Dear Ian,
I think you learned a powerful lesson today. At least, I hope you did. Yesterday, you had a really bad day. And, today you had to pay for it and so did I. Today, was my first 'talk' with the principal at your school. Thankfully, that talk was not requested by Mr. Leopold, but initiated by me!
You learned that it is never okay to be unkind. You were not nice to your friend, Sarah, in the car on the way to school. We discussed it, you apologized and I thought that was the end of your problems for the day. Wow, was I wrong! You told the other Ian in your class that even though Miss Popp said there was not going to be any storms, there was going to be a large tornado. You knew he was afraid of storms, yet you still said that! We discussed the note from the teacher when you got home. We went out on a errand and you were hateful to me. You spent time in a corner at the store! How lovely it was standing there as all the people filed past! Thankfully, I am beyond being embarrassed about it. I don't have a problem putting you in the corner in public as I feel I would be doing the world a disservice if I just ignored your actions like some parents. Finally, you settled down. We had dinner and all was right in your world again. I am not sure what switch was flipped for that to happen, but I am happy that it did!
This morning, you got up worried about what I was going to do. I decided last night how to handle this one. I walked you into school. We stopped to talk to the principal. I made you apologize to him for being mean to another student. Then, I walked you to class which is something I have not done since the first few days of school. I made you apologize to your teacher and to the other student.
Why did I do that you kept asking? Because I realize that it is not cool/fun for Mom to walk you into class and make you apologize in front of everyone for something you did. Hopefully, you figured out that not only do you not want that to happen again, but that you also will be kind to others. My intention was not to embarrass you, but to make you think about what you do before you do it. It was a painful lesson, but one that I hope you will remember for the rest of your life.
Remember that I will always love you no matter what you do. And, I will always make you answer for the things you do! It is so important to you are always kind, that you treat others with respect and that you learn from your mistakes.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Sunday, October 02, 2011
To Mark
Started October 2, 2011
I dreamt about you for only the second time last night. I woke up so angry with the world. As I sit here tonight, my brain doesn't want to sleep for fear that I will have that same anger in the morning. I certainly don't fear that I would dream of you again. It was so wonderful to walk and talk with you. But, I am frustrated that I can't remember what we talked about! I know that I asked you why. And, I feel that you answered me. But, I also know the answer in my heart. Your 'devil may care, it won't be me' cockiness got the best of both of us. And, it pisses me off. I can't put my finger on exactly why. I think it's partly because I envy that attitude. I wish I could live my life completely not caring what anyone else thought about me and my actions. I think it's partly because I don't like that it did catch up with both of us. Not everyone of our friends or family ever saw that cocky attitude in you, but I did. And, honestly it's probably one of the things that attracted me to you. That makes me chuckle! Like a moth to a flame kind of sickness I guess.
Ian and I went to church this morning. Today was the first day in almost 2 years, that I didn't cry at some point during the service. Each service has had something that pulled my head or heart relating to you. Today, I was strangely disconnected from all of it. Don't get me wrong, the sermon was interesting, just not significantly important to me. Last time I went, the lead song was On Eagle's Wings. I didn't realize until they played it why I loved it so. I also didn't realize that I selected it for our wedding and for your funeral until just a couple of weeks ago. It will never be a song that I can listen to for the pleasure of listening to a great message. But, was I disconnected because I finally saw you in my dreams? Guess I will never really know. Rambling, sorry.
We just passed what should have been our 17th wedding anniversary. Do you remember the discussion we had about the 17th on the 17th? We decided to do something fun and special. I suggested Milan. You said let's save that for the 20th. We settled on the idea of some island with a quiet beach. We never got either. Instead I spent the 17th sitting here by myself after putting Ian in bed. I could have gone out, but I was too angry with the world after my initial plans fell through. Then, it just became a can't stop crying fest which completely ticked me off! Now, October 26th is looming and I have already decided that I will be busy no matter what. I don't care what anyone else is doing, I will not spend my evening sitting here.
Do you remember our discussions about what people feel they are entitled to in this world? Remember being amazed that people actually feel that they are entitled to things they did not earn? Remember questioning how people we knew had this attitude? Well, it hasn't changed. And amazingly enough your passing made it even more of an issue for some! But I have learned that they are just going to have to figure out how they can earn what they want because I am not going to just give anymore.
I have accomplished so much in the last 2 years on my own. I have fixed things I would never have tackled even though I was the more 'mechanically minded' of the two of us. )hahaha) I have made decisions about things we would have discussed. It hasn't been easy, actually it has sucked, but I have done it.
I won't even begin to tell you how irritated I am some of the people we know and call family or friend. Just know that if I feel the need to call someone a name, I am willing to say the exact same thing to their face. This is not true of the people in our life. I have learned coping skills along the way and realize now that others have not taken advantage of the learning curve. Their loss, but it's sad when it's family that can't figure out how to be human. I know that I always offered to help others no matter what is going on in my world. It's how I was raised. This is not true of others (family and friends) in my life. I was pulling back from everyone because I was feeling so hurt by people and their inability to look beyond themselves. But, I realized regardless of what others do and can't do, pulling into myself is not my nature. So, I am back to offering help even when I don't have time. Yes, I know that made you crazy, but it's who I am! But it is certainly hard to go from being completely self-sufficient to needing help from others only to realize that they won't offer it. Asking for it is not my strong point, but I have and have been ignored or refused. I know that people don't realize just how hard this is. There are days (still) that it's all I can do just to get out of bed. I have no choice, I have to take care of Ian. But, it takes monumental effort just to do that. I know that I cover those days well, but that takes effort too. But know that I have learned who I can count on and who I can't. It's been noted and will be the basis for all future decisions/judgments. So, as usual I learned from the hard-knock method!
