Easy isn't Right

Confession-  Being healthy is EXHAUSTING!  Oh how I want to just give up sometimes because it is so much easier sitting on the couch and eating my 2 cases of potato chips that I get from my neighbor (no really he gives me 1-2 boxes full once a month, but that's story for another day). I don't even want to get into eating right since I just confessed to my chip obsession, but even that aside...it is SO much easier to go out for pizza, or order a burger and greasy fries than eating a salad.   It's so much easier to stay up watching series on Netflix all night and sleeping in the next morning than getting adequate rest.   It is SOOOOOO much easier to be on my phone, tablet, or laptop on Facebook or Pinterest instead of working out, going out side, or moving.....some of you know what I'm talking about.

BUT.....

If I worked out and got healthier, then it would be so much easier to play an endless game of tag with my daughter, so much easier to take her on walks longer than around the block, take her on bike rides, on hikes, and well so much more.  

Truth is I seriously envy moms who are able to do all those things without a second of hesitation.  I really love my daughter and I want to be able to do things with her not sit on the sidelines because I'm too tired.  I don't want to have to tell her anymore that I need a a few minutes to catch my breath.   I'm tired of not being a good enough mom to give her all those things that she so badly wants to do.  It literally makes me cry when I stop and really think about all the things I could be doing with her if I could just get over "its too hard".

Today I just needed to say I'm holding myself accountable.  I have no more excuses.   I will continue to push through the pain no matter how badly I feel like I want to give up.   I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my family.  They are the reason I get up every day and they are the reason I have to live life to the fullest.  I can do this, I will be strong and if I fall I will get back up and try again.

Eleven In Heaven

Today I wake in quite a huff
Over some loud construction stuff.
Hoping that my girl will not wake wake,
Couldn't they be quiet, for goodness sake.

Then remember,

Today you would have been eleven.
Today you celebrate in Heaven.
I forgot for one simple minute
That in our world, you aren't in it.
I feel guilt beyond belief
I can never feel relief.
I know I should, but it doesn't seem right
To continue on each day in this life.
It doesn't really seem fair,
That you're up there, we're down here.

Then I remember,

You're in the best place you could be
In that home that is so heavenly.
In  place surrounded by those we love
Who have already passed on up above.
Most of all you have the Son and Father
Who care for you more than any other.
So I will not sit, cry and whimper
About the things I should have remembered.
I'll will rejoice and feel joy
For you were a very special boy.

Today I woke in quite a huff
Over some really silly stuff,
Today I'll not forget you'd be eleven.
I'll remember, I'll see you in Heaven.
Our very special boy, Devin.

Quick Update On My Health!

Okay no confession or truth tonight is all TRUTH!   So I'm pleased, but not ecstatic, to announce I've lost 8 pounds since I've started working out.   Its like 4 lbs a month, but I'll take it.   I may have not lost a lot of weight, but I feel better, and a little more energy AND I can button my pants up without having to lay on the bed and suck it in!  I probably would have been more successful if I wouldn't have fallen off the band wagon for a few weeks because I got sick, but who cares I'm back.  Hoping I can keep it up!

Praises to My Husband

A few weeks ago, I celebrated 8 years of marriage.  While on facebook (sounds good right?) I saw him reply to a post and started thinking about how amazing he was, and that I don't give him a lot of recognition.  So tonight's truth and confession post is for him.  I hope he does not get too embarrassed or upset with me writing about him, and if he does end up reading this I'm sure he'll be correcting all my grammar failures in his head (some of you know exactly what I'm talking about ha ha)

Truth-  I love my husband more than myself.  
Confession- The reasons why I love him today have certainly changed from the day we met.  

So here's a run down of our relationship.   We met our senior year of high school, hung out a couple times, went on a date, and like a lot of high school kids we became a couple pretty quick. He was sweet, gave me flowers and cards and always said really nice things to me.  A true gentleman which is hard to find in a young man now days.  That was it, I was head over heals for him, and I'd like to think he was for me.   We married a year out of high school, against what everyone else around us thought, including our religion.  Also against another standard practice in faith and culture,  we had loads of fun for 5 years just the two of us.  Then we pregnant and now have had loads of different fun with our sweet girl.  

