Christmas Night 2007

And a Merry Christmas night to you! It has been a very good day here---a too-early start with Cana again (third time) portraying Saint Lucia at the Swedish Julate service at Broadway Baptist here in midtown where her dad is the musician--he will be ending a 6 1/2 year tenure there next week since Gospel Colors has grown so much. She says it is her last year. The service began at 6 am...she with a crown of candles on her head, along with another girl, and they light gobs of candles to welcome the day. But welcoming it at 6 is just too early for me.

Cana and Caleb flew with their dad to his parents near Nashville---I had a marvelous dinner at Susan Vogel's tonight. And do not feel sorry for me dear reader---as much as I love my two teenagers, a recess is in order.

Since the kids are gone, you will have to settle for Christmas greetings from the two young cats---Danger, the Tabby and Mel, the Tuxedo (who is a month older). And here is also a picture of the "Sputnik" thingy I purchased at River Market Antiques some time ago, to represent one of my favorite things about my year---the new/old midcentury living room. This is on the wall on the tiny hallway from the kitchen to the living room. One can use it as a candle holder or a planter! A versatile thingy!!! Also it reminds me that Philip gave me a hunk of cash, and tomorrow I am off to search for a mcm coffee table, hopefully Danish Modern, to go with my Grete Jalk love seat. Aren't you impressed with my knowledge??? Merry Christmas again! I may take off a few days from this since I lived out my commitment to blog every day in Advent, and you may be tired of me anyway. But, who knows? The blogger muse (I think her name may be Gertrude) seems to be sitting on my shoulder and whispering to me quite often.

Christmas Eve

After going to a packed out 4:30 service at Liberty UMC, beautiful in every way, I came back to midtown and went to the 7 at Jacob's Well. This is the communion table after we received---we had not had communion there since before Advent as a way of making a place for absence so that this night we might be filled. And we were. Moravian stars on the table, of course, make me remember Mr. Wesley and the Moravians on board that ship to America--and the answer their leader gave Wesley when he asked why they had not been afraid during the terrible storm at sea the night before. Their women and children, along with the men, calmly sang psalms, Wesley had noticed. The leader of the Moravians said, "they were not afraid---they were not afraid to die." Tonight, the birth of Love incarnate seems a strange time in some ways to remind us of this, but because of that birth, we do not have to be afraid to die---to change, to put to an end to relationships which do not lead us to the Way, the Truth, The Life; to not be afraid of trying something new for Christ, even if we risk failure; to die to our old selves ruled by the tyranny of what has always been, in order to become that which we might be.

Even fear flees this night! Alleluia!

4Advent Sunday: A Very Good Day

This was a great day! Caleb and I attended Good Shepherd at the 11 am service--Here is Kevin preaching...and a three point sermon to boot. Besides Kevin's wonderful preaching (of course) a highlight of the service was Jeff Derdich's rendition of Little Drummer Boy and a fifth grader who was the drummer today.

This afternoon I went to the Mark Hayes-Bryan Taylor concert at Liberty UMC. This has to rank right up there as the highlight of my Advent. Mark is such a marvelous pianist...Liberty has a concert grand and it sounded fabulous. Bryan's sweet baritone was made even sweeter by Mark's superb accompaniment (I am sounding like a music critic). I took my 2 Christmas arrangement books; looked at the arrangement as Mark played and had him autograph them as well. It was fun. Here is a not-so-great picture of Bryan singing and Mark playing. Mark's playing literally took me to a place that is hard to describe. I am listening to so much solo piano by way of Itunes that I had forgotten what a difference it is to hear a fine pianist in person...there's just something about that incarnation thing....

And then home to do preparations for our family brunch tomorrow as we open presents as we have for many years, on Christmas Eve morning. And then turn on the Gospel Music Channel and heard Take Six sing Joy to the World. And to see the cats like this sound asleep. That's Mel's leg thrown up over Danger---something about this picture makes me think of the death scene from Romeo and Juliet...which isn't musical unless like me you can remember the 1968 Romeo and Juliet movie's soundtrack.

Anyway I am grateful to God for all the music of my life and for, quite frankly, life in general. Happy day before the day before Christmas!

3Advent Saturday/4Advent Sunday: Almost here

I am writing this very late on Saturday/early Sunday. The fourth Sunday of Advent has already begun---in churches in my district and throughout Christendom this day, traditional carols will be sung with joy and warmth and organists will play too slow or too fast; cantatas, practiced for months, will be sung---sopranos may wobble and basses may be flat, but the Gospel will be heard; candles will be lit by acolytes one of whose tapers may go out and the other will help; microphones will work well in most places---in others they may cut out, the minister will determinedly preach over police calls which come through the old speaker system; in Camden in my disrrict the train may even come through and interrupt the service, but the folks are used to that since the tracks have been within shoutin' distance of the church back door for a very long time; little girls in uncomfortable and adorable red dresses with lace will run down the aisle for the children's sermon; a father will threaten his 16 year old son within an inch of his life when he sees he is text messaging his girlfriend about their date last night; Christmas eve services will be announced, and preachers running on adrenaline will tell their folks they will be taking off the days after Christmas until next Sunday, and if there is an emergency they can leave a message on the parsonage answering machine and the pastor will check each day. Those volunteers who come in each Friday to fold the bulletin this week also have put those little paper round things (wish there was a liturgical name for them) on those little candles for "Silent Night" Christmas eve and have counted them to make sure there will be enough and put them in a box to use Monday night. Some folks who will be going to their grown children's church for the Christmas eve service have brought their cookies today for the reception before the service. And after worship, everybody goes home to finish wrapping presents and to visit with their relatives and to argue some and to find reasons to get out of the house for at least a few minutes so that peace can be kept between related people who love each other but bug the heck out of each other too.

And it will be well, and all will be well, and God will smile and the mother, heavy with child will sigh, and the Baby who will save us is almost here...and the miracle of incarnation will come again.

3Advent Friday: Random Lights

I have always enjoyed a good outside Christmas light display--my definition of "good" is often minimilistically placed and tasteful. We all know about the other kind. But the first Christmas I was in Kansas City I saw displays that really sort of made the hairs on the back of my head stand up. No, not Chuckie displays or anything like that. And I don't know if this a trend that you may have seen where you live. Anyway, in a very upscale part of Kansas City--Mission, Kansas---on one or two streets I saw that people simply threw their lights way up in the stately oak trees in their well-cared-for lawns. Just threw them up---so there are all kinds of interesting lines of lights from one tree to another, from the ground up, yards and yards of white lights strewn among the branches of the trees, but with lots of straight lines too. I googled every way I could to try to get a picture of this, but couldn't come up with one. In some of the other older neighborhoods here in Kansas City, the neighbors conspire together to do some pretty amazing things with lights in other places. The Romany street display, with every tree trunk along the street wrapped in white lights is something. But this thrown light thing irked me for some reason. If I had seen it in, oh, say Waldo (on the east side of Wornall) or Hyde Park, that would be one thing. These are older neighborhoods but with a lower average income per household. Please hear me when I say that I know some perfectly nice people, even United Methodist nice people, who live in Mission. But something about this one neighborhood's light display bugs me. It seems to be saying, "we have so much money, we don't have to be careful about how many lights we put up and we want to show it." Or something.