Sorry this is just a bunch of thoughts tumbling out and they may not make much sense. Hell, they don't make much sense to me most of the time!
And, if you think the comments are about you, perhaps you take yourself too seriously or maybe you don't. The only way to find out is to do some self evaluation (if you dare) and then ask me! (Again, if you dare.)
I dreamt about you for only the second time last night. I woke up so angry with the world. As I sit here tonight, my brain doesn't want to sleep for fear that I will have that same anger in the morning. I certainly don't fear that I would dream of you again. It was so wonderful to walk and talk with you. But, I am frustrated that I can't remember what we talked about! I know that I asked you why. And, I feel that you answered me. But, I also know the answer in my heart. Your 'devil may care, it won't be me' cockiness got the best of both of us. And, it pisses me off. I can't put my finger on exactly why. I think it's partly because I envy that attitude. I wish I could live my life completely not caring what anyone else thought about me and my actions. I think it's partly because I don't like that it did catch up with both of us. Not everyone of our friends or family ever saw that cocky attitude in you, but I did. And, honestly it's probably one of the things that attracted me to you. That makes me chuckle! Like a moth to a flame kind of sickness I guess.
Ian and I went to church this morning. Today was the first day in almost 2 years, that I didn't cry at some point during the service. Each service has had something that pulled my head or heart relating to you. Today, I was strangely disconnected from all of it. Don't get me wrong, the sermon was interesting, just not significantly important to me. Last time I went, the lead song was On Eagle's Wings. I didn't realize until they played it why I loved it so. I also didn't realize that I selected it for our wedding and for your funeral until just a couple of weeks ago. It will never be a song that I can listen to for the pleasure of listening to a great message. But, was I disconnected because I finally saw you in my dreams? Guess I will never really know. Rambling, sorry.
We just passed what should have been our 17th wedding anniversary. Do you remember the discussion we had about the 17th on the 17th? We decided to do something fun and special. I suggested Milan. You said let's save that for the 20th. We settled on the idea of some island with a quiet beach. We never got either. Instead I spent the 17th sitting here by myself after putting Ian in bed. I could have gone out, but I was too angry with the world after my initial plans fell through. Then, it just became a can't stop crying fest which completely ticked me off! Now, October 26th is looming and I have already decided that I will be busy no matter what. I don't care what anyone else is doing, I will not spend my evening sitting here.
Do you remember our discussions about what people feel they are entitled to in this world? Remember being amazed that people actually feel that they are entitled to things they did not earn? Remember questioning how people we knew had this attitude? Well, it hasn't changed. And amazingly enough your passing made it even more of an issue for some! But I have learned that they are just going to have to figure out how they can earn what they want because I am not going to just give anymore.
I have accomplished so much in the last 2 years on my own. I have fixed things I would never have tackled even though I was the more 'mechanically minded' of the two of us. )hahaha) I have made decisions about things we would have discussed. It hasn't been easy, actually it has sucked, but I have done it.
I won't even begin to tell you how irritated I am some of the people we know and call family or friend. Just know that if I feel the need to call someone a name, I am willing to say the exact same thing to their face. This is not true of the people in our life. I have learned coping skills along the way and realize now that others have not taken advantage of the learning curve. Their loss, but it's sad when it's family that can't figure out how to be human. I know that I always offered to help others no matter what is going on in my world. It's how I was raised. This is not true of others (family and friends) in my life. I was pulling back from everyone because I was feeling so hurt by people and their inability to look beyond themselves. But, I realized regardless of what others do and can't do, pulling into myself is not my nature. So, I am back to offering help even when I don't have time. Yes, I know that made you crazy, but it's who I am! But it is certainly hard to go from being completely self-sufficient to needing help from others only to realize that they won't offer it. Asking for it is not my strong point, but I have and have been ignored or refused. I know that people don't realize just how hard this is. There are days (still) that it's all I can do just to get out of bed. I have no choice, I have to take care of Ian. But, it takes monumental effort just to do that. I know that I cover those days well, but that takes effort too. But know that I have learned who I can count on and who I can't. It's been noted and will be the basis for all future decisions/judgments. So, as usual I learned from the hard-knock method!
Sorry this is just a bunch of thoughts tumbling out and they may not make much sense. Hell, they don't make much sense to me most of the time!
And, if you think the comments are about you, perhaps you take yourself too seriously or maybe you don't. The only way to find out is to do some self evaluation (if you dare) and then ask me! (Again, if you dare.)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Happy Birthday Mom
Today you would have turned 68 years young. Today, I did something for Ian that I swore to you I would never do. He asked and I couldn't say no. I sucked up my fear and went for it. I held back tears the entire time thinking about the last time....
I rode the ferris wheel at the fair.
I remember it so clearly. I knew you hated them, but I wanted to ride so bad. We got on and rode around one turn. We stopped at the top of the next turn and there we sat for 45 minutes. I was a little older than Ian, but I remember you talking to me the entire time. You had to have been just as scared as I was, if not more so. You pointed out all the things we could see from that high. You told me that there was no problem, that they were probably just helping someone out of one of the cars below. You kept me calm.
When they finally got us down, I remember telling you that I would never, ever ride one of those things again. And, I haven't until today when this little blond imp with the cutest dimples asked me to ride it. After we made a couple of rotations, he confessed that he really didn't like it. And, I confessed that I didn't either. He asked me why I agreed to ride it if I didn't like it. I explained that I would do anything for him because I had been taught by one of the best - you! We decided together that we wouldn't ride it again.
For my efforts, I got a kiss at the top of the wheel from my baby. It made it all worthwhile!
Happy Birthday Mom. Ian and I love you and miss you . And, I am not sorry that I broke my promise to never ride a ferris wheel.
I rode the ferris wheel at the fair.
