Darcy Lenora Taylor

I haven't written lately for a few reasons but mostly because there is something I've wanted to write about, need to write about, but haven't been able to find the words. At first it seemed too soon then it became too easy to keep pushing the thoughts and feelings away and busy myself with other things (you know, like raising kids and stuff...). On September 2nd Spencer's younger sister Darcy passed away.  While not wholly unexpected we did not expect to say good-bye so soon.
In January 2015 Darcy moved to California to nanny for a young family in the bay area. She had been experiencing some lower back pain that seemed to be bothering her legs as well. While in California she had spent more time in a doctor's office and the E.R. waiting room than anywhere else. No one could really peg down what was going on. She was trying priesthood blessings, physical therapy, and a chiropractor but nothing was really helping. Finally after some blood work they found she had an elevated white blood count which could mean an infection. Scans, tests, more blood work, and hours later the doctors informed Darcy that she had a cancerous tumor the size of a softball in her thigh. She was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma.

Ewing sarcoma--the second most common bone cancer often originates in the long bones of the body (including the thigh). While it often originates in the bone it can form just outside the bone in the soft tissue. The cancer can also move to other sites including the lungs, other bones or soft tissue areas, when it does this it is known as metastasis and makes treatment difficult. This was Darcy's "monster".
After the initial diagnosis decisions had to be made. My in-laws left immediately to be with Darcy and bring her home. It was decided that chemotherapy would not begin until Darcy was home but how to get from point A to point B? Darcy was in too much pain to travel by car. Her pain medication was being administered intravenously and pills would not be enough to fly commercially. Chartering a private flight would cost an exorbitant amount of money....but what other choice was there? So Darcy was flown home by AMRG where an ambulance met her on the tarmac of the airport and transported her directly to the Huntsman Cancer Institute. More tests, more scans, more doctors, more plans...

Her initial diagnosis was confirmed and a prognosis was delivered. Ten months to a year. Maybe more, maybe less. The cancer was not only in her thigh but throughout her torso and lower legs. Surgery was not an option. Chemotherapy commenced and radiation was administered to a targeted area. Darcy lost weight and lost her hair but she did not lose her spirit. As months went by we tried to gather as often as possible, visit her at the hospital during her treatments, and hang out with her at home when she was up to it. Darcy rarely turned anyone away. We knew she felt awful, we knew she was tired but she wouldn't deny a niece or nephew a hug or high five or quick game or story. She would ask you how school, work, family, life, projects,...etc. were going before you could ask her about herself. The most beautiful transformation came over Darcy as the months went by. Her patience and tolerance increased, her words became wiser and kinder...she became Christlike. That is how we'll always remember her. 

Early July more scans were ordered to measure progress on the treatments. The therapy seemed to be working, the effects were marginal, but we were hopeful. In August Darcy started getting headaches she described as having constant brain-freeze. Parts of her face would become numb. Lumps were popping up around her body, including her chest. She had each of her sisters and sisters-in-law feel the lumps so we would know what a tumor felt like in ourselves. Darcy had an MRI to investigate her headaches. The cause was ten marble sized brain tumors, her cancer had passed the "blood-brain" barrier. My mother-in-law did not tell Darcy right away...how do you deliver news like that? Eventually Darcy knew but she remained happy and faithful. Darcy celebrated her 26th birthday surrounded by family on August 11th (the day before Vivian's birthday). Darcy had to go back to the hospital for a consultation in preparation for a surgery to implant a pain pump. She had an elevated temperature so they admitted her and she received the pump in a matter of days rather than having to wait weeks. Darcy was not doing well her body began to shake uncontrollably, she lost all appetite, and she spent more time asleep than awake.

Darcy just wanted to be home, we wanted her home, but once again transport was an issue. My father-in-law, Sherman (a retired paramedic), was able to call in a few favors. An old partner and some co-workers were able to use the training ambulance to drive Darcy home. Since it was the training ambulance there was no rush and they were able to move Darcy when her tremors had calmed. Darcy was given medication just before leaving so she would be comfortable during the short drive home. Hospice services met them at the house. Darcy was not awake but we all gathered at the house to visit with her as individual families. The next afternoon cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings, and friends all converged at Spencer's parent's house and (having never regained consciousness since leaving the hospital the day before) Darcy passed away quietly surrounded by those she loved and those who love her. The interesting thing is that most of the relatives just felt prompted to visit Darcy it wasn't widely announced that Darcy was home, everyone just felt that they needed to come. Truly a tender mercy from the Lord. Back in January Darcy, a naturally social creature, had chosen to keep her diagnosis off of her social networks and she tucked into the family rather than spending much time out with very close friends. Family and extended family knew of her diagnosis but no one had really seen her since before she lost her long brown hair so it was quite a shock for some to see how Darcy had changed and realize the seriousness of her condition.

