After watching this part of k9 cop...

我终于明白了...

原来，人可以因为太爱所以分开.
因为你知道我真的很爱你，依赖你，不能没有你.. 失去你，我会很没有安全感.. 你也知道我是真心对你好..

但是，这一切变成对你的压力.. 你不要我对你那么好，因为你认为你没办法对我那么好. 就算我觉得你对我很好，你还是觉得你没办法在对我那么好了.. 所以你选择离开... 你会离开，也是因为，你爱我，你不想将来伤害我.. 所以，痛的人，是我们... 我们是因为太爱所以分开...

过了两年，我终于懂了....

但过了两年，我还是哭了... 明白的杀那，其实是另外一种痛...

我到底还需要多久才不会因为这段感情哭泣？

For some unknown reason, I kept dreaming about you the whole of last night, and even when I took an afternoon nap..

我怎么了？

我真的希望，你记得你答应过我的事.

并不是两年的承诺. 而是对我毫无隐瞒，对我坦白.

你现在的保护，可能是我将来的痛苦.
Actually I'm in a dilemma. As much as I wanna know, I am also afraid I can't handle the truth. As much as I may not be able to handle the truth, I don't wanna be kept in the dark.

I choose the truth.


如果你已不再爱我，请你看着我，认真的告诉我.
I really really hope that this is not the truth. And that this will not happen, I really really hope that deep down within u, u still love me.


Maybe I'm in denial.

Maybe u have long moved on without me.

Maybe, u are just being nice, just keeping status quo, so that u don't have to hurt me now. U don't have to handle the stress and guilt of hurting me.

There's thousand and one possibility that runs through me head from time to time. I need u, I need u to tell me which is the one going through your mind.

Everytime I take the cab to the airport, there is this unexplainable feeling of sadness... It makes a tear roll down subconsciously. Everytime I travel, I think of u involuntarily. My dear, when was the last time since I was on your mind??

I miss you, and I will hang on.. I know, u are trying too my love.

今天的我，有一种莫名的难过...

Actually last wkend after Bobby texted me some stuff, 我的心情，真的没有很好...but then I had to put that aside and kept going... He don't mean to hurt. He was just being truthful. Even thou I know all the things he say, it still hurts me somehow. Yes I know u probably hardly have me on your mind now. Seriously I really don't think I'm that important to U. And I think u can lead a good life without me. I know u will be there for me if I need u. I know. But I know its differnt from the past. I don't even know if u still love me at all even though I know u care. But in any case, Ya upset I may be, day still go on.. And I just ended up watching a dvd which I know can make me cry. And had a good time letting it out that night.

不去想，真的好像没事了.
但是一想到，还是一样难过. 一年的时间，根本没有冲淡任何伤痛.

你，还会因为我，而痛吗？

What must I do to make U willing to open up again? Why isit that even if im willing to start over as friends U aren't willing to open up to me. Even if it's just the level of a friend.

Bobby said, second chance is a privilege and not a given. U don't need to give this chance at all. And I have no say in it.
I know. I'm nothing.
你知道吗，其实我并不笨，我都懂，但是我还是傻傻的爱着你，傻傻的让自己受伤.
你有选择幸福的权利，我却没有办法走出伤痛. 有些伤，一辈子也没法复原.

To many, 1 year is not a short time. In fact it is quite some time.
But to me, I'm willing to wait longer.
But to me, I'm not recovered.
I duno if it's a girl thing or not, but to Wee Teng, she can understand why isit that even after one year im still the same me. She told me she has a friend that still cries whenever she talk about her ex and that has alr been a few years.
有些人，可以慢慢走出伤痛.. 甚至很快复原... 可是也有一些人，走了很久，还是在原点..
或许，你会说，这是我自己选的，怨不了任何人.. 其实，我也不知道... 或许，你说对了，是我选择让自己悲伤... 可是，或许这是因为，我宁可选择悲伤，也要继续爱着你.

Last night I met up with Wee Teng, my primary 1/2 best friend. It was so comfortable talk about abything and everythin with her. She shared and updated me freely. And I too, felt comfortable enough to share with her my own heartbreak. As I recount, it still hurts me. But due to the environment I guess I was able to keep my emotions in check. Painful it may be but no I won't cry. Although there are times im holding back tears but well at least I did it. As I said I saw tears welling up in her eyes.. And those moments make me struggle to not tear. I guess perhaps she could relate to me. She could feel the pain. She has suffered her own relationships hurt too. Such a smart and strong girl like her also fell badly before. Bad enough that she suffered anxiety disorder and depression. Maybe I'm really glad that I didn't fall into that.

Perhaps that's why my friends and your friends will have a different stand to my choice now. Your friends will regard this choice of me waiting to be a very selfish one. On the other hand my friends would still support me in this decision because they know that even thou this is not the best rational choice, they understand that the brain and heart doesn't go together. They understand that I know the consequences of this choice but still chose it because it's the best choice out of what's available now.

I thank u for not blaming my selfishness.

But perhaps, none of us are selfish. Are both of us are selfish.
Because we genuinely care for each other, because we seriously love each other. Because it means a lot to us.

I know u have closed yourself to me. The only way for us to work is for u to open yourself up to me again. The ball is in your court and there's nth I can do. Unless u make the choice of accepting me again. I know the chance is slim. But I don't wanna give up..

Honey, I had a terrible nightmare. That im really wanna tell u and seek comfort and assurance but I can't. It was so vivid I woke up feeling it, so real, in fears, in tears.

Well it's not difficult to guess, I dreamt that you had someone else. It was v detailed because there were dates, I even saw the name. But it was hurt over again and again. In the dream, there were signs that show it. And I asked u but u denied. And then obviously I believed. But when u found out it was to my horror that I and the only one kept in the dark. It's like stabbing me over and over again. When I found out, and question u, u already had no more feelings for me. N everything of that girl is better than me. Shattered. N then in my dreams, somehow I saw some past messages dated during my birthday wk n u were alr v close with her, then I ask u back then was she alr more important than me? U replied without any hesitation - yes! Loud n clear with a smile. I couldn't take it anymore. N then I woke up.

It's v scary. I'm scared. And I'm scarred. This nightmare please stay as a nightmare. I just want a hug from u right now. Honey, I beg of u, don't lie to me. My heart can't take it. Accept me once again, after all this im sure I have learnt sth n can do a better job.
The only thing is, I still believe in U, I still believe that u won't lie to me that way, n hurt me without feeling or having any thoughts for me. I trust u when u said that at the v least u will still regard me as family n be there for me whenever I'm in need.

Oh my! A nightmare can make me so upset n seriously in fear n tears. Am I holding in too much that it's now bursting out? Hope my wait will pay off.

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