I sound awfully grumpy about this. And I haven't really put my finger on what bothers me about it. The Lord knows I don't have to have symmetry to think something's beautiful; and I sort of am partial to these kind of random things usually. Hmmmm. When I was two years old and my brother had gotten a little record of "Brahm's Lullaby," I went into his room and tore it off the record player and broke it into little pieces. To this day, I cannot stand it when somebody plays that song or sings it. Somehow this light thing reminds me of that, but maybe not.

Ah well. Are we glad it is nearing Christmas so that Susan is not so stretched to blog everyday as she has made a commitment to herself to do? I will be glad so those darned lights in Mission get taken down or at least turned off.

3Advent Thursday: Clergywomen Party

Today was the Heartland Districts (all 3) clergywomen's Christmas Party at my apartment abode. About 25 women came to this come-and-go event. I kind of like doing these clergywomen's parties because I never feel like the house has to be spic-and-span--since we all live with a messy house now and then. I have hosted this 4 or 5 times since I have been in Kansas City, even before becoming a d.s. They are usually a good venue for clergywomen to meet, to catch up, to laugh, and to stop at least for a bit during this busy time of year. It occurred to me this year, with two of the three d.s.s being women in the KC area, whether this idea of a women-only party is outdated. I remember when all of the women in the conference could fit into Bishop Sherer's living room in Saint Louis. I remember when the 40 or so women in the Missouri East conference were gathered together at Arlington UMC in 1985 by Bishop Handy and were asked to share out concerns with the all-male cabinet there. I remember serving in the old Carbondale district of the old Southern Illinois conference, because the then-d.s. of that district (in 1979), Boyd Wagner, was the only d.s. who would "take" a woman---he had three women serving and we were referred to, off the record of course as "Boyd's harem."

Yes, we have come a long way, friends. But I am reminded that it is not far enough. The way I see it, is this: the first year I have no PPR committee tell me, when I go to meet with them when a pastoral change will occur and ask them what qualities they think the church needs in a new pastor, the first year I go and NO PPR member says to me, "we don't want a woman," that is the year I may not feel like a women's party is a good thing. But that year has not yet happened, something I find nearly hard to believe. It is an odd spot to sit with a committee and have somebody say that to you when you, in fact ARE a woman.

So for this year at least, we had the party.

3Advent Wednesday: A plug for Ministers' School

What do these two guys (Tim Keel, left; Robert Schnase, right---this is not a commentary on political leanings) have in common? I know them both as men of integrity and deep commitment, and I also have heard both of them preach in the last week. I know these guys well enough to call them both colleagues and friends. So here are a few things that I think they commonly share:

1) Both are extremely bright and well read

2) Both are deeply committed to the church and are fine, fine preachers

3) Both had books published this year

However, the most significant thing these two will have in common next month is that they will both be speaking at Missouri Conference Ministers School Jan 8-10, at which I speak as well. You can imagine how excited I am about this interface between the Wesleyan tradition and the a key leader in the emergent conversation. I think we have a great opportunity to learn from one another and I think we will find much shared grounding. Anyway, if you want to attend, you can still register I think at the lower price till Dec 31. It's at Tan-tar-a. More info is on the conference website: http://www.moumethodist.org/

3Advent Tuesday: The left eye of Caleb

This is Caleb's left eye..on the outside. I actually have never seen it on the inside--but again today, two doctors, his surgeon and his assistant, took long, bright, up close looks at his eye, using dilating drops, prism like filters, and very bright light. The surgery the day before Thanksgiving went as well, if not better than either doctor had thought. The retina now is "A"-ttached as opposed to "D"-ttached, except in one place and so the eye will not, as these two have said before, "shrivel up like a raisin." Eeek. His sight is not much improved because of all the old scarring---he could not see a foot tall "E" on the wall eight feet away, but the eye is saved. This is good. Caleb does not seem over-much upset about all of this. I occasionally am. But mostly, we are trying to go with the flow.

I really don't know how many people have asked about and prayed for this eye---a beautiful, large, grayish blue eye with heavy eyelashes and eyebrow. An eye that had seen ten different bedrooms that have been his since he was born (that counts two he has had at the same time, one in each parent's house for the last ten years; four school systems; one serious girlfriend; many drawn pictures of eyes, over the many years he has drawn precociously well; and several different guitars and microphones. I am glad it will be beautiful still on the outside; glad he has two pairs of glasses with polycarbonate lenses; glad he will never again do kung fu or be in a mosh pit; glad for a good surgeon; glad mostly because Caleb goes with the flow. He is very tired of talking about this eye thing. But he is glad to have prescription aviator sunglasses. We never know what the future will bring--I don't know what this will keep him from doing--He can drive at least in the state of Missouri, though he has not seemed inclined to drive anyway.

This entry tonight really is just to say thanks for support and prayers.

3Advent Monday: Thoughts on Esther and Mordecai

I love the book of Esther, no part more than when Mordecai speaks the word of the Lord to Esther when she has been favored by the king whose consort she is, and Mordecai tells her that as Jew, it may be "for such a time as this" that she has been placed in this odd situation in order to advocate for her people.

I have often, and still often, find myself in situations in which I think I have been placed for a particular reason, but as I live in it, a Mordecai person in my life calls me to think about my situation differently. I went to Community UMC in January of 1997, thinking I was going there to help them build a new building on a piece of land they had purchased--instead at least in part, I was sent there by God to help them have the courage to purchase an already existing building. I was sent to Broadway, mostly, as I recall in perhaps imperfect hindsight, as a sort of "reward" in a sense, since I had been through so much personal trauma at Community, and had worked as diligently as that would allow, and Philip was starting school at Saint Paul School of Theology and the cabinet was sympathetic to our children's situation even though we were already divorced. It would have been a nice place just to "rest" for a while at that time. But, soon we were involved in strengthening the existing ministry with a local public school and talking about a coffee house.

It is not only in these kind of situations that I have thought I knew why I was called to do something and yet it turned out that there was something I did not know in the beginning of being placed in that particular situation that turned out to be the most important thing that I could do. Recently I have realized that a person in my life, with whom I have had a rocky relationship, and who I really get peeved at sometimes, really needed me, not just anybody, but needed ME so that she could share thoughts and feelings she was having that she couldn't with others. I had been concentrating so much on how unfairly I was being treated by her, how insensitive she was, how wrong she is to treat me and others I know in such cold and calculated ways, that I had not stopped to think what was going on her life. I had not realized that because of some things I have experienced in my life, and perhaps because I do not have any trouble expressing my feelings, my own pain, my joy, my hurt, she needed someone (ME) with whom she could talk t--someone who wouldn't be blown away by the difficult place she and her family are in. When I realized that, it was a moment of Godliness for me. And a friend with whom I shared this said, "perhaps it is for such a time as this" that I had been placed, perhaps in Kansas City, perhaps in a sphere of influence within this woman's life, because I am not blown away when people who seem to have it all together admit to me that they don't---perhaps this is why I was here and am here. And that has brought a very warm and spirit-filled sense of awareness and a new care for this woman whom I had been resenting and on whom I had spent so much negative energy but whom I have, in the best places of my heart, want to love. This has been a God-with-us experience for me. Emmanuel. Praise God!