I remember it so clearly. I knew you hated them, but I wanted to ride so bad. We got on and rode around one turn. We stopped at the top of the next turn and there we sat for 45 minutes. I was a little older than Ian, but I remember you talking to me the entire time. You had to have been just as scared as I was, if not more so. You pointed out all the things we could see from that high. You told me that there was no problem, that they were probably just helping someone out of one of the cars below. You kept me calm.
When they finally got us down, I remember telling you that I would never, ever ride one of those things again. And, I haven't until today when this little blond imp with the cutest dimples asked me to ride it. After we made a couple of rotations, he confessed that he really didn't like it. And, I confessed that I didn't either. He asked me why I agreed to ride it if I didn't like it. I explained that I would do anything for him because I had been taught by one of the best - you! We decided together that we wouldn't ride it again.
For my efforts, I got a kiss at the top of the wheel from my baby. It made it all worthwhile!
Happy Birthday Mom. Ian and I love you and miss you . And, I am not sorry that I broke my promise to never ride a ferris wheel.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Playing Games
Mark's nephew, Walter, came to visit a few weeks ago and Ian talked him into playing Candy*Land!
Who knew that 'Uncle Bud' was such a softy?!?!?
Who knew that 'Uncle Bud' was such a softy?!?!?
Some Fun Pictures
A huge lightsaber fight ensued right after this picture.
Did Spiderman or Boba Fett win?
My money is on Boba Fett, but I couldn't resist posting this pic of Aunt Sherry!
Ian being 'beat up' by our friend Brian.
Brian has 4 kids and understands a good Jedi attack when he sees one!
And on top of that, Brian does amazing woodworking.
Do all moms allow their children to make volcanoes on the kitchen counter?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Why?
On a scale of 1 to 10, today has been a 10. But, that is not a good thing. Because it was a 10 on the "This day sucks" scale. I don't know why. I woke up feeling like I just couldn't cope with anything today. And, of course, Ian choose today to push every button that he could think of to push. I was screaming at him before 10AM. I failed miserably at parenting today. And, knowing that, made the day even worse. I know getting that upset with him doesn't work. But, I just couldn't stop myself today. I was so worked up that I honestly thought about locking him in his room so that I wouldn't hurt him. We had a serious talk after he had pushed me to tears. He finally got it and backed off. The afternoon went fairly well, but the damage was done. I don't know what makes some days like this. Will I ever not be angry with Mark for dying and leaving me to deal with all this crap?!?!? Admittedly, the anger is not all consuming like it used to be. But days like today make that anger rear it's ugly head. Why do I have to wake up that way? Why can't I know that's the kind of day it will be and just not let it get worse? Why?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Mind of Ian
In the last couple of days, Ian has amazed me with his thought processes and questions. He is really trying to figure out his world and that makes for some lively question and answer periods around here!
Last night while in the bathtub, he was bent in half checking out his parts. That alone was enough to make me laugh, because he had his nose approximately 3 inches away from his penis! Anyway, he proceeded to ask me the following question: "Mama, what are these ball things inside me under my pee-pee?" OMG! Every name/label came to mind, but I quickly told him that was his scrotum. Then, I ran into the hallway, grabbed a pillow and laughed until I almost peed my pants!
This evening, he learned that our friends, Keith and Sherry, are going to have a baby. He wanted to know if he could touch Sherry's tummy. He was very interested in how this whole baby thing worked. He worried that he might hurt the baby hugging Sherry. He wondered if the baby would hear him if he yelled. But the best one of all: He wanted to know if Aunt Sherry pooped, would the baby come out too? I told him no, that's not how it works. He then wanted to know what keeps the baby in there. I started to explain when he suggested that the "Force" is what keeps the baby inside her tummy. For once in my life, I am thankful that he loves Star Wars!
A couple of days ago, he asked me about a song on the radio. I honestly don't remember paying attention to the words of songs until I was much older! (Note to self: You need to pay closer attention to what is playing on the radio from now on!) Anyway, the song was about a guy who fell in love with the farmer's daughter. One of the lines explains that her kiss was sweet. He asked if she was eating candy! I explained that it meant, he was in love with her so the kiss was more important. End of subject, or so I thought! Yesterday, we were discussing his class trip to a local farm. He wanted to know if 'she' would be there. I asked who he was talking about and finally figured out he wanted to know if the farmer's daughter would be there! I told him that she would not and it wouldn't matter even if she was because he was not supposed to kiss her. He pouted and told me he needed to know if she tasted like candy!
I would love to be able to crawl inside his mind somedays!
Last night while in the bathtub, he was bent in half checking out his parts. That alone was enough to make me laugh, because he had his nose approximately 3 inches away from his penis! Anyway, he proceeded to ask me the following question: "Mama, what are these ball things inside me under my pee-pee?" OMG! Every name/label came to mind, but I quickly told him that was his scrotum. Then, I ran into the hallway, grabbed a pillow and laughed until I almost peed my pants!
This evening, he learned that our friends, Keith and Sherry, are going to have a baby. He wanted to know if he could touch Sherry's tummy. He was very interested in how this whole baby thing worked. He worried that he might hurt the baby hugging Sherry. He wondered if the baby would hear him if he yelled. But the best one of all: He wanted to know if Aunt Sherry pooped, would the baby come out too? I told him no, that's not how it works. He then wanted to know what keeps the baby in there. I started to explain when he suggested that the "Force" is what keeps the baby inside her tummy. For once in my life, I am thankful that he loves Star Wars!
