Cyrus

My little , one and only, nephew Cyrus came to this world yesterday at 2:08 pm, and days get only longer and brighter with his arrival.  Welcome to our world Cyrus jaan.  The untraveled road of life is ahead of you and skies are the limits.  You came on a day that many thought the world would end, but somehow it was just the beginning of your world, and renewal of your parents, big sister, and ours.  Your big sister Jasmine could not be braver and prouder as she was staying home with me and your grandmother, sorting through her items, and deciding which ones to share and give to you as she kept walking in and out of your room, in preparation of your arrival.

Persistent!

She has just met me and after about half an hour of interview, she starts her question by: "it seems like you are very persistent,...."   God, is that so obvious/annoying?  She has not even started working with me.  Some people learn it after at least six months of working with me, and she read me so quickly.  I kind of liked her!

به چه قيمتى؟

و همينطور در دوره زمانه اى زندگى ميكنيم كه قهرمان بازى و قهرمان پرورى ارزش شده است و  خوب زيستن  و به زندگى بها دادن گناه كبيره.

عذر بدتر از گناه

در دوره زمانه اى زندگى ميكنيم، كه بزدلى نه تنها جا افتاده و رايج شده است، كه دليل موجه رفتار ها، و چه بسا فضيلت اخلاقى هم محسوب ميشود.

My own victim!

Reminder to self, thanks to a friend who posted this quote:

"When you believe that your problem is caused by someone or something else, you become your own victim."

The Work of Byron Katie

Historic Day! (For me ;-) )

Today was a memorable day. I presented to the big boss!  Well not the biggest boss who just got elected, but our center director ;-) and not because I was trying to get on his calendar, push an agenda, or get face time, but because he wanted to learn about a topic that I had recently presented somewhere else, the news of which had appeared in our directorate's newsletter.  He wanted to meet me and learn about my work and it made it all much sweeter and more surreal.  I was on trip a month ago when I received his request.  The day finally came.  The meeting went great, and he was very pleasant to talk to.  It gave me great hope and optimism to know we have such a bright, down-to-earth, great leader, with such a great appetite for learning and knowledge, with a great sense of wonder and curiosity,

As if that was not enough, later today I attended our annual technology office award ceremony, to receive a patent award with one of my project's team members.  And, these two events and projects were not related to each other at all! I presented to the center director on a different topic.

I have some renewed enthusiasm and energy to get things done tomorrow. Friday!  I am just glad I can do it in jeans and sneakers, because between you and me, I could not stand those high heels anymore, at the end of the day.

نسرين ستوده

پريروز كه از خواب بيدار شدم، به طرز عجيبى اولين فكرى كه به  ذهنم رسيد اين بود كه آيا نسرين ستوده آلان زنده است يا نه؟   بعد رفتم در فيسبوك ديدم نوشته اند، نسرين ستوده وارد هفدهمين روز اعتصاب غذايش شده، و من نميدانستم كه مگر اصلا ميشود 17 روز بدون غذا زنده ماند؟  فردا بيست و يكمين روز اعتصاب غذاى نسرين ستوده است، مگر ميشود آدم ها انقدر قصى القلب باشند، و يا يك زن انقدر قوى.  گناه آن بچه ها چيست؟  بعد فكر ها و سوالهاى ديگرى به ذهنم رسيد، كه شايد در اين شرايط سخت پرسيدنش درست نباشد....اميدوارم وقتى آزاد شد بنويسم و بپرسم.  شايد وقتى بچه هايش بزرگ شدند از او بپرسند، كه البته اميدوارم اين روز برسد و و سالم باشد و بهشان بگويد.  شايد در هر ملاقات شوهرش از او ميپرسد.  نميدانم.  شايد هم پاسخ' همان است كه خودش قبلا گفته:

http://1millionchange.info/spip.php?article7614

http://we-change.org/spip.php?article8781

سلام به آسمان و زمين

من  آدم هايى را كه در هواپيما كنار پنجره مينشينند، اما موقع صعود و فرود هواپيما اگر پرده پنجره پايين باشه،  آن را بالا نميزنند، يا اگر بالا باشه، بيرون را نگاه نميكنند، نميفهمم.

Something is missing!

My officemate, let's call her Kay, is a petite tiny young lady; Mother of two young sons.  She dresses up nicely every day.  She is good at her job and leads the software development efforts.  She goes to gym; She brings in her homemade healthy lunch, often including a nice looking big salad with nuts and fruits.  She picks up her kids from school, has activities and makes cup-cakes in the weekends.  She even throws baby showers or weddings or what not for her siblings and relatives.  She has it all, and does it all well: organized and disciplined.

She might also be a perfectionist.  Once she brought some of her delicious cup cakes to the office, nicely put in a box with great icing, better looking that those in pastry shops. She told me how she stayed up till 2-3 am just to get that recipe right!  I asked her if her kids liked cup-cake that much! To my surprise she replied: they do not even like sweets, I like cup-cakes! She was making it for herself and relatives and she could not tolerate the ones that would come out wrong; She got it right the third round!

