YMonday, April 23, 2012' 2:09 PM
I can't even breathe now.........
I need space, some personally space....
Taking a break from all......individually trying to figure out the things I want in life.
YMonday, February 27, 2012' 2:51 AM
I wonder how well do other know me? Does spending plenty of time tgt equals to knowing that person well? How silly it is to believe in that.
Ur words makes me realize that when u always said that u know me, in actual fact u don't.
I am kind of disappointed to hear that but who to blame it's me after all.
YSaturday, October 1, 2011' 12:59 AM
Lesser the expectation you have to yourself or someone else, the happier you will be in life.
Expectation it's like a bomb, that could explode at any moment.
Fear is something that was build slowly and unknowingly and once it is realized, it would took years to ease or perhaps forever it would be there.
A person biggest mistake is to tell someone I did all this because of you.
More than half of the time, you would definitely pissed that someone off.
YTuesday, September 13, 2011' 12:33 AM
This week started out bad. Since Friday night till now it was just so horrible that I had to get it typewritten down at blog. Sometimes I wonder if I was given the choice to choose if I could stay or leave? There is no easy answer.
When I was so occupied and stress by work stuff. Something happened very silently. I wish I had chosen to return home that day. He was very drunk, cry out something that confuse the hell out of me, my doubts were cleared only yesterday. What a news that shock me for a few second.
I thought to myself, what have I done?
I knew it was my fault though he insist it was not my fault and that he had feel for her was because he found that they could clicked.
I am utterly disappointed. Not in him but myself. There are no words that offer comfort to this matters but to not write anything at all I just feels so wrong. Hearts become attached as easily as they become broken and our minds are left sifting through the pieces, which I fear take a lifetime to put back together to achieve any form of acceptance, forgiveness and forget.
I knew I can't stop thinking about it.
This few things keep going through my mind,
"He knew she had fall for him, insist of putting a stop to it, he knowledge back with a similar feel. Why?" He mention he respond back that he had feel for her but he can't allow the relationship to happen because he have me as his gf already. "Though nothing happen between them at all but I had a feel that it is just not right." "Why did he deny he like her?" "What he means by?-Towards her he had another kind of feeling that was different from the kind of feeling he had on me and that feeling made him choose me."
It hurtful hearing that!!
I thought he should have made another decision as I bet he still like her and it could have in turn become a better love compare to what we are having now.
I could forgive him but it is heart aching to forget and put everything back. I can never forget that he said only if he was single, he would then accepted her to try but because he have me he can't allow that to happen.
I thought he should have come to me in the first place to explain but insist I am the last person to know this. Why was he afraid to let me know? Why am I the last to know this? Etc... All this explanation & thinking torment me every single second, minutes and hours and it might continues for the rest of my life.
I have to accept the fact that I had fault as I allow all this to happen. Life is so uncontrollable. If only I have control over it, but all I could do was to ride the wave it creates.
I don't know how am I going to face him in long term. Shouldn't we have break? Or I should have turned that switch off inside of me. To blend in and not to get notice how sad I was.
If this feeling goes on in me, our love will definitely not going to have any happy ending because I will put a stop to it.
