The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head saying,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what?s waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

This song means something to me because it represents how I've grown after this whole experience.It was something I chanced upon when I was about to watch Hannah Montana. (I know you're saying that I'm childish, but I love shows of this nature. It cranks me up!)

Oh, I was feeling randomly bored today so I searched for the meaning of my name. Here goes:

Emily means industrious in German!

Gosh I was hoping it would turn out to be something like emily means gentle or a gift from God!
Why isn't it like that! I like girls name to have a very feminine meaning behind it but why is mine so manly! Why would a girl like me want to be industrious! That's ridiculous!

Well, at least in English it means that I'm hardworking. I guess it balances out huh?

Goodnight folks! I'm running a fever now and I can't wait to get to sleep.

I don't feel like blogging. For some reason I don't know why

I don't know what to feel anymore.
My heart feels numb to all these that is happening in my life.
So I guess it's my way of saying I had had enough!

Happen to chance upon this song again. It seems like it always comes up at the right time. That's why I say sometimes its hard to live without music because music can speak right from my heart. It has never failed to do so.

作词：周杰伦　作曲：周杰伦
Lyrics and song: Jay Chou

想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪
Want to laugh to disguise the tears that's flowing

点点头承认自己会怕黑
Nod my head to admit that I'm afraid of the dark

我只求 能借一点的时间来陪
I only wish that you can spare some time for me

你却连同情都不给
But you don't even give me the slightest sympathy

想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
Want to cry to see if I'm numb to it yet

全世界 好象只有我疲惫
It's like in the whole world I'm the only one who's exhausted

无所无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
Doesn't matter, because even if I'm down I can ignore my senses and just get it over and done with

但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
Just wish that desperation will fly far away


天灰灰 会不会
The sky is grey

让我忘了你是谁
Will it make me forget who you are?

夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
The darker the night, the more misbehaving my dreams, hard to remember and ponder about them

我的世界 将被摧毁 也许事与愿违 (也许事与愿违)
My world is just about to be destroyed, maybe fate is against will

累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
Tired or not, want to sleep? Alone and nobody to pair up and snuggle with

夜越黑 梦违背 有谁肯安慰
The darker the night, the more misbehaving my dreams, who is there to comfort me?

我的世界将被摧毁
My world is about to be destroyed

也许颓废也是...
Maybe being blue is...


想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
Want to cry to see if I'm dead with out emotion yet

全世界 好象只有我疲惫
It's like in the whole world I'm the only one who's exhausted

无所无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
Doesn't matter, because even if I'm down I can ignore my senses and just get it over and done with

但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
Just wish that desperation will go away


天灰灰 会不会
The sky is gray

让我忘了你是谁
Will it make me forget who you are?

夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
The darker the night, the more misbehaving my dreams, hard to remember and ponder about them

我的世界将被摧毁 也许事与愿违
My world is just about to be destroyed, maybe fate is against will

累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
Tired or not, want to sleep? Alone and nobody to pair up and snuggle with

夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
The darker the night, the more misbehaving my dreams, who is there to comfort me?

我的世界将被摧毁
My world is about to be destroyed

也许颓废也是 ~ 另一种美
Maybe being blue is ~ another sort of beauty

Just why wouldn't anyone listen to me!
EMILY IS TIRED! :(

Tired of having to deal with all the unhappiness.
I always thought I could take it but I realised I couldn't.
I just want my happy life back!
God, please return it to me, I promise I'll be a good girl from then on.

Now, I'm just going to sit and wait.
Everyone wants me to please them and make them happy but this time no chance!
I've had enough!
It's time I made myself happy. Really happy.
Why can't you just understand that I don't care if any tom, dick and harry were to look down on me just cos I'm from poly, because I believe that the only person that can look down on you is yourself. So what if others were to snigger and say you're lousy cos you're from poly, its not like their going to see you ever again. Or if your employer were to say that, he's being too practical as long as you know what you're capable of and constantly work hard I think that's good enough.
Forget about all that Poly students are lousy thing!

In any way, my dream is just to have a family of my own and a reasonable salary.
I don't need to live in a big terrace house where everyone in the family is so separated, I don't need to go on holidays every year when it isn't really helping us bond (staying in singapore can help you bond as a family too), I don't need manicure, pedicures, facials every single month, I don't need to be able to buy branded stuff when pasar malam stuff is good enough for me.
That's all I'm asking.
Why keep pushing me to pursue a career that pays well when what I want is a career that brings me happiness!
Say I'm impractical, but how many other Singaporeans have done that and how many people out there in the world that have done that too?
Why won't you just understand!!!!

You want me to choose right?
Let me tell you, I'll pack my bags and leave.
But not with Shawn but somewhere else, maybe somewhere that I can just be alone and not bother about anything for the time being.

I know it sounds like I'm avoiding the situation but I almost breaked down. I never felt so lost in my entire life! Luckily xiaomeng was there for me, otherwise I would have just fainted, died and rotted without anyone knowing.
Wait and see.... ok I shall just do that. I mean at least now I have time to think about myself and not about all of you.
Hey parents and Shawn, forget about what you loved me and all that rubbish.
Trust me if you do love me!

