Famous?!

Well not exactly but this will be as close as I get!  Ha, ha.

Let me start from the beginning.  I had all intentions to create cards to give to everyone at the cancer center but then was hit with chemo!  So I asked for help from my Utah Diva gals (my former SU group) and Splitcoaststampers (LOVE this site!) Well the support has been huge and I have received soo many beautiful thank you and birthday cards from friends and complete strangers!   THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!! 

I love doing this and most of the time they already know who they are going to send their card to which is fun to hear about!  I also love all the happy smiles :)

I also leave a thank you card on the table for the next chemo patient with a note that says, " Have a great day I know you can use this. From one chemo buddy to another!"  I know that we all go through a lot of thank you cards b/c everyone is doing something for us during our time of need.  I know I feel blessed by the support I have received!!

So last time I received chemo a lady delivered a bouquet of daffodils to me and in return I gave her a thank you card.  I remember her saying, "I was giving you a gift and you are now giving me one, how sweet!"

Well to my surprise that nice lady returned five minutes later with a camera crew, she is a  news reporter and wanted to do a story about my cards.  So here is my 1 minute of fame! Pretty cool, huh. 

http://www.nbcactionnews.com/dpp/news/health/daffodil-days-brings-smiles-to-kansas-cancer-patients-

Lila loves...

her baby dolls!!

I can tell you this girl stuff is soo much fun! I have had a blast playing dress up with her too.
Here are some adorable pics of Lila playing with her dolls. She is such a cuddly little gal and loves caring for her babies. She will be an amazing mom one day!  Here she is practicing! :)

Oh and the cradle is mine that my grandmother Joan had made for me years ago. I am thankful that my dad kept this so I could pass it down to my daughter. I am hoping next time grandma comes to visit I can have her paint Lila's name on it too.

 This is my favorite picture of her!

 Blowing a kiss to her baby.

 Patting her babies back.

 Pressing her babies belly to hear the baby giggle.

 Hugging her baby!

 Rocking her baby.

I think we have another child with an eye fetish! Ha!





You can be an EXTROVERT AND HAVE FAITH...

Why, because God created me just that way! 

I think it is funny that some (a small group) of peope think that you can't be loud, extrovert, and sometimes obnoxious and not be a christian.  Doesn't that surprise you!?   It does me.   I remember one time at a church many years ago we had to fill out a survey about where our needs would best be met.  The lady that was seeing where they should place me looked up and said to me, "I am surprised by your answers I didn't realize you had such a strong faith?"  To this day I can't get that statment out of my mind.  I was shocked, stunned, amazed that someone of her cailber would say such a thing.  I mean she didn't really know me personally.  I do like to have fun and I am loud and I say it like it is but I can't change ME that is DNA genetics and frankly wouldn't change! 

My faith in God has only increased with each obsticle my family and I have faced.  I can't imagine walking through life and not hearing the Holy Spirit that we each have inside of us.  I didn't realize my Holy Spirit was even talking to me until I lost Graycee then in reflection realized God was talking to me to prepare me for the upcoming loss of Graycee (stillborn at 38 weeks).  I also told you about the time where he was preparing me for breast cancer.  I hope and pray that each one of you can find your Holy Spirit!  It is a powerful tool that I reach for, listen to, and react to almost on a daily basis.  So yes I am fighting cancer but I am just as excited to see what God has in store for me at the end of this journey and that is exciting!

You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you Acts 1:8

Does that mean I am perfect, absolutely NOT!  I put my foot in my mouth CONSTANTLY, I lose patience with my children, I cuss sometimes, and I told Brian that Cancer SUCKS, but that doesn't mean I am not Christian.  I know when I have fallen off and I work on getting back on that fence.  Here are some tools that I use to get back on.  These tools really help me get back on track and I know that when I am currently doing these activities that my attitude has changed, I am more patient, I am watching my words. I hope these help you too!

1. Read the bible
2. Look up verses that will help me
3. Read christian books
4. Start/Join a bible study
5. Right now I am reading Standing Up For Your Child without stepping on toes by Vicki Caruana! (See I know my faults and try to prepare myself in how to handle the situation in a christian manner! :)

WHAT TOOLS DO YOU USE?

