走出去就有路

飘洋过海我吃得起苦，相信天无绝人之路。

All that I need now... Some luck.

Bless me!

In denial... I Dont want to study

It's 745pm on a sunday evening. My PGI paper is on this coming tuesday afternoon and yes, i havent started studying.

CC says dont keeping thinking that im smart and I dont have to study. The truth is, I never thought I was smart but i just didnt have enough motivation to study. Haha...
And so on the telecon just b4 dinner, i told him that im beginning to feel scared. And he ask me which of the previous paper did I not worry one bit? And his tone... Serves you right! Anyway, Poor CC, cooking and eating alone in the cold cold country. The prima party didnt realize in the end.

I went to check my online redemption on the SQ flights. For some reason, dunno if this is a blessing, I can waitlist my mom and niece on flight to beijing again! Haha... hopefully it goes through. And we can have a fun time together this year end b4 our new addition to the family arrives.

Back to my denial... I said im gg to start studying at 8:00pm. Now it's 8:01pm, i thought i should go eat my strawberry, blueberry and kiwi FIRST. So, it's gg to be postponed again....

I came back with a confused mind, slightly irritated over telecon ar bj airport. Flight was real bad, a nightmare. Coming back was always easy, but not this time. Sigh. I'm still feeling lousy now. Was it the caffeine? Sashimi? Chardonay ? Or simply the hormones? I am physically unwell.

The past three wks were quite intense for the rel. Hmm...

Why do I always feel this way?

When are all these things gg to end? Only after life. Sigh

exam on tue. I haven't started. Arrgghhhh

Investment 101

I opened my trading, brokerage and CDP account with KayHian on 31st July 2008.

I only opened all the respective account letters today, 8th Oct 2009.

That's more than a year!

Im going to start a proper investment folder. Learn how to do some simple investment. I shouldnt procrastinate anymore. It's about finding my way around this. Learning what I need to learn. Learn what i think is good from others but seriously, since like Uni days people around are already doing their own trading. But I was never comfortable because I do not like to engage in activities which doesnt allow me to be in control or at least to be able to understand what is going on.

I may pick one or two stocks and study them. I do not have any standard protocol and that's the challenge, figuring out something that works for me. That is the hardest part and that was the main reason for my procrastination.

Im going to start with companies with business of interest to me. No point investing in a business in which i know nothing about. Not sure if this is the right way but i guess being in a commercial firm for about 3 years, it more or less allows me to look at business with a more holistic perspective now than before.

As for my hols, I had a pretty good time in BKK. Especially when the hotel was just fabulous. We got free upgrade to a deluxe suit. I was thrilled on seeing the suit. For once, I never fail to fall asleep within 5 min after i lay on the king size bed. The mattress was real comfy and they provide really big pillows. I would of course prefer pillows with more support, something more firm. Room service was great. Shopping was easy as well. I just went to the shops and a few others around. Bought 7 dresses within 2 hours?

And I bought IPOD TOUCH yesterday. Cant believed today we queued closed to 4 hours for iphone at singtel shop! I have decided to postponed my purchase of iphone to next year. Like I said, I needed just the ipod and the applications. I have been hooked to my fav game - Dinner's Dash!

In the meantime, I think im falling sick. Havent been drinking enough H20.

BBQ on friday.
JB on Sat.

Postponed my China trip to the week of 19th Oct. - Phew!

Holiday mood

China's holiday is also my holiday.

Glad this week past by well!

One more paper in NOV. And then i will move on to take the rest.

I wonder if Im able to get by Advance Dip by the end of 2010. If i continue to pass every single one (I believe the difficulty level will increase along the way), I think it is highly possible i can get my ACII by 2011Q1.

I am so looking forward to life at the moment. Living it to the fullest. Play hard. Work Hard. Study hard. Love hard.

Will go pick him up tomorrow at airport. Realised I havent done that! And well, nobody comes to the airport to pick me up either ( he is always not around when im back). Hopefully his flight is not delayed. We will stay in the airport until our flight time. And yay!! A long-awaited short break.

By the way. Im going for IPOD TOUCH. Thanks for the wonderful advise. Hopefully i get it by the time leave for china. Speaking of which, should i transit Beijing, shanghai or SEOUL?

No!

I knew abt it abt a month ago.

I got confirmation from D two weeks ago.

I thought all these meant i am mentally prepared. Well, upon receiving that confirmation email, I teared. I teared for a good 5 min.