Wednesday was my first day back at work after being away on travel for over a week.  She was looking focused and professional as always, looking at her code with a hot cup of tea in her hand, the usual way she does (Did I say how happy I am to finally have an officemate to share my passion for tea?)  We just exchanged our regular morning greetings; I gathered she must be busy and focused at her work and should not be distracted that she did not ask much about my trip.  We often are away from our offices in labs and for meetings anyways, so it is hard to notice when a person is gone.  I went about my day as usual.

Later in the day, my friend (call her Joy), who is our next-door neighbor asks me: "How is Kay doing?", "Fine", I responded suspiciously.  "You know, last week, when you were gone, there was an ambulance here to pick her up.  Your office door was closed, and I just heard them banging at the door yelling Security!  I wanted to ask her about it but I thought maybe she likes to keep it private, maybe you can ask her".  Really? I could not believe it.  She is so healthy, organized, she exercises and eats well.  More than that, "I know she is a very tough girl.  She would not complain or call ambulance just for caution" I told Joy and she agreed; Something must have gone wrong.  So, once Kay came back to the office, I asked her.

"How are you doing Kay? I heard from Joy there was an incident here last week while I was gone, are you okay?"  She then told me the story that she was having severe stomachache, non-stop, for so long that she was almost passing out.  She was telling her husband on the phone about it that she felt like she could not continue being awake longer.  She told him she was going to hang up the phone and call 911.  That is exactly what she did.  By the time the center's emergency unit arrived at our office, she was hyperventilating.  They took her to hospital, ran all kinds of tests: blood, CT scan, etc.  They failed to find anything!  It is good she did not have a tumor or some other serious illness but troubling for her not to know what caused the pain.  She said: "I have given birth twice without epidural, so I know pain and can tolerate pain.  It was worse than that! When you have contractions it comes and goes, this was constant non-stop pain".  They had kept her under watch for a whole day and then sent her home.  Her husband thinks it was stress, reminding her that your body is shutting down on you.  You need to take it easy.

I did not see her yesterday and today in the office.  Usually she emails me and her boss if she is working from home.  Usually if I do not see her I assume she is in the lab or another building for a meeting.  Now I am so scared; I emailed her to ask how she is, and no response.  I called her supervisor to see if she had heard anything from her: nothing! Worse: her supervisor had no idea about what happened last week! Security and center's health unit did not inform her supervisor.  It was all news to her.  If my next door neighbor had not seen it happening and had not told me, I would not know about it to worry about her and ask about her condition either!  When these things happen, I am deeply saddened.  We all come and go in masses to the same campus, same building, same floor, and we hardly notice each other; I told Joy how when such things happen, and how when Soheil passed away, the governing sense of normalcy and business-as-usual on his floor and in our building bothered me.  I told her how in our culture, it would be hard to miss such news.  Here: someone should tell you or forward you an email!  People's privacy is respected.  Maybe she does not like everyone to know  about her medical issues. To respect Soheil and his family they have to keep everything untouched!  But where is the line drawn between privacy and caring? Privacy and being human? Privacy and indifference?   Well, I know they are not indifferent; They do honor individuals, their rights, and their families' rights.  They do follow some rules and guidelines.  But something just does not feel quite right to me when these things happen here in the U.S. Something is missing.

I sure hope everything be okay with Kay, and she be sitting behind a console in a closed lab coding away ignoring her emails or driving to pick her kids up.  I am worried and could do nothing but typing this.

سفرهاى مجازى گذشته!

روز آخرى كه رم بودم، رفتم كه كلوسيم معروف را ببينم:

از بيرون آن را ديدم. دلم ميخواست داخل اين بناى باستانى بشوم، اما صف طولانى آن و وقت تنگ من تا گرفتن قطارم، مانع شد.  پس شروع به راه رفتن كردم تا بناهاى تاريخى در همسايگى آن را ببينم.  به اين نما رسيدم:

ميدانستم كه قبلا اين تصوير را جايى ديده ام.  در حاليكه كلوسيم را در فيلم ها و نقاشى هاى زيادى ديده بودم، اما ميدانستم كه تصوير اين بنا، از جاى ديگرى در ذهنم حك شده بود.  نه خودم از نزديك قبلا آن را ديده بودم، نه در فيلمى، پس اين تصوير از كجا انقدر به من نزديك است؟ ناگهان نورون هاى مغزم از خاطرات كودكى جرقه اى زدند.  اين عكس روى تمبر هاى ايتاليا بود، روى  همان نامه هاى معروف! نامه هاى سال هاى جنگ و كودكى.  من تمبر جمع ميكردم، و بدين وسيله با بناهاى باستانى و تاريخ كشورها آشنا شده بودم.  من قديم ها به اين ساختمان ها، از روى تمبرهاى يكى دو سانتى، با دقت نگاه كرده بودم و خوب ميشناختمشان.

اين روز ها، روز هاى عجيبى است.  يكى از زيباترين جاهاى دنيا، ايتاليا، براى من ياد آور خاطرات دوران سخت گذشته خانواده من و ايران هست، دوران جنگ، دورى ها، سختى ها.  اما جالب هست كه چقدر كودكى من، گذشته من و خانواده ام، و كشورم، در حين سختى ها سرشار از خاطرات خوب و ناب بوده اند.

Somethings never change!