Do I have any regrets about getting married so long or not having children right away.  Absolutely not.  Those first 5 years we were young and could do whatever we wanted, and we did.  It was the best thing ever.  I had a chance to really get to know my husband, without the worries of what our peers or parents thought.  It wasn't all roses and sunshine, after a short while I stopped getting showered with gifts and praises.  My husband had a wife who wouldn't leave his side (which I'm sure was more than annoying).  We fought, said things we regret and then made up.   The great thing about our first 5 years was we learned so much from our arguments and mistakes that now with our daughter our arguments don't come as often and we cool down faster.   I speak for myself, but by knowing my husband better I know how to avoid frivolous arguments whereas I didn't early on.  

Okay so back to the reasons why I love him and how they have changed.   When we were dating, at 17-18 and even our early years of marriage, it was all about the romance. I'm not sure if it was just the raging hormones of a teenager or what but all I knew is that I loved this guy, I couldn't write our names in my notebook enough times and I was going to marry him one day.  Now days, our romance is not flowers and cards but the times we are laying in bed and can't stop laughing at each other. Those moments when unexpectedly he does something unexpected to help me out because I haven't felt well or haven't had the time.   The time he looks past the messy house and the late dinner because I just wanted to be lazy.  Things as simple as a smile or a glance in my direction. These are the most precious gifts to me because I know that he cares about me.

Over the past eight years I have watch my husband change in a way that maybe only I have seen.  I don't even know if he sees it in himself.  He has become one of the most open, understanding, wise and truthful people that I have ever met. He has been a huge example to me of bringing about fairness to others.   He has become a person who rarely judges others and embraces the fact that other people might just have a different opinion than his own.  He has become a person who is not embarrassed to speak the truth regardless of the outcome.  He has opened my eyes to the world and things I would have never learned on my own.

He is not the boy I married 8 years ago but the man that I honestly love today.  He truly is my better half and I know he was in God's plan for me. I don't know if I'll ever be good enough to really deserve such a great man as he, but I am proud to be called his wife.

Truth:  My sisters and my dad are a huge inspiration to me.  All of them have started or have been getting fit, in shape, and loosing weight.   

Confession:   I feel like I'm being left behind in their dust.   

In the past this really has never bothered me much.   I normally am pretty content with myself, until I weighed myself on my Wii the other night.   Confession: I now weigh 200 lbs.   Wow... can't believe I actually put that out for everyone to see.   

Those who don't really know me that well, here is another truth.   I have never been a really "skinny" girl. I am broad and big boned but I have a serious feat ahead of me in losing weight.   I have come to the realization that I really need to get healthy and loose 35+ pounds.  

I started exercising about a little over a week ago and it is HARD!  I have gained a super amount of respect for anyone who sweats their behind off to get into shape.  I have been really trying to push myself as hard as I can muster but I won't lie, I just want to give up. Another part that is really hard is making healthy eating choices.  I know that it will take time to see results, but I'm one of those people that get discouraged easily.  I only hope that by confessing all of this it will make me want to try harder to do better and not give up.    

So here is to confessing it all and here is to a healthier me and one day fitting into some skinny jeans!  

Father's Day Speech

I hope everyone enjoyed their Father's Day, and spent time with all those important guys out there.  I had the opportunity to give a talk in church last Sunday on Father's day, and speak about my dad and share a couple stories.  I've had a request to share my written talk, so here it is:

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Fathers have been given a very special task in protecting and providing for their families.  They are strong, brave, wise, kind and gentle, but most of all they are in charge of teaching their children some of life’s most important lessons.  

With 5 daughters, including me, and no sons,  you just might think my dad would feel like he had nothing to teach us, but that is completely untrue.   My dad taught me how to shoot guns, ride four wheelers, use power tools, gut a fish, build a fire and pitch a tent, change the tire on my car, and the list goes on and on.  But he has also taught me how to be a hard worker and be responsible, to be honest and fair, to be smart and wise, to be serious but funny, to be gentle and kind, to be a friend and not judge, and to love another and let others love you.