I cant bear to bid farewell.

He was the reason that i stayed on.

He believed so much in me, he was always so generous with his compliments. He touched my life.

As much as I cant bear to let him go, I know it is only for the better.

And the pain lingers on...

Tequila Shots

I didnt make it to my 12!

I stopped at 11.

I got killed from 9-11. Drank too fast and on empty stomach.

It was quite an experience. Albeit not a good one especially since this morning. In Fact, this morning was the worst. Most challenging part of it all, mummy was home. I cant get up looking like i downed 11 shots.

This was what I did:

Forced myself off bed.
Took a shower.
With my head spinning, i logged onto the internet to look for remedies for hangover.
http://www.morphemeremedies.com/homeremedies_hangovers.htm - my saviour.
I downed a glass of pink guava juice + water.
Lay on bed and kept contemplating if i should take some aspirin.
Abt 15-20 min later, I had to leave my house for lunch.
I was pleasantly surprised, it was a lot better than before.
I managed to finish 1/2 of my fish noodles.
I survived the day... till now.
It's 9:13pm.

However, I cant eat too much, i still feel nauseous.

I started looking back... Although i began to drink more in China, I realised my last bad hangover was in bangkok, during my exchange days. We played and drank till dawn. I had a hangover before I even slept. That was bad.

Tracy says to make sure i do 12 next time. HAha... I know I wouldnt want to go through this again, that's why i wanted to just make it 12 last night. Im going to be wasted anyway.

Oh well...

Too happy to be back.

Reality is not sinking in

Since I got home and settled down, i immediately started what I havent been able to do the past 1 month.

Internet at the new apartment didnt work for my lappie for some reason.

Even if we got internet, the fact that China has decided to ban so many websites including facebook and blogspot made me feel so disconnected from the world.

I was up since 1030am. Now it's 120pm. I havent really done anything fruitful.
Ate half of the Oatmeal chocolate muffin from starbucks@BeijingAirport when what I really wanted was the chicken mushroom Hor fun with chillie and lots of green chillie from the market opposite.

I need to go colour my hair => Havent really decided on a colour but since it will take me abt 2 hours, I gotta get moving.

I need to complete another 2 chapters from the book at least. Otherwise how to go take exam on wed? So stupidly, I left the mock exam paper in the study room in China. Arrghhh...

Tonight there is a dinner waiting and promised clubbing session.

Looking for an MP3 player. Cant decide on one. IPOD NANO is nice but frankly, I dont need the video cam and the screen. So having to pay another $180 for features that I dont need is not very enticing. iShuffle doesnt come with a basic screen though. Sony walkman, well, for that price, i would have just gotten myself Nano. Creative Zen's features and price are pretty good but it seems to be a bit bulky.

Though my Samsung Soul allows me to input music but i generally do not want to use up my battery life for music. Ironic & confused lady.

I shall go get my butt moving, else, comes 3pm, I would still be where I am now.

Shall go fill my stomach first, then study, when im dozing off, head off to salon.

Set...

In the meantime... which MP3 player???

To wait and see

Sometimes all I ask for is a bit of support.Before you jump in and start drawing conclusions, think about what Im thinking and where I am going. It is not just about where I stand at the moment, it is where I will be tomorrow, the day after tomorrow. Yesterday shouldnt even be mentioned. I hope the clouds can clear soon.

This weekend I had one of the best meal and one of the worst for the year. 酒逢知己千杯少，话不投机半句多

Another intense 1 month lies ahead. Leaving for Shanghai on tue, YT on wed till end of sep. 2 papers to clear at the end of the trip. Going to reward myself with another round of bkk after that. Yay, this time with CC. And Im also happy that we can also travel back together after the break. It's been a while since we last had a holiday. I think we have been away much more from each other this year compared to the last. I wonder what next year would be like. I cant wait to settle down in the new apartment that you already did.

Light at the end of the small tunnel this time: That great foot+body massage in the land of smiles, great movies with popcorn, new go-carting experience followed by great music.

Until then, great discipline to mug is key.

I cried. I prayed. I worked hard.
I can only wait and see.

Uncertainty

Not sure where im heading at the moment. As in, i know but im not sure.

Too much uncertainty at the moment. Im waiting for the clouds to clear though im no longer sure if these clouds are dark or cotton white.

Heading down to china soon. Yet again.

How I wish I can drop everything and just leave for the salmon land to pursue a masters of my choice. Even if tuition fee is free, still the high living expenses plus the loss of financial independence for 2 years makes this more of a dream than a possibility.