بعد از سالها، چند شبى پيش دايى هستم. از خاطرات و گذشته ها ميگوييم، از احوال كنونى اقوام و آشنايان مختلف، از شادى ها و درد ها.  دايى ميگويد: بچه كه بودى، خانه تان كه مى آمدم، شب كه ميخواستم بر گردم، انقدر من را دوست ميداشتى، همش گريه ميكردى كه نرو، شب بمون، چرا ميرى.  يادت هست؟ يادم نبود، اما ميدانم كه راست ميگويد.  اين عادت، براى آدم هايى كه دوستشان دارم، هنوز از بين نرفته.

Good Morning!

I was getting my morning coffee and breakfast in Brooklyn, in preparation for my long day of two back to back lectures.  The lady behind the counter tells me "Jesus loves you!", after giving me a long deep look in the eye.  I say "thank you", and thought to myself "why would not he anyways?" ;-)
She was not satisfied: "Do you know who he is?"
I told her: "Yes".  (happy now?)
She seems a bit relieved, or maybe she finally gave up: "Good! Because many people do not.  Where are you from? Russia?"
"No, Iran!", I told her (now what?).
She still continues: "You look like Russians".*
I tell her "We are close" (so what?).
Not sure if she was trying to figure something out and solve a mystery or was just interested in talking to me.
I was there just to get my breakfast before preaching some math and science, without having to tell all my life story or religious beliefs.  Is that too much to ask?


* Later that day after my talks, I went to get a cup of tea before my train left.  The guy handed me a tea cup, and asked  "ruski?" with a smile.  I guess I was Russian on that day.

Happy....

I think I just kicked some a$$!! :-)

دهكده جهانى

اين همكار پاكستانى ما، امروز به ما يك ايميل فروارد كرد كه ما به مناسبت عيد فطر هر سال يك ناهار سر كار داريم و امروز اين ناهار هست و غذا خوبه و خلاصه دعوتمون كرد كه بيا (احتمالا بلكه به راه راست هم هدايت شوم چون من هفته قبلش وسط ماه مبارك رمضان  ناهار ايرانى سر كار ترتيب داده بودم، بماند كه از ماه ها پيش رفته بود توى تقويم بدون توجه به ماه رمضان و بماند كه ايرانيان عزيزهم با روى باز شركت  كردند ).  من هم سر ظهر بلند شدم رفتم و آنجا خواهران و برادران مسلمان از اقصى نقاط دنيا، از بنگلادش تا هاييتى حضور داشتند، و من تنها نماينده كشور عزيز اسلاميمون بودم!

همينطور كه همكاران را ميشناختم و خودمون رو به هم معرفى ميكرديم، خانمى هم گفت كه اسمش آينور است.  من هم كه يك پا ترك شدم ديگه، با ذوق و شوق پرسيدم، اهل كجايييد شما، تركيه؟ چون اسمتون تركى هست و يعنى مهتاب و از اين حرف ها.  و جوابمان داد كه كجاى كارى من اهل "تركستان" هستم،  ما جد و آباد ترك ها هستيم و اصيل تريم و از اين حرف ها.  كاشف به عمل اومد كه مملكت اينها از سال 1945 جزو شمال غربى چين هست و اين خانم مسلمان با حجاب ترك اصيل، شهروند چين هست و در مدرسه چينى ياد گرفته و زبان مادرى در تركستان اوى غور هست، اما تركى هم دارد ياد ميگيرد و عربى هم بلد است.  خلاصه خيلى جديد و جالب بود برام و دلم ميخواهد يك روز تركستان هم بروم !  بعد هم فهميدم اين همان توران  توى شعر هاى ماست.  يك خانم پاكستانى هم به من گفت كه در مدرسه بهشان فارسى ياد ميدادند و فعل آمدن را برايم صرف كرد و با من به فارسى احوال پرسى كرد.  خلاصه خوب بود، خوش گذشت :-)

Dedication

Love and dedication is the care and attention s/he gives to every single sentence of any paper or presentation I email them with the same care, patience, and urgency that they used to when I first entered grad school, years after earning my PhD.  I am a spoiled child that never graduates from her lifetime mentors' and professors' classes.  How lucky and blessed I am for having such academic parents, and how wise I am to know how lucky I am to never let them go ;-)

Thank God for them.

Sweet Natalie

When grown-up Natalie looks out for aunt Nargess:

"Does he qualify to be your boyfriend? Is he high up in society?" :-)

Relax!

This was sitting in my drafts, a note I wrote a while back when I was juggling so many work, personal, and family tasks and get togethers.  It is good not to forget this note. 
 
I have recognized an issue recently that I need to resolve for myself: I tend to create so many personal deadlines and obligations for myself that I then try to fulfill with a sense of urgency. I stress myself over the self imposed deadlines and tasks, and then get upset when people involved in those tasks do not even care.  For example, if I have not seen a friend or a family member for a while, I feel guilty, I feel it is my duty to make a plan, make things happen, or that it looks bad if I do not.  I compromise the much needed alone time, time to relax, do the errands, or even work, just to realize later no one really cared if I did that or not, and the whole thing for me to stress over was such a mute point.

I know the problem, but I do not know how I can make myself care less, relax, let go. Maybe like B tells me sometimes: "Do not create work for yourself!".