I saw a quote the other day that said “A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall but instead picks you up, brushes you off and lets you try again”     I know like many dads, my dad wants to constantly stop me from making my mistakes, he may council me to choose another path but he leaves me to make my own mistakes anyways.   And then, when I make the mistake, he is there to comfort me, and tell me to try again, and again, and again.  

When I turned 15 and had just gotten my learners permit, my dad’s rule was I had to learn to drive his 3/4 ton truck before I was allowed to drive the family car.  His truck was a manual transmission, and it was not an easy truck to drive.   My dad drove me to the town’s cemetery, which was laid upon several steep hills.   He found the steepest hill there, and parked the truck near the bottom of the hill, where we were parked on a slope.   He set the E-brake, turned off the truck and told me to get in the driver’s seat.   He went over the list of things I needed to do in order to get to the top of the hill.  He told me start-her-up, put the truck into 2^nd gear and drive up the hill.  I remember thinking that driving up this hill was going to be cake.  After all it was just a hill, and he had already done some of the work for me by driving it part way up.   I had watched my dad drive that truck too many times to even count and he never struggled with a hill.   So with my confidence high, I then continued …. to kill the truck several times.  The day ended with lots tears on my part, and lots frustration on my dad’s, and I still did not know how to drive his truck. I remember coming home and crying to my mom that I couldn't do it and I that was never going to drive because driving my dad’s truck seemed so impossible. My dad thought differently, He knew that with practice I would eventually learn to drive this truck and it would soon become second nature.  My dad continued to take me to the same hill, trade me places, give me the same list of instructions and then tell me to drive up the hill in 2^nd gear.  I slowly started to get better and better every time, and the day I had finally made up the hill without killing it, he made me do it again but this time in 1^st gear. So I did, and discovered that this was much easier.  I started thinking ‘Why couldn't I do this in the first place? Why did he make me go through the struggle at first? Was he just trying to torture me? Did he like to see me cry?’ My dad must have noticed the frustrated and slightly annoyed expression on my face, because he looked at me and said something like “Now aren't you glad I made you do the hard one first” I was NOT glad.   But my dad knew that if I could do it the hard way, then everything else would be easy.     

Driving his truck was not the only time my dad seemed to torture me by making me do hard things.   As I would practice my piano pieces, he would start playing “O when the Saints, go marching in” at the bottom of the keyboard.  At first it really bothered me, and made mess up and made me lose my concentration.  I eventually would give up and walk away.   He kept pestering me while I played, and eventually, I learned to play through my piece without his playing distracting me.  It made me a better pianist.   He still does it, to this day.  

Throughout my life, my dad has made me see that I should practice, practice, practice, and try, try, again if I want to succeed.   My dad has been a true example of this.   Growing up, my dad was not an active member of the church.  He always taught me to love God and to be thankful to him for the good things in my life.  A couple years ago, my dad was ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood.  Shortly thereafter my parents were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity in the Manti Temple.   I was able to be sealed to my parents.  That day my dad taught me that we are all given second chances, and I had never been so proud of him.  

Our fathers are wise men and want to help their children to be happy and to be successful in life, as does our Heavenly Father.   Just like my dad made me do the hard things first, God gives us commandments that may seem hard, especially to those who choose the easier way.  He does not give us these commandments to be mean, or see us cry or torture us, but because he loves us and wants us to learn and grow, and be stronger.   If we keep his commandments and choose the right, and we do the hard things first, then everything else in life will seem easy.   Our Heavenly Father is the father of us all.  He wants us all to succeed, he knows we are going to make mistakes and he knows that sometimes we will make bad choices.  He will counsel us to choose better paths, but leaves us to make our own mistakes.   And then when have made our mistakes and have hit the ground, he is always there to pick us up, dust us off and helps try again.  