A couple of days ago, he asked me about a song on the radio. I honestly don't remember paying attention to the words of songs until I was much older! (Note to self: You need to pay closer attention to what is playing on the radio from now on!) Anyway, the song was about a guy who fell in love with the farmer's daughter. One of the lines explains that her kiss was sweet. He asked if she was eating candy! I explained that it meant, he was in love with her so the kiss was more important. End of subject, or so I thought! Yesterday, we were discussing his class trip to a local farm. He wanted to know if 'she' would be there. I asked who he was talking about and finally figured out he wanted to know if the farmer's daughter would be there! I told him that she would not and it wouldn't matter even if she was because he was not supposed to kiss her. He pouted and told me he needed to know if she tasted like candy!
I would love to be able to crawl inside his mind somedays!
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Something I Wondered About..
Ever since Ian potty trained himself, I have wondered if he would recognize that he needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Yes, he potty trained himself. He got up one day and said he was done wearing diapers. And since that day, he has only had one accident at night which I count as my fault. (I did not make sure that he went to the bathroom before he went to bed.) So, ever since I have wondered...
Well, I got my answer tonight! I heard all this noise over the monitor while I was checking my email. I got up to investigate and he was in the bathroom! He was clearly not very awake because he was swaying and making absolutely no sense whatsoever. But, he was in the bathroom doing his thing! I tucked him back in bed and he went right back to sleep. I am very proud of him! Sometimes, it's the small victories.
Well, I got my answer tonight! I heard all this noise over the monitor while I was checking my email. I got up to investigate and he was in the bathroom! He was clearly not very awake because he was swaying and making absolutely no sense whatsoever. But, he was in the bathroom doing his thing! I tucked him back in bed and he went right back to sleep. I am very proud of him! Sometimes, it's the small victories.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Milestones
I have stepped over many milestones this month, most of them in the last seven days. The beginning of the month marked the one year anniversary of Mom passing away. This past week, however, has seen more milestones than anyone should in one week. First, my birthday last Friday. (Yep, I got to share it with Earth Day and Good Friday this year. Lucky me!) Next was the first Easter without Mom. She passed away just after Easter last year. Also, the first Easter meal which I did not eat at home. And, the first one that I haven't cooked in 16 years! Then, Tuesday marked the 17th year that I have worked for Mike. Seventeen years of baseball seasons, football seasons and crazy clients. (Not to mention the crazy people that deal with them!)
On top of that, I am in the process of weeding out my life. Getting rid of things and people that drain me financially, emotionally and physically. In some ways, that is a milestone too. I am the person that always says yes when you ask for help. Sometimes I spread myself so thin, that I can't function anymore. So my growth milestone, is to learn not to do that to myself anymore. Not allowing myself to be used by anyone is a big blessing. It's difficult, especially when you expect better from people. Hopefully, they figure out the milestone in their life that I am forcing them to step on. Unfortunately, some people just make a life of using and abusing others and never understand that life can be so much better without that garbage.
On top of that, I am in the process of weeding out my life. Getting rid of things and people that drain me financially, emotionally and physically. In some ways, that is a milestone too. I am the person that always says yes when you ask for help. Sometimes I spread myself so thin, that I can't function anymore. So my growth milestone, is to learn not to do that to myself anymore. Not allowing myself to be used by anyone is a big blessing. It's difficult, especially when you expect better from people. Hopefully, they figure out the milestone in their life that I am forcing them to step on. Unfortunately, some people just make a life of using and abusing others and never understand that life can be so much better without that garbage.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Conversations with Ian
Ian: Why did God need my Daddy?
Me: I don't know, honey.
Ian: Well, when I get to heaven, I am going to ask him!
Me: You do that!
Ian and I had this conversation this afternoon while sorting laundry. I would love to know what he thinks about some days. These questions just come up at random times and I wonder what he is thinking that makes him ask. Don't get me wrong, I am glad he asks the questions. I am just not sure where they come from some days.
Me: I don't know, honey.
Ian: Well, when I get to heaven, I am going to ask him!
Me: You do that!
Ian and I had this conversation this afternoon while sorting laundry. I would love to know what he thinks about some days. These questions just come up at random times and I wonder what he is thinking that makes him ask. Don't get me wrong, I am glad he asks the questions. I am just not sure where they come from some days.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Amazed! *Updated*
I actually got a check in the mail today for the annuity! They still haven't paid the much smaller security account though. Go figure!
*Update*
And, today I got a check for the balance in the security account. I guess they found someone to translate for them!
*Update*
And, today I got a check for the balance in the security account. I guess they found someone to translate for them!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Dealing With Idiots
I am seriously tired of dealing with idiots! It seems like everything I try to do since Mark died has been as complicated as it can possibly be. It's not like I didn't go through hell just to bring him home, but ever since I have been beating my head against a brick wall of flames. For example, I think the 4th attempt to straighten out Ian's college account with the second company has finally worked! I am just so tired of fighting for each little thing. Life is difficult enough without all this crap!
Idiot Story #1
I just got home from cashing in a CD that my grandparents purchased in 1982. Well, lots of things have changed since then and proving all that to the bank was a major pain in the butt! I had simply forgotten about the CD until I went to my amazing tax lady on Friday. She asked for the earnings statement and I never got one this year. So, I came home and called the bank that had just recently purchased the last bank that owned the CD. (For the record, 4 banks have owned this account over the years. And, none of them could get it right!) They could not find the account number in their system. I gave them my social security number and they couldn't find that either. To make a long story short, I had to find the original certificate issued in 1982! And, even that wasn't good enough! Because, the idiots had my social security number linked to my grandmother's name. During my second call, they asked to speak to her. I not so nicely explained that would be impossible since she died in 2001. They finally took pity on me and told me that it only earned $3.50 last year and therefore, I didn't get a statement. (They only have to send statements for tax purposes if it earns over $10 that year.) Gee, to you think that you could have at least just told me that it was less than $10 during the first call!?!? Then, they suggested that I go to a local branch and get the documentation sent to my house and in my name. Lovely, I have no idea where a branch is and I tried 8 times with the last bank to get this straightened out!