3Advent Sunday---Learning from Mel

This morning was so quiet. After rising, I fixed a bit of breakfast--scones I made for us yesterday and coffee. I have just about given up having cereal in the morning because our two young cats are nearly driven to distraction by the presence of milk, which upsets their little tummies. I have finally trained them not to jump up on the table at least while I am eating. I lit the three Advent wreath candles. Mel, my shadow, sat down in the kitchen chair where you see him in this picture. I had not noticed his reaction to the lit candles---maybe it was the sight of three of them that caused his reaction. He was simply mesmerized. For a full 90 seconds, he remained faithful to his training and only put his front paws on the table and gazed, without moving, staring at the flames. When I went to get the camera, he had taken his paws off the table but was still staring. Just staring. I realized how quiet the kitchen was. How lovely the wreath was. How quiet my own soul became.

Mel is such a quiet soul. He will spend seemingly endless moments just looking at me, like an owl, almost. I thought he might change as he has grown (now 7 months) but it is still the same. I pick him up and after one meow, just about always one meow, he relaxes in my arms like a baby and does not move. Still, still, still. We saw the falling snow yesterday. I saw the most beautiful cat I have ever know, sleek, shiny black semi long hair---a face so coal black that you can't see his mouth, white whiskers and eyebrows, white paws and chest, and so quiet a soul. Lord, let me stop too, and gaze in wonder at your love for me, and let me be amazed, and quiet, and relax in your embrace. Sweet, sweet Mel.

2Advent Saturday: Jazz Vespers

I received this invite earlier in the week from Kevin Gibson who is the minister of music at North Kansas City Baptist church. I went to the Jazz Vespers there about three years ago and it was great. So I share this invitation with anyone who wants to join me. I know there are lots of activities tomorrow evening around and about amidst the snow, but this was such a meaningful thing for me I wanted you to know too:

"I thought you would be interested to know that First Baptist Church of North Kansas City is hosting another Christmas Jazz Vespers service on Sunday, December 16 @ 6 pm. Ken Kehner (pianist) is leading out again for this service. If your schedule is free, come join with us."

2Advent Friday--The Christmas Party

Here are some not great pictures of the party at Richmond. I took some that were even funkier (that's Emily Carroll singing I Celebrate This day--Reliant K song). We just had a beautiful time. There were more than 100 people registered to attend (this was for pastors and significant others) and most showed up. The Fellowship Hall was so beautiful not to mention the sanctuary with maybe 75 poinsettias (red of course). But the best part for me is the beautiful spirit that was present and is present in the district. I just love these people. rs preached a sermon inviting us to wait with purpose, and to keep awake to how God is asking us to be attentive to all those things and people who are around us in which to recognize the presence of Christ. We had six of our pastors offer special music. The organist at Richmond was wonderful. And thanks, North district, for the support, the kind words, and of course, the card with a nice surprise inside...;-) But to be honest this evening was such a deeply joyful thing for me I really don't know how to describe it. It's kinda nice to be at a loss for words.

2Advent Thursday--The Bad, the Good, and the Turtles

Here you see me tonight busilly (notice the moving hands) making candy (turtles). You see here signs of Advent (the wreath) and in back of me on the wall, you see about two thirds of a painting by Barbara Neth..unfortunately you cannot see that it is of Hubert Neth, pulling one of his grandchildren in a wagon. There are pictures of children in my little kitchen. I like that.

I guess I consider this my obligatory Advent baking/candy making picture. Some may remember the "kitchen mess" pictures last year.

Today was one of those days when there were some things that were hard---conversations with pastors over what SPRC and PPRCs are saying about their returning, which often is not sometimes what the pastor wants to hearl I am also facing the fact that I am going to have to be out a week sometime in the next two months for oral surgery---don't worry, I am sure I will be moved to "tell all" or at least more than the reader needs to here, sometime in the future. I also knocked over the "cat shelf" in our small storage room, and flubbed up, but not as badly as usual, the piano arrangement of Angels From The Realms of Glory. And I didn't have any coconut for the Hello Dollies bar cookies. And I found out Curves is closing in Westport. At least now I will have a real excuse for not going there in the mornings. And I couldn't find the rosette iron..okay, I didn't look as hard as I would have if I was really determined to make them this year.

But you know, this has also been one of those days when some things were obvious joys. I was instrumental in getting a scholarship and paid housing for one of our younger clergy and his spouse to go to the Congress on Evangelism. I made Barbara Webb, our office administrator, really laugh (okay, we laugh a lot, but it did happen today). And Caleb, for some reason was in an absolutely breath-taking mood this afternoon when I picked him up for the orthodontist, and simply was honest with me about how he understands himself, his moods, his gifts, right now, which were so insightful---I just wanted to bottle up that hour and a half or so and keep it so that I would always remember who he really is. And I am using a really neat devotional book for Advent with a story today that just broke my heart and instilled the spirit of God there at the same time about a reporter's visit to Hayti and his encounter with a very sick baby girl. And Cana continues to be super supportive and deals with my moods with an accepting, loving, guiding spirit that those closest to her are blest with experiencing. Little things, all the time, she does to make my life a little easier, without being asked.

So, I guess all in all it was an okay Thursday. And the District party is tomorrow night---more than 100 have signed up to come!!!

The metaphors have been few today...but some days, that's just fine.

2Advent Wednesday: A Christmas-y Advent

I have tried, over the past thirty or so years, to hold back every church I have ever served from rushing to Christmas too quickly. What preacher reading this has not preached the "Advent teaches us how to wait" sermon? I have preached it in many forms, and would have this year if I were preaching.

So imagine myself this morning, finally putting down on paper the order of worship for our district party worship service Friday night, realizing that it will not even be Gaudete Sunday and all the music is (gasp!) Christmas music!! We have six special musical selections by six of our pastors, and when I asked them, I asked them for Christmas music, and they did just as I asked. Oh NOOO!! A liturgical faux pas!!! Imagine something even worse: I remembered telling the bishop that as he planned his sermon (yes, he is coming over Friday night) please be attentive to Advent. Yes, I do talk to the bishop like that. I know I shouldn't but I do. And not only that, he listens (most of the time ;-)) and after I realized my breach of liturgical etiquette, we received his sermon text and title: and he picked an Advent text*!*!

Actually, several liturgical issues have sprung up this week...we have an Advent wreath on the table and at least three times or so a week, the three of us eat supper together preceded by lighting of the "correct" (always correct) candle and singing the ditty from the Book of Worship: Light One Candle---Light one candle Christ is coming, Christ the Way for the world, etc. However, what Christ "is" each week changes with the weekly theme (have you noticed how many different formulas there are for what each week of Advent means)...and we have really been struggling with this second week. The first week is Way, The third week is Joy; the third one I think is peace. Maybe the first one is hope and the second one is way...that sounds more like John the Baptist and he is the second Sunday. Hmmmm...we mumble a lot around the old wreath during the second week.

Another issue: Sunday I had North Spring cc. They have this really neat thing going out near I-70. There is a wooden cross upon which they put a long colored sash, representing the season of the Christian year we are currently in, on the side. It was green Sunday. I asked them to change it. It has been awfully cold, I agree. Cerulean blue would be fine if purple doesn't suit. I thought I was in a time warp...and I am no Rocky Horror fan...

And then, I remembered something that happened to Caleb when he was in the fourth grade. His Sunday School teacher had an Advent wreath in the room, and she told the kids that the pink candle was lit on the fourth Sunday of Advent, since that was the one closest to Christmas. Caleb, son of a two liturgically astute parents, corrected her of course. She said he was wrong. He was not. I think it was when he used that Gaudete word that it might have ticked her off.

