Life as we Know It

"You are Striving to raise your Children in Righteousness and Truth, knowing that while you cannot change the past, you can shape the future" 
 -Elder David S. Baxter, May 2012 Ensign

This talk was so inspiring to me, I have been feeling so alone, going through Work, Divorce, Kids, Church calling, and keeping up a home.

I have been so tired emotionally, physically and mentally just trying to keep up.

When I reiceved the May Ensign, and read the talk on Single parenting, I was inspired Greatly, I cried the whole way through it, I felt a sence of peace from my Heavenly Father, That in reality Im not ALONE! That other people have been carried through this, Just like I will be.  So anyone out there that feels alone with single parenting this talk is so Great, Gave me so much hope, especially because it is all so true.

I go day by day and minute by minute, Ill admit there are some days where I do Really Really well, and some days were Im just an emotional basket case.. But I know in my heart this is the best for Me and the Kids....

I have an amazing Ward, They are such a great Support System, I have found that alot of women know what I am going through, they are constantly offering me love and a helping hand.

My Friends & Coworkers always can give me a good laugh!

I'm striving to teach Lucy & Capri the importance of Prayer and staying close to their Heavenly Father, the importance of Spiritual feeding with church and reading the Book of Mormon!

Im thankful for prayer, its the only thing that gets me through the day, and Im thankful for the gosple the spirtual feeding has gotten me through the Long Weeks!

I know and Im ready to move on with my life, I am sad to leave great memories with Ben behind, But I know that with the respect we have already, We will be just fine!

Lucy dance recital Spring 2012

She was so cute doing her dance! She really did a great job... Don't worry I bawled watching her because I was so proud!  I love my Lucy Lu!

Changes...

Hmmm Where do I start....
  I have been avoiding this post or subject for quite some time, I'm going to be honest I'm scared of the judgment that will be placed, or the unwelcome thoughts that I may get or have already gotten... Especially when those who place those really don't understand!
   As some of you may know Ben and I have struggled most of our marriage, Although we have had great moments in our life's together, Having our Beautiful girls has helped us grow in so many ways!

  Ben and I have decided to Separate, I avoid the "D" word only because it sounds so Horrible! This is very Civil, Right now we are just focusing on the Girls and helping them understand life like this... We have been to Counseling together and apart, We want what is best and the most Healthy for Them!

I love Ben, we have been through Hell and Back Together, and I think because of that we have grown apart but yet we still have allot of respect for each other!

 Ben is the Father of my Children and Lucy and Capri love him so much, He is a fabulous Father, And I Strive to tell them that daily!

I don't like talking about this only because like I said You cant understand until you have been through it!

We need lots of prayers so just pray for us!

I'm....

My baby has turned 3, February 26th and I cannot believe it! 

this year was so Fun, She totally understood that it was HER SPECIAL Day! 

I tried to explain to her why we have birthday's and showed her a picture of my belly and told her that she was once inside of my tummy.... She gave me a weird look and said "Mommy I want to please get back in your Belly so I can keep growing"... Once I told her that it doesn't work that way, well if you know Capri like I do.... She through a FIT!!!

and for the last few days she still says "Mama can I Please get in your tummy?" while trying to lift up my shirt... Um Yes she is Weird!!!

Capri Is VERY STRONG WILLED!!!! 

She is a fighter and is not scared of anyone!!

Because of her Strong Personality, She will give me a run for my money, Especially because People laugh at EVERYTHING she says, Because seriously the things she says... Well your Average 2/3yr old does NOT say the things she will Say!

I always tell her that she has 2 Good things going for her #1- I'm Tired & #2- It's a good thing she is CUTE!!!

Capri and I have a special bond, She was born with a rare disorder that she has now grown out of... I suffered Severe Postpartum Depression, This day is a very Bittersweet day for me, This may sound weird for some... But having go through that is a anniversary of getting through an extreme trial in our lives and being able to have Faith and over come it!

Capri, We love you so much, You are a Daughter of your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ!  You are a Special Spirit!

People always are interested in what you have to say next, only because you have so much to say all the time!

You love your Big sister More than anything and you always want to be just like her!

 You LOVE to Dress UP! and if you could you would where your Jammie's or a Dress every day of your life! 

You Love Animals of every kind and You LOVE SHARKS!!!

You Love Cereal so much that you ask for it all day long... You hate real food... Kinda Annoying!!

You love to Play and Pretend with Barbies!

Your BEST FRIEND is Alea Keeler and you guys are PURE DESTRUCTION when you get together with her!

Mom and Dad love you more than you Know, We are so grateful for you laughs, Kisses and constant Hugs!

Happy Birthday!!

Cakes

For Valentines The Girls had fun Decorating a cake!