I know some of you must be thinking that I was the on who told my parents so I should bear the consequences of all these and stop acting to be miserable when I'm the cause of it.
Well, I did tell my parents and they chased me out after that but I did tell them I broke up with him already.
Today, when I decided to just return home and be happy happy me as usual, they just went into a fit and start saying I lied.
For what reason they found out that we didn't break up, I don't know and I don't want to know.
What I want to know is that is Shawn hurt by the nasty things my mum called to tell him and will he decide to leave me cos he is tired of handling objections from my parents? or will he leave cos he dosen't want me to be in a difficult position?
Ohgosh. that must never happen! I didn't feel that I was in a difficult position and my stand has always been very clear.
I will never let my parents sabotage my relationships.
I just hope he doesn't think that way and then repeat what he did in the past.

God, save me! I'm so tired I just feel like giving up!

Ok, enough of rattling about how miserable I felt.
Did you really think I'll give them up so easily?
Or did you really think that I was angry at them?
Nope, I wasn't angry.
I was just grumbling like I always do. I mean its the best thing to do when your hands are tied and can't solve a problem. Then while grumbling, we'll just wait and see.
Maybe at the start it's a little difficult to handle letting go so there was this big boo-hoo from me but now, its slightly better I suppose.
I was really ready to pack and leave but to no idea where.
Not that I wanted to make a decision now, just that i need to take a breather.
They are breathing down my neck like draculas! Maybe not Shawn, he dosen't even bother breathing down my neck.
I'm tired but not to extent of killing myself and giving up.

I mean I'm glad I had people like xiaomeng and john to help me along the way. They really helped soothe my uneasiness.

LET'S CONTINUE WAITING AND SEE........
(maybe the sky will drop or maybe we'll see a shooting star?)

I decided to delete the post I posted with anger cos anger does me no good!
When its my fault, it is my fault and there is no point in finding gazillions of excuses and reasonings for it.

So after Shawn replied my msg confirming that it is what he was unhappy about, things finally started coming to me and now I finally know what's wrong. I tooked 4 weeks to understand this. Probably he made me learnt this lesson the hard way.

I did ask Leeyang out!
IT IS MY FREAKING FAULT FOR TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED!
Now, you get the picture so stop saying nasty things about Shawn!
I'm sick of having people go up to him telling him that he hurt me!!!!!
Not that it helped make things better. Instead, it made me seem like a whiny childish fool who dosen't admits her mistakes and go around pushing the blame.
Don't you understand that I will handle the problem myself. Who do you think you are to meddle with my stuff!
I should have known better that to trust you.
There goes 10 years of friendship.

The next question some might be asking is: so you cheated on shawn?
Well, I didn't.
It isn't the first time after I am with Shawn that I've gone out with Leeyang and the rest.
Everytime Leeyang is the one who initiates and organises the outings with my SA clique.
This time it is as usual, Leeyang wanted to plan an outing for all of us to have dinner.
However, this time I took Shawn for granted. He had always agreed to the outings so I thought this time it would be the same especially after I had shown him the msg Leeyang sent asking me, "when are we going out?"
I understood that Leeyang mass send the msg and didn't ask me alone.
So, I didn't respect Shawn by not asking him if he felt okay about it if I were to go out with them. In fact, I don't think I even explained to him at that point in time that Leeyang meant to mean that it was with Jane and the rest.
Instead, I went ahead to reply Leeyang days after, "when are we going out?". This was done without Shawn's knowledge.
This msg then became the crux of the whole arguement.
We looked at the whole issue differently. He felt that I lied to him while I felt that he didn't trust me.
But eventually it boils down to one point. Lack of understanding!
I should not have took things for granted and didn't even tell him about it, at least let him know it isn't with Leeyang alone. In fact, I shouldn't even be stubborn and still keep going out with Leeyang just cos he did me a big favour last time.
But, I did and now I'm regretting it big time cos it pays to think like that.

Well, I made things clear with Leeyang that day. I didn't tell him anything about Shawn and me. I just told him that I got to spare a thought for Shawn so I got to stop seeing him even if its in the group. That applies to Zonghan as well. Well, he understood. No questions and all he said was take care! But of course, I might still need him to explain to Shawn. But, he made me understand that as friends, they don't doubt my decision and trust that I'll make a wise choice so they just support it. Guess, he really treated me as a friend and I'm thankful for that.

Gosh, this lesson is a very expensive one and I learnt it the hard way (having someone you love ignore you). I just hope that there is a chance to make up for it. Like what John says, at least now I know what made Shawn angry and I better learn my lesson so that the next time I will know how to communicate with him.

Okay, not forgetting to mention the comfort xiaomeng gave me.

I guess I just have to continue waiting till he's ready.
Whoever sees me please do not bring up relationship topics in front of me cos I will just start brawling my eyes out.
Please someone fast forward the time, to the time he has forgiven me and when we live happily ever after....

P.S 18 years old don't need parents approval to get married! I was right. Stupid whoever who told me have to wait till 21. Now, my dream of getting married and having kids can be fulfilled sooner. It was the only thing I lived for. I know it sounds very un-ambitious but everyone has their own set of aspirations and I'm proud to say that mine is to have a family of my own and a doting husband.