My pill organizer

I told you it was THE BIGGEST PILL ORGANIZER IN AMERICA!

I was once a gal who couldn't swallow pills without having a mouth full of water and still gagging as they went down.  Now not so much! I can swallow 3 small pills at ONCE.   Big steps my friends, ha!  Well I take anywhere from 16-19 pills per day.  I also receive  a shot in the stomach everytime I have chemo and another one in the stomach every month.

My port was placed in KC on Monday and that went smooth. They were able to access the port on Wed. 16th (SWEET Lila's 1st birthday!!) and I had my second treatment of chemo. The Dr. walked in and said, "Well we about killed you, huh!" I said I felt like it and she said she wouldn't do that again. We have tweaked chemo and I am no longer taking Taxotere and they reduced the doses on both of the other chemo drugs (Epirubicin, and Cytoxan). I will have chemo every two weeks now with my 3rd treatment on March 2nd. I have lost all my hair but can't keep my hats on b/c princess keeps pulling them off. :) 

I did have my 3rd treatment on the 2nd and they have bumped up the Epirubicin and Cytoxan to 100% so hopefully this weekend won't be too bad!  We will see.  My 4th treatment in on March 16th.

ON A FABULOUS NOTE!!
MY TUMOR HAS SHRUNK ENORMOUSLY!!! PRAISE GOD AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS!!
The tumor on the right breast took the ultrasound 35 min. to find it b/c it had shrunk soo much. :) The left tumor was measuring 7cm x4cm and that has shrunk IN HALF!!! It was now measuring 3cm x3cm. Our oncologist doesn't get too excited about things but yesterday she was grabbing my breast saying, "It feels like it evaporated!" Needless to say we are ecstatic of the news and continue to pray that we keep having positive results! The food, calls, emails, cards, have all been wonderful. We feel the love of the community, family, friends, blog friends and are humbled by all the outpouring of love and support we have received, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Here is a scripture I read A LOT!

Nothing that happens is beyond the Lord's domain. Nothing can touch us that the heavenly Father can't deal with, and no event can ruin His plan for good in our lives.  All things, He promises, will work together for our good, if we love Him.  (Romans 8:28)  I LOVE HIM and I know he walks with me in my journey!

All the hair changes; BRACE YOURSELF

Well I have had good hair days, bad hair days, and no hair days! We have kept the boys entertained through this journey to try to seem "normal".   For the most part it is working! :) 

Here are some pics starting from the beginning.

My hair long.

Miles cutting my hair!

Owen cutting my hair!

I decided from the beginning that I would cut it short so it wouldn't be so dramatic when I did lose my hair. The boys had a BALL cutting it off.  They were giggling the whole time.  I did have the "talk" about no cutting hair on sisters, dolls, school classmates, etc.  So far so good!

Then I had a friend cut it short and I really like how it turned out, thanks Lacey!

 One night around the two week mark I noticed that my hair was falling out and Brian and I agreed it was time to buzz it. So this is my hair buzzed and my boys' comments:


Owen said, " You look like a MAN!" ha ha (oh the honesty, gotta love it! :)
Miles said, " You look cute mom!" Awww
Brian said, "You have a great shaped head! ha


 Then one day for lunch we were sitting on the couch and daddy asked Miles to, "Pull on daddy's hair and see if hair falls out!" Well as you can imagine this was great fun for Miles. So he tugs on daddy's hair and nothing. Then Brian says, "Pull on mommies and see if you get any hair!" Well you guessed it mine fell out. Miles thought that was sooo cool and for the rest of the day the boys would walk by and grab a pinch and so for awhile I looked like a spotted leopard.
I know this may sound disturbing but it did not hurt and it was falling out anyway. So no harm done except for belly laughs from the kiddos! I am thankful that we have our humor to make this journey fun for my children, I wouldn't want it any other way! So please no mean comments!

This is a picture right after my port was placed.




 

This is my current pic.

I have GREAT...

NAILS

I know I know not what you expected me to say!  Ha!  Well I share this because their is a possibility that I will lose them from the chemo.  Some women have experienced loss of nails and I am hoping mine don't go but if they do then you have proof that my nails are GREAT :)  I have never had any problems growing long, strong nails.  I also have always wanted to be a hand model, so here you go!  Nice huh!?  I am currently using nailtiques which is a nail protein to make them stronger. 