So, I gathered all the paperwork I thought I might need after locating a branch office. And, I collected some that I shouldn't need, but probably would. (Because that's how my world works!) I handed over my driver's license, my marriage license, my SS card with my maiden name, my grandmother's death certificate and the original CD paperwork. And, they asked me for another form of ID! After paying a penalty for cashing in the CD, I was out of there. I will never set foot in that bank again!
Idiot Story #2
Mark had an annuity with me named as the sole beneficiary through a well known insurance company. He also had a small amount of money in a security account that his mother left him when she died. I called the company, got the claim forms and proceeded to gather documentation. I was informed that I would need an entry from the Court showing I was the executor for the annuity! WTH?!?! I was named as the beneficiary, I shouldn't need that! (Trust me I know these things!) But okay, I provided it along with the Report of Death of an American Citizen Abroad which is his Death Certificate. (D/C) If you die outside of the US, this is the form you get and they do not issue an American D/C. They also had me fill out a Foreign Death Questionnaire which asked a multitude of questions that they did not need to know. (i.e. Did he have a return ticket? What company was he flying home on? Where did he go? Where was he going before coming home? Who saw him buried other than family? etc. This company is well known for not liking to pay claims and basing that decision on small issues.)
I sent all this paperwork to the insurance company. A few days later I got a letter asking for his Death Certificate! Already annoyed, I called them and explained that they already had it. The rest of the conversation went like this:
Her (company employee): We need the original of the D/C issued by the UAE.
My response: Is there a reason the Report of Death is not good enough for you. It was issued by the federal government!?!?
Her: We need to see the original D/C .
Me: You can't have it. I have one and cannot get another. And, I won't even waste my time explaining to you what I had to go through to get that one! So, no you can't have it and it wouldn't do you any good anyway.
Her: Why?
Me: Because it's in Arabic!
Her: Well, we still need to see it. Can you fax a copy to us?
Me: Sure!
So, I faxed it to them. And today I received a call from them that went like this:
Her: Mrs. E?
Me: Yes
Her: We can't read this D/C because it's in another language.
Me: Dial tone!
That's right. I hung up on the stupid woman! I guess I will sit back and wait for the letter that I am sure I will get denying the claim.
Idiot Story #1
I just got home from cashing in a CD that my grandparents purchased in 1982. Well, lots of things have changed since then and proving all that to the bank was a major pain in the butt! I had simply forgotten about the CD until I went to my amazing tax lady on Friday. She asked for the earnings statement and I never got one this year. So, I came home and called the bank that had just recently purchased the last bank that owned the CD. (For the record, 4 banks have owned this account over the years. And, none of them could get it right!) They could not find the account number in their system. I gave them my social security number and they couldn't find that either. To make a long story short, I had to find the original certificate issued in 1982! And, even that wasn't good enough! Because, the idiots had my social security number linked to my grandmother's name. During my second call, they asked to speak to her. I not so nicely explained that would be impossible since she died in 2001. They finally took pity on me and told me that it only earned $3.50 last year and therefore, I didn't get a statement. (They only have to send statements for tax purposes if it earns over $10 that year.) Gee, to you think that you could have at least just told me that it was less than $10 during the first call!?!? Then, they suggested that I go to a local branch and get the documentation sent to my house and in my name. Lovely, I have no idea where a branch is and I tried 8 times with the last bank to get this straightened out!
So, I gathered all the paperwork I thought I might need after locating a branch office. And, I collected some that I shouldn't need, but probably would. (Because that's how my world works!) I handed over my driver's license, my marriage license, my SS card with my maiden name, my grandmother's death certificate and the original CD paperwork. And, they asked me for another form of ID! After paying a penalty for cashing in the CD, I was out of there. I will never set foot in that bank again!
Idiot Story #2
Mark had an annuity with me named as the sole beneficiary through a well known insurance company. He also had a small amount of money in a security account that his mother left him when she died. I called the company, got the claim forms and proceeded to gather documentation. I was informed that I would need an entry from the Court showing I was the executor for the annuity! WTH?!?! I was named as the beneficiary, I shouldn't need that! (Trust me I know these things!) But okay, I provided it along with the Report of Death of an American Citizen Abroad which is his Death Certificate. (D/C) If you die outside of the US, this is the form you get and they do not issue an American D/C. They also had me fill out a Foreign Death Questionnaire which asked a multitude of questions that they did not need to know. (i.e. Did he have a return ticket? What company was he flying home on? Where did he go? Where was he going before coming home? Who saw him buried other than family? etc. This company is well known for not liking to pay claims and basing that decision on small issues.)
I sent all this paperwork to the insurance company. A few days later I got a letter asking for his Death Certificate! Already annoyed, I called them and explained that they already had it. The rest of the conversation went like this:
Her (company employee): We need the original of the D/C issued by the UAE.
My response: Is there a reason the Report of Death is not good enough for you. It was issued by the federal government!?!?
Her: We need to see the original D/C .
Me: You can't have it. I have one and cannot get another. And, I won't even waste my time explaining to you what I had to go through to get that one! So, no you can't have it and it wouldn't do you any good anyway.
Her: Why?
Me: Because it's in Arabic!
Her: Well, we still need to see it. Can you fax a copy to us?
Me: Sure!
So, I faxed it to them. And today I received a call from them that went like this:
Her: Mrs. E?
Me: Yes
Her: We can't read this D/C because it's in another language.
Me: Dial tone!
That's right. I hung up on the stupid woman! I guess I will sit back and wait for the letter that I am sure I will get denying the claim.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Being Good
Ian had a very serious discussion with Papaw and I the other day. He first told us the he had been good for the past couple of days. So, Santa should be happy with him and bring him toys next Christmas! Next, he asked us if we could please tell Santa he had been good. And, if we did this he would be good tomorrow! This sounds suspiciously like "I will gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today." I didn't realize that I was living in a Pop-eye cartoon!
