy them cause both got cars, haha, then I can take free rides. Everything was still the same, Vin still as cheeky as every and Kiat still always listening to other people's problem and council them. Suppose to go swim that morning so slept for like 2h then went to SSDC to book all my practical driving dates. After that waited for that sleepy head who wake up at 11 and told me he after go CMPB then go swimming. Which by then was raining so never mind.

Friday went to the airport to send Wei'an off. Haha, sad cause only Jian Wen went with me to send them and lucky Jian Wen went then got free ride. Lol. He got new car some more. Rich kid. Haiz. Speaking of cars, I pass my FTT le, now is chiong practical lesson. Haha. Have to thank Loo for the website he gave me and on Msn teaching me final theory. Personal tutor. Lol.

This week was quite a boring week. Other then going out with them I was stoning at home watching Gossip Girl XOXO. Lol. Wanted to ask someone go out to watch movie but he said he don't watch the shows I watch and the other shows he have watch them already. Vin busy with his girlfriend cause going into NS liao. Kiat busy with work. Me? Busy looking for new hand phone. Haha. Want to change to the Sony Ericsson's C905 which is still not out. Hope it can come out soon but I still have 2 months of time to wait.

不要管

那天又打给风 （这次的电话费会很贵）
她对我说
不要管
别人要怎样说我看我我都管不了
反正时间一到
我就要回家了
这些人因该不会再看到了
可能她说的对吧
我太在乎别人所说的话
所对我的看法

他说过
他看人是看外表的
可能因为这样
他才每次说我
最伤人的还是那三个字 so sad ah
听到了很想打他

现在什么都不想对他说
只是坐在他旁边
静静的看
有时候就假笑
连水都说我假笑越来越厉害

那三个找到这里的小鬼
你们敢说出去的话
剩下的两个月不会好过
哈哈, 开玩笑的
你们要说就说把

听

以为
过了这么久终于找到了
找到一个
可以理解我心情
可以听我的烦恼
在他面前不用装坚强的人

可是我错了
你不会去了解去体会别人的心情
在你的世界里我也只是个路人甲
我已经很精力的尝试不做路人甲
你还是一样

那天只想要你听一下烦恼
你却对我说了三个字
我只好伤心地走掉

你们四个
好希望你们能快点回来
水谢谢你那天让我忘了我烦恼
虽然只是一下子
我很感激你

我/你

每次生气却不想让对方知道
每次都不想让任何人知道
只会静静的笑
他在的时候

每次你都静静地离开

或当他来的时候

你就会假装有事先走一步

可是我不想伤害到对方
不想让他为这事烦

你在沙荒
你只是不想让你自己在烦恼
不想在伤害到自己
可是你知道吗
你每次这样会让自己跟烦
会跟伤害到自己

反正到最后他也会把我给忘了
我在他世界里也只是个路人甲
他也因该很讨厌我吧
每次和他说话
他只会骂我讲我说我
没有一次他会正常的和我说话

我好讨厌我自己

名字

一张纸 一个名
那天那张纸那个名
一阵风把它吹走
这张纸这个名
不只是一张纸一个名
它有了回忆记忆意义
把他们连起来的回忆
让他思念的记忆
在他心中的意义

是不是天意他也不知道
天对他说过他会死
怎么死的方法可能就是这样

过了那天他的烦恼他的混乱
就像那张纸那个名
可是他的回忆记忆意义也开始
像那张纸那个名
慢慢的离开他

Yos, back.

This time the trip was more of a relax trip.

A lot of time to think, to wonder, to get my mind off stuff.

But this post is not about that. Haha. Just want to upload some photos

and knock off. Haha.

Tankees from the past and present. Eh the future one, haha, never go send us off. I think it has become a tradition to send any tankee going overseas. Lol. Quite touch by my ex trainees that they came to send me off. The bond that bring us together. But don't think the future tankees will go and send each other off. They did not go through what we have gone through. The hardship that made our ties stronger. Haha, okay going to stop crapping.