We did the best we could to explain to Leone what happened. We told her how Darcy is living with Heavenly Father and Jesus now and that she isn't sick or hurting anymore. We were impressed by how well Leone was able to comprehend and digest the information. Leone still prays for Darcy and often speaks of her.
Darcy's funeral was overwhelmingly attended and the presence of the spirit was palpable. Spencer spoke on behalf of the brothers and his sister Tricy spoke on behalf of the sisters, my mother-in-law also spoke. There were musical numbers and colorful flowers...it was a heart warming service. Darcy is buried at the Taylor family plot in the Salt Lake City cemetery where my father-in-law gave a beautiful dedication of her grave and we sang "Aloha-oe", a Taylor family tradition.

Darcy was the queen of color and accessories, I often joke that Darcy was Leone's gateway to accessories. Darcy was the kind of aunt that would let you watch her get ready to go out for the evening and give you a spritz of perfume, a swipe of blush, or dab of lip gloss. We were able to select from Darcy's possessions some mementos: earrings and a ring for each of our daughters (especially Leone), I have a ring as well, and the orange scarf I gifted to Darcy on her birthday when the entire family and significant others spent a few days in Moab the year Spencer and I were dating. Spencer has a few of her bracelets and we kept her small black jewelry box with flowers painted on top that we will give to Leone some day when she is older. Darcy was such a fun, lively, playful, and caring aunt all of the nieces and nephews knew her and love her. Darcy wasn't a mother of her own children but she was always surrounded by the children of others and she had a special connection with them.

It goes without saying that Darcy is missed dearly, especially at this time of year. We know that she is safe, happy, and well cared for with our Father in Heaven and we are eternally grateful for the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that will allow us to enjoy her company once again.

Introducing...

(Forgive the poor resolution of the scans)

Newborn Pictures and Blessing

It took us a long time to decide on Vivian's name but in the end it was one of the two names that we started with. Her middle name is my paternal grandmother's maiden name. It is pronounced "la-bell" which means the beautiful or handsome but it is the old French/Romanian spelling.

Leone is completely enamored with Vivian and is so helpful/attentive and proud. Vivian only cries when she is hungry and is a cuddle bug. She loves to be held, and she loves to eat. At her two week appointment Vivian weighed in at 9lbs 12oz...usually at two weeks the doctor is hoping the baby is at least back to birth weight...so basically Vivian is rockin' it! 

Vivian has lots of hair and it's lighter than Leone's was at birth. Her eyes are also lighter than Leone's were and we're noticing a different iris pattern (Leone has the tree ring pattern like me but it looks like Vivian will have a burst pattern like Spencer). Vivian has the longest fingers and finger nail beds, I remember that was the first individual physical trait I noticed after her birth. I was just so surprised by their length.

 

Vivian was blessed when she was 11 days old while my parents were visiting. It was a perfect day for a blessing. It was a cool morning with a gentle breeze. Vivian wore the dress that I and my sisters and Leone and our niece Afton wore when we were blessed. Most of Spencer's family was able to attend.
Vivian was blessed by Spencer, our dads, one of Spencer's brothers (Trevor), our brother-in-law Taylor, and members of our bishopric Chris Delahunty and David Riddle. Leone was blessed at home so this was Spencer's first baby blessing at church and he was nervous but I thought he gave a beautiful blessing.
I love baby blessings. There is something so powerful and moving about a precious innocent baby surrounded and being protected by the priesthood.
Among other things Vivian was blessed with a desire to know our Father in Heaven's will, to follow the example of our Savior Jesus Chirst, to be an example to those around her in these last days when there is so much chaos in the world and so much good in the church, to be sensitive to the promptings of the spirit, and to find her mission here on earth and to fulfill it to the best of her ability.