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
One Year
The first time she held Ian.
Reading to Ian.
Playing with Anson.Dear Mom,
I can hardly believe that it has been a year. Some days it seems like it was just last week that I was telling you stories about Ian's latest exploits. Other days it seems like forever ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about calling you.
Your two amazing grandsons have done so many great things this year. They both are getting so tall! Neither one of them can hold up a pair pants without elastic in the waist. Each time I see Anson, I hear another story about his boo-boos and how much blood there was when he got hurt. I am beginning to wonder if he will turn out to be a doctor! Which is a good thing for Ian, because he will probably need his services! Ian continues to try to defy gravity at every chance. I think the gymnastics class has only made him even less fearful of falling.
Anson spent the weekend with us in March. He showed me how he has learned to write his name! This evening, he was telling me his entire name and Ian's. This past year, I bribed him with toys to poop in the potty. For several weeks, he called to tell me how the pooping was going! I couldn't help but think of you! He has wicked little laugh which makes me smile every time I hear it. He is just too stinking cute for his own good!
Ian is learning to read! He reads to me each night now instead of me reading to him. You loved to read so much, I can only imagine how proud you would be of him! He headed for Kindergarten next year. I can't believe that he will be 5 in June! This past summer, he learned to ride his bike without training wheels. His amazing balance and lack of fear came in handy for that one! He continues to go at life as fast as he can. It takes just about all I have to keep up most days!
I love and miss you more than any words can convey,
Heather
I can hardly believe that it has been a year. Some days it seems like it was just last week that I was telling you stories about Ian's latest exploits. Other days it seems like forever ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about calling you.
Your two amazing grandsons have done so many great things this year. They both are getting so tall! Neither one of them can hold up a pair pants without elastic in the waist. Each time I see Anson, I hear another story about his boo-boos and how much blood there was when he got hurt. I am beginning to wonder if he will turn out to be a doctor! Which is a good thing for Ian, because he will probably need his services! Ian continues to try to defy gravity at every chance. I think the gymnastics class has only made him even less fearful of falling.
Anson spent the weekend with us in March. He showed me how he has learned to write his name! This evening, he was telling me his entire name and Ian's. This past year, I bribed him with toys to poop in the potty. For several weeks, he called to tell me how the pooping was going! I couldn't help but think of you! He has wicked little laugh which makes me smile every time I hear it. He is just too stinking cute for his own good!
Ian is learning to read! He reads to me each night now instead of me reading to him. You loved to read so much, I can only imagine how proud you would be of him! He headed for Kindergarten next year. I can't believe that he will be 5 in June! This past summer, he learned to ride his bike without training wheels. His amazing balance and lack of fear came in handy for that one! He continues to go at life as fast as he can. It takes just about all I have to keep up most days!
I love and miss you more than any words can convey,
Heather
Friday, March 18, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Name Calling
I was at Ian's school this past Friday. Anson was visiting and we decided to have lunch with Ian at his school. After lunch the boys played with all the children in Ian's school. A few minutes into the playing, Ian's friend J came up to me. He said Ian called him a name. Immediately, I explained to Ian that it was not nice to call people names. He apologized and they went on playing. Crisis averted.
So, are you asking what name he called his friend? You know that I had to ask. The worst name that Ian could come up with to call his friend is: chicken-beef! Let me know when you stop laughing! It took all I had to not laugh the first time I heard him call someone that. I guess I should be happy that chicken-beef is the worst he can come up with at this point. I think I will try calling someone this the next time they tick me off. Want to bet I end up laughing?
So, are you asking what name he called his friend? You know that I had to ask. The worst name that Ian could come up with to call his friend is: chicken-beef! Let me know when you stop laughing! It took all I had to not laugh the first time I heard him call someone that. I guess I should be happy that chicken-beef is the worst he can come up with at this point. I think I will try calling someone this the next time they tick me off. Want to bet I end up laughing?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Conversations with Ian
Ian continues to entertain me with his wit and perspective on the world! Here are some recent conversations that I had with him:
Ian: I am going to kiss my girlfriend each night before bed.
Me: You better not kiss any girls besides your Mommy!
Ian: But if I don't kiss them, they will not like me anymore!
Me: Which girlfriends are we talking about here?
Ian: Megan and Marissa.
Ian: How come Justin B(ieber) sings like a girl?
Me: Because he hasn't hit puberty yet.
Ian: What is puberty?
Me: When boy's voices change. (Trying to get out of the entire discussion!)
Ian: Shouldn't he be old enough by now? (Truer words have not been spoken!)
Me: I would think so, but I don't control these things.
Ian: Well, it's weird. (Again true words!)
Ian: Papaw is old.
Me: What makes you think he is old?
Ian: Well you have to be 80 to be old.
Me: Papaw is only 78. He won't be 80 for 2 more years.
Ian: Oh, well I guess he isn't old yet then.
Me: I am sure he will like to hear that.
Ian: But, you are old Mom.
Me: Ugh! (Thanks, I wonder where the boy got that smart mouth?!?!!)
Ian: I am going to kiss my girlfriend each night before bed.
Me: You better not kiss any girls besides your Mommy!
Ian: But if I don't kiss them, they will not like me anymore!
Me: Which girlfriends are we talking about here?
Ian: Megan and Marissa.
Ian: How come Justin B(ieber) sings like a girl?
Me: Because he hasn't hit puberty yet.
Ian: What is puberty?
Me: When boy's voices change. (Trying to get out of the entire discussion!)
Ian: Shouldn't he be old enough by now? (Truer words have not been spoken!)