And then, I wrote Mark Hayes a "thank you" note on Sunday, thanking him for the joy I have received from playing through and playing at the arrangements of Christmas Carols I bought last weekend. He wrote me back a very sweet note, and said that he loved Christmas music too and it is a shame that we play them for only a few weeks a year. He, by the way, is playing a concert at Liberty UMC on December 23 at 2. Tickets available at the door. Couldn't let that pass. I agree with him. In fact, one of the reasons I have become a BIT less law-filled about keeping away from Christmas music till late in Advent is that our children and youth do not sing the great carols anywhere BUT church for the most part. They no longer sing them in public schools very often, and the truth is, except for athletic events and birthdays, the average Jennifer and Joshua don't sing very much at all.

We miss something essential to being human if we rush too soon to Christmas. But ... I guess it's okay to hear a few Christmas songs before the 24th. After all, we know as we wait, he is already here...

2Advent Tuesday: Reflections on Ice and Trees

We modernists know, it was NOT in the bleak midwinter

No matter what Ms. Rosetti wrote.

There were no parkas, no ice melt, no chains for the camels in Bethlehem.

Bleak, it was though..

Bleak future for his countryfolk

Bleak father Jairus

Bleak sisters Mary and Martha

Bleak mother, that widow of Nain

Bleak

Even now it is bleak outside my window and

sometimes inside my heart.

The ice falls, clattering on the frozen limbs

that crack and groan under a weight so wrong.

Limbs were not meant to bear such a burden

All creation groans tonight.

Branches broken, bowed, barren

Ready to be thrown on a fire: no blossom, no fruit:

Bent under burdens undeserved.

No self-will can melt it

No way to wish it away

But to wait, to wait

Cold, and more cold.

Do not rush too soon along this Advent journey

to anesthetize the wait with artificial light

that beams from the broken world

Bear the unbearable just now.

Wait.

Live with it a while.

The green blade riseth, yes.

But not till the moaning, the ice has lived out its life

And the crackle of the wind in the winter trees

Has turned, after the night, into a resurrection song.

So, for now, trees, hear the beauty, somehow, that is the bleak moan.

Its lament, so deep a dirge, is also the soundtrack for our journey towards eternity.

2Advent Monday: Sporty and 53 IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Hey, what can I say? This '53 Corvette seemed to fit me somehow, even if I was born in '54. I turned 53 today. If the picture fits, blog it!!! It has been a fairly quiet birthday---Philip's car wouldn't start so the guys' good intentions of letting me sleep REALLY late were sent down the tubes when he had to call me (and woke me up) at 7:55 for me to get Caleb to school by 8:30. Oatmeal breakfast, now a tradition on birthdays; playing of Mark Hayes arranged Christmas Carols on our piano; a nice noontime visit with the always wonderful Susan Vogel; a Dairy Queen cake at the office, which I broke a knife off in because it was still a teensy bit frozen; a trip to Half Price books for a new journal for a new year of life, a book that will be a Christmas present, and a half price Agatha Christie mystery. Supper cooked by my former spouse, kids wrote very lovely notes in cards, and the ice has begun. Let us hope for a snow day (ice is not nice, I know, but I vote for enough of it to keep us home.)

Birthdays bring lots of different emotions out in me---melancholy at times; sheer joy at others---I will admit, though, that I am feeling my age this year. With a birthday that hits at the end of charge conference season, "worn out" is often the state I find myself in---feeling good about the conferences this year in particular, but worn out. I think the melancholy comes from thinking about my own mother and father, and sister, who now live on that other shore where the light never dims and they are singing God's praises round the throne instead of sitting at my dinner table tonight singing me Happy Birthday. And it comes from the existential loneliness of it all---but I am no Nietzche and so it passes and most of the time, I really do know that all of it---life, time, death, milestones, loneliness, joy, are all in God's hands and as it all comes, so does God in a myriad of ways. And that is very good.

2Advent Sunday--NORTH STAR HAS A DEDICATED SPACE!!!

After seven, count them, SEVEN years of "putting up and taking down worship" at Shoal Creek Elementary School outside Liberty, today North Star moved in to a warehouse on "Plumbers Lane" (named after a plumbing supply store nearby, not Watergate shenanigins) nestled (?)behind the Green Lantern Car wash (the biggest car wash I have ever seen) amidst ice and sleet. Wow, what a very nice space! This serves as is an in-between space until they are ready to build at their location west of Liberty. They have officed out of an upstairs sort-of apartment space near the square in Liberty and have lived a nomadic experience for small groups and other meetings, being in homes, etc. Ric, one of the leaders of the church, said this was the first time in seven years he didn't have to get up at 5 am on Sunday to set up chairs for the early service, and he actually got to drive to church with his wife. There are classrooms and an office, and....STORAGE. Inside. Every Sunday the putters-up and takers-down would place the items that were used in worship (including I think AV equipment) in a trailer that I believe sat on the school parking lot? Or maybe it was hauled off. I'm not sure.

In any case, not only was it grand to be there for this first day in, it was, at it always is, simply grand to be in worship with this fine group of folks. Many different lay persons lead in worship--the worship team, the announcement giver/welcomer (who led in prayer); the worship leaders(who led in prayer); the prayers of the people pray-er (who led us in prayer); the person who read the scripture (who led us in prayer). The emphasis here is not on any of the prayers in particular, as WONDERFUL as that is (and I will get back to that) but the fact that this many lay people were at ease leading in prayer in front of the worshiping community. I REALLY like that and it feels good and right. The first pray-er prayed, I think first of all, a prayer of thanks for the set-up people (which is North Star's quicker way of saying "putter uppers and taker downers") who had been doing their thing for so long.

Thank you, thank you North Star and founding pastor Brian Roots for the prayers, the mission work, the love, and just the very solidly good spirit that makes North Star such a joy to be around. We began worship in the "great hall" outside the sanctuary space and sang a song that welcomed Christ's spirit in that place. It really felt like Advent at North Star, today!

1Advent Saturday-Mark Hayes and An Almost Full Glass of Sharps

Not a day of tremendous insights, except that it seems that ice scrapers evaporate during the summer in my car. I found myself, after doing some needed errands this noon, singing, "Slip Sliding Away," since the most trouble driving was my own apartment house driveway..."the closer your destination, the more you're slip sliding away." One of the errands I ran was to Luyben's Music, just a couple blocks over and a few blocks up. I wanted to get myself a birthday present (Monday I will be 53....) and purchased two Mark Hayes arrangement books of Christmas songs/carols. They are great. I can almost play most of them, though some are a real challenge. One insight that may seem strange that after all these years of piano playing I hadn't realized is this: I have always hated playing more than two sharps. Mark modulates as most solo piano arrangers do, so you might start out in a flat or two and then end up with 5 sharps on your hands...but I decided, when I reached a modulation place and it went from some simple key to 5 sharps just now, to think of it more like, "there are only two notes not sharped" which I think is true, and somehow that made it a heck of a lot easier. The glass being almost free of naturals instead of being almost full of sharps. It worked. I went on Mark's website to write him a thank you note for these (Philip introduced me to him when we ran into him at a restaurant downtown recently) and was able to see that he was supposed to have played a concert at Liberty UMC tonight...which of course is the largest church in my district...kind of a hoot how co-ink-a -dinks happen like that. It was postponed until the 23rd because of the weather, so I can go.