Vivian Lebel Taylor

We ended up making it to that hot air balloon festival on Saturday. The balloons didn't get to launch because of the breeze but they did try to inflate and participate in the "glow" that evening before having to call it quits since the weather wasn't in our favor.

On Monday I had another Midwife appointment where we discussed scheduling an inducement. I was dilated to 3 cm and 70% effaced but we planned on calling in on Friday (if our baby hadn't arrived) and getting on the list for inducement. I really really didn't want to be chemically induced. I had my membranes stripped again before leaving and kept my fingers crossed I wouldn't make it my next appointment on Thursday. During my visit the Midwife mentioned it felt like our baby was posterior rather than anterior. Leone was this same way and I began to worry since we were so close to our due date that she wouldn't turn. Knowing this had happened with Leone I started early on in this pregnancy using yoga poses and other strategies to help the baby turn and settle into my pelvis...but maybe it's just the way my pelvis is shaped that my babies tend to face the wrong way. It doesn't create a complication like a breech baby would but it can slow labor and creates painful back labor. It basically means a long early labor and a fast delivery.
I went home that day and kept working on turning the baby and we were bracing ourselves for her to arrive any day. I was warned that having my membranes stripped would cause cramping and contractions but I felt nothing...

On Tuesday I woke up at 8:00 a.m. with mild contractions. Nothing major just the "Hmm...that was a contraction". Spencer went to work and Leone and I spent the day around the house cleaning, ironing, playing, and resting. All throughout the day I kept having contractions (mainly in my back spreading around to the front) and every once in a while I would have a pretty intense one the "woah...that was strong" kind, but nothing crippling. I started keeping track of the contractions but they didn't seem to regulate in frequency although the duration and intensity were consistently progressing. I just kept watching for the magic 1 minute long-5 minutes apart-for 1 hour combination. At times in the day it even seemed like the contractions stopped and that was terribly frustrating. I was able to go about the entire day having contractions but getting things done. This was completely different from my labor with Leone when I couldn't do anything but rock on my hands and knees and I was exhausted early on.

That evening I went to bed as usual. I remember having two contractions right before falling asleep. I woke up around 12:45 a.m. (Wednesday morning) for a bathroom break and then I noticed my contractions again. I couldn't fall back to sleep as the intensity and frequency were increasing. Around 3:30 a.m. Spencer woke up and kept me company and started tracking the contractions for me. During a contraction I had to focus but after a contraction Spencer and I would talk and laugh as if nothing were happening. This just wasn't how I expected labor to feel, especially after having Leone. I always scoffed at the idea of being able to sleep through any part of labor, or to go see a movie, or do anything but labor during early labor so I was thinking this may be my body reacting to my membranes being stripped.
At this point my contractions were getting closer to 5 minutes apart-we'd have a few 5 minutes apart then a 7 minutes apart, a 9 minutes, a 4 minutes, then a 5 again. Spencer started gathering our bags and waking Leone around 6:00 a.m. but I wanted to speak to a Midwife first. Just after 6:00 I called the hospital and asked the Midwife on call about the frequency of my contractions to which she responded "Is this your first? (My second.) Since this is your second I would come in to the hospital." At this point my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and 40-60 seconds long.
Leone was so excited she woke right up and didn't dawdle while getting ready. We dropped her off with Spencer's parents and made it to the hospital by 7:00 a.m.  Riding in the car while in labor is THE WORST. I had three three contractions during our short drive to the hospital. Luckily we didn't hit rush hour traffic.

We arrived at labor and delivery and were running through the usual questions. The receptionist asked a nurse if a triage room was ready to which she said yes. Then a few minutes (and contractions) later the receptionist asked the nurse "do you have a room available?" to which she said "I'll check". The same thing happened with Leone--we walk in and instead of going to triage I ended up going straight to a delivery room. I was dilated to a "5+"cm!

The nurses who helped us were incredible! I'm so grateful. The triage nurse continued with the admittance process while my delivery nurse was getting me hooked up to the monitor and setting up the instruments. I consented for the water birth trial but I wasn't sure I would actually want a water birth. I asked them to set up the pool so I could try laboring in the pool. While everything was getting set up the Midwife arrived (the only one I hadn't met). I was a little worried since I didn't have an idea of her personality or style yet but Theresa (the Midwife) was wonderful! A blessing really, she was exactly what I needed for this delivery. She immediately dimmed the lights and she spoke in a low soothing voice and was forthcoming with information so I felt completely present and informed.

