I can hardly wait

I'm working from home today, still in my pajamas, because a guy is painting and working in my bathroom to fix some plumbing that was originally done by a guy who was completely shitfaced. The point is that I am feeling both lazy and on edge, which results in a snitty post like this.

So anyway I was reading Secret Invasion: Dark Reign #1 last night, and while there are any number of hilarious things to pick on, such as old ragged Namor (who, by the way, also acts nothing like Namor in addition to looking nothing like him), this is what jumped out, from the previews at the end:


"Huh," I thought, "that is an awfully long time to wait, maybe they want to get us excited just in time for Don Cheadle?" But no, of course it is a typo, somebody just cut and pasted from the other preview tags that say "ON SALE JANUARY XX, 2009," etc. We only have to wait one week for this Inuit-slaughtering opus (which we know from the preview showing the bloody mauling of Inuits), not one year and one week. It's like Christmas already.

Suggestion

It's probably too late for this, but just in case it's not: Don't read Secret Invasion #8. You know what happens. If you read it, you'll close it with a furrowed brow and full of doubt that you ever knew the difference between good and terrible storytelling. Instead, read New Avengers #47. Despite being written by the same author and even overlapping in a few panels, it is nothing like Secret Invasion. It is small and tender and tense, and will remind you of a bygone era when that author spent a lot of time doing what he was very good at and did not get in over his head with toothless, lumbering punch-and-kickathons. At least consider it. For the children.

Uncleuncleuncleuncleowuncle

Ok I know we're supposed to focus on comics up in here, but a million more people read this blog than my erratic, topically-void site where I would normally post this stuff (because it's erratic and topically void), and I want to make sure you had the opportunity to see this if you haven't already. Then when it's done you can pour pixie stix in your eyes and watch Leonard, Part Six to ease the discomfort.


Watch CBS Videos Online

Ok, I'll Embrace Change, anything but this shit we got

Is it just me, or is this Skrull PSA (which I assume is the ad played on ESPN2 last night--we never hit the right commercial breaks) completely fucking depressing? I mean, holy hell. Seeing that script written out in a comic book would be no big deal, but somehow, set to music with moving pictures, I'm kind of praying for a tyrannical alien invasion to put us out of our soulless misery.

ABC Podcast Episode #14, and visual aids

This episode of Awesomed By Comics is brought to you by "Two and a Half Men," used around the world either for the crisp petiole or the fleshy taproot. Kooky heroes with claws get lots of love, as does a new indie book inexplicably edited by the guy who created "America's Funniest Home Videos." Special not-to-miss feature is Aaron's Secret Invasion #6 Crap of the Week Flashblast from the Backpast Old Timey Radio Comic Book Haberdashery.

Download and/or subscribe in the right sidebar, and please post an iTunes review!

Cover(s) of the Week

Evie's pick, from X-Men: Magneto Testament #1, cover by Marko Djurdjevic:



Aaron's pick, from Final Crisis: Revelations #2, cover by Philip Tan:



Panel(s) of the Week

Aaron's pick, from Wonder Woman #24, by Gail Simone and Bernard Chang:



Evie's pick, from Patsy Walker: Hellcat #3 by Katherine Immonen and David Lafuente:

ABC Podcast, Episode #10

This week's episode of the Awesomed By Comics Podcast is sponsored by Abraham Lincoln quotes, which have more to do than fighting bees than you may think. Aaron anoints the presumptive Panel of the Year from Transhuman #3, and Evie makes a sad, sad Michael Phelps-Aquaman comparison. Secret Invasion is given proper credit for actually doing something.

Download this episode or subscribe to the feed (most recent three episodes also always available in the right sidebar).

Doy?

You're telling me that in their years-long holy war preparations, the Skrulls didn't think to infiltrate or even monitor the X-Men, and therefore didn't know they were in San Francisco? Ok then.

Half-assed follow-up

Oh, so I read Final Crisis: Revelations, and felt that it ruled, particularly in the way where you know things that rule are coming.