Cant settle my thoughts.

Let that glimmer of hope lingers...

Blessed

It was great lunch. Business lunch has never been so easy, comfortable and relaxed.

Maybe it was a message from above that for now, i shouldnt think about sitting on the other side of the table.

I am a lucky gal really. This would never have been possible if I were elsewhere. Great boss. Great mentor. Great Mentor's boss. Haha.. And to think that Im only 25. I should be happy with this blessing.

I just need to make sure that i dun fall into the pessimistic side of the net for otherwise, CC will have to suffer again.

Sorry CC.

back

I love Singapore and well, I have been struggling with whether i should start my permanent posting to China for the longest time and I still am. And I hate it.

I just feel stuck.

Whenever I come back, I see hope, there is an adrenalin surge. Adrenalin surge because I will start to think abt the things i want to do, should do and can do whilst im still here.

ML is the most important mentor and I am just very grateful to have her around me. She certainly is making a difference to my life and as it is, she is a god-send. I mean I have close friends my age, but to be this close and to be able to go beyond business with no pretense and hidden agendas, that is absolutely hard to come by. Did I mention she is already a mother of 2 and CC always says she is an older version of Maggie Q. Still hot that means. Haha...

Im happy that i have sort of decided on my specialisation.

Enlightened sunday afternoon

It's been a while.

I chanced upon a distant friend's website and saw her entries about her passion. She managed to turn her passion into a career after 15 years. When i first saw the website, i must say that i am impressed. Very impressed. She is the first lady whom i came across to be an expert in this field. She is the perfect role model of the moderm world woman. She is gorgeous even at this age and no doubt witty and smart, certainly fun-loving. I have only met her briefly once or twice and i remember vividly a note of advice she gave me.

"不要被男人骗" .

I will continue to visit her website as it is one of the very few informative and intellectual blogs available these days. Ok, maybe blogs arent meant to be intellectual since they merely provide an avenue for people to express thoughts. Anyhow, im looking forward to meeting up with her again if the opportunity comes by.

There are many successful woman stories i come across in my life and I am very glad to have the opportunity to work and be guided by them. Whether they are my suppliers, brokers or my bosses, I think they make wonderful role models. Although in this moderm world we hardly see discrimination of woman being as apparent as they used to be centuries ago, but being in the business world myself, I know that there IS still a difference. Therefore i will always respect a successful lady more than a successful man simply because the society was never fair to both genders to begin with.

Gotta get back to complete my first meeting of minutes in chinese, finish packing my luggage, and also be ready for the family dinner before i leave for the airport in 10 hour's time. Sounds like a lot but i reckoned that I need at least 4 hours for the minues and dinner will take up 2 hours. Im left with 2 hours to meddle with miscellaneous stuff.

It has been a good, albeit hectic two weeks. Tomorrow marks the beginning of more adventures and it will also be the first time i have business lunch in Beijing. I have to prepare myself physically for this because i never had good experiences with red-eye flights.

I got myself two books in the past 2 weeks.

One of which i have already finished 1/3 despite holding it for less than a week. - The winner stands alone, by Paulo coelho. I got it just 30 min before I had to leave for airport in bkk. And the moment i started reading it, I couldnt put it down.

The other book - The tyranny of oil. I would like to start reading this as soon as i finish "The oil factor". I am intrigued by this oil industry. Even when i was watching this program on flight abt "the mystery of Haute Couture", they featured this lady whose husband is into this oil business and that sorts of backed up how she can fancy herself with all these Haute Courtures.

I better go.

YAWNZ

Is this the beginning or this is the end?

I am see-sawing between the two extremes while waiting for a miracle to happen.

12 hours of work, 5 hours of sleep,,, arrgghhh.... suffering from a headache now.

Im going to attend my very first board meeting tomorrow. Doing some translation and going to be writing minutes of meeting in Chinese. Need to translate the chinese meeting to English for MS on the spot as well. Gotta read some board presentations later.

Tom night, the usual big entertainment party on board ASEAN LADY. Gotta entertain my bankers and broker. It's a pity Mag couldnt make it. I have been wanting to catch up with her for the longest time. Will be meeting my SMU seniors again i think, and ST from JC.

I cant afford to have a brain-jam tom.

Gotta sleep. Gotta think. Gotta be able to Run.

Chin-Eng-Chin-Eng.