The pool was ready so I decided to give it a shot. From my research I learned that laboring in water is really most helpful if you can submerge the entire belly (I had tried using water with Leone's labor but I couldn't ever submerge my stomach) so I wanted to see if it would make a difference. Before getting into the pool I went to the bathroom and while I was there I mentioned that I felt like I needed to have a bowel movement. Theresa (the midwife) called from the room "Don't push yet sweetie-that could be the baby!" She came to check and as she did she said "There goes your cervix. It's slipping away as we speak." (The cervix slides out of the way just before delivery so that is completely normal).Then suddenly my water broke! She checked to make sure everything was clear and then I climbed into the pool.

The birthing pool is an inflatable pool filled with warm water. It has several handles on the inside and outer edge, and one small bench inside. Spencer sat on a stool on my left and Theresa sat on a stool on my right. Between contractions we would talk and ask Theresa questions. The nurses would chime in...honestly the environment was friendly and casual but professional. Everything felt so right. The water helped tremendously with the contractions. I could still feel the pressure of a contraction but the pain was minimal. I was amazed!

Not long after climbing into the pool I felt the urge to push again. Theresa gave me the go ahead but suddenly I was scared. I didn't want to push...I wasn't mentally ready...and I wasn't prepared to not be ready. I was kind of panicking in my mind, psyching myself out. I knew I would probably tear again and I didn't want to. I realized that throughout my pregnancy I relied on knowing what to expect but then come labor and delivery knowing what to expect made me freak out a little. I started crying and saying "I don't want to do this", "It hurts", "I'm scared"...everything you're NOT supposed to say or think and deep down I knew that. Spencer, bless his heart, kept encouraging me and I could see in his eyes he was concerned for me. He wanted to help and was ready to demand anything I wanted but at the same time he knew there was nothing we could do except deliver our baby. Theresa kept coaching me and telling me "you're going to have a baby any minute...just push, breathe the baby out." I was thinking "yeah, sure, any minute...I pushed Leone for an hour!" I couldn't have done it without Theresa and Spencer and all the other nurses encouraging and pushing me a long. I could have moved to the bed but I didn't feel like going anywhere. I didn't even want to change positions in the pool; partly because where I was felt good but, I think, also I was a bit frozen with fear. Theresa finally, gently said, "What do you want? Do you want to get out of the pool and get in the bed and have an epidural?" I didn't verbally respond (I may have whimpered...) but she must have seen the hope in my eyes because she said "No...you're baby is so close, I know that's not what you really want." And she was right....that wasn't what I really wanted but anything sounded good at that moment. All I wanted was for someone to reach inside and pull the baby out--suddenly C-sections didn't seem so bad after all...

Theresa suggested I reach down to feel the baby and I could! That was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I could feel the crown of her head just two knuckle lengths away! That gave me a bit of an adrenaline rush--like when you can see the "finish" line so I made sure to make my next pushes productive. When I checked again I could feel her head just one knuckle away! A push or two more...I tried to check again...but I couldn't distinguish anything. Theresa checked and she said "That's because that's her crown. You're there!" Our baby was literally a push or two away. I went for it! Suddenly---so suddenly--- she was here! Spencer was able to catch her and hand her to me and then he cut her umbilical cord and she was born!! I couldn't believe it. I was crying with relief and joy and gratitude. I was overcome.
My first thought was she looks like Leone...but not...then that she resembles my Dad. I handed our baby girl back to Spencer while I stepped out of the pool and into the bed. There I was able to hold our little girl, Vivian Lebel, skin to skin. I did tear again but not as bad as last time.
Only an hour and a half after being admitted to the hospital, weighing in at 8 lbs 9 oz (a whole pound more than her sister) and 20 inches long, Vivian was born on Wednesday August 12th at 9:15 a.m.

 She has my chin.

The Raspberry Patch

I have always enjoyed "pick-your-own" type farms but they seem to be fading, at least in this area. About two years ago I discovered a place about an hour away called The Raspberry Patch and had been aching to go but for whatever reason we never got around to it. The other night while we were laying in bed talking about what to do for the weekend I brought up raspberry picking and we decided to make it happen. I was afraid I might go into labor and we wouldn't be able to go but luckily baby is still hanging around so we woke up early and headed out to pick raspberries.