Also: there was a very cool article on the religion page of the Star today about Jacob's Well-not as an illustration of what "emergent" is but about the Advent Conspiracy approach to the season. It was very helpful. I hope this link would work...

http://www.kansascity.com/255/story/394029.html

I just looked and see that at least four of my district churches are cancelling worship for tomorrow. I have two charge conferences: North Star in Liberty where they are moving into their new warehouse space!; and North Spring. The charge conferences dwindle down now to a precious few....

Hope your Sunday is not too slip sliding away-ish.

1Advent Friday -Cabinet Christmas Party

Tonight was the Cabinet Christmas Party at the episcopal residence in Columbia. All the extended cabinet and spouses are invited and it is quite the festive event. Tradition is that we gather, have a meal, sing Christmas carols and then after gifts are exchanged between the bishop and cabinet, at least as long as I have been on the cabinet, the bishop offers some words to us around Christmas and appreciation.

I know that Advent is about looking for Christ's coming, but sometimes, you know, I forget that it not only DID it happen, but it still happens, sometimes for those who have eyes to see, and sometimes Christ breaks in when we aren't looking. Tonight, rs called his junior-in-high-school son Paul come and stand with him as he began his remarks...Bishop spoke in Spanish, and Paul interpreted--unplanned. What I saw, sitting on the couch, were two tall and bright men, one the father, the other the son, talking, Bishop speaking, Paul translating about how the work that we do, as cabinet members, is that of translation. How the work of ministry is about translation. How the work of Saint Paul was that of translation...translating the gospel, sometimes literally from one language to another, more often these days from one cultural context to another, one generation to another. It was just a really beautiful thing, that picture I hold in my mind just now of two of the Schnase men speaking and translating.

This icon is of the Trinity--and as I saw it tonight as I searched for images, I thought about how the relationship between Father, Son and Holy Ghost has been an emphasis in trinitarian theology over the past couple of decades...how the three persons of the trinity are in community with each other. I thought how really, one of the Persons of the Godhead is always interpreting the meaning and action of one of the other. I thought about how in that perfect translation we are blessed with the fullness of God. I thought about how the Son translated/interpreted the Father to the world. And I think somehow that was the metaphor before us tonight as Spanish was spoken by a father, and English spoken by a son so that we all could understand. I like it. I like it very very much...even though I am afraid that something here has been lost in my translation of it....

1Advent Thursday- KC Emergent Cohort at First Watch-Really

I took some REALLY lousy pictures today at First Watch of the cohort meeting with Tim. Everyone was either rubbing their noses or the light was so bad it was hard to see if Christ has come in all his glory or or darkness had fallen. There were twenty guys and Tera Yeakel and me. I know some of the folks who were there---maybe 6 by name and another 6 by sight. Anyway, Tim described his approach in writing his book Intuitive Leadership. He said he did not have a thesis to prove but a question to ask...what does it mean to lead? He drew the distinction between the temptation of churches to mimic the successes of others---by copying what another church is doing, trying to replicate that "success" (usually judged in numbers) and that is not an authentic response to the specific cultural and community context that is different, really for every community of faith. Instead, Tim urges us to use the primary stance of "engagement" to define and discern our church's ministry.

As much as I believe the model that Tim lifts is needed in the postmodern world, I guess I think some of that is already in the Wesleyan tradition...and other Protestant traditions as well. The top-down kind of approach to leadership which Tim sees as no longer, if it ever was, viable for the church certainly does sound like the Methodism I grew up with, and, lets face it, am an illustration of. I guess I wonder if even in a hierarchical system like we have, at least for the moment unless some things REALLY do change about the church, engagement already happens in some intriguingly beautiful ways. I know it does. I REALLY want to think about all this some more. It was a really neat discussion.

1Advent Wednesday-The Priviledge of Handling Holy Things

A bit ago, I sat out in our district office hallway in front of my office and Yolanda sat in front of hers and we talked. We do talk in the office---I like that very much. Yolanda is a first year d.s. and doing a great job of caring for her churches and pastors. She is not only in the midst of charge conferences, but also evaluation/consultations with each pastor in her district. I have not scheduled mine till January. I was in my "old woman of the hill" mode today (me so experienced three years in) and found myself, as I sometimes do with Yolanda, speaking of some deep feelings ... this time, 'twas about the superintendency itself. We were agreeing that there is something that no D.S. training can teach you to anticipate: that this d.s. gig offers you the opportunity to love pastors in a way that no other ministry/position does. You are privy to deep joys and deep hurts of these ones who to a person (nearly) are giving their all for this vocation called licensed or ordained ministry. You hear how they are offering Christ to their people and to their communities. And you realize that you are "handling holy things" when you are trusted by your pastors as they tell you their truths. And it is an awe-filled and joy-filled and sometimes tear-filled blessing and a sacred trust. Yes, there are the problems. But ah, it is a beautiful gift, really, this superintendency thing. I hear and see Christ coming so often through these churches, these pastors. And I am grateful.

1Advent Tuesday- Hope is a Thing With Feathers...

Hope helps me to not stop even when I do not yet know the words to say, in Methodese, at least, that would tell others of how profoundly I sense we have much to learn, and some to teach, those involved in the emergent conversation.

I am reading, finally, Tim Keel's book which I received from him as a gift back in early October. Remember friends---I am an unapologetically devoted Tim Keel fan. That said, I think even if I weren't (and that would mean that I did not know him...because most people who know him are devoted fans) I would find this book refreshing in its authenticity and honesty. It really is theology told in story, the best way, in my opinion, to theologize. To read it only for the story of how Tim and Mimi came to be the leaders of this amazing community called Jacob's Well is enough. But in the book we hear again how church leaders today are challenged not only to travel paths untrod, but to know that while others' stories may inform us, our own context has to define our own response to the Gospel. As I am reading the book, I find myself smiling, understanding, and wondering again how a 31 year veteran of ministry in a mainline congregation (i.e. me), now in a position that some would call middle management (I would call it spiritual leadership :-)) could identify so much with this story, this truth that Timothy tells. I have had the pleasure of becoming a friend of Tim's over the last four years, and have had the blessing of being a speaker on the same docket with him at conferences on emergent issues here in KC. This year both Tim and I will be speaking at the Missouri Conference Ministers' School at Tan-tar-a in January. It is hard for me to truly believe that three and a half years after the 2004 annual conference where I tried to tell everyone who would listen about this emergent conversation thing (and most looked at me quizically, if not as if I had lost my mind), that ministers' school will be on that topic. Wow!

This Thursday, Tim will be talking about the book at First Watch in Westport at noon over lunch---sponsored by the KC Emergent Cohort. Hope to see you there!

Rendezvous

PS on Monday: I happened to run across a podcast that is on the web from Nazarene Publishing House in which I did an interview with Matthew Zimmer a few months ago, in relation to a 40 day church emphasis resource called Rendezvous. In the podcast I talk about spiritual disciplines and my role as d.s. It was recorded in early September of this year. Here is the podcast address:
http://www.nph.com/vcmedia/2386/2386818.mp3

Let me know what you think! It is about 8 to 10 minutes long.