I know our Heavenly Father loves us.  He has given us fathers, who have the power of the priesthood, and who able to teach us and lead us the way back to our home in heaven.  He has given us temples, a way for us to be with our families forever. He gave us commandments and asks us to be obedient so that when temptations cross our paths we will not be easily swayed.    He gave us Christ, and the Atonement, so we are able to be forgiven of our sins and that we may try again.   This father’s day not only am I thankful for the amazing men in my life, but I am especially thankful to Heavenly Father for the life he has provided for us all.

THAT kind of person

I just finished up with our annual "Rock Show" this weekend.   Now I'm not talking like head banging rock, but actual rocks, like minerals.  Now you are probably thinking, "Britt, I did not know you were THAT kind of person".   How do I know this?  Because as I was sitting at our booth, people I know would come by and say that same thing, or something similar.

Confession:  YES!!! I am THAT person who really really likes ROCKS! 

Truth:  I actually LOVE Rocks!   

Truth: As much as I love rocks, I don't know the first thing about them.  

Okay I am semi-knowledgeable, I have been involved with them for about 11 years (thanks to my Bro-in-Law Pat) but I still feel like there is so much more I don't know. I hate it when people ask me stuff because half the time I can't answer them.   Even though I may not be out on the desert hunting for stones and fossils, make no mistake, I really do love rocks, especially fossils, they absolutely fascinate me.   

But enough about how much I like rocks, and back to my point of being "that" person.  After I was told this (a few times)  it got me thinking..... aren't we all "THAT" kind of person.   Don't we all have our little things, likes or hobbies that most people would have no clue about, even friends we are sort of close with?  Which reminds me to another thing about me that people don't usually know.

Confession: I listen to heavy metal with my husband.  

Truth #1:  I actually kind of like it

Truth #2: I will not admit this to most people. 

Now I've confessed that I'm a rock nerd and a metal head...... I want to leave you with this last thought:   Next time you start to think to say "I didn't know you were THAT person", think first about what kind of person you are ..... we all have our quirks and secrets.   What are yours?  

Fear

Fear, everyone is afraid of something.   I actually have a lot of fears which I guess has contributed to my PWS - psychopathic worrying syndrome (I made that up...... haha).  I'm going to share a couple of my fears with you.

Confession:  I don't like driving at night.
Truth is I'm especially afraid of hitting a deer.  I actually like deer.   I would just rather see deer from my 4 wheeler, or in my dinner or on my wall, rather than a hood ornament for my car.    Why is it that deer decide the best time for them to cross the busy road is in the middle of the night?   It's like they are attracted to your headlights, just like bugs are attracted to your zapper on the porch.   So they jump out in front of your car, and despite the sound of you laying on your horn and the brightness of the headlights, the deer just stands there mesmerized.   Its like they are thinking "These two lights are getting bigger and brighter, a coming at me fast. What is that noise? These lights are just so amazing I must keep staring at them,  although I have a feeling maybe I should jump out of the way, but I get a happy feeling when I look at the lights, but that sound makes me want to run.... hmmm what should I do..... so pretty........" WHACK!  then they are road kill and your white car just got a new red paint job with patches of fur.  Out of all the mysteries of this world.... I will never understand why deer go all kamikaze and jump in front of your car.

MOVING ON..............................

Confession:  Not much unlike my first confession, but I'm a little afraid of the dark.
Truth is bad things always happen in the dark.
To make me feel better about my fear I've made a list about it.

1. Boogie Man-  Now I'm talking about the REAL boogie man, like the creeper who lives down the street, who is probably high, and going to break into your house and steal your stuff or murder you in your sleep.   Okay I might not have a creeper on my block, but YOU NEVER KNOW, and it happens to people all the time!  
2. Monsters in the Closet/ under the bed-  Okay so I may not be a 3 year old who is scared that a big furry monster is going jump out and scare me.  But I am worried about those little furry ones that have the long tails (mice) and spreading diseases around my house in my sleep.  Or the creepy-crawly bugs that somehow find their way into your warm house, and sometimes into your bed at night.  Which reminds me of the spiders you probably eat in your sleep.  Yeah......I think it is legit to worry about the monsters.
3. Ghosts/Spirits-  Yes I'm a believer in them!  Especially after an episode of Ghost Whispers and then you suddenly feel like someone is watching you, or you hear steps behind you.  I've never seen a ghost or a spirit but I know that I've had them in my house.   They like play on me, I guess 'cause I'm easy prey, like slamming the cupboard or knocking on my bedroom door.  It is NOT my imagination.....  I don't think. 
4. Sounds-   Anyone else hear things at night that freaks them out?  It's usually nothing but what if it was?  The occasional thump on the wall, thud on the floor, scrape of the window.  Usually there is an explanation but its dark, and usually you can't see what made the noise, which will cause your mind to think of all the things it could be (see the above).