I just want to sleep

Why am I even awake at 2:43am forcing myself not to sleep just because i need to complete a report?

ARGGHH...

Maybe it is really time to move on.

This past two weeks made me think a lot abt my priorities in life. I havent spent as much time and effort with my familiy this past two weeks as I did the past two years.

The current job gave me exposure to the chinese working culture and well, as I watch 金枝玉孽the second time, I cant help but liken the chinese working culture to life in 紫禁城。 Though I havent been a victim directly myself, but I see how people suffered. Innocent or not, no one can tell. Life is too short to be spent on things like that.

The longer i stay in SG, the more i dread going back.

I need to be able to see that glimmer of hope, to feel that adrenalin, live that motivation and not be swirled into this stagnant routine, at the expense of my happiness.

Happy vesak day

It's been like 3 months since we last took the plane together.

He ordered Oriental while i ordered the international selection for dinner.

So when I reached over to take a piece of the pork from his tray, the meat dropped accidentally and landed on the seal of the mineral water. Instead of using his utensils to send that piece back to my plate, CC just held up the mineral water, and fling that piece of meat into his mouth.

HAHAHA...

Im impressed. He decided that I shouldnt be eating that anymore. Not that the meat is dirty or whatever, but the small little things he did that made me feel well taken care of never fails to warm my heart!

Ooh.. And I caught a great movie on the plane. It's one of those ladies movies and i really enjoyed it. Camaroon Diaz has one great hot BOD!! The plot was good, funny and touching. Very meaningful as well. It kind of reminded me of Sex and the city. Name of the movie: In her shoes

Happy Vesak Day everyone!

Im glad i get to come back in time for visits to the temples.

Blabber blabber

I realised i havent been taking photos as much as I used to.

Maybe it is your fault CC.

Cos you dun like to take photo.

*bleah!!

Once my face recovers, im going to start taking more more more more pictures.

Im looking forward to the transit in Beijing this friday!! Yay.. can go shopping and dining with CC again. We are going to take the earliest flight out to Beijing and then run to town.

Rest on the plane.

Sat Rest and celebrate Mother's day with mummy.

Sat night head for JB.

Sun morning eat breakfast with CC's mum. and then its the beginning of ROAD TRIP TO Malacca PART 2.

This time, we are not going to stay in LOUZI hotel.

We booked Holiday Inn. The new hotel in melacca. No need to rush cos not rushing to go KL. Just enjoy Melacca. The food. The shopping.

Head back to JB later on. I LOVE the manicure there. Actually the one at level 5 city square is good. SG is good but EX. China is cheap but the skills of the manucurists and the technology is lousy. SO, JB is a good place for manicure. I totally love it!

Yay yay yay...

But before that... I have to rush like mad to finish all my work by thursday.

Im supposed to be on MC today but ever since 930am, my phone has been ringing non stop. Non stop emailing, liaising, calling... and now, at 630pm, i need to get started on my report.

Tom and Thur is packed with meetings and deadlines.

HELP.

No seafood for now cos of my allergy.
No heaty stuff cos of my flu.

Let me try to squeeze in a body massage tom...

Anyway, I got a nice red dress from VERA MODA SALE!
And I also manage to finally replace my cabin size luggage (the white free gift from Ettusais) with one from American Tourister! (by Samsonite) cos they were having 75% discount at Parkson here in Yantai. And I love it cos it is sleek, and very cool. Plus it comes with 3 years international warranty. GREAT DEAL RIGHT?

Go away go away

Eeekkk...

And so im suffering from this unknown skin allergy on my face. I didnt use anything new whatsoever. 2nd day after i reach yantai my skin started developing this extra layer of skin. The whole face was rough and there seems to be bumps on every single pore. No it isnt red and No, they are not acne, pimples either.

And coincidentally, this medicated face cream that i have with me just ran out. I have nothing to put on my face to calm things down. I only have the tea tree oil blemish stick from the body shop and to a certain extent it doesn help a bit but I am not developing a whole face of acne!!

I wasnt sure if it was just too dry? To dirty? To WHAT??

I have been using peeling gel to peel off the layers and layers of dead skin cell everyday but i dun think the condition is improving. I never put on any make up either. Even stopped my SK2.

The thing i hate most is that my whole face itch.

I cant do anything abt it.

Help!!

WHY?

Why am I even awake at 3:17am?

SIGH.

The last beverage i drank other than water was Star Buck's steam milk! No caffeine what? Something is very wrong. Was it because i didnt take the cough syrup?

