I went for SSM again today, from 8am till 6pm.
Its the longest I've ever stayed for SSM so far.
Well, I failed my grooming cos of my hair! And I still thought things were getting better since I passed it last week.
Crap.

I am a pretty fortunate girl though.
I had a handsome dear to send me to school this morning so that I can laze in bed awhile longer.
We bought breakfast and that's when I irritated him early in the morning cos I sort of showed no interest in showing directions. I guess he was pretty upset over it.

Tried out proficiency test 2 first before moving on to test 1.
Still not very sure whether I can do well but at least I will pass.
I bought the wrong wine opener right from the start cos it dosen't have a foil cutter and it is single pulltab.
Which makes my job even more difficult and I was struggling with it until Mr Goh made fun of me.
He kept saying that I was going to repeat SSM and that he would see me again next semester.
All I told him was that I would go back to visit him but I won't repeat the subject.
Eventually, I decided to buy the TCA wine opener.
Kinda late huh?

Went out with Kleiser's family today and got to play with his son.
Everytime I see him it tickles me cos it instils that motherly feeling in me.
I guess its not just with his son, its with every other kid.
It feels like I'm seeing him grow up.
Everytime I see him, he has either grown bigger or has learned something new.
I can't wait for him to talk and run (:

I finally knew what I thought didn't feel right about this relationship.
The one thing that has been bothering me for quite awhile and something that left me feeling insecure.
It is that I'm not being supportive enough and it feels like 2 different lifes being linked together and we merely live in the middle area where the 2 lifes meet.
To put it simply, we haven't opened up ourselves to each other to the extent that these 2 lives come together to be 1.
Maybe that day will come only if we do get married.
But still, it can be worked towards too.
And, he still hasn't trust me enough to let me do things for him.
I know it takes time so I'm going to wait until he is able to do so.
However, he has done alot of things for me even though he hasn't really cracked the nut in me.
That's why, I've decided to be supportive and do something for him.
Something that he trusts me enough to do and I have the ability to do so.
Therefore, I've come up with the idea of financial planning.
I guess through this it helps build the foundation of our relationship and we begin to trust each other and feel secure by knowing that this person is more than willing to go through thick and thin with me.

My dad made a very irresponsible remark and I got kind of pissed off so I just left the conversation we were having. I still have no idea how to explain my 'big' plans with them though.

In the process of thinking....Till then, ta-ta!

sometimes i feel very fortunate to have someone like you right beside me.
i haven't love anyone that much for quite awhile now but you are making me fall in love with you even more each day.

there were times we argued and quarreled but there were also times when we would laugh so hard together and enjoy ourselves. as time goes by, i guess we slowly learned how to accept each others flaws and live with it.

i remember the time when we first met - something about you just attracted me and from then on I was mesmerized.
i would wait at NUS, hoping that you would appear so that i would catch a glimpse of you.
i remember the first time you asked me out on a movie / roller-blading date and how you ended up sleeping in the theatre.
i remember how we would stay by the beach / park with 'zhenzi' and talk into the wee hours of the night.
i remember the times when I would bring breakfast for you and you would finish it no matter what.
i remember how we had heated arguments and you would vanish into thin air. I would get so worried and spam you with emails and phonecalls and cry myself to sleep. When you finally replied, i would feel so relieved and smile all over again.
i remember the times when you would whip up a good meal for me by the beach and won't mind getting all sweaty all over again.
i remember the times when you would travel all over singapore when i was sick.
i remember the time when you held back your punches at my dad even though you were fuming inside cos it showed me how much you really want to make things work and not to make things difficult for me.
i saw the effort you've put in to make sure you please my parents by sending me back early cos you don't want me to get screamed at.
i remember the time when we had the 'scare' and you were almost all so ready to face it with me.
i remember how you would put out your cigarette just cos i couldn't stand the smoke.
i remember how you would go all over singapore to satisfy my food cravings.
i love the way you get would call a number of times when I go out with guy friends cos it shows that you cared.
i love the way you tell me you just want to grab me and go to the church with me this minute.
i love the way you hug me to sleep and then snore the next minute.
i love the way you are able to have control over my emotions.
i love the way you say that you're working hard for your career and OUR future cos it makes me feel accepted into your life.
i love the way you gave me big hugs just cos i wanted them.
i love the way you say 'dear, i love you!'
most importantly, i love you for being yourself.