Also, Secret Invasion #5 shocked me with its semblance of a moving plot, so that was nice. And Young Avengers/Runaways #2 was exactly as good as I expected, and Molly threw a Skrull nearly into orbit, which is all I really needed.

Other than that, I haven't read anything else, because my work plate is Happy Time Buffet high. It's the 50th anniversary of the Hot 100, and I have some hit songs to chronicle (two of them Roberta Flack, making this the second Roberta Flack reference on my comic book blog this week, and that's probably an internet first). I'll cram everything else in time for the podcast, where I'll just choose "C" for every category.

Putting My Finger On It.

You want content, Evie? Here you go.

It has been 91 days since Marvel Comics published Secret Invasion #1, and 35 days since DC Comics released Final Crisis #1. It has been 91 and 35 days respectively, since I started trying to figure out why I don't care about either.

Both books have held the promise of being instrumental in the next several years of both Universes, and therefore a majority of superhero comics. Marvel and DC and general comic book punditry expressed the fact that these events will be prefixed in future comics discussion. Events will be described as Pre-Final Crisis or Post-Secret Invasion. These are major shakeups in two of the fantasylands I care probably too much about. So why am I so apatheic about both?

Event Fatigue

It seem like it's been a decade since either publisher has gone more than six months without an earth-shaking, world-defining, NWEBTSA.* Comics insiders, podcasters, bloggers and creators have been debating event fatigue for years. Will comic fans tire? Will creators tire? Will such a glut of must-get events turn off new readers, sacrificing the future for the fanboys?

Whatever the answers to these questions are, they're not the reason I'm not enjoying Final Crisis or Secret Invasion. While the never-ending stream of drama can certainly get cumbersome, I thoroughly enjoyed Annihilation: Conquest, Salvation Run, and World War Hulk. I'm not sick of events. Next.

Lack of a Singular Bad Guy Focus

Since I have a nearly identical meh for both of these events, my next thought was to look for similarities between the two books, and where they differ from other recent events that I liked. Final Crisis has Libra, Darkseid, and perhaps the Sheeda... Secret Invasion has a whole mess of skrulls, some of whom may or may not be apparent even to the reader. WWH had Hulk. A:C had Ultron.

However, Salvation Run didn't really have any villians at all. Odd as it may be to not have a clear big baddie, this isn't it.

No Coalition of Heroes

Events do typically begin with a gathering of the forces of good against whoever the big baddie is. Without the coalition, it doesn't really feel like the event has truly begun; it feels like prologue. This occurred to me one night on the way to the supermarket, and I really thought that this was it. But by the time I had picked up my ice cream and was headed back to my car, I had decided that this couldn't possibly account for my indifference.

Lack of Encyclopedic Knowledge

I heard the guys on iFanboy discussing this one the other day, in the context of Final Crisis #2. I'm not catching all of the references. I'm not familiar with all of the backstory. But this only applies to Final Crisis. I do have an encyclopedic knowledge of the Marvel Universe. I do get every reference in Secret Invasion. And I don't like it any better.

Morrison and Bendis are "Writing For the Trade"

Is it possible these two stories are not intended to be read serially, and instead digested as a lump sum at the end. Except both have been rife with the 22nd page shocker. This isn't it either.

Bendis and Morrison have not taken the proper steps as writers to define the stakes.

If this is a NWEBTSA ... I need to know what's going to change. What happens if the bad guys win? How will their victories affect me, average non-powered citizen of either universe? I swore that this was it. But it's not. I know what the stakes are. Skrulls are going to take over the planet. Libra is going to kill all superheroes. I suppose I don't know exactly what Darkseid is up to, but it's not good. So what is it?

Is it the hype?

I would have no problem enjoying either of these stories if they had not been hyped as world-changing. Final Crisis is thus far a JLA story. If Final Crisis was simply called JLA, I'd be loving it. Secret Invasion is thus far an Avengers story. If Secret Invasion was simply called Avengers, I'd be loving it. I wish DC hadn't made me feel as though I needed to read a year worth of awful Countdown and Countdown-related tales to understand Final Crisis. I wish Marvel wasn't threatening to screw with decades of stories by revealing that the characters are skrulls and didn't realize they were skrulls. (See, it was all a dream!) The hype hurts, but it alone is not what's killing these stories for me.