Monday 1Advent A Day Apart

Here are a few shots of the Heartland North District Pastors' Advent Day Apart, led by the smiling Brian Roots (pastor at North Star) and Kevin Shelton (one of the pastors at Good Shepherd). There was a really good spirit and a nice size group (30!); yes, I have told them they are required to come, but either they are hiding their growsing well or there simply isn't too much of it. We really appreciated the hospitatliy of Dennis Hisek and staff at Wilderness Camp.

Why do this? Couldn't these folks just take a day on their own? Maybe, maybe not. We had time of sharing together and then time apart ending with communion. This picture with Mark Turnbough, the lead pastor of our district's largest church (Liberty) seated with Renae Watt, first year pastor at Camden (she said today, "I just LOVE those people!" which I must say says as much about Ranae's pastoral heart as it does about the easiness of loving her folks; and Ted Hepner, retired army chaplain and adminstrator) says a lot. I would guess there aren't many places where these three get together, and it is a good and joyful thing for their ds to see.

As we wait again for the coming of the Lord, we need not do it alone, and we need not think we are the only ones who struggle with isolation and the demands of ministry no matter the size of the church or the years of service. I was blessed simply to be in the presence of so many of my pastors today and I give God thanks for every one of them.

Sunday 1Advent -- Thoughts on Messiah

Tis now the late evening on the first Sunday of Advent and I am grateful to God for a beautiful experience of a day. I worshiped this morning in a church where the aesthetically beautiful was all the proclamation needed; I made scones for my daughter and myself; and I sang in the soprano section of the chorus in Mid America Nazarene University's presentation of Handel's Messiah. I was invited to do so by Dr. Dennis Crocker, chairman of the fine arts program there, who was once the choir director at Broadway UMC where I pastored. I could say many marvelous things about Dennis---and they would almost all be true. ;-). Over this past week, as I attempted to get my choral voice back during rehearsals (where DID those top four notes on my register GO???), I could not help but think about other Messiah performances I have known:

In 1966, age 11, I attended the every-four-year performance of the Southern Illinois University Singers of the entire work. My mother and sister went, I believe, every time it was presented until my mother could go no more. I remember Shryock Auditorium being absolutely gorgeously decorated; I remember how LONG the performace was. I remember my mother loved it.

In 1974 I was in a Women's Vocal Ensemble class in the fall at SIU. Dr. Charles Taylor was the teacher. One early fall day, he came to class and said that Mr. K. (Robert Kingsbury, another SIU prof who was directing Messiah that year) wanted to come in and listen to us and see if any of the sopranos (there were four of us) would want to sing in the chorus---he was short on sopranos, it seemed. Mr. K came in, heard us and said he'd take all of us. Dr. Taylor, who also conducted the choir at First UMC in Carbondale said "Susan will be fine if she just raises her eyebrows on all notes above E" which I remember, and tried to do today, but it didn't work so well. What a trip it was to sing in that large choir--especially the rehearsals that year. Mr. K had a representation for being (God rest his soul) a bit of a prima donna? or would banty rooster be more like it? whose patience was very short--he dismissed a girl sitting next to me in rehearsal for not having a pencil and told her not to come back. Anyway, I learned the notes, sang my best. The performance was also the first time I ever sang on risers with chairs on them.

I think I probably sang in a Messiah Sing-In in Nashville while in school; I also sang in another Messiah Sing-In in Belleville IL when I sang with the Masterpiece Chorale (Community Chorus) the first real auditioned group I ever sang with, and I was told that I needed to breathe better, but because I could read music fairly well I was let in. I also sang it with the chorus at Culver Stockton College when I served the church in Canton MO in the early nineties; I believe I sang in yet another Messiah Sing In in Columbia; sang with the Broadway choir when it sang selections along with, I believe the Kirkwood choir sometime in the mid eighties and....well, you get the jist of it. Today I probably could have sung most of the chorales without music before me, with the exception of about 10 measures---just from having done it so much.

I do love the music so. In all the times I have sung and heard it, I have never enjoyed it as much as today. It truly was a spiritual experience, in the new gorgeous Bell Performing Center at Mid America (when you walk in the main entrance, your eye goes up ten feet or so around the wall, where, like the Preamle of the Constitution might be imprinted in the Captiol, in the Bell Center the words to O For A Thousand Tongues to Sing surround you.. those words reminded me and welcomed me in ways I cannot quite articulate when I saw them the first time); with prayer said after each rehearsal; with Dennis praying for us before the performance; with all the very kind and loving women "of a certain age" (meaning close to my age) who sat on the back row with me, several with lovely voices; with my sweet daughter sitting in the audience in her Christmas red lace blouse that I bought her as a surprise and her hair all up on her head and looking like Audrey Hepburn; with all of that, how can I keep from singing this marvelous night, when darkness came so early and the white $20 tree from Big Lots with its estate sale-50s bulbs and Cardinals ornaments on its little limbs stands 10 feet from the Danish Modern settee I sit upon? Tis a marvel, Messiah comes, not when we expect, but when we need. We wait, in a kind of sweet game of hide and seek, waiting and yet having already received the best Gift the world has ever known. Behold the Lamb of God. Hallelujah.

A couple of ideas for Celebrating the Season

I have just recently become acquainted with this new organization that is calling for Christians to celebrate Advent and Christmas more authentically this year. You can find out more by accessing the website: http://www.adventconspiracy.org/ We are being asked to

Worship more

Spend less

Give more

Love all

which of course sounds fairly Wesleyan to me.

In years past, I have used resources put out by Alternatives for Simple Living, especially the "Whose Birthday Is It, Anyway?" info. Over the years, I have tried to help the churches where I serve become involved in the "real" Saint Nicholas story, which is told in many ways through the Alternatives stuff. Website for on line catalogues: http://www.simpleliving.org/~simpleli/osCommerce/catalog/index.php

Just was thinking about all of this and thought I'd share

Bowling Together, Bowling Alone

It was cabinet today, and as members were encouraged to share blessings in their lives, I heard my colleague and friend Cody Collier tell what a blessing it was last month to have a time of fellowship with the pastors of his district as the went "bowling together." A good time was had by all. I had heard Cody talk about this before and I will admit I was a little jealous. I, like Cody, like to bowl, but I simply am not very good at it. Today, when Cody used those two words, "bowling together," I thought of the Robert Putnam book Bowling Alone published in 2000 in which he shares data that shows how "social capital" has become less and less important in the lives of Americans, and that the isolation of the suburb, the automobile, the competition of business, and many other issues have left many with no real connections in their lives.

Hearing about the Heartland South pastors bowling just makes my heart sing. We are not meant to bowl alone (unless we are working on skills so we can bowl with others). We are not meant to be lone rangers in ministry.

However, I am too often made aware that pastors, in reality, do bowl alone. Sometimes they do so because they don't know any other pastors around them with whom to relate and build a relationship. Sometimes their confidence is so low they do not really want to share their ministries because they do not feel as if they want anybody else to see either how poor their skills are, or how demoralized that they are. Sometimes our arrogance keeps us from bowling with anyone else---we can't find anyone who can bowl as high a score as we can. Or we can't get anyone to bowl with us because we have turned everybody off by telling them that the only way to approach the lane is the way we do it. Or their bowling ball is the wrong weight. Or the wrong color. Or we don't like their shoes.