Finally get to eat the curry rice we always see in anime. Lol. But got sick of it cause it is sweet curry and it was cause we did not know can ask for different level of spiciness and the person who took our order did not ask us.

The toilet shop. Sells every food in a toilet bowl or shit shape. Just everything toilet. Don't know will be able the eat if I when it looks like shit?

And lastly san mao's dao face with some artistic feel. Lol. Spend a freeking long time to try and take it cause he keep on siaming. DAO.

Ok. Time to sleep.

假

结果
走不回了
看到他
他却看不到我
叫他
他却听不到我
发信息
他很久才回答或忘了回答
他生日时还亲手做了个礼物给他
他却不知道我生日是几时

既然不想例会
我
我不想放弃
可是
我已经没办法了
已经很累了
看到对方
我只好用假笑地面对他
虽然我知道他不想看到我

我知道
假眼泪伤到对方
加笑伤到自己
要我伤到他
我不忍心

静

风
敢用我的msn跟他讲话
可是
你应该知道我要说什么了吧
认识你那么多年
这还是第一次你不要袖手旁观
可是
还是要谢谢你
接下来是看他怎么做了

累

想
不要去想了
反正想了那么多
事情还是一样

风
很抱歉浪费了你那么多时间
每次一有事就去找你
你因该市被我烦到无可奈何了吧
可是这次我不会听你的话
最后还是放弃了
我知道为了一句话而失去了一个朋友
是很不值得的
可是为了那句话
搞到今天这种地步接下来的日子
不是会跟糟糕吗？

我知道
是天意把他住的地方移到和我一样那楼
可是已经太迟了
接下来的日子一样那句话
看这办
反正他最近也把我当成透明的
朋友问他要不要和他们换位子这样大家可以坐在一起
他却大声地说不要
看到我也不想和我说话
我一个人坐在那里
他走的时候一声再见也不说
既然不想再见那就不再见好了
既然他不想我也不想勉强他

记得忘记

还记得你所说的话吗？
叫我把过去忘了因为那时你不以中所说的话

从你生日那天我就一直在想方法忘掉它
每天和你聊天
每天都希望我们可以做回朋友
还记得你跟我要生日礼物
我就做了一个给你
可是现在你却很冷淡的对待我
我看我的生日是及时你也不懂吧

现在我想对你说
对不起我不可以在把这件事忘掉
可是你不用担心
因为有忘没忘都没有不同
因为现在你也不想和我说话
既然对方都不想说话和必要危难对方
何必要让对方以为我们是朋友
接下来的日子
我看就不用谈的
因为我们已经没有明天了

烦

今天好烦啊
不知道为什么
试想很怪
连打字都觉得很怪
牛头不对马嘴

Guard duty

That time did guard duty on a sunday.
Happen to be one of my most happening guard duty and it is not because of turn out or anything.
Haha, it was because my ex-trainees even trainees also visited me in guard room. Have to say it was quite weird, all those that were suppose to come did not come and those that were not suppose to all came.
Don't understand what I am trying to say? Haha, go guess ba. Only can say some book in the then remember I got guard duty. Saded.

Ok la not blaming you all. Got one more du lan one. Saw me also will not come over say hi. Cannot say is his fault cause I too short le ma. People tall even when we on the same bus or mrt he also cannot see me. Actually he never come talk to me also good thing cause you should know what I want to say next ba. Maybe I should stop talking to him, any objections?

Quite touch by my trainees. All bought food for me, haha, especially thanks to Edmund and Wei'An. One bought some snack when he was suppose to bring 老婆饼 for me, LOL, the other is the best one, bought 鲍鱼面 and 龙虾面 when he remembered I like to eat his one. Wahaha. Haven eatten them yet more like 舍不得吃.

Just found out a good way to make trainees listen to me, haha. Found out they are all afraid of my killer eyesight which I learn how to use durng the last course. Haha, sorry guys if you always think die ah he having mood swing again.

O ya Tuesday having guard duty but this time as guard commander. Not sure if I can do it well but never mind cause the people will be my trainees. Wahaha. Don't know if they can stand my nonsense or not.