Was it because the thoughts deep inside are fundamentally stirring an emotional storm?

Was it because CC isnt around?

Was it because as I meet up with my gfs, I begin to realise the kind of sacrifices i have been making with all the travelling in place? I cant sign up for gym for the classes. I cant sign up for ANY OTHER CLASSES. I begin to feel more and more distant from my relatives. I dun really feel like talking as much, only to the few people im close to.

Was it because I have been taking my antibiotics irregularly?

Was it because I have 3 emails in my draft folders of my personal email that I should have sent out tonight but didnt?

Was it because I have so called reached a saturation point? All I want, need and yearn for at this point in time.. was to lay on the sandy white beach, occasionally opening up my eyes to be greeted by this breath-taking deep blue or turqoise seawater... and just lay there, nothing to worry abt, nothing to think abt.

Why am I not happy in my home country? And I also dread going back to that place?

SIGH

Vent Up frustration

I dun think this is how i would like my job to be.

Im so fed up with all the translations.

It is a total waste of time and effort.

And it is for EVERY SINGLE THING.

Nothing is clear.

Reporting is not clear.

Jobscope is not clear.

Direction is not clear.

Arghh.. and it's amazing how people with THAT kind of standard can still stay alive and kicking when they dun even care?

Maybe I shouldnt care so much too.

Im pissed.

So pissed.

Ridiculous

I dun even know what I would like to do and how things will be moving on.

& you think you know?

And it's my affairs, who are you to go around spreading them and making them sound all wrong?

And I have two people, whom im not even close to, come ask me abt it.

& Im not even close to you.

Fear

It hurts to see them fight like that.

Misery and pessimism seem to be innate in her.

It is a vicious cycle. Sometimes she brought unhappiness to herself and maybe the sympathy level will decrease in such occasions but hey, when you understand the situation and what she has been through and what she is going through now, plus the fact that her line of thoughts is ran by these pessismistic set of codes for as long as she lived, my heart felt the pinch. Real badly.

I understand that innate in him, he always felt that he was pretty right abt things. He doesnt have the best of logic and in terms of ethics and values, they are probably warped as far as the family is concerned, but this time round, i understand why he flared up. But, i hate him for shouting at her. He has no rights to do so.

My greatest fear, and my greatest fears even in my dreams, in my subconsious mind, regardless of whether i was in China, Singapore, Malaysia, and regardless of what i was doing, or the time of the day, was to see her suffer from a relapse. I cannot take it. I cant even continue with these thoughts and i have to stop myself from thinking any further because at this point, every single time, my eyes will tear.

And they will flow non stop.

Maybe when you reach the age of 50, and you embed your death into any part of the argument, your argument will get stronger. That is what i see as the trend these days. And usually when that happens, people tend to argue in higher decibels. When you no longer fear death, you no longer fear 99% of the things in this world.

I used to put my own death as the no.1 fear.

But now, i know, for sure, that the inability to stop and/or control your loved ones from leaving has taken the top place.

I cannot imagine, because i cannot afford.

I cannot afford to lose her.

Back BAck Back

Argghh... it was only 2 days since i left china

BUT

I am already missing MR TIN.

2 weeks of LDR and then I can go for another round of Malaysia road trip!

It's good to be home. But Im seriously going to stay away from AMK HUB the next few days cos ever since i touched down, i never hung out in malls outside AMK!! Clubbing at zouk doesnt count.

And well... Chris, Nas and I had sort of sworn last night that we are never going to go back to Zouk, velvet nor Phuture again cos we just dun fit in anymore. All the xiao di dis and xiao mei meis.

And well... we even had this Boy checking us out and the first few questions included " Which JC are you from?".

WOAH LAO.. we played along... hahaha.... COS we were damn bored.


The best part of the night out? THE BEE HOON GORENG @ SPICE. WOah.. Nas ordered an EXTRA spicy one. IT was indeed very spicy but iy was really really GOOD.

Butter Fac next Fri @ fullerton.

Gotta catch my sleep... Arrgghhh my body clock is all mixed up.

Glimpse of my korea trip

Back from SEOUL

Yuppie yup.

I had a fantabulous time in Seoul last weekend. It was QingMing Festival on 4th April and in China, this is a public holiday so to replace that SAT PH, we get our Mon OFF.

Im back in Yantai physically but spiritually, im still there.

OOOhhhhh... the Korean cuisines. *SMUCK*
The shopping... haha...
And of course, the best thing is, I met up with JY PARK.

