November 2008: One day before frozen egg transfer, i was really worried. Knowing that the chances of thaw egg is only 50 percent and the success rate of conceive is drop to only 20 percent. I have only pathetic of 2 eggs left and counting the odds, probably can have at least one egg if everything goes well. But not being able to do anything except to wait till the actual day of transfer before knowing how many eggs can be thaw. There is a sperm bank and egg bank in kk hospital.
The person handling the eggs is called the embryologist. I was surprised that there is such a job title and his or her job is to monitor egg growth in the lab. The eggs could only be taken out of the freezer the night before transfer. It is pitiful that these eggs have to undergo several months of cold temperature. I need to fast before date of egg transfer, only plain water allowed, no food after 11pm. On the morning i waited for instruction from the nurse. Long queue at the hospital so they waited for some time for Doctor Loh. Hubby was allowed to enter the egg transfer room to witness the process. Then doctor informed that 2 eggs thaw, one is good quality but the other is not as good and if i want to put in both. He highlighted that the lower grade egg will not turn out to be abnormal baby. Without hesitation, i insist on putting both since any chance of survival could not be missed. Doctor showed them the eggs inside a long plastic tube. The transfer only took 5 minutes. Doctor explained as to why they insert the eggs to the middle of the womb and not right to the top of the womb. And he reminded me that it depends if the eggs will stick to the womb after transfer. The nurse told me to lie down on the bed for another ten minutes after that i changed back into own clothes before going out of the transfer room. The embryologist pass me a paper to indicate the grade of egg and number of egg transfer. I was truly grateful to her for ensuring that the eggs could thaw well. How many people can understand the agony, pain, emotions that i have to go through.
Day 10: I tested in the early morning with clear blue pregnancy kit. A definite negative. I double check the results an hour later on the stick and still see big fat negative results. I know that results must be read in 10 mins to see the results but still hoping for miracle to happen. Maybe i miss out some faint line or something. Then i went on to do my own things, check emails and surf the net for information. When i woke up from afternoon nap after 2 hours, i saw some red spotting on the panty liner and wonder if it is implantation spotting. I have never seen how spotting looks like as when i conceive Patrick it was a smooth and perfect pregnancy.
Day 13: I took another test. With hands shaking, expecting to see the negative results again. Yes, another negative result and i threw the stick into the bin. Then think maybe still got miracle, i retrieve from the bin after a few hours to see a faint line. Quickly i went on the net for a crazy search that it means evaporation line. Some people says that this is a ghost line, some get positive result after a few days later but some say never to trust this evaporation line. I don't know know which side of the story to believe. On the internet a doctor said not to buy any urine test kit. It is cheating oneself, best to go for the blood test to get the most accurate answer. But i didn't have any pregnancy signs so i don't think much hope for this cycle. I waited for another 4 days and the night before the blood test, i cannot resist the temptation and went to guardian pharmacy to get the digital test kit. It does not require line reading, simply a yes or no answer. So i tried with shivering hands, still negative. Much disappointment, i broke down to cry at night. I asked Patrick if the eggs are still inside my tummy. He said no more eggs. The right brain training that he went through did give some sort of ESP or 6th sense. He told me that he's not sure what happen to the eggs but could tell that they are no longer inside tummy.
I asked myself why my effort to stay home, rest well, eat proper meals and yet the eggs still cannot implant. But i have always been strong, so picked myself up very quickly this time round. Life has to go on and i pull up her socks to move on. Patrick was a motivator for me as he will do funny things to make me laugh and forget about all the unhappiness. And being a well behaved boy since young, it made me more motivated to have another child. I set target at 10 tries in ivf before i will give up. Every failure will make one stronger. My friend recommend me to Chinese medication. At a point that English medication can no longer work, i realize that i cannot just sit around waiting for the next cycle and miracle to happen. I decided to be pro-active and got the contact number of different Chinese doctor to try out. A doctor Tan from clementi who specialize in male fertility issue and hubby tried this doctor. I tried another doctor Zou from Ang Mo Kio who specialize in ivf treatment acupuncture.
The first acupuncture was a funny feeling for both of us. Having needles poking into the stomach area, 4 into the center of the tummy and 2 on each side of the leg. After needle poke, the electrical current wire are being attached to the needles. Doctor will switch on the electrical current and ask if they feel comfortable. If current is too strong, adjustment will be made. 20 mins of treatment on the front then flip to the back for 6 needles to be poke for another 20 mins. There is a machine that gives out heat, will be directed on top of the acupuncture area to warm the womb. Sounds scary but the acupuncture needles are very fine so it is just a matter of getting used to the process. Hubby first try of the acupuncture, he was really worried as being very scared of needles. But he tolerated the pain, the sudden electrical current made him walk with a limp at the end of the first session. He was being very brave to take the first step and subsequently came to relax during the sessions. Even fell asleep with a loud snore, making me embarrass as might disturb other patients. The doctor gave us ready package herbs medication, just add hot water then drink. But the medication looks horrible, the smell is terrible. Twice weekly acupuncture doesn’t come cheap, at $25 per person for each acupuncture session, medication cost $100 per week. Total cost of around $800 per month. With this high cost, i had to stop Patrick's right brain training classes for awhile to fund the tcm treatment. Can this guarantee another child? Nobody can predict the future. I just had to believe that what’s meant to be will happen.