there are times (almost everytime) i do have a naive thinking that i do want to be that special someone in your life even though i know that we might not even be together eventually.
when this happens, i feel so insecure by alot of things you say cos it makes me feel that you aren't sure yet and it makes me worry cos anytime you can tell me that i am not the one for you. then, you will leave me.
i start becoming very unreasonable and throw my tantrums at you.
i know i haven't been very accommodating and understanding during this period of time and sometimes i ask myself why am i throwing such tantrums.
that's because i care and i can't bear to lose you just yet.

dear, i might not be the prettiest girl on earth or in singapore. i might not even be the most understanding and supportive girlfriend i would very much want to be. i might not even be the smartest and most virtuous girl around. or i might not be better that any of the other girls you have been together with. but this is who i am. i really do hope that you would love me for who i am and not for who i am not. will u accept my flaws and love me for who i am?

i love you, dear.

Yeterday went to vivo's secret recipe with SA clique.
We were supposed to meet at 6 pm but Zonghan and I only reached around 7pm+.
Leeyang was like complaining that both of us always late.
But I had a reason! Not like Zonghan who was late cos he was sleeping!
(:

Jane and Jasmine came from school to join us.
We ate and chat but I was quite stressed up with all my homework and projects piling up and due next week so I didn't really talk much.
After we left, I sent a msg to apologise and all of them were so encouraging.
That's why I say they are really nice people to be with.
I so miss the times we had in SAJC! ):

so dear was being a green-eyed monster cos he called me like 3 times yesterday when I was out with Leeyang and the rest.
I mean he never calls just to talk crap when he is working so it is pretty unusual when he called me thrice yesterday.
well, it feels kinda nice to know that at least someone is getting all worried over you.
I haven't had this feeling for very long.

I have project deadlines and test all falling in place next week:
1. marketing test on monday (which I haven't studied and whose notes I totally don't understand at all)
2. BESE report due on monday
3. law presentation due on friday

I am going off to have my face treated now so ta-ta! (:

9 years.
In a blink of an eye, you have left us for 9 years.
I took 9 years to actually get use to the fact that you are gone.
Sometimes I hoped that you never had to take up smoking and that it never had to take your life but I learnt to let go and have the courage to think and talk about you all over again.
And, it is only until know did I know how much I missed you.
When I am all alone, I would think of you once in awhile and leaves me in tears.
When I tried to smile and talk about you, I realised the silence in ahmah and how fake is my smile.
During family gatherings when everyone is talking and laughing, I wished you were with us and that you never left.
I refused to think about you cos I know the pain in me hasn't gone.

I have learnt to let go and accept this fact.
Now, I want to thank you for the happy and sweet memories that you etched in me.
I was so young when you left me. Too young to even know how much you meant to me.
I never gotten a chance to do this but I really want to let the whole world know how much you have done for me. I am sorry for the times I haven't been a good girl and angered you but I am grateful of alot of other things.

The days when you would wake up early just to get me roti prata for my breakfast.
When you would bring me on MRT rides to the market when my parents were at work.
When you would buy green pancake with peanuts in it for me to snack on.
When you told the maid off cos she served me with piping hot milk.
When you popped by to visit me and make sure that I am fine when I shifted house.
When you taught me the meaning of family.
When you taught me how to love and respect.

These memories might seem simple and insignificant to some but it holds special meaning to me. I could have chosen to forget these memories as I grow up but I chose not too cos it reminds me of the lessons my grandfather taught me and that I always will have a hero in my heart who will be watching over me.

I want him to know that he might not have been a tycoon or a war hero but in my eyes, he was a great man. He was my grandfather.

阿公，妹妹長大了懂得大聲說出我對你的思念了。我好想你！

Show the ones you love how much you love them when you still can.
True enough, it sounds very cliche.
That's what I thought too so I took my grandpa for granted and never did anything for him in return.
But it is only when I lost him, then I learnt my lesson. In fact, it was a very expensive lesson.
Trust me, love and care while you still can and you will never go wrong.

Why live your life with regret just because of that minute of ego, right?

It has been quite awhile since we went to the park together. And I really am happy we did finally had time to go there.
No fancy restaurants, no pricey food, no candlelight dinner.
All there was the dark blue sky with stars, 'rainbows' and a full moon as a backdrop and beef curry rice to fill our stomachs.
In my eyes, this was the best candlelit dinner under the moonlit night in the fanciest restaurant serving the best food.
And as you held my hand, it felt like forever was near.

Sometimes the simplest pleasures make you the happiest person.