I guess I hope that part of my vision for our district is that our pastors will grow in trust of each other and of me. That I will deserve that trust. That I will find ways to hold our "lone bowlers" accountable to engage with others while also holding up their spirits. Are there better ways that we can learn to play and work beside each other that would encourage us to not only bear each others' burdens but to encourage us to share our strengths without others feeling as if we "one-upping " them? I am still thinking on this...

Thanksgiving evening

I like you have been thinking about all the blessings for which to give thanks this day. Somehow I think that as creatures of the living God, saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, what is most pleasing to God is not that we put together a long litany of the many blessings we individually identify, but that our lives are turned into an offering of praise every day. I want to be thankful for not just those things that I consider good and right in my life, but to be grateful for my life. I certainly don't always live up to that wish. And I must say that on this Thanksgiving evening there are many blessings I can identify for which I am grateful. So, after what I just said, I still want to say thanks for:

---Dr. Blake Cooper, with Retina Specialists of Shawnee Mission Medical Center, whose name we did not even know this time last week, who performed retina surgery on Caleb yesterday. And who came in this morning, Thanksgiving, to check him; who said these phrases today which tentatively, at least gave us hope: "macula in tact"; "retina laid down nicely'; "I was afraid that wouldn't happen but it did"---and the precautionary: because of scarring behind the retina, we may need to do further surgery; and it will take a month to six weeks before we see if the vision has improved.

--For the many prayers, calls, and emails we have received in the last 48 hours from so many---and from just about all the people I love most in the world. Especially grateful for Hubert and Yolanda who came and sat with us during surgery; for Barbara Garcia wishing she could get on a plane and come and cook Thanksgiving for us; for Mike King's gorgeous prayer from the Orthodox tradition for healing of the eyes which he re-wrote for us. I have been so blessed over these last three years with having my own personal tradition and vocation proudly and firmly placed in the United Methodist church while at the same time being a part of the Jacob's Well community and to have acquired many friends and brothers and sisters in Christ in the emergent conversation. Thanks to you all.

--For Caleb's fine spirit---A few things I will always remember about the last two days: We discussed what it means to pray for healing---He said that he thinks that when we pray for a burden to be lifted, what we are given is not so much a lifted burden, but enough strength to be able to shoulder whatever we are given; I will remember the nurse writing above his left eye in black Sharpie "Yes" just before surgery; the way that he waited with good humor and kindness to the four nurses and two doctors whom he saw, and who kept poking drops and such in his eyes on Tuesday over the course of 4 1/2 hours at the doctors' office (mothers, I would suggest you point your children to a specialty in retinal problems---if the waiting room Tuesday is any indication, there aren't enough doctors doing this here); and for the smile that went away from about 1:30 yesterday until this morning when it reappeared again after the shield and patch were gone.

--For a former husband Philip that, though we did have some moments this morning, continues to be supportive and a much beloved father to his children. That he saw how exhausted I was today and completely cleaned the kitchen after our Thanksgiving meal (which, yes, I did cook) and that turned 49 on the same day his son had major eye surgery.

--For a marvelous district full of strength and hope and where the two evidences of the Spirit that I believe we need the most---compassion and creativity---are being exemplified by churches and pastors every week.

--For Kevin Buckrucker, best district lay leader in the world; for Barbara, Tracy and Coni who put up with three d.s.s with different styles and different work habits every day and do it with grace and class

--For the hands of love which have squeezed ours in prayer; which have picked up phones and tapped out messages by computer; which have hugged and patted; that have moved with mysterious accuracy in surgery; that have folded in prayer; that have, each pair in its own way, administered healing to this family, this mother, this boy the last two days, and which in the fullness of time, we will hold if not now, in another time, on another shore, where we will no longer see in part, but then in full--where there will be no more need for surgery, or distance or circumstance to keep us from being all together in one place. Where we will all understand each other. Where mother Cox will have prepared asparagus and all will eat it and love it; and where father Cox will have a pan full of cracked walnuts ready to shell for Christmas baking and where every day will be thanksgiving as we stand around the throne of God.

Prayers please

Blog world friends: I sent this out earlier tonight by email and now I send it out to you:

Hello all:
This is to ask for prayers for my 16 year old son Caleb who is having serious retinal surgery tomorrow. He has a severely detached retina (left eye) that will try to be repaired. He has already lost most of his vision in that eye, and we are not being promised any change in that, but in order for the eye to not further deterioriate or physically “shrivel” as the doctor said today, Caleb needs for this to be given a try. You can find out more about the procedure at http://www.webmd.com/eye-health/scleral-buckling-surgery-for-retinal-detachment if you want. However, because his retina is so scarred already, our doctor warned us that another surgery may be required, which involves a more extensive surgery and recovery.

Caleb’s spirit, as usual, is very good. He has his mind around all this pretty well, and has been living with the vision difficulty for so long, without realizing how bad it is that he is adjusted to having sight in one eye. He does have a couple of weak areas on his right retina too, but these are not serious and he will have them lasered tomorrow while under the general anesthetic.

I have asked Hubert Neth to come by to be with us during surgery---emails of course are welcomed. We are asking for prayer.
Susan C-J

District Conference Celebration

This afternoon was just incredible for me. It was the Heartland North District Conference Celebration at North Spring. We did business, heard from Buckner, a part time student charge about the Baby Grace program, which was started last year as a mission to teenage mothers at Fort Osage High School; and we had beautiful music from the bluegrass/gospel group Right Choice out of Faith UMC Grain Valley. And then a "son of the district," Steve Cox, preached a very memorable and biblically sound and proddingly appropriate and authentically delivered sermon, on Luke 5:1-11... we often are like the disciples standing to the side of the crowd that pressed in on Jesus by the shore of the Sea of Galilee--- it is not that there is no one that needs and wants the hope and grace Christ gives, it is that we are working in the wrong place, sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically. I wish we had recorded it. Really.

Steve is one good guy. He is our conference director of connectional ministries in the annual conference, and as I said today, much that he does goes unattributed (that is simply the nature of his work), but not unappreciated. He is a servant minister, trying to anticipate the needs of the conference's new direction in order to be out in front of facilitating response. The http://www.5practices.org/ website has come together only through Steve's work. He is a fine writer, too. And he really is a son of the district. He grew up at Cowgill, served Grain Valley and Oakland, and then of course First: Blue Springs for many years. His mother is a member at First: Excelsior Springs and his daughter and son in law and grandbaby at First: Blue Springs. I am very grateful for his leadership, and especially for his preaching today.

This picture was taken just after the celebration. This is Steve talking to the current pastor at Cowgill, Amanda Ross. Amanda is a daughter of the Heartland Central District out of the Fairmount church. Now a student at Saint Paul, she recently left her work at the Hotel Phillips in order to be a part time local pastor at Polo and Cowgill. I had the pleasure of hearing her preach before the charge conference at Polo earlier this fall. She has a heart for the ministry; the brains to figure out how to resource herself around things she needs to know; and simply has a winning way about her that her church folks really appreciate. I am glad we had a good place for her to begin her ministry. I am glad that Cowgill still nurtures not only its own children and student pastor, but also offers tutoring for the town children as well. I am glad, very glad tonight that this is not an isolated case in our district.

I am a proud d.s.