آب روان

عاشق آب زود مى آموزد،
كه راهى جر روانى و زلالى،
براى همراهى با آب نيست،
واى به روزى كه سد راهش شود،
تا از او مردابى بسازد،
كه بماند و بگندد.
آب پر ميشود و لبريز،
و از سد ميگذرد،
بدون نگاهى به پشت.

Simplicity

A while back I saw a post on facebook suggesting people not to complicate life by following some simple guidelines and then it ended up by saying "It is that simple".  Then a whole discussion started about how life itself is complicated, and even if you follow these things, the outcome might not be as expected,  concluding there is no simplicity in doing those tasks.  I confirmed by saying yes, it is constant hard work yet deep down thinking the suggested steps were really simple to do (e.g. calling someone if you miss them, telling them you love them if you do, inviting people if you want to see them, etc.).

Last week I took a project management training, teaching us guidelines for tackling huge projects, one step at a time, eating an elephant one piece at a time.  It was in the middle of that training that a sentence clicked and made me realize both my friend and I were correct in our previous discussion: "Simple is not easy".

Just because something is simple, it does not mean it is easy.  A huge milestone may be achieved by taking hundreds of steps, each of those steps might be very easy tasks, the whole thing might be very simple, not requiring an innovative solution, a breakthrough, and maybe even not much expertise, but doing them all in order, in time, within budget, to achieve that milestone requires discipline, perseverance, planning,  and most importantly actually doing each task.  Simple means the recipe, the algorithm, the steps are well defined, clear, and  achievable.  Achieving that milestone might in fact be very difficult and hard while each required task for achieving it, as well as the whole thing, might be very simple to do.  For example, walking is a simple task.  Everyone knows how to do it.  Walking 40 miles in 1-2 days, still requires doing a very simple task, over and over.  It is simple, but not easy.  Simple is not easy!

There is another way to read that sentence too.  Keeping things simple, being simple, not adding complications, is not easy either.  "Simple" itself is not easy!

Social incentives

It is crazily hot and humid here. I went out to run some errands. Surprisingly, I enjoyed having enough time to do some mundane tasks at leisure: get battery for my watch, buy tooth paste, water, other ordinary house stuff, and most importantly pay a visit to the local library! I realized how much I had missed it. After having listened to an audio book last week during my commute to work and back ( which I will write about later), I decided I should go back to library and check out and read one audio book a week at least this way. That is the only way my commute time will be spent well, other than the usual listening to NPR or catching up with friends on the phone (Disclaimer: hands free with speakers, if you think this is a good idea and want to do the same ;-) ). Plus, who was I kidding? Why was I so stubborn wanting to read paper books that are collecting dust in my shelves and I can hardly find the time to open (I still have hope for travel time on planes though). Anyways, I am digressing. On my way out, in my neighborhood's shopping center I saw a couple of men at intersections holding signs, which were ads for two close by shops. I thought how inhumane it was to have them do this. Stand in such a hot weather in middle of traffic to advertise there is such and such store in the corner? Could not they post the signs on a pole or board?  I passed them by and went to my destinations and hours later when I was coming back, they were still there. I dread walking to and from my car for that short distance. Do they get water or  ice? Are not there labor laws for some minimum working conditions? Are they being paid off the record and is what those stores are doing illegal? Worse, even if someone complains, would not this deprive those workers of probably the only job and income they could get? I mean, who wants to do this?  They really must need the money and have no other means of income.

I come home with these thoughts fresh in my mind.  I turn on the TV to catch up with some news.  A bunch of commentators and lawyers are discussing conditions of prisoners in some jail in Texas.  Apparently, due to lack of power and extreme heat there, the temperature in jails there had become above 100F.  They were discussing whether that condition established unnecessary hardship or some sort of torture and inhumane and illegal way of dealing with prisoners.  I could not help thinking that those prisoners were in a better condition than those workers in my neighborhood.  They had a roof above their head, which they did not have to pay for, they were being fed, and more importantly, they were under the roof's shade and had lawyers making a case for them.  Those workers were under direct hot sun in humid weather, with no one speaking up on their behalf, in the middle of the street, without water, food, or toilet.  Something was wrong with this picture.  There was more incentive to be in jail than to earn an honest living through hard work!

As if this was not enough, I went to a friend's house for a dinner gathering later that night.  People were sharing how they survived last week's storm, whether or not they lost power and for how long, etc.  Someone said in her neighborhood there was an animal shelter that did not have power for days.  They asked people in neighborhood if they could each sponsor a cat or a dog during the power outage due to extreme heat.  Cats and dogs in the shelter were also protected against extreme heat (which is a good thing by the way).

I could not stop thinking "something is wrong with this picture"!

It is time!

I had lunch with dear Barb.  She wanted her summer student to meet me, learn about my career path, and my experiences at my Alma mater.  Barb was doing it all over again with the new girl in town :-) There she was, a tiny petite freshman girl in computer science and aerospace engineering, and Barb was telling her how I got all my degrees from her school.  I felt so old in front of her.  Also, I realized more than before how I did not have an adventurous career path until now that I was considering a couple of new opportunities.  The truth is I never got bored.  The projects and applications varied through out the years and I never stopped learning new things and growing within my position.  Barb reassured me the reason she has to change often is that she cannot "focus" on research and technical work the way I can; Otherwise, she would have loved to stay in one position.  Systems engineering matched her personality better.  Learning about all components and systems of a project and making sure they all work together well.

