Easy isn't Right

Confession-  Being healthy is EXHAUSTING!  Oh how I want to just give up sometimes because it is so much easier sitting on the couch and eating my 2 cases of potato chips that I get from my neighbor (no really he gives me 1-2 boxes full once a month, but that's story for another day). I don't even want to get into eating right since I just confessed to my chip obsession, but even that aside...it is SO much easier to go out for pizza, or order a burger and greasy fries than eating a salad.   It's so much easier to stay up watching series on Netflix all night and sleeping in the next morning than getting adequate rest.   It is SOOOOOO much easier to be on my phone, tablet, or laptop on Facebook or Pinterest instead of working out, going out side, or moving.....some of you know what I'm talking about.

BUT.....

If I worked out and got healthier, then it would be so much easier to play an endless game of tag with my daughter, so much easier to take her on walks longer than around the block, take her on bike rides, on hikes, and well so much more.  

Truth is I seriously envy moms who are able to do all those things without a second of hesitation.  I really love my daughter and I want to be able to do things with her not sit on the sidelines because I'm too tired.  I don't want to have to tell her anymore that I need a a few minutes to catch my breath.   I'm tired of not being a good enough mom to give her all those things that she so badly wants to do.  It literally makes me cry when I stop and really think about all the things I could be doing with her if I could just get over "its too hard".

Today I just needed to say I'm holding myself accountable.  I have no more excuses.   I will continue to push through the pain no matter how badly I feel like I want to give up.   I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my family.  They are the reason I get up every day and they are the reason I have to live life to the fullest.  I can do this, I will be strong and if I fall I will get back up and try again.

Eleven In Heaven

Today I wake in quite a huff
Over some loud construction stuff.
Hoping that my girl will not wake wake,
Couldn't they be quiet, for goodness sake.

Then remember,

Today you would have been eleven.
Today you celebrate in Heaven.
I forgot for one simple minute
That in our world, you aren't in it.
I feel guilt beyond belief
I can never feel relief.
I know I should, but it doesn't seem right
To continue on each day in this life.
It doesn't really seem fair,
That you're up there, we're down here.

Then I remember,

You're in the best place you could be
In that home that is so heavenly.
In  place surrounded by those we love
Who have already passed on up above.
Most of all you have the Son and Father
Who care for you more than any other.
So I will not sit, cry and whimper
About the things I should have remembered.
I'll will rejoice and feel joy
For you were a very special boy.

Today I woke in quite a huff
Over some really silly stuff,
Today I'll not forget you'd be eleven.
I'll remember, I'll see you in Heaven.
Our very special boy, Devin.