A day that changes how We see the world

"The common ground between music and painting seems to lie in the organisation of their abstract qualities. In music, it's very clear, such things as the accumulation of sound, the dispersal of sound, the ebb and flow, the rise and fall, the contrasts and harmonies are arranged according to certain principles. In picture-making, the masses, the open and closed spaces, the lines, tones and colours can be organised in a parallel way. It's as though these relationships are built up in all their complexity in order to provide a vehicle for all those things which cannot be objectively identified but which can nevertheless be expressed in this way. Music articulates this indefinable content and it seems to me that this also applies to abstract painting, or at least to the best of it."

Quotation from artist Bridget Riley

Painting by Roy De Maistre, entitled

A Painted Picture of the Universe

I found this picture just now as I searched for an image in Google of "seeing in a mirror dimly." It reminds me of pictures I have been looking at all night on line--pictures of retinas and maculae. And it reminds me of Caleb's blue/gray/hazel (mostly blue) very large and gorgeous eyes, with, as one of the doctors who saw him today said, "quite long eyelashes." We saw THAT doctor after we had seen another doctor, who gave us the news that Caleb's left eye was "uncorrectable" with glasses, and he thought, after taking a good look, that Caleb had a detached retina, which he had been living with, and which had been getting worse, for a long, long time...probably many months. He pushed us off to Lee's Summit to the other doctor, who looked at both gorgeous peepers, and said, yes, it was true, there was not much peeping going on out of the left eye; said it was 300 degrees detached (as opposed to 360 degrees a-ttached); this doc called another doc, this one a retina specialist, who said though it didn't SEEM to be an emergency, he wanted to see Caleb on Tuesday to decide WHEN to do the surgery---surgery that has a slight possibility of a slight improvement in vision of his left eye, but probably not much if any; however the sugery could possibly stop any further damage. Caleb cannot see much more than what this doc called "hand movement." As I watched him give Caleb a vision test, I saw Caleb unable to detect how many fingers the doc was holding up in from of his face no more than three feet away; everything looks "black" especially in anything but the brightest light, and, in short, Caleb is nearly blind in his left eye and probably will not have vision return. The right eye apparently has a hole in the retina, but has self-sealed and no one seems overly concerned (but me, of course). How in the world could I be a good mother and not know this was happening with him? Apparently he didn't know if was happening to him either, though now we both can't figure out how either of us didn't realize it.

Three days ago, Caleb wrote a song with these lyrics..."The doctor says there's something wrong with my eyes; so I looked through his screens ...Maybe the world is supposed to be blurry..." Caleb is taking this all in stride, and we are both benefiting from the Cox-Johnson "bounce"--after the initial shock at the first doc's office, I said, "well, at least this will improve your blues playing." And coming home after treating him to a large steak that was, as he said, "the best steak I have ever had in my life," he and I theorized on the possibilities--he wouldn't ever be drafted; the second doctor said that a driver's license was no problem and in Kansas he could even drive a school bus with vision in only one eye; would this qualify him for some college scholarship help?; later in life when he gets married, he'll always have his wife sit or stand on his left side so no one can literally blind-side him...and he will always be her right hand man, he said. The second doctor made a real point of telling both of us not to be too upset about this---that apparently Caleb's right eye had been compensating so well that he had not even realized how bad his vision was in his left eye.

"Seeing through a mirror, dimly" took on a new meaning around here today. And Caleb's artistic eye is still very well intact. He has inherited some of it; has been nurtured in it by a Bohemian high school; was born with a will of iron and very little care as to whether or not he was "in with the in crowd" ever; and he has within his heart and soul the ability to articulate through music and poetry what the indefinable in life is, an ability that expands and deepens with every life experience. And I am glad for me and glad for him.

And we do request prayers.

A shout out for my son

Here is Caleb at his school concert tonight. Unlike the high school music concerts I sang in, where the edgiest thing we ever did was a Charles Ives arrangement of "Circus Band," he is singing an original composition called "The Adventure" with his band Sidewalk. You really just have to experience Caleb's music to really "get it"---he is extremely intense, he sings from his gut, the music is obviously written by somebody who has worked with a fine musician for five years (Bill Larsen) who has given him the freedom and courage to find his own music. The quality of the Advanced Music class's arrangements were something else tonight.

Of course, he goes to Kansas City Academy, which is a 6th-12th grade school in the Loretto tradition. When Cana, in 8th grade, visited the school for the first time she said, "Mom, it's SO Bohemian!" which should have told us right them it was the school for us. The kids call their teachers by their first names; the school is VERY strong in fine arts, theater and music, and the theme continues to be "responsible freedom," and from this theme arises the issues you might imagine 12-18 year olds might have when presented in a school setting with the word "freedom." There were 13 in Cana's graduating class, which was great for Cana and her learning style. I really think Caleb would prefer a larger pond, and one inhabited by curvaceous girl fish....but he loves music, he is growing aesthetically, he is reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" as well as his Nietzsche, is writing pretty interesting poetry and is looking for work. I guess things could be a lot worse.

Cana is off on the School of the Americas Protest Trip with the above mentioned KCA in the morning; they are letting her attend as an alumni. She was instumental in starting the Amnesty International chapter at said KCA two years ago.

PS Dear North district pastors and churches: You KNOW I love you, but I must say I am looking forward to December 10, which is not only my birthday, but also the day after my last charge conferences of the year. How can it be that I can love something so much as I do, going into the churches in the district, meeting great lay folks, hearing about really neat ministries, and get so very tired at the same time??? Ah, another paradox in the United Methodist Church. By the way, if you have not yet read "Methodism: Empire of the Spirit" by David Hempton, do.

Only two more days until the "District Conference Celebration" at North Spring at 3. Be there or be square!

Wednesday night blog-bytes

For the few in the reading audience who might be linear in their thinking its the every-once-in-a-while blog byte nyte!!!

1) Tonight was the First Kearney charge conference. I believe there were seven present, and that is counting the two pastors, the recording secretary, the pianist and the church secretary. What one learns in her third year of d.s.ing: Wednesday charge conferences let you see how much is going on in a church, and if you schedule one at Kearney, don't expect anyone to show up because everyone is so busy doing other things. In fact, we did not tarry long because the folks there needed to be at cantata practice and other various and assorted ministry settings. I am SO PROUD of this congregation and its pastors (Fred and John) for keeping their heart for mission while growing at nearly 10% a year in attendance over the last three years.

2) If it's Wednesday, it must be MisKnits night. How the Cox-Johnson women LOVE Misknits! It's "open knitting" nights on Wednesdays. We sit and knit (well, actually I crochet) and the knitters share ideas, and most are pretty fun, and are our kind of folks. Amber, the owner, opened the shop last summer...it is at 39th and Terrace. Her website is:

www.misknits.com and she has a blog you can get to there too. Of course I have not been much the last several weeks....I try to go in for a bit anyway early or late and Cana stays throughout.

4) I am super excited about our District Conference Celebration Sunday!!! I must soon do an entry on Kevin Buckrucker, our co-district lay leader who is God's gift to the Heartland North district and its superintendent. More on Kevin another time.

5) No sign of Maggie. Thanks for all the kind words

6) Prayers please for the Buckner church and its pastor Robb Webster as he anticipates surgery in December

7) Thanksgiving for the Buckner church as it brings us news Sunday afternoon of its Baby Grace program, a neat ministry with high school single moms at Fort Osage High School. As I tell district churches, I used to drive past the Fort Osage building and say to myself, "That's where Albert Pujols went to high school!" and now I say to myself, "That's where our Baby Grace program is!" More about that later, too.

Enough.