"Focus"!  Yeah, that is it!  There was a time I could focus.  Focus long and for many hours.  Code and solve problems tirelessly.  Now the right mood has to strike, and the right mood has to last long enough;  At least I still can focus at times;  I have a feeling these days are numbered.  I keep day dreaming, or just dreaming, dreaming big.  It is time for making big things happen and telling others how to make them happen.  I feel it is time for me to be a project manager, a leader, and not just a researcher and executor; Not because this is the time in my career I should do it, but because I feel it in my bones; I feel the energy and the need to do bigger things.  The time is right!

Funny turn of events

Universe has a sense of humor.  I have always had Windows laptop and computers.  I wanted to treat myself to a nice gift. For the first time, I decide to switch and order myself an iPad and then what happens? First, I track the shipment. I see it is coming all the way from China and I recall the article on Apple's labor abuses there. Yes, almost anything these days is made in China, but I really did not like seeing the FedEx tracking system literally showing it was being shipped from there. At least they could have packaged and assembled the parts here or something! Then, before I receive the darn product, the news about them not selling an iPad or iPhone in some cases to Iranian-Americans comes out.  I have not yet received the thing and I already do not want to own it. 

God help with the babies!
p.s. A friend of mine took this picture in New York.

Our invisible celebreties

After a weekly meeting, I came down to the lobby of the building I was at, to grab some lunch.  I am waiting in line, and right behind me is a tall middle aged man.  I thought about how humbly and invisibly he is going about his day.  With a back pack on his shoulder, getting lunch, just like me and so many others who work here.  I thought about if he was a famous singer or actor, how the general public and media would not let him walk a block freely unnoticed, and how he was walking around unnoticed.

I paid for my lunch, and was walking away from cafeteria towards the door;  He was still walking behind me.  I could not let him get away unnoticed.  I kept looking at him with a smile;  He smiled back "How are you doing?", he asked kindly.  "Good!  It is nice to see an astronaut in cafeteria.  Not everyone can say that", I said happily.  "Right here, every day!", he confirmed joyfully.

Dr. Piers Sellers is now back to science full time.  Only if society recognized and appreciated science rock stars!  On a second thought, maybe they are beginning too!

Let's See!

Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. Opportunities are knocking at the door.  I am about to open them, to see new worlds, or rather to look at the same old world, with new eyes.  I am excited.  There are callings, I am going to respond.  Will there be a match? Won't know unless I try.  I choose to try.

Friday night theories!

A stormy Friday night with tornado watches and a runny and congested nose due to I do not know allergy or cold, made me take it easy, become a couch potato, and watch a chick flick, and honestly, I realized how much I had missed it.  Anyways, the movie is the Holiday, and I just liked this conversation:

he: "So, he's a schmuck."
she: "As a matter of fact, he is... a huge schmuck. How did you know?"
 he: "He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
she: "You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for God's sake!"

So true! Only if all girls learned this sooner than later!  Or not!  Maybe behaving like the best friend is our natural evolutionary mechanism of not wanting to be the leading lady of a schmuck!!

Today was a good day!

When you say Yes to your dreams, life, and universe, surround yourself with people you like and admire, do things you like and enjoy, and more importantly when you say No to everyone and everything that annoys you and drain you, things just flow and fall into place and you roll and roll and roll, to the point that it is hard to stop. Today, everything turned out nicely, where I love the most and where I am at my best.

Let's fight

When you prepare yourself for a big fight, you think you are all ready and pumped up, and then you just cannot pull it together because you both cannot stop laughing and you both do your best to pretend you are having a fight, you know you are stuck with each other.

Vulnerability

It is not who does or does not make you cry;
It is who you trust to share your tears with.

دستان تو...

آشیان تهی دست مرا

مرغ دستان تو پر می سازند

آه مگذار که دستان من آن
اعتمادی که به دستان تو دارد به فراموشی ها بسپارد.

 آه مگذار که مرغان سپید دستت

 دست پر مهر مرا سرد و تهی بگذارد. 

حمید مصدق

Looking out there!

I did talk to a recruiter that had reached out to me today. Just to see what is out there in the world, how I compare against it, and if I could make a greater impact there. Just to go through the exercise (last time I had interviewed extensively was when I got my B.S. for God's sake! ). Just not to close the doors to potential growth opportunities before seeing what is behind them. Just to practice being open minded, curious, and also give a boost to my self-esteem and confidence. It feels good to be wanted, and you have the advantage of not having to be wanted! I was also wondering about their hiring process. Were they searching for a specific qualification, trying to fill a specific position, that made them think I am a good match for them? Turned out no. They look for strong intelligent (...whatever other good adjective you like to put here to boost your ego) candidates and then they try to match you with best positions they have available for you. Sounded good. So I delivered my wish list of what I thought would be good areas and positions for me. After all, I am happily living my life now! No? ;-)

He proudly announced that their organization is very different from ours: we do not have any structure! That is supposed to encourage the employees' creativity and innovation I guess. I kind of like organizations and structures though, while being trusted with some freedom. I also know how miserable I feel when around people with no structure, organization, discipline, and plan! I know that about myself. In writing this, I realize I can think of a role I can play that can match my personality and their company's philosophy at the same time (Yay...I am a genius!). He claimed their office in my area has technical positions of interest to me and he is going to have them provide me more information. Their website suggests otherwise! But hey, they probably know better. He also sent me a follow-up email: "Thank you for taking the time to speech to me"! Really? You have a misspelling in an email that you probably send several times everyday as a recruiter? I feel like I interviewed and graded him. Oh well,... Yes, I am an old fashioned structured formal bureaucrat and I like it! My organization is very different from yours! How about that!? :-) Still, let's hear it from their technical people!