Lucy was so confused about this Holiday!

Potty Trained

 

This little Girl is 

POTTY TRAINED!!!

And this Mom is SO HAPPY!!!

She has been going in the big girl potty for a week now with ZERO accidents.  She woke up and refused to put on a diaper then demanded panties... So literally that was it! 2 days later she was night trained!!

I don't know why, but I love this feeling of Not having to buy diapers AT ALL!  

I feel this sense of Freedom, and its kinda weird that I am completely out of the Baby stage, it's really a Bittersweet Feeling.... So Yay Capri!! 

Tower!

And She is....

5

Yes you heard that right Lucy is FIVE!!!

On December 3, 2006

after 7 Full days of Labor and 27 Hours of active Hospital labor and my Epidural that DID NOT work, Ended with a C-Section

 Came this Perfect 5lb15oz Baby girl!!

She really wanted a Birthday Party with just Girls, she said that it would be fun to paint or something.... Thankfully I do have a best friend who happens to be a Art Teacher.
 She offered to do a Art party in her basement that happens to be a classroom, She taught them about a famous Artist, and they learned to use their imagination!!

The girls had a Blast!!

These pictures are not in order, But the day of her Birthday she wanted to go to the Festival of Trees, She loves to go, and see all the trees ans especially Loves "KIDS Korner"....
Festival of Trees is an amazing experience where they dedicate Beautiful Christmas trees to sick children and Adults all the proceeds go directly to the Hospital

We Thought it would be appropriate to do a "TANGLED" Theme considering Rapunzel does Art

 Although Lucy was a Really hard baby, She is Such a Beautiful Spirit!!!
Lucy is a Sweet, Loving, and A Perfect Friend!

She is always willing to help whenever someone asks, or most of the time she will pipe in and help! Everyone always seems to want to be around her, She brings such a sense of Peace to our home.
She Loves Church and Is growing a Sweet testimony for her Heavenly Father!

She is a Lovable Person and is constantly expressing her love toward her Family!!

Lucy we are so Blessed to have you in our Family!
Continue with your love of others and it will get you Far in life with much respect.. You will lead by Example when you continue to show care and love to those around you!

We Love you sweetheart



Halloween 2011

Okay, I admit I'm getting behind again!!!

Lucy and Capri went to Grandma's house to paint Pumpkins and get them all Beautiful for the porch!

Also the night of Halloween I had to work, so I didn't get many pictures of the girls while TRICK OR TREATING, The girls had so much fun going and the weather was wonderful!

both girls decided early on what they wanted to be for Halloween.

Lucy wanted to be a Pirate and Capri being Obsessed with Sharks after watching Shark Week with PAPA, wanted to be a Shark!!

Capri being the Spit Fire and VERY Opinionated Self REFUSED TO LET ME GET 1 GOOD PICTURE!!

Oh well Choose your battles Right?



Kids, Work, Life and Overall Crazyness!

September and October has come and gone, Allot has happened since I wrote last, as far as kids, work, and all in all just Life Itself!

So here is an update on what has happened just recently....

Since Capri was a tiny baby I worked at a Salon that required that I pay a Monthly Booth rent, for the amount of days I was actually there. I did great with that and it was actually kind of nice considering I could make my Own Schedule, come and go when I pleased.. During the time of hardship learning of Capri's Illnesses and constant trips to the doctor and hospitals, and going through postpartum, I had to dedicate my time to my family which therefore it forced allot of my clients elsewhere.... So after 12 years of doing hair and 2 years of recovering from Capri, I had to start fresh Building back my clientele, I needed secondary insurance, and a steady Paycheck to be able to make it financially/ I had to put allot of thought and prayer into what I needed to do to help my family recover... I was then blessed with a job at Dollar Cuts, I worked there in the past for 6 years, they recently offered the Job back to me working 18 hours a week, with full Benefits and my ending commissions and salary.  Plus it is only 5 min away from my house! This has truly blessed our lives.  We were also blessed to have a family friend who has retired form doing hair offer her basement salon in her home to be able to do my Family and clients that live in the NSL/Bountiful area!

I am truly grateful for this opportunity!  I have not written about this because I have been sorta getting all my ducks in a row, also because my Precious 4 year old thought it was a good idea to DUMP A JUICE BOX ON OUR LAPTOP TO COOL IT DOWN (BTW: THAT WAS BEN'S SCHOOL LAPTOP THAT WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD A FULL YEAR)  YES SHE IS A KIND THOUGHTFUL ONE!!

These are pictures that I have taken to kinda update my Journal... And I swear I wont get this far behind ever!

Lucy has recently started Ballet and Tap! She is doing incredible and is LOVING EVERY MINUTE!!