Me: I would think so, but I don't control these things.
Ian: Well, it's weird. (Again true words!)
Ian: Papaw is old.
Me: What makes you think he is old?
Ian: Well you have to be 80 to be old.
Me: Papaw is only 78. He won't be 80 for 2 more years.
Ian: Oh, well I guess he isn't old yet then.
Me: I am sure he will like to hear that.
Ian: But, you are old Mom.
Me: Ugh! (Thanks, I wonder where the boy got that smart mouth?!?!!)
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Birthday Wishes!!!
Just a quick post to say Happy Birthday to:
My Uncle Eldon.
My Uncle Eldon.
My Dad
I hope you both had a great day! Let's all hope that this is the worst weather we ever see on your birthday. Chipping away at the ice in my driveway and Eldon not having electricity is not my idea of a fun birthday.
Happy Birthday!
Love, Heather and Ian
Also celebrating a birthday today:
Grandma Radloff
Sorry we interrupted your dinner to sing badly, but it was fun!
Happy Birthday!
Love, Heather and Ian
Monday, January 31, 2011
Happy 16th Birthday Alex!
Telling Santa what he wanted this past Christmas.
(I warned you that I was going to post this picture!)
After driving the boat in Hilton Head last summer.
Alex, I can hardly believe that you are 16 today! It seems like just last week, you were Ian's age. How does time go by that fast!?!?!
I want you to know that I am very proud of you. You made some big decisions this week that will greatly influence the rest of your life. I know that you are going to follow the right path, because you are listening to what your heart tells you. This past year has been a year of extreme growth for you. I know it has been hard, but you have hopefully learned from your mistakes as well as your triumphs. While you have always been able to see the good in people, you are beginning to understand that you have to accept people as they are. Please remember that you are only able to change yourself, not others. Also, remember that you are not responsible for what others do. As long as you are true to yourself, you will grow. Please continue to embrace life, hold your memories close to your heart and don't worry about the things you have no control over in this life. You are a kind, considerate gentleman. I am excited to see where life takes you.
Happy 16th Birthday!
Love always, Aunt Heather
Sunday, January 23, 2011
What Would You Ask?
A blog that I read recently posted a question to all of her readers. She wanted to know: If you had the time to ask the person you lost a few questions, what would you ask? I had to very different reactions to this questions which honestly surprised me!
Reaction 1: Let me make a list! The situation I find myself in is like swimming in a pool of jello. It's a sea of goo which doesn't seem to allow for decisions. The same decisions that I would have no problem making prior to Mark's death, now seem impossible. You can't even imagine how frustrating that is! When I do make a decision, I question whether I did the right thing for a very long period of time. I am not saying that I was always the most decisive person, but now it seems I can't decide on anything. So, the questions I would ask all revolve around what I should do in certain situations. For instance: I would love some direction about Ian's schooling. What should I do about trading/selling his truck? What would he like for me to do with his shop equipment, the airplane manuals, his golf equipment, etc.? Life progresses around me, but I seem to merely exist day to day. I don't know how to inspire myself to change that. Mark would know.
Reaction 2: I wouldn't ask him anything. I would tell him some things. Now, for those of you that know me and the angry phases I have gone through this year, that sounds rather ominous. But, I would tell him how amazing Ian is. I would tell him how much I love him and Ian I would tell him how much he is missed by so many amazing people. I would tell him about the people that have completely let me down. And, yes, I would tell him that I am angry he left me to deal with all of this crap. I didn't get to have that last conversation with him to tell him all those things. I told him what I could get out but he was too sedated to know I was even there at that point. Oh, what I would give to have been able to have that one last conversation.
How does this question relate to my mom? Again, same reaction. I would ask her for so many recipes! I would find out more about my family. I would ask her what she thinks I should do about so many things. The sad part is I had a chance to talk to her and still never asked her some of the questions that have bothered me since. And, I would tell her more than I got to tell her! I did get the time to tell her how much I love her and how much I appreciated all that she did for me. But, I should have and would have told her a million times more if I had know the time was that short.
I have learned that life is too short to spend it being upset with people. I kick myself now for all the times I was angry at Mark or Mom. What a waste of energy and valuable time! I should have spent that time telling them both how important they are to me. Regret is not a fun place to be. So, I have to tell myself that they both knew. I know they knew. But, I would sure like the chance to tell them again.
Reaction 1: Let me make a list! The situation I find myself in is like swimming in a pool of jello. It's a sea of goo which doesn't seem to allow for decisions. The same decisions that I would have no problem making prior to Mark's death, now seem impossible. You can't even imagine how frustrating that is! When I do make a decision, I question whether I did the right thing for a very long period of time. I am not saying that I was always the most decisive person, but now it seems I can't decide on anything. So, the questions I would ask all revolve around what I should do in certain situations. For instance: I would love some direction about Ian's schooling. What should I do about trading/selling his truck? What would he like for me to do with his shop equipment, the airplane manuals, his golf equipment, etc.? Life progresses around me, but I seem to merely exist day to day. I don't know how to inspire myself to change that. Mark would know.
Reaction 2: I wouldn't ask him anything. I would tell him some things. Now, for those of you that know me and the angry phases I have gone through this year, that sounds rather ominous. But, I would tell him how amazing Ian is. I would tell him how much I love him and Ian I would tell him how much he is missed by so many amazing people. I would tell him about the people that have completely let me down. And, yes, I would tell him that I am angry he left me to deal with all of this crap. I didn't get to have that last conversation with him to tell him all those things. I told him what I could get out but he was too sedated to know I was even there at that point. Oh, what I would give to have been able to have that one last conversation.
