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Had to write a 100 word biography about myself as a designer.

I've been in uni for 5 years studying to be a communication designer. All these while trying to figure what my niche is. Where in this massive complicated industry will I ever fit in? That 100 word bio really made me think hard.

Honestly, I've always found it difficult admitting to myself and referring to myself as a designer. Somehow it just sounds wrong rolling off my tongue. And when I try and picture myself as a designer, I end up thinking about what to have for lunch instead. Top of my head, I think the questions "what kinda designer are you?" "what's your style?" are my most feared questions. I don't know what my style is. I don't know what kinda designer I am or will be. Sometimes the struggles of answering such bizarre questions really makes me feel like a incompetent designer.

I grew up having this set image of how a designer would be, should be, can be, will be. How a designer would dress, carry a sketchbook everywhere, photography everything, look cool, whatever. Observers, perfectionist, concise, passionate, designers. For most parts, I feel like I was not 'designer-ish' enough. I am no perfectionist. I am observant in my own way- in my bubble. I am ignorant to a lot of news because I live in a bubble and think that people should aim for happiness and peace. I don't take fancy photographs of everything. I am not charming or cool. I sometimes struggle to find my passion in design. Where are you, Passion?

ANYWAY, all that bullshit aside. I finally came to a revelation this week. and realised (backed many journal and articles and peer reviewed shit) that all that image I had of a designer is merely a myth. That designers don't have to be a certain way or act a certain way to be a good designer. What I'm trying to tell myself is that- being that way I am doesn't make me any less a designer and it sure doesn't make me any less worthy to me a designer. So this post is me telling myself that I am alright. 

Maybe I can't see myself as a designer. Maybe I won't be a designer. But I know theres a lot more of creative positions out there and I will find one that works for me and my bubble.

How bizarre...

the last time I wrote here 7 months ago!

I can't remember what I wrote, looks lengthy and boring. A lot has changed since then! I've landed myself 2 new jobs and I am 3 weeks into my Honours program now. Between working, school group projects, time for myself- it can get hectic. Some days I get overwhelmed by the state of being busy that I just lay down at night and ask myself why do I put myself in such a position? But then the more I think about it, the happier and more contented I am with my busy schedule. It's a great feeling to be go on go and productive daily. Knowing that everyday you wake up, you have a mission to accomplish! and getting everything done is a great great feeling!

Some friends ask me why do I work so hard. Some friends support my decisions and encourage me. Some friends just listen to me and understand. Some friends don't think too much about it, except that this is the life (for now) that I have chosen to ride. For people who support me, I can't thank you guys enough. For people who think working my butt off is just about earning more money, you probably don't know me well enough. I am a bit disgusted by such thought. So much more goes into working- you meet people, you learn new things, you gain opportunities. It's fantastic! Of course i would like to put it all off one day and travel and bask in life. But I am young, I've got extra time, and opportunities are booming in front of me! I am going to take it. I'm still living my life, and doing things i like. 

OK so now I just sound whiny and unhappy and somehow felt the need to explain my life to strangers here. 

k off to a BBQ party. Till then!