JY brought CC, DC + ME to this JJ club at Grant Hyatt Seoul. It was a nice Attas club cum bistro kind of place but i swear, the pretty gals and good looking guys make such great eye candies i think this is the club with the best fashion air.

But hey... That place was really expensive. We shared a Tuna Pizza and had like 3 glasses of beer. The bill came up to 150,000 Won, which is about SGD 170. But the pizza is delicious. Freshly made and initially we had 2 slices left. After getting the bill, we made sure we finished every thing.

We stayed at Gangnam area, in Novotel Hotel(with compliments from CC to celebrate his promotion). There are a lot of nice restaurants selling cuisines with a good mix of western, fusion and authentic korean dishes..

At Shinsegae dept store, I went into the Gucci boutique and bought my first Gucci Speedy bag.
It's a good deal i suppose with the depreciating Korean won and since the design was not the latest, of which they would have adjusted the price taking the falling currency into consideration, they both assured me it was worth it.

CC said i should go for it because this is like a symbolic milestone for me. I rem my sis telling me these words last year and she ask me why I havent got myself one of these bags. I guess they are right. And it's a right place, right time, right price and right frame of mind kind of thing.

I bought 3 pairs of shoes, lots of face masks, cosmetics and ETUDE HOUSE, FACE SHOP and LANIEGE stuff.. Happie.

Anyway, it's another long weekend ahead and i cant wait to go back to SG!!!

Happy belated birthday to mummy.

Bidding goodbye to Winter... Here comes spring and yay im going back to SG!!

Happie

Last week was like what i said. Record breaking week for me.

I visited a total of 4 shipyards in 5 days.

It was a fulfilling experience for me.

It was significant for me too because I discovered a skill i didnt expect myself to possess but when put to the test, when i look back on the 5th day, i realise i have acquired it well.

I was very drained on Friday. I ended the whole week of travelling, meetings and dinners with 2 Zits...

Thanks for the pleasant surprise. It's really a god's gift.

I might be able to squeeze in a weekend shopping trip to Seoul. And yay... im coming back next week before GOOD FRIDAY!

Cold cold again

Im at the cafe near CC's place again.

Im here to download a driver for the USB modem so that I could use it back at his place.

It's homealone tonight. CC went to another province and he will only be back Tom. Well, and Im leaving tom morning for Da lian with my scheduled flight at 1130am. Will reach there at 1215pm.
So I wont get to see him till Mon Night.

Wow and tom marks the beginning of the survey. I did all I could to prepare for this with the limited time and resources I have. I hope things turn out well.

And so to break record, Im going to visit, including our own, a total of 4 shipyards this coming week. Kind of excited and im sure it's going to be an enriching experience.

The temperature suddenly dropped two days ago. And It's really cold now. And it drizzled this afternoon while I was out trying to shop. Never get down to buying anything though. Maybe Da Lian is a better place to shop. But I doubt I will have much time and mood for shopping tom. Hiaz. Work Work Work.

Im going to bring my cam... havent been snapping pictures.

There are lots of things I wanna do, need to do and should be doing.

Counting down to going home...

This is the 2nd time mummy called to *screw me.

Here goes:

Mum: How is everything in China?, you ok?
Me: Ok. Everything is fine.
Mum: THEN WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME TO CALL YOU FIRST? WHY
CANT YOU CALL ME BACK TO TELL ME EVERYTHING IS OK?

There. No excuse. Kenna Whacked.

I lunched in today. Ordered Mc Delivery (China).

So I manage to steal a bit of time off to look at facebook, read people's blogs check my personal mail.

Hiaz...

And I truly truly truly miss....

1. SHOPPING!!! Hiaz.. like there is only 1 shop here in yantai that i can shop in. Other than that, nothing. Im looking forward to theDalian trip next next weekend. I can squeeze in some shopping i think.
2. MY GFS!!!!! SY, Christine, tracy... arrgghhh
3. My family....

Not in order of importance tough.

3 more weeks. I am counting down....

BEIJING BEIJING BEIJING....

Hello

It's been a long while since i last updated.

On and off, I had thoughts to blog but it's either I didnt have time in the office, or it was because JS's new place has no internet.

Im still in china. 1 month down and 1 more month to go before i can return home :(

I have been loaded with work. So much work it seems impossible to finish. I worked almost the whole of my sat, well i know working infront of the TV isnt that efficient but it was better than not working at all.