I also had to have Brian buzz my hair on Tues.  I had started losing it on Monday but by Tues. it was getting worse.  Everyday it gets thinner and thinner.  I don't understand how bald men can walk around without a hat! My head is freezing all the time.  I wear head covers most of the time.  I also have had some incredibly talented blog friends want to make me hats so I will showcase those soon! 

I have surgery on Monday for my port and start my 2nd round of chemo on the 16th.  I will update you when I am able. 

My friend Melissa gave me this verse and I wanted to share it with you all.  I know it will help me during the chemo days! 

Don't be afraid, for I am with you.  Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.  Isaiah 41: 10

OH holy chemo!

Warning: LONG POST but it will catch you up from the beginning to now.

Well I have all the tests finished up. I head to Manhattan on Monday for the last set of tests. The first day was strictly tests (mri's, labs, mammos, ultrasounds, etc) We were there from 10:30am-4:30pm. The next day was meeting with Dr. Fabian and her staff. We had a wonderful warm welcome from everyone involved! We were told that they found 5 tumors on the left breast and 1 on the right. It has doubled in size and is growing into one big mass. The measurement was around 5 cm. Dr. Fabian believes it is late stage 2 beginning stage 3 breast cancer. The FANTASTIC news is it is NOT in the lymph nodes or bone marrow!!! God is good!! The stage 3 is solely based on the size of the tumor so although it sounds scary it is not :) I start chemo on January 25th and will return for chemo in KC every 2 weeks for the next 4-5 months. I am so blessed of the amount of support from you all!
Oh one more thing I started menopause too. My tumor is growing b/c of hormones so they shut them down! We will see what this brings :)



I did a genomic test which shows your oncotype DX. Oncotype DX breast cancer assay uses RT-PCR to determine the expression of a panel of 21 genes in tumor tissues. The Recurrence score is calculated from the gene expression results. The results score range is from 1-100. I scored a 28 which puts me in the intermediate risk group to have a recurrence at 10 years after 5 years of Tamoxifen treatment. This will help me to know what type of breast surgery we will do when chemo is over. I will most likely have a bilateral mastectomy with a complete hysterectomy as well.

I am currently taking 3 chemo meds they are called Taxotere, Epirubicin, and Cytoxan. Have fun researching :)

Oh holy chemo!!  Well my first round of chemo was on the 25th and for the following 2 days I felt okay.  I could walk, talk, hug, laugh, etc.  On Friday  I was starting to feel the effects of this poison.  I had horrendous chest pain, couldn't eat, couldn't lift my head for longer than 15 seconds it was ROUGH.  I don't even know if rough is the word.  I have never felt so close to death ever.  I know some of you are laughing, oh this is Courtney being dramatic, but really it was bad!  I laugh as I type this because the worst is over and I look back and think WOW I made it through that .  This second round is going to be a breeze :)

I went to the hospital on Monday where they pumped me full of fluids and meds and by the evening I was a new person.  What an iv bag can do is miraculous!   The lab report showed that my white blood count was 0.3!!  A normal person's wbc is 4-11.  No wonder I felt yucky.  My oncologist nurse called and said that we won't be able to do chemo on the 9th but will do it on the 16th.  I will leave Monday evening for KC to have my port placed in my chest by my breast surgeon. 

Grandma JJ has taken all three children to Aunt Ellen's house for a cousin's party!! They are having a fantastic time and I can't wait to see them on Sunday.  I am tired, weak, but able to do small tasks.  The best way  I can describe it is with my toaster.  I have stood and waited for toast soo many mornings for my boys but now I have a hard time standing to wait on it.  Everyday gets better and better.  I wake up each morning reaching for my hair to see if I still have any and I do!  Here is a recent pic of me and I am wearing THE SCARF that my girlfriend is making in my honor!  LOVE IT! 

Thank you all for the meals, cards, calls, etc.  I am humbled by all the love and support my family and I have had!!! 

Next time I will get a shot of all my meds I have to take :(  I have the BIGGEST pill organizer in America.