How does this question relate to my mom? Again, same reaction. I would ask her for so many recipes! I would find out more about my family. I would ask her what she thinks I should do about so many things. The sad part is I had a chance to talk to her and still never asked her some of the questions that have bothered me since. And, I would tell her more than I got to tell her! I did get the time to tell her how much I love her and how much I appreciated all that she did for me. But, I should have and would have told her a million times more if I had know the time was that short.
I have learned that life is too short to spend it being upset with people. I kick myself now for all the times I was angry at Mark or Mom. What a waste of energy and valuable time! I should have spent that time telling them both how important they are to me. Regret is not a fun place to be. So, I have to tell myself that they both knew. I know they knew. But, I would sure like the chance to tell them again.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Rambling Weirdness... Sorry
My head is in a weird place tonight. Consider yourself warned! Sleep deprived ramblings follow:
For the last several hours, I have been kicking around this thought: Did I win? So, you ask: "What race were you in?" Answer: The 'til death do us part' race. Since, I am the one left standing, does that mean I won? Because, it sure feels like I lost. But, so did Mark. How can we both have lost? Does that mean God won? No one told me God was in the race. Wait, that is not exactly true. I didn't realize God was one of the racers, I thought God was the support system. Was I wrong? Does it matter? Would I have backed out of it before I got to that 'til death do us part' part? Nope. But, maybe it would have been nice to know that the death part would happen so soon!
Think about that for a minute.... If you know you are going to die, what do you do differently? Because, really we are all dying as I write this. Yet, we all continue to do things that are ultimately destructive to ourselves. We eat food that we know is bad for us, we drink, we play dangerous sports, we drive too fast, etc. Does that mean we are all on a path of self-destruction? Is there enough will power in this world to stop yourself from that path? Do we even realize we are on that path? I think knowing that you are going to die would lead you to some desperate decisions. Can we live our lives thinking like that? In an effort to be more in tune with what I want from life, I am trying to go with the flow a little more. I guess that means I am trying harder to enjoy the small pleasures in life a little more. I can tell you that this past year has absolutely taught me to stop and smell the roses. I managed to do that this Christmas by making things a lot less hectic. But, I still suffered the 'post holiday' let down in a huge way. I tried so hard to avoid it, but it just came up and smacked me upside the head anyway! I hate that! Will I ever reach a point where that doesn't happen? I sure hope so, because it sucks pretty bad to be living it right now.
For the last several hours, I have been kicking around this thought: Did I win? So, you ask: "What race were you in?" Answer: The 'til death do us part' race. Since, I am the one left standing, does that mean I won? Because, it sure feels like I lost. But, so did Mark. How can we both have lost? Does that mean God won? No one told me God was in the race. Wait, that is not exactly true. I didn't realize God was one of the racers, I thought God was the support system. Was I wrong? Does it matter? Would I have backed out of it before I got to that 'til death do us part' part? Nope. But, maybe it would have been nice to know that the death part would happen so soon!
Think about that for a minute.... If you know you are going to die, what do you do differently? Because, really we are all dying as I write this. Yet, we all continue to do things that are ultimately destructive to ourselves. We eat food that we know is bad for us, we drink, we play dangerous sports, we drive too fast, etc. Does that mean we are all on a path of self-destruction? Is there enough will power in this world to stop yourself from that path? Do we even realize we are on that path? I think knowing that you are going to die would lead you to some desperate decisions. Can we live our lives thinking like that? In an effort to be more in tune with what I want from life, I am trying to go with the flow a little more. I guess that means I am trying harder to enjoy the small pleasures in life a little more. I can tell you that this past year has absolutely taught me to stop and smell the roses. I managed to do that this Christmas by making things a lot less hectic. But, I still suffered the 'post holiday' let down in a huge way. I tried so hard to avoid it, but it just came up and smacked me upside the head anyway! I hate that! Will I ever reach a point where that doesn't happen? I sure hope so, because it sucks pretty bad to be living it right now.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Happy Birthday Sam!
Our plans got kind of messed up today, but I think we ended up having a good day. We started at Panera for coffee and pastries. We had fun stealing Ian's chocolate chip bagel. (They closed school today thanks to a minimal amount of snow!) Then, we went shopping for a few groceries and craft supplies. We picked her kiddos up from school, stopped for a late lunch and finally headed home for the evening. After dinner, I took a cheesecake over to her house so that we could all sing badly to her to complete her day!
Hopefully, we can do the lunch we planned with Liz and Katie on Thursday.
Sam, I enjoyed spending the day with you. I hope you had a great birthday! Love ya Sister!
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Fundraiser Information
As most of you know, Deputy Hopper was killed in the line of duty on New Year's Day. While her loss has been felt by an entire community, what is most important is the fact that she leaves behind 2 beautiful children. In an effort to help her family care for her children, a fundraiser has been planned by friends and co-workers.
The fundraiser for Deputy Hopper's children will be held this Saturday, January 8th. The event will be held at Legend's Bar and Grille on Dayton-Springfield Road, Enon, Ohio from 5:00 PM until close. Please join us for great food, a raffle for the benefit of her children and a time to remember an amazing Mother and Police Officer.
Please contact me if you have any questions.
FYI: There is also a fund set up to help Officer Blum. Officer Blum was injured in the shoot out that ensued after Dep. Hopper was killed. If you wish to contribute to that fund, please contact me and I will get you the information.
The fundraiser for Deputy Hopper's children will be held this Saturday, January 8th. The event will be held at Legend's Bar and Grille on Dayton-Springfield Road, Enon, Ohio from 5:00 PM until close. Please join us for great food, a raffle for the benefit of her children and a time to remember an amazing Mother and Police Officer.
Please contact me if you have any questions.
FYI: There is also a fund set up to help Officer Blum. Officer Blum was injured in the shoot out that ensued after Dep. Hopper was killed. If you wish to contribute to that fund, please contact me and I will get you the information.