And right now as im typing, Im working in this cafe. I was here with me boss since 1pm. Now it is 630pm. She just left and im still here.

So sweet. haha.. I have a man who just went to the supermarket to buy groceries. I cooked for him last weekend. It's his turn this week.

There are a lot of changes going on.

Sometimes Im happy. sometimes Im not. And Im talking about two extreme ends. Not the in-the-middle kind of thing.

I only manage to say hi to people on MSN these days during office hours.

The upcoming months will be even more hectic and I have to run around.

I have been typing, working, reading in English and Chinese.

Cant wait to get back HOME

If I can hop onto the plane and take off to the destination of my choice, i would pick new york.

Sitting by one of the street cafes, enjoying a nice salad and watching peeps come and go as they often did in the show SATC, I wonder if everything would be as good as it seems.

Japan would be my second choice. The fashion, the food and their spirit of perfection and quality in everything they produce is enough to satiate my visual needs. I have always wondered if the sushi there is indeed better.

Im leaving again tom morning for china. I have mixed feelings once again. Very soon it will be over and i will be riding on rainbows maybe. As of now, dark clouds loom ahead and the occasional thunders are pretty torturous.

Cant say life is not good. But life is certainly not easy.

Hmm... I bumped into her yesterday. I wonder why things turn out this way. So 10 years of friendship is not worth anything after all.

Fighting on

Teared a bit on the phone.

I guess the lack of sleep had a great part to play. I mean I stayed up pretty late these days to blog, surf net and do things which i enjoy. Cos if I dun, very soon I will be back in China and it's a tad different over there so I am trying to maximize my time here.

At work, I was loaded with 1 huge portolio and I have to take on another 0.8 of a portfolio because one colleague is leaving. On hand in total, I have 3 big portfolios and 2 small ones. Im serving 2 directors and 1 CFO. Everything is urgent. And I have to fly back to China because there is another handover to settle otherwise the mess wont get better and my huge ass portfolio cannot move on properly. I am halfway through sorting out the files. There are two thick stacks of policies to read. These are excluding the main contracts of all the projects. How and where do I get the time. Plus i need to get ready for the survey which has to happen in end feb or early march.

I am stress because I hate the feeling of not having a good grasp of what is happening. But I need time and it takes time. And I hate the feeling of me not being able to perfect my work the way I wanted it.

And I still want to meet up with all my friends and family cos im going to be away for like another 1.5 months.

Somewhere deep inside I want to fight on. I want to juggle everything and juggle everything well. I can do it. I do not need anyone's help.

As much as I teared I refuse to admit defeat.

I will fight the battle.

I didnt like the way the conversation ended. It ended because you were in a hurry, not because I was alright.

Birthday pressie from CC & the first pic i took with it

CC got me one in light blue!

Superb company with scrumptious food

Im physically exhausted!

Slept at almost 3am last night.

So busy at work today. One thing piling on another. Cant complete one task without another distracting. I am happy and thrilled that im back to being this busy.

It was a fabulous gathering! Like what Tarn said, we can always just sit together and chat so freely, comfortably and laugh at some of the silly jokes of one another.

We met up at this Italian restaurant called Etna located at Lau Pa Sat.

They have good pastas. As in seriously good. I ordered a Linguine with pan fried scallops in Lobstar sauce. It was going for $22 and it is worth every penny paid. They served like about 5 scallops. The sizes varied but they are about medium-large and cooked to perfection. The sauce was excellent and not too creamy. I would probably go back for more and I would certainly wanna try the food again with a glass of chilled white wine.

Come back CC, come back now.

Where is the courage?

I cant bring myself to do it.

I have been eyeing them for the longest time but arrgghhh...

Gotta let go of the thoughts.

Cant do this now.

Cant buy myself a Chanel.

And this is the first luxury good that I would like to own. Not LV, not Gucci, Not Burberry. CHANEL!!!!!

I just cant bear to part with the $$.

I mean it is more of the value of carrying a chanel bag.

It's like a milestone achieved.

Maybe another year more...

And since Chanel never goes on sale, there is no point waiting for season clearance. Im not sure when exactly i was so into the brand.

It is more than a bag. To me, it is like carrying a trophy. A trophy for independence, in various aspects

Hmm...

Some things have been staying at the back of my head and it pops up once in a while.

Please do not come ask me or pester me to reveal what these issues are because if I want to reveal them, I would. And if I didnt write it here on my blog, then respect my privacy for not wanting to share all.

