I guess life brings us to things we never expect. To be really honest, I didn't really have much fun in Athens contrary to how my pics turn out to be. Why you may ask? It was because it was not spent with the people I love best. I admit its a nice place but whats there to feel when you're watching the sunset "alone". Ok, technically I wasn't alone, I was with other 9 other crew "friends". But I say "friends" because I barely know them. The "friendships" you form on board sometimes can be rather superficial. Seriously. I'm stating facts here. I mean, you'll understand if you're a working adult. Sometimes, the friends you make at work is only meant for work and thats it. Those are the only similarities you have with them and I guess I felt that way this time. Didn't really connect with anyone on the flight. I could, but I chose not to. Why am I saying all these? Well, just to express how I honestly feel again lor :) It happens. But of course there are exceptional people that you meet and really get along with. I guess I didn't go on flight with the right attitude. Just ended a week of leave thats why probably :P Oh well...
On another note, nobody was home last night, and nobody is home tonight and nobody will be home tomorrow night either. Hate being alone at night. And due to certain circumstances, I somehow ended up watching a movie ALONE~ for the first ever @$%$^$%# time. So sad hor? =( But I did. And I think I made the right decision. It was a really good movie. The Taking of Pelham 123. Recommended watch even above Transformers 2. Seriously. Watched Transformers 2 last night with my batchies and it was ewww. Bomb here bomb there, run here run there, sweat here sweat there. Urgh. At least Pelham kept me at the edge of my seat throughout. I liked how they related so many other issues along with the plot, the whole reality of life and how circumstances make us make hard decisions sometimes.
You know N, about our chat tonight, I'm glad we met and touched on those issues. It reminded me of those days back in KL and how clear I was with my direction. I lost myself to the world. Literally. All these traveling has opened my eyes to the good and bad. And I guess I only saw the bad. It killed the innocence in my soul. And knowing sometimes can be bad. Because once you KNOW, you'll never NOT know because you already KNOW. I am now aware.
I want to run away from what I know. I want to hide away from my darkness. I want to get away from all the confusion and lies. I don't know who to turn to when I'm feeling all cold and broken. I mean, talking about practicality, no one can and will ever be with you all the time. I think no one can stand my nuisance and crap. Seriously. I annoy myself all the time too. I just still can't seem to accept myself. Ever understand that feeling? No? Its fine cause you've accepted yourself (= Thats a good thing. You don't have to live with the struggle of fighting yourself.
Oh well. I'm searching for my identity in this world. I want to be someone so badly. I wished...
-jOhN "lost" LiM-
