SEMESTER 2.1!

This is the semester with uniforms to wear.
I have to be in formal attire every monday for BESE then I have to wear uniform every wednesday for SSM.
Whee. Its feels like I am really working in the industry. Monday is to be a working professional while Wednesday is to be a waitress (who can't carry 3 plates stably!)
For the first SSM lesson, I was late and got screamed at.
The next lesson, I woked up even earlier so I was slightly earlier but still not good enough for me cos I spend quite awhile getting prepared for class.
At first, I thought Mr Goh would be like those old school tutors like dear described but apparently it turned out that it wasn't the case.
He is quite jovial and comical at times and he makes you want to do things for him. He scolds for a reason so I am quite ok if he screams at me while I was pouring the wine for him.
Apparently, dear says he was like a bulldog back in Shatec and that not many people respected him.
Well, I guess it takes time to see.

Other lessons were quite ok.
But I think I should really buck up on TTO so I should be revising my IHT notes to refresh myself on the different terms used in the industry.
I was quite lost during TTO tutorial today.

Had dinner, coffeeshop hunting and doing of Chefworkz stuff today with dear.
I am like spending almost 5days a week with him.
I am always wondering if he will get bored of seeing me so many days in a week.
LOL.

I will be heading to the library tomorrow to borrow books and to PAY MY FINE OF $54.90.
Crap.
I think they adjusted the library fine cos it never used to be so bloody expensive!
I have to make a new card too cos they won't allow me to use my IC or ez-link since I reported loss for my ez-link before.
There goes another $5.
They should really not make going to the library to borrow books so expensive when you forget/have no time to return books.
Otherwise there will be no pull factor for people like me to go back again. I would rather go to bookstores like SAN bookstore to rent so that even I don't return it on time, I still get the book and don't have to pay so much.

Alrighty I am going to use the mask I bought from The Face Shop today.
I am so excited over it (:

Ta-Ta!

Expectations are part and parcel of life, be it expectations we have of others or expectations others have for us.
Most of the time I work for the expectations others have for me.
It serves as a good motivator at times but when these expectations start to decide my course of life, then maybe its time for me to let go of these expectations and stand up for myself?

I just don't know.

I HAVE A BIG RED BRUISE ON MY THIGH!!!!!

It wasn't really red at first then dear insisted that it would be best to rub it hard so that the blood flows. So now I am left with a red bruise that isn't so painful anymore.

Someone ever told me, 'There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused and without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.'

When you are at crossroads, there are choices we have to make.

I was supposed to visit my grandma a few days ago but when I was on the phone with her she brought up the topic about boyfriends after hearing from my aunt that I was going out with a 'wrong' guy. So, she kept telling me to focus on my studies and to be with someone that will not hinder my dreams and aspirations.

First Choice: To lie or not to lie

I lied.
I lied that this guy was just a very good friend of mine who was still studying.
I lied so that she wouldn't worry.
I lied knowing that one day she will find out the truth and be so disappointed in me.
I lied with tears trickling down my face.

一个谎言不管编制得多完美， 始终还是会被揭穿的。而当谎言被揭穿时， 对方的痛是你无法想像的。

Honestly speaking, I have told a whole pack of lies to my parents just so that I can have the best of both worlds. I used to feel so guilty for telling these lies but as time goes by I have gotten used to it.

Ironically, telling these lies seem so new and unnatural to me all of a sudden. Maybe because this time I am lying to a person so dear to me that lying to her has never crossed my mind.

I always how they will feel if they were to realise that their daughter/granddaughter had been lying to them all these while. I bet they will be so disappointed and I will be too embarrassed to face them.

That is why I chose to spend less time at home cos I figured out that this will minimise the number of lies I have to tell adn maybe this will help lighten their disappointment.

In the end, I chose not to visit my grandma cos I have no idea how to face her after all the lies that I have told her and I really really don't want to tell her more lies.

Avoidance, in this case, might be the best cure.

Second Choice: To choose to have a guilty-conscience or to be guilt-free

For now, my choice will be to have a guilty-conscience.

I beg to differ on the part of turning around when faced with the unknown.
In fact, I believe that every song has an ending, whether good or bad, but is that any reason not to enjoy the music?
Nobody can predict the future. Will we get married, have kids and live happily after? I don't know. But for now, I know I love him and I am happy with him. All I want is to be happy.
Some think that I am very selfish to build my happiness at the expense of others but I choose to believe that that will not be the case. That's why I don't see the reason why I should just turn around and back out just because I am uncertain of what lies ahead of us.