自己

最近一直看到认识的人
他对我说每次看到我都是一个人
连在兵营里也是

还记得那天晚上吗？
每个人都出去了
每个人都有东西做
我呢？还是一样一个人
被整个世界遗忘掉的人

现在
自己对自己说
自己笑自己
当初为什么要给那答案
弄到现在这种地步还被别人取笑
我真的好失败

想

Going to make this a short one cause going to book in le.

The new batch of trainees has come actually also nothing much to say about them.
Haha. Prefer my previous batch. Yes I miss you guys.
I miss my number 2 and 3 and no I never forget you my favourite trainee. Lol.
Those I always go ji siao, Edmund, Chang, Loo, Yong Zhuang.
Those that ji siao with me, haha, referring to you la Poon.

To my crew (2 & 3 and FAVOURITE trainee) teaching you all I feel that it was a blessing
to me. You all are always prepared to receive what I give and most importantly remember
what I teach you all. Lastly seeing you all always go around helping other crews when you all
finish your servicing, gan dong. Haha.

To those I never mention, I don't think you can find my blog, haha, kidding kidding. Not don't want
to mention you guys but too many to mention.

P.S: My crew got people say you all have better knowledge then me, haha.
Be proud of yourselves and I hope you all can teach me what you all learn in unit.

真假

有时候很想去到很远很远的地方
把手机留在家里
什么都不想去管
什么都不要去想

他们说每次有东西给我做我都会自己一个人去做
我不是不想找人来帮
是你们不会帮
一知道晚上可以出去你们可以不管工作就走了
你们是忘了或什么我也不想去管，不想知道

你问我为什么不想脱掉着面具
为了防， 防人心
为了骗
骗他们我现在过得好
骗他们我是个很坚强的人
很多此很想大声的哭出来可是我不能
不能让他们看到我脆弱的一面
不能让其他人为我担心

对了
有些东西很想对你说
虽然你是不意地说出那些话的
可是我还是很难原谅你
你说把这件事忘掉
可是这伤质不好，忘不掉

对还是错?

读到别人所写关于我的东西让我想我最近是太过分了。

最近心情很混乱又不懂是什么搞到这样的。
如果那人读到这的话我是想对你说
我气得不是因为你们不跟我讲话是因为你们不会来帮我。
有时候都不懂你们有没有东西做所以没叫你们。
要帮忙也只是需要你们帮我看住东西让我有点时间去吃而已。

结束了

Trainees going to pop on Friday. Haha. Don't know if I will miss them a not.

Forgotten

From the past it has been like this, in the present it remains the same, as for the future I don't think it will change. Haha, what I am referring to? Some weird thing about me. I know I do not make a huge impact in people's lives. Which is probably why I am always not mention but usually forgotten. Don't believe? Haha, one of my instructor wrote that I was from a different course course even though I was just from the previous batch. Another mention about another instructor and even trainee but did not even mention about me even though I with them. Even my own crew mate forgotten about my existence. Well, gotten use to it and just have to live with it.

Some how regretted my decision to become an instructor. My fellow colleagues do not trust me, cannot get the big picture and another does not even know what is going on. Only 3 people trust me. My appointment was just in name. Everything was told to another person and I was inform of nothing. Everything I tell and done for others was used as their own. Every time I always get a lot of shit and in the end have to stand by myself. Actually not really by myself. Still got 3 senior to look out for me. I really have to thank the 3 of them. One always makes me laugh the other always help me as much as he can the last one have faith in me.

Come to think of it. I think the 3 of us, our fate are about the same, always by ourselves.
For the next batch... 走一步算一步

I should stop procrastinating.

Field camp sucks, even if it was only 2 days.
2 days of field camp and found out I sucks as an instructor. Feel that I do not really know how to push the trainees to move faster. Like on Friday I was the stand in DI, the trainees took a whole 2 hours plus just to finish their AOS. Is like all the timing I give them have no effect at all. Give them extra 15mins they treat it like 1 hour. Tell them not to sleep in the morning turns out I caught them sleeping 3 times. Maybe is time I stop being kind and punish them.