Please forgive me if these are silly and random, but it's 1:30 a.m.but I just got home from almost hitting a deer and I'm scared of the dark.  What else would you expect from someone with severe PWS.  ;)

"World's Best Mom"

Mother's day was a couple weeks ago, and with all the talk about mothers It has made me think a little more about what kind of mom I am, more specifically what type of mom I am not.

CONFESSION:  I'm NOT the "World's Best Mom".
I let my child eat too much junk and watch too much television.
I pin more fun ideas than actually complete with my daughter.  
My house is a mess and not organized at all.  
Sometimes we stay in our jammies all day.
Sometimes we wear yesterdays clothes because I don't feel like doing laundry.
Sometimes I let her walk around with dirt on her face and her hair a mess.
I don't always listen to what she is telling me.
I don't always want to play games with her.
Sometimes I'm just tired and want to nap.
I use bribes and buy her things for being good.
I buy her things just because I think she is cute and deserves it.
I get mad at her for things that really aren't her fault.
I get frustrated when she cries or has a tantrum.

I will admit I have "spanked" her bum for doing something dangerous.

Timeout is a frequent disciplinary tool used in our house

And sometimes I think it is best to just let her CRY it out!  

There are so many more things that I don't do or do wrong that I probably don't have time to mention them all.

TRUTH:  With all that being said, I still am a GOOD mom.
I love my child and tell her frequently.
I teach her manners and respect for others.
I teach her to love others and be their friend.
She knows that being different is okay.
I hug and kiss her frequently.
I give her chores and responsibilities.
I let her use her imagination.
I let her be creative.
I don't get mad at her for getting dirty. (I usually am right there with her getting messy)
I sing her songs and read her stories every day.
I teach her about right and wrong.

I teach her how to forgive others for their mistakes.
I show her that our own mistakes are okay and that is how we learn.

I teach her about our Heavenly Father and Jesus.

I teach her how to pray and show gratitude.
 
What I've learned though my reflection:  it's okay to not be the best.  Doing your best makes you a good mom and your children will thank you for it later.   To my own mother, she often mentions that she wasn't the best mom, but in all reality I don't remember her mistakes as much as I remember that I was loved and she care about me.  I may not be the "World's Best Mom", but I am a DARN GOOD MOM and that is all I want to aspire to be.

Truths about me

So here are some truths about me:

My name is Brittany and I'm 27 years old

Most people call me Britt.   My sisters call me B or Bree. 

I married my high school love at 19. We've been married for nearly 8 years.  He still makes me smile.

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter, Braleigh. She is a lot like me.
I used to work a 9-5 job, and now I am a stay-home-mom.  Being a mom is the best job ever. 

I love crafting, sewing, crocheting, and just creating things.  

I love to paint.... not portraits or paintings, but rooms in the house and furniture.
I'm a total goober. I love to be a dork and goof around.
I truly believe that I am the one person that can crack a smile out of my husband when he is being serious.
I've lost many important people in my life that I miss dearly, my nephew being one of them. A day doesn't go by that I do not think about him, or miss him.

I love music, especially my piano. I try to compose my own songs, but it is more as a therapy and expression.