You know what?

I work at a place, where people take their vacation time, spend money on air fare and hotel, to go to another site of their work to say see a shuttle launch or landing, or just see it on its last flight! The employer does not have to gather employees with free lunches and events and T-shirts (nor can they do it). We even have to pay for our cup of coffee or expect to be on national news about how we are wasting tax payers' money. Projects and missions are lifetime and generational contributions to science. They take many years, require a lot of patience and perseverance through out different political and financial climates, and a whole lot more of dreaming and believing in those dreams. Bureaucracy is a very small price for living so many childhood dreams and making so many of them come true. I do not think I can find such cool/wow factor, such dedication and happiness, at any other place. At least, it would be really hard for me.

Unlived lives!

Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on children than the unlived lives of their parents.

- Carl Jung

We are ...

We are what we repeatedly do!

-Aristotle

Dancing on the Ice

We dance nicely,
We enjoy the turns and twists,
Skating on the ice,
I jump up and down,
Just to test your limits and that of the ice!
"You are walking on thin ice"
You warn me!
Your version of Do not play with fire.
And I love you,
For caring about us and the ice,
For wanting to save our dance!

Career choices

When do you know it is time to introduce a change in your career? When is the time to look for new positions and opportunities outside your own organization instead of trying to move up internally? Is change for the sake of change good enough? What are the criteria you need to have satisfied to know you are a good fit for your career? Is being passionate about your organizations' goals and objectives, having good pay and benefits enough to make you overlook the slow pace of progress and growth? The convoluted system of bureaucracy that you have mastered maneuvering in? What if you join another organization, where you grow technically, work in a fast pace, get things done, but those achievements simply do not mean much to you? How should one balance these different needs? What would call for a change?

I love my job; I like what I do. I once in a while get frustrated over some organizational rules and processes. Once in a while I am approached by recruiters of different well-known companies. On a bad day, they are tempting to act on. But should one pursue all options just because they exist?

Capitalism!

You know you live in a capitalist country when you receive a letter from a commercial company suggesting you buy frames and plaques to honor your patent award before you hear its news from the patent office or your employer! Or maybe you are just reminded what is meant by a bureaucratic government!

دوران جنگ

وقتى كه حتى كارتهاى عيد، موقع سال نو، باز ميشن و ترميم شده و چسب خورده ميرسن دست دوستان و خانواده ات توى كشورت، ميفهمى كه باز دوران جنگ است!

Perspective

I was having a nice dinner with a friend who was on travel in my area. We were almost finishing. Her phone rang. "yes dear,... having dinner with my friend, .. talk to you later", and she hung up a little upset! "He is checking on me!", she claims. "It is interesting", I say. If I were traveling and he did not call, I would complain "do not you wonder if I am dead or alive? If I arrived fine? Do not you think of me?".

Ok guys, you have my sympathies in this one. I guess there is no right or wrong behavior; It just depends on what is expected of you by your partner and if you meet those expectations or not!

p.s. This was just a simple observation and generalization. The context of the call, what is going on between the couple, and the information and feeling one receives matters too (among a zillion other things I guess). A kind caring call is easily distinguished from a controlling doubtful one by smart ears.

ترس

خدا رحم كرده من پزشك نشدم، حتما تا الان ديوانه ميشدم و با مطالعه و يادگيرى درباره هر مرضى فكر ميكردم خودم شايد دارم بهش مبتلا ميشم. يه زمانى بچه كه بوديم دل درد كه ميگرفتيم فوقش ميگفتيم مال اون همه گوجه سبز يا گيلاس يا توت فرنگى بود كه هى تند تند خوردى. اما الان... كافيه كوچكترين دل دردى بگيرم... بهترين فكر ممكن اين هست كه نكنه اپانديس گرفتم؟ بعد هم فكر زخم معده و هزار جور سرطان معده و روده و غيره به ذهن مياد! از كى انقدر ترسو شدم؟ چطور؟ چرا؟ خيلى بده!

ACM

If ACM only means Association for Computing Machinery to you and you cannot think of a more important association or conference with such a name, you are wrong. To some people, computing ACM means nothing. People interested in other worlds, think of the ACM conference as one about the Asteroids, Comets, and Meteors!

Unusual Sunday

Today was a long day. It does not happen often that I set up my alarm for 6 a.m. on a Sunday. It started a little stressful as all of a sudden I realized I was running late for the metro in the middle of my tea, which resulted in me running out quickly. As I wanted to lock the door I realized I had left my keys inside and I had locked myself out! Luckily my car and house keys were separate in anticipation of this exact scenario so I could still drive to metro; and again luckily I could ask my brother to bring me my extra key later in the day.