Predictability?

The last several NWEBTSA's done by both companies truly did change the landscapes of both universes. Civil War has dramatically altered the Marvel Universe. Identity/Infinite Crisis did similarly at DC. Annihilation reshaped Marvel's cosmic map. Even Death of the New Gods - as poorly executed as many thought it was - changed things forever in the DCU. All of these events finished with unpredictable results.

Are the Skrulls going to take over the earth? Is Libra going to kill all the good guys? Of course not. But predictablility has never stopped me from buying a comic before.

So as Bendis might say ... "The Hell?"

Truth is, it's all of this. These books started with a few strikes against them, and through mediocre storytelling (so far) have garnered even more strikes. There are many many comics readers who are feeling a high level of apathy for both of these books, due to all of these problems.

I will not quit reading either of these books, and I have great respect for both writers. But one month into Final Crisis and three months into Secret Invasion, neither have delivered on the promise of a spectacular event.

Learn from the mistakes of these two series, Marvel and DC. Don't start events like this again.




*("nothing-will-ever-be-the-same-again")

ROFLMAO, JPHRED52

I've been roaring through my backlog of books, it's kind of acquired a homework motif. It's that idiot fear of missing an issue, and then when the next one comes, you're like "What the hey?! Who is that and why are they in that place with that other guy and isn't he dead?" The point is, there are about 12 too many Wolverine books, and I'm just not going to read them. Except for Wolverine First Class, because of the cute Kitty Pryde and the cow lady named Bova that Logan keeps calling Bessy. She finally stopped correcting him. I am an enormous sucker for anthropomorphic animals, by the way.

I have to say it, I can visualize at some point in the near future digging on Final Crisis. Sure it makes little sense now, but I was far less flummoxed than I anticipated, and any appearance of Renee Montoya is a strong courting of my favor. Essentially, if the Spectre were to inhabit the body of a talking sheep for his team-up with the Question in Revelations, I'd be the very definition of enthusiasm.

On Trinity, though, I'm going to have to agree with Doug. I'll just add an "M" to that "Eh." I've been kind of a fan of DC's bronzified version of Morgaine Le Fey since her recurring bitchfest on Justice League Unlimited, but this lady is aggravating. Bring on the examination of the complex relationship among the Big Three, but not if Bruce Wayne is going to call Clark Kent "buddy." That is not working for me.

Also. Secret Invasion is boring me senseless. Just gotta get it out there. Even the massive fight scene was drowsy, because it came out of nowhere. It's like super draggy intrigue over here, setup-free chaos over there. I'll still read every damn crossover, because I am a fool, but I'd rather not have to whine about it. Fortunately we have eight dozen more issues for it to get good.

Finally, re: Detective #845, am I alone in thinking that there needs to be more late-night IMing between Batman and Detective Chimp? I cannot be alone.

Bloodthirsty Skrulls=suckers for romance

According to Newsarama, funnyman and Bendis-bud Patton Oswalt has already been allowed to read the first three issues of Secret Invasion. According to him, it's one big flaming ball of "Holy shit!"ness, and hopefully that won't mean "Holy shit, this is even more of an atrocious injustice to years of Marvel continuity than I imagined in my wildest nightmares, and that's saying a lot!" Anyway, one of Oswalt's teasers is this:

As it stands right now, someone’s holding a possible key to stopping the Skrulls, and it’s the LAST person in the Marvel Universe you’d want with that info. And no, it’s not Dr. Doom.

My fiance suggested that it might be Mephisto, and my first response was "oh god I hope not, I think people are pretty tired of Mephisto right now." To which he countered "Well, it would be pretty awesome, if the Skrulls said 'We'll leave you alone... but only if you put Spidey and MJ back together.'"

It's up to you, Bendis. Give love a chance.