Maybe I havent really made any comments about this but I kind of hate it when people come ask me about certain things that I wrote on my blog. Not everything though, but some things I would really prefer to be left as it is and it is up to your interpretation of the words.

It's been a while since I have this quiet moment alone to sort some thoughts out.

I have been having dreams these days of things which i dun exactly find pleasant.

These are probably thoughts which subconsiously ran through my head. To a certain extent, it does reflect some of the things on my consious mind.

I suppose it is time i go back to my books.

Hmm...

Goodbye CNY

This CNY is indeed different.

I spent most of it in JB though we did a fair bit of shuttling back and forth.

It was fun. So fun that i dread going back to work and sort of close the CNY hols.

On the first day of cny, I was bored to tears at my uncle's place. And guess who i called?

CC was willing to drive all the way out to bring me in even though i needed to visit my godma on the 2nd day in sg!!

And boy, I had fun man... I did not regret the shuttling back and forth.

Mahjong, Dai Dee, good gathering, eat, play, sleep.

I enjoyed the closeness and i could truly feel the warmth from their bonding. It's great to be part of this even though im yet to be official.

On the other hand, i felt that CNY in SG is becoming boring for me. We do gather but i guess our family celebration ends very much after the main visiting on the first day of CNY. Everyone gets busy with their own stuff. We dun even play mahjong together anymore somehow.

Well... It's been a while since i celebrated CNY with this kind of sentiments.

I just came back from 2 movies. InkHeart and Love matters.

Time to ZZzzz and i shall repeat this: I dread going to work!

Happy CNY

Hee...

I think i received a great pressie for this new year. This new addition to my portfolio is certainly exciting and it was a boost that I really need amidst these uncertainties.

I have been so into the CNY mood this year I was involved in buying the groceries needed for the reunion dinner so much that I had to squeeze myself through the crowd at NTUC, lug so much things on my hands until I got one bruise. Im going to be the main chef for this CNY dinner too.. HAha...

Speaking of which. WHERE CAN I GET MANGOES? It seems that I cant make my Mango Prawn Spring roll anymore...

I went for a back scrub + a 20min steam bath + 30 min facial... Oooohh.... Great treat!
At first when the steam bath was at 70 deg c, I felt good, I felt my blood circulating and that all the water retained in my body this whole winter were drained out. But after 10 min, the temperature was 90 deg c. Woah,. at first it was ok. But after a while, I realised I couldnt really take it anymore, I opened the door slightly to get some fresh air and to reduce the temperature.
Whew. What an experience.

For the first time, I manage to fall asleep during my face mask. I was so so tired. I have been sleeping late and getting up early these few days especially the day when I had to take that 740 flight to beijing. I only had 4 hours of sleep then. That night when i touched down in sg and finally finish unpacking, it was already almost 2am. I was back at the office the next two days with the same hours of sleep. Tired.

I shall go surf the net for more recipes... I wanna perfect my dishes. Especially the fresh aussie scallops. And I bought dried abalone back for mummy. 8 small little abalone costs me $40 SGD. HAAH.., it is very cheap cos I got it from Yantai. Dried scallops were cheap too.

I just put some meat into marination. Going to make some satay.

Alrightey,,.,.

Better go plan my menu.

Thank you CC

Bless me

It is exceptionally cold today. I have the heater set at 30 Deg C and still i cant keep my hands and feet warm even under the blankets.

I attempted to blog many times before. But there was no flow.

At 1:13am today, nursing a flu, still, i am determined to on the lappie and pen my thoughts.

Maybe I have been holding on to too much attachments. I lost my direction. I lost my inner self.

For a short while, that attachment was gone. I was forced to face me totally bare. Something I havent done for a long while.

I begun to see things clearer.

And I fear.

I fear the uncertainty, I fear the truth.

I think it is time to put myself back into perspective.

With the upcoming birthday, I turn 25.

2009 is a special year for me. and like all birthdays, I will get myself a pressie.

A pressie. A promise.

Bless me.

I miss home.

I want to go home.

Winter 2008

Love-Hate China

I have so much to say, I dunno where to start.

My career has reached a turning point. My working in China experience has reached another level too.

Amidst this mess, I put my survival skills to test. Im not the worst, but with the change ahead, I know it is only a matter of time.

China is truly amazing.

The culture. The history. The business environment. The media. The books.

Well... at least in 2009, I get to spend my birthday in SG.

Home sweet home 13th Jan.