I arrived at the national mall. Most people go there to see the cherry blossoms these days*; but not us. We had science meetings in the National Natural History Museum. The museum was not yet open to the public. It was kind of like A Night at the Museum!** We entered from the back door; We were guided to our meeting place. It was so nice to finally see the faces of people I had either heard about or worked with during the past year; We had worked and collaborated with each other over phone and email, despite time and distance barriers among others. People from Italy, Germany, different parts of the U.S. (California, Arizona, etc.), all came for this meeting at D.C. It was nice to see the mission PI in person. To know that my name and work was familiar to his ears. I was lucky and fortunate to be there among them today.

We had to break into small working groups and go to different rooms several times during the day. That process involved taking the elevator to the main floor, passing through the public visiting the museum, and getting to our conference rooms. The whole experience was so surreal. As I was passing through people, skeletons of dinosaurs, sounds of Africa, dried elephants, kids and parent, just to get to a room where we could hear everything we collectively know about asteroid Vesta to date, I felt like a character in Dan Brown's Lost Symbol***: going about our goal and mission and ignoring everyone and everything that was going on in the museum. I also felt like we were time traveling: seeing skeletons and remnants dating God knows how many thousand years back to the latest and greatest science and technology. Discussions about publication plans were mostly about those that would appear either in Science or Nature! The whole experience was so surreal and dreamy to me. Was I really there? Did I ever imagine such a day as part of such a team at such a place? If all that was not enough, we had lunch in the Old Post Office. As we were having lunch there, I related to the atmosphere of the train station in Hugo!**** I do not know what was it today with me and movies?! Have I been watching too many movies lately, or was I just overwhelmed? Probably both.

Tomorrow is going to be even more surreal; At the end of the day we will get a tour of meteorite collections in that museum. Pieces that hit the Earth from comets and asteroids similar to Vesta. It becomes a full circle.

* They are already disappearing this year due to unusually warm winter and early spring season that we had.

** http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477347/

*** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lost_Symbol

**** http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0970179/

خانه دوست كجاست؟

امروز سراغت را گرفتم. پرسيدم خانه دوست كجاست؟ و او گفت دقيقا ميداند كه تو كجايى. نشانى درخت بزرگى را داد، و گفت درست زير آن درختى و گلهاى فراوان به رويت. رفتم، برايت سيب هم گذاشته بودند. نميدانم سين هاى ديگرى هم بود يا اينكه فقط سيب را دوست داشتى. هر چه بود سيب بود، سبزه بود، سهيلى هم پنهان بود. عيدت مبارك!
جايت قدر يك باغ گل سبز است.

I did it!

I wrote such a lengthy letter in response to request for input about things that could be improved in my workplace. We will see if people begin to dislike me now and give me hard time, or in fact things start improving. Did they really want our input to improve things, or did they just have to ask to be legally polite? We shall see!

Success

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

In your own words

These are the quotes you wrote on your websites and profiles, or as captions to your photos; These are the quotes you truly lived by.

"Time is a winged bus that is only one step behind. You have to embrace it... the worst thing is to not enjoy the present because you're scared of the future"
-Alan Cumming

"There is no end.
There is no beginning.
There is only a passion for life"
-Federico Fellini

"Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. And yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four, or five times more? Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless..."
-Paul Bowles

I was so proud of myself for having found a jewel in a hidden cubical on the third floor.
I will always treasure the jewel I found in you.

Be water my friend

You left a hole in our hearts and filled yours with our tears.

Rest in peace Soheil. You are greatly missed.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the weather mild and springy. There were more people in the funeral home than it could properly host. Two big service rooms and the hall way were all full and overflowing with people sitting and standing around. Yet everyone quietly and peacefully was mourning, and crying. The atmosphere was oddly peaceful, as if you were floating around, happily greeting each and every single friend and family, the unique way you used to do. We could feel your presence and your always contagious smile and delightful gaze. We could not see you but we could easily picture you. Googoosh was singing sadly for you. Your haft-seen table was on your right, the flag of Iran on you, a big picture of you with your family to your left. Brenda had arranged everything just as you would have liked it. She had picked poems and quotations from your favorite poets and characters. Cecilia was playing around just as you loved to watch her. Everything was perfect; Except that we did not see you; Well we almost did. Your twin brother was a carbon copy of you. I do not know how many people greeted him with a mixture of sad-confused-happy look as I did. He was too kind just like you. He was playing you. He was you there, and he promised to be there for your wife and kid.

Soheil. So many of our hearts are broken; but somehow you managed to calm us down yesterday; even when you were gone. You showed us what a great life you had; How many wonderful people you were surrounded with. You were telling us, do not cry, I had a great life. You reminded us over and over "Your cup was always empty, be water my friend!"

Soheil

Soheil! What happened? Where is your beautiful smile? Your cubical is so unbearable without you. I was going to send email for our new year's outing. How can I do it without you with us this year? Soheil! I cannot believe you are gone. I got a forwarded email. I was hoping some stupid secretary made another stupid mistake when copying and pasting a name from the directory. I went to see you in your cubical. Cecilia's picture is there. Your notes, nicely organized papers are there. Your love and passion for life is there. I looked at your cubical, I faced your office mate questionably, he nodded yes, I broke down.