The patch is on private property next to someone's house and when we pulled up all we saw was a table with a coffee can dictating the price per pound and a scale and rows and rows of raspberry canes. There was one person out picking so we asked them how it works and basically you pick what you want, weigh it, and pay in the can--totally on the honor system.
We ended up picking about 4.5 pounds of raspberries (much more than we had intended) but it's hard to walk past a ripe raspberry and not pick it! We called it good just as it was starting to get hot and more of a crowd had developed. We've been snacking on fresh flavorful raspberries the rest of the weekend, working raspberries seeds out from between our teeth, and dreaming up all the goodies we can make.

In baby news:

Our due date is Friday the 7th. Leone came five days early but it seems like this little miss is cozy as is and doesn't feel like she's in any rush to arrive. I'm trying to be patient but it's so hard when we're so close! At my last appointment I asked about the policy/procedure for if she doesn't arrive by her due date. Basically if  I make it to my next appointment we will schedule an induction date but how long we wait is up to me. They don't let anyone go two weeks past the due date because of complications for the mother and baby. I'm all for letting the baby arrive when they're ready....but I'm ready to meet this baby. My favorite midwife mentioned she is on-call Monday and Tuesday so I am hoping the baby decides to make an appearance around then, but honestly I like all the midwives and would be happy with any of them. 

For now I'm just trying to rest up but stay busy so I don't go stir crazy. If the baby doesn't arrive on Friday there is a hot air balloon festival this weekend we'd like to attend...

June/July 2015

June seemed to go by quickly and then July seemed to creep (isn't that usually the case when you're anticipating something?). The following is a photo update of the past few months. (Every picture was taken with my phone so please excuse the quality)

At the end of June Spencer and I went on a little date to celebrate my final year of teaching. We took a bread and cheese dinner up to the flight park and watched the hang gliders and para gliders land and take off. It was incredible! They were floating in swarms above our heads and we had fun learning a little about the mechanics of the process.

 Grilling kabobs for dinner on our porch.

 The weekend of the 4th of July we went to the reservoir and Spencer's sister Darcy came with us. 

(Darcy is battling stage 4 cancer and we recently learned the chemotherapy and radiation treatments have been slowly chipping away at her tumors. Progress is slow but we are thrilled!)

 We had a ward breakfast the morning of the 4th and then while I ran a few errands Spencer took Leone to Barnes & Noble where they were having a little paleontology story time/activity. Leone won the drawing prize at the end! I arrived just in time to hear her name called. She won a tote bag, the first book of the Magic Tree House series, and a 3D glow in the dark dinosaur puzzle!

 We got home and made ice cream that afternoon. I had originally planned to follow a toasted coconut gelato recipe but I forgot to start the base the night before so instead I tweaked a couple different recipes that resulted in our own version of toasted coconut ice cream. It was delicious! 

 

That night we drove up the street to watch the fireworks up close. Usually we would celebrate the 4th with Spencer's family and a barbecue then watch fireworks from his parent's yard where we can see shows from all around the valley. We celebrated with Spencer's family the night before so this time we took advantage of a local show nearby. While seeing lots of fireworks can be fun there is something about being close enough to feel the "boom" as they go off...Leone loved every minute!

There was a free children's festival at Thanksgiving Point a week or two later. Leone painted a flower pot and planted green beans, we received free tote bags, lots of free samples, chased bubbles, saw exotic birds and reptiles, played with kittens, and wandered around all the different booths. It was a great way to kill a Saturday afternoon.

 One night, a few hours after we had put Leone down for the night, I got up to go to the bathroom and opened the door to find Leone sleeping at our door. I yelped because I was completely taken off guard but she kept sleeping away.

 We discovered a new splash pad with our friends Ambree and Porter. Ambree and I were in the primary presidency together and Porter and Leone are in nursery. I love the new splash pad because it incorporates a waterfall and flowing stream as well as the usual fountains and spouts. The entire feature is made of granite and cement so it has a very natural feel. 

 We went up to Snowbird for one of their family movie nights. We saw Paddington which, luckily, turned out to be cuter and more entertaining that we had originally thought. While there Spencer spotted Brian May who is the guitarist from the group Queen and an astrophysicist.  We decided not to approach him-we were a bit deterred by his entourage-but we know it was him because his hair is unmistakable. It looks exactly like it did in the 80's but now it's white.