I am not a thin woman.
It would be nice to be skinnier and healthier.  
I know I should eat better and exercise, but have a hard time committing to it.
I may seem shy at first but I really love to talk, and it is hard to keep me quiet once I get going.
I try to always keep positive in my life and look at the bright side of negative situations.
My family says I let things "roll off my shoulders", I guess I just want to live by motto "Forgive and Forget"
Sometimes it is hard to forget but I always try to forgive.
I always want to do my best and I am trying to be a better mother, wife, and woman in life.
I hope that my confessions will help me become more open with myself as well as others.

Happy Easter!

Braleigh and I just returned home after spending the weekend with my family in Ferron.   It was wonderful to be with everyone but I'm glad to be back home. So many things just get thrown off balance while we are traveling, for example, naps.   The four days we were gone she napped good on Friday and then for like 40 minutes in the car on the way home.   Some kids are just fine without naps, but not ours.  She is so grumpy and moody if she doesn't get sleep, well can you blame her?   

But besides our schedule being a little out of whack, we had a wonderful Easter holiday!   Thursday we spend the day playing with cousins and loving on my sisters new baby, who, by-the-way is a doll!  Friday night we went to dinner and a movie with Aunt Dani, Aunt Meg, Grandpa and cousins--We saw "The Croods"  which was super cute!   Saturday Braleigh got to hang out with Grandma and Grandpa Brown most of the day while Meg and I went to the movies again--- I know, two nights in a row might seem much, but we had to go see "The Host" which was amazing as well!   Sunday we went to Church with my parents and came home.   And all the moments in between were mostly spent outside swinging--Grandpa was a good sport.    Tomorrow, although it isn't Easter, we are doing our Easter Egg hunt, so Braleigh and I colored eggs tonight.  We are doing it tomorrow because Brad had to work this whole weekend, including today, so we decided it was better to do it as a family on Monday.   

Actually I think from now on we will stick with Saturday or Monday tradition instead of Sunday, mainly because I think Sunday we should focus on what Easter is truly about, the sacrifice our Heavenly Father and Savior made for each and every one of us.   That we are able to repent for our sins and wrongs, that we can be with our Heavenly Father again, as well as with our families.  I always understood this but it wasn't until until February of last year when we lost my nephew, that it brought about a whole new meaning. There isn't a time I don't think about him or miss him (along with everyone else who loved him), but for me knowing that I'll get to see him again makes it just a little easier to get on with my day and wipe away my tears.   We all have loved ones who have moved on and that we miss so much.  There are many who I miss but for me the people I miss most is my nephew and my grandma. I know I'll get to see them again, and it was because our Heavenly Father let his son, and our brother, hang and die on the cross and then be resurrected 3 days after.   I hope that I can teach my family that Easter is more than a day of fun or presents, but it is a day of remembrance and gratitude.  

I feel extremely blessed that Heavenly Father has given me so much, including the trials he has bestowed on me and my family.   I can never know why I, or others, are chosen to endure the hardships or trials we are given, but I do know He will only give us something we can handle, and if we choose to follow in his light we will overcome anything.   

Just wanted to add a few photos from the past little bit!  She is the light of my life!   

I posted this on Facebook, but I need to post it in our blog!  Braleigh is getting so funny and saying the funnies things so I just wanted to share it with our  followers.   

We were taking a bath the other night and I told her I was going to get her. I was giving her zurberts- some people call them raspberries......   Anyways she screams at me "I MORE TICKLISH THAN A CHRISTMAS TREE MOMMA!"  

Yesterday Braleigh and I went to pick up our Bountiful Basket. I told her that we we were going to get a surprise of fruits and veggies. She replied with a huge smile on her face "and we pull the carrots out of the ground?!"   

(to understand this we watch Daniel Tiger and they have an episode about the surprise vegetables you pull out of the ground)

TODAY were were making Chicken Noodle. I was telling Braleigh we were making it for daddy to help him feel better since he as a cold. She screams "and make it FOR MEEEEEEEE!" Being the good mother I am the first thing that comes to mind is..... she is a little Gollum. HAHAHAH Come to think of it Toddlers are a lot like Gollum...  Maybe I need to come up with a comparison . :D 

Anyways there is never a Dull moment around with a toddler and I hope to post more of our funny moments!