She has also started Preschool going 2 days a week for 3 hours, She is a Little ME as far as talking TOO much, but she is making lots of New Friends!

All 3 babies of my siblings were all blessed on the same day, It truly was a Wonderful day and a very Spiritual day as well!
from left to right.... Dash (Brandon & Brandalee's),  Nash (Shaun & Janica's) and Naomi (Jordan & Sara's)

I was so Blessed to be able to witness the birth of Little Naomi, It was an amazing experience to watch a life being brought into the world, although I witnessed my own children's birth that of coarse is also a Beautiful speechless experience.  It was wonderful to watch Sara's amazing Strength and Patience to bring Naomi into the world!

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During October Shaun and Janica are in transition moving from Detroit to Arizona, Shaun got a Job with Chase bank working in their Law offices.. We are Thrilled for them, but sad to see them go, Its been fun visiting them and and Playing With Little Nash, He is such a sweet baby!

I look at the bright side, They are a little closer being in Arizona that it gives me a good excuse to visit during the winters here!

Capri, Well she is a Spit Fire! She fights for what she wants or needs!! But LOOK AT THAT FACE HOW COULD YOU SAY "NO" TO THAT?!?!
 She keeps me on my toes that's for sure!
She is doing so well and talking sometimes WAY Too Much, but she is Hilarious!

Capri Loves: Barbies, Lion King. ME, Lucy is her Idle and my Sister.
Everyday she must wear a Dress and I must sing Sleeping Beauty's " I Know You" song so she can Dance to it... Every where we go she has to have a purse on her shoulder with a Princess in Each hand!

You Gotta Love Her!!!

So there is a Update... My goal is to continue to keep this Journal up or I'll Regret it!

Babies!!

Dash Brandon Herde

 If you thought it was ME the one having a Baby... You thought Wrong!

But I Do have to say it's nice when my Siblings have Babies, Because I get to LOVE them and GIVE THEM RIGHT BACK, Such 

 a good way for a Baby fix!

 My Sister and her Husband welcomed a baby Boy on August 9, 2011

Baby Dash

I'm not going to lie it's kinda weird seeing Shaun be a dad

Then 6 days later My older brother and his wife welcomed their baby boy!

Nash Eaves Springer

( and NO there names were not planned)

Baby Nash

 Although since Shaun is done with his Law school in Detroit, They are planning on moving back the beginning of October, Oh I cant wait to meet this little guy!

In about 2 more weeks My Little brother and his wife are expecting a Baby girl Naomi to make her debut!! 

 

 

"Until our journey is through, All is Well, All is Well"

 

As I have going though so much right now in my life, I have been so Overwhelmed and a Bit Depressed and with this I felt I needed a REALITY Check!  My Friend Tawny had come into the Salon and we started chatting (we have been friends since Kindergarten), she encouraged me to go see this movie "17 Miracles".

So a couple days later I just couldnt get it out of my head that this was supposed to be my REALITY CHECK!

I dragged my Friend Kate with me because I just had to see it.  After leaveing the theater, I knew in my heart that I needed to learn something from this, this movie taught me alot, it has completely changed the way I Pray, my Faith has streangthed, My desire to serve the Lord has improved, My Trust in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are more powerful, The love of my ancesters got me thinking of thier endurance and how I want to strive to be like them,  The blessings of the Temple is so real.

I have always known this to be True, But I needed this show to strengthen me during this hard time.

This movie is Sadly Realistic, and yet they still had streangth to move Forward even though babies were Dying and they walked in the Freezing cold, they continued to serve and help eachother along the way, Families were starving to death....  Thier endurance and Faith to make it to Zion is Truly Powerful.

  

After the Show I was numb, Kate had mentioned the next day how she couldn't get it off her mind, she mentioned something that I had never even thought about  she said " Its like the Hymn, "and if we die before our journey is through All is Well, all is Well."  

kinda like the faith we need to have in this life.... We are on this journey through life, we strive to be like Him, wheather we die or live to be a hundred ALL WILL BE WELL, because of what path and choices we have chosen, our Zion is in heaven and to live with him again!

 

I may be suffering with pain everyday which is not pleaseant, but I know and have faith that if I can get through this I can get through anything!

 

I encourage all to see this and learn of their ancestors, I am grateful to them and the blessings and Faith they have given me, This day July 24, I will never take for granted, Because this is a Special Day!

4th of July 2011

We started the Morning off at the Kaysville Carnival, The girls were able to get their face painted, and Hair Sprayed with a cute festive color

Lucy watching the Cheerleaders

And of coarse FIREWORKS!!

Capri was so excited for the Fireworks to start all day, then when they finally did start she closed her eyes the Whole time... This how she looked from Start to Finish

All in All we had a great day!