Soheil! What happened?

http://www.soheilphotography.com/#!/soheil

استدلال منطقى

من اگر روزى كاره اى شدم، گذراندن دوره استدلال منطقى را براى همگان اجبارى ميكنم، حد اقل در سيستم آموزشى. امتحانهايم هم اينطورى خواهند بود:

كدام گزينه در مورد اين گذاره صحيح است:

1) درست
2) نادرست
3) نميدانم


پ. ن. كم كم هم ميخواهم دم در خونه ام بزنم اگر منطق نميدانيد، وارد نشويد!

ديروز روز خيلى خوبى بود.

ديروز روز خيلى خوبى بود. خيلى خيلى خوب! از اون اول صبحش، تا ناهار ظهرش، تا نصف شبش! روزى كه هنرمند بلندتر از همه حرف زد. روزى كه خوبى، تلاش، اميد، بلندپروازى و خوب كار كردن، بر ياس و ناميدى، كوته انديشى، دست از كار كشيدن، مردن در عين زنده بودن چيره شد و به دنيا عرض اندام كرد. ديروز روز خيلى خوبى بود.

Inspire the power inside

The truth is, it is hard to enjoy the moment for the analytical mind, that cannot stop analyzing, modeling, and predicting the future based on the data that is present. It is also hard to be patient for the desired outcome. If one cannot wait for a flower to bloom, a chicken to come out of the eggshell, an idea to develop, one can easily destroy the plant by watering it too much, giving it too much fertilizer, or breaking the eggshell by accidentally dropping it or stepping on it, as a result of caring too much for it. One can easily destroy the possibilities of great innovations, outcomes, accomplishments, relationships as a result of wanting to get to a destination too fast or not wanting to participate in a slow and steady, yet rewarding, process.

I have to remind myself to enjoy the moment. To just give enough love and care, continuously and gently, before killing a flower that has not even blossomed. I also have to receive enough care and love, for the same flower can die in absence of sun light, air, or water. Maintaining this balance of give and take of energy, life, love, care, and attention is hard, but crucial to sustainability of the life of anything we aim to keep alive.

I was reminded of this fact through this quote, whose origin is unknown to me:

"When an egg breaks by a power outside, a life ends. When an egg breaks by a power inside, a life begins. Great things always begin from the power inside!"

People can be inspired to do great things, but they cannot be forced to do so.

My moon

You said you are from the Moon dynasty.
Somehow I was not surprised,
My moon.

Silence

Then there was silence.
Followed by an embrace.
Not the kind that is exchanged at goodbyes,
But the kind from the one who stays.

Our mind

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind."

Budha

Beautiful gazes

I am waiting for my flight in front of my gate. A nice looking old lady comes out of the bathroom walking towards the seats on my right. She has a very kind and admiring look and  beautiful smile. I cannot help following her gaze. It is directed at an old handsome gentleman, his hair all white, not falling behind on reciprocating with his admiration and kindness for her. He checks her out and flirts with her "you come here often?"

It was beautiful to watch.

"هستم اگر ميروم"

مدتى خوشحال ميرفتم، ناراحت برميگشتم.
بعد ناراحت ميرفتم، ناراحت برميگشتم.
طول كشيد ياد بگيرم،
چطور خوشحال برم، خوشحال برگردم.
اما خوب راهى نداشت،
جز رفتن،
رفتن و آموختن.

Teaching

In midst of a crazy day, I came across this quotation, and it actually kept me going, to tolerate all the bureaucracy that will hopefully lead to enabling new opportunities for some students:

"Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as hard duty." - Albert Einstein

Doing the Right Thing!

I feel like little Charlie in Scent of a Woman. Exhausted of doing the right thing, traveling the right path as I know it. Al Pacino said it best why some people do not take this path: because it is too damn hard!

"[Lt. Col. Frank Slade is speaking in defense of Charlie Simms at meeting at the Baird School] Now I have come to the cross-roads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew, but I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here's Charlie. He's come to the cross-roads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey. ", Scent of a Woman.

Let me continue on my journey. I am tired.

Really Dreamy

She dreamed the sweetest dream.
Surprisingly, she did not get sad,
Realizing it was a dream,
That she was back to the reality,
Wishing the dream lingered a bit more.
This time, it was not just a dream.
It was also reality.
A dreamy reality,
A real dream.

Ending friendships

Here is an interesting article about the importance of acknowledging problems in friendships and relationships. Reading this made me realize what a long way I have traveled through out the years. I now not only dare to ask my friends "what is wrong", when I sense something is wrong, I also initiate and tell them whatever the hell I feel is wrong. I think they deserve to know and provide an explanation if there is any, just like I deserve to know if my friend thinks I did something wrong. How one chooses to address and respond to the complains, determines the future of that relationship, for better or worse.

Sunset with tea

Only the one who knows you, and the meaning of tea,
Can get you such a cute beautiful gift.
Wishing to enjoy more of these sunsets,
Over a cup of tea.

Welcome 2012!

I started the new year, in a new way.
Our